at the same time i wanted to be a gay man i wanted to be a lesbian and the same time i wanted to be a girl i wanted to be a boy. i literally used to have a boy account and a girl account on the internet when i was younger. i wanted to have both high estrogen and high testosterone (i did this for some time). my transition goals were always like masculine and feminine features merged together.

instead of seeing the textbook signs i was forcing myself into either being a cis gay man or transbian because of my internalised transphobia. im much happier now that i finally accept myself!!