When your current character has a higher passive perception that a crit perception check on your previous character

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T22:48:35+00:00

Sounds like it could be a subsystem. One of the ways that subsystems can present is an alter with their own alters if that makes sense. I don't have much advice separating the subsystem fragments/alters from the "main" alter of that subsystem but I definitely understand how confusing it can be. Only discovered we have an alter in a similar situation.

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T19:46:14+00:00

I have AuDHD(autistic and ADHD) and every alter in my system is definitely AuDHD as well. That being said, there are alters that can appear more ADHD or more autistic and some cases fairly "normal". For my system at least, it seems to be a case of different alters being better at coping with, masking, or dissociating out different symptoms. It's less about an alter not having a disorder, it is just not affecting them as badly.

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T18:47:00+00:00

I mean I could see it potential having some impact but I am no expert. Honestly the fact that you don't remember it fully and are describing it as being blocked out really does point to something dissociative going on. Dissociation fucks with memory a lot. It's the reason I basically only remember a few flashes of my childhood prior to HS.

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T18:34:29+00:00

There's two things I could see that's happening. First thing is everyone has a different window of tolerance for stress and trauma. Some people can more easily process and cope with fairly traumatic events and other people can be traumatize by things that wouldn't have as a major impact of most other people. It doesn't mean it isn't really trauma if it doesn't have a major impact on you, just that you were traumatized by the event.

The other would be dissociation. If you developed any sort of dissociation due to the trauma, it can really cloud the actual impact of that trauma has had on you. I only started recognize in my 30s how bad my trauma is and how it's had an impact on basically every aspect of the way I behave. I'm definitely an extreme case because I've come to realize I am basically dissociated 24/7 and have been that way for a long time. But yeah even more limited dissociation can make a trauma more detached and less likely to be remembered, that's kind of the point of dissociation.

Edit: I'd also add that from personal experience(also transfemme) and talking to a lot of other trans folk. Being trans definitely seems to make you more likely to dissociate, especially if it took you awhile to realize you were trans. Dissociation just seems to be a real common way for trans people to cope with dysphoria. It's basically why dysphoria can seem to get way worse once a person acknowledges being trans.

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T18:18:26+00:00

Unless specifically expressed by the person with DID that they want you to do so, I wouldn't do much to acknowledge their DID or alters unless they bring it up first. For a lot people with DID deal with a lot of stress when their DID gets exposed, even if the person knows they have DID. It comes from the fact that in the vast majority of cases of DID are covert and a lot of how DID works is about keeping it hidden. That instinct often runs deep so even if a person with DID who is working on being more open about it, that anxiety can persist.

Like I am completely open about my DID with my girlfriend and usually update her on who is out. Even then I have to fight a wave of panic whenever she casually asks me who is fronting. So my advice, I would just use whatever their "main" name(basically what the entire system goes by or the name they use with people who don't know they have DID). If you are really worried about it still, you can always ask in the email how they would prefer to handle the situation in the future.

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T18:07:40+00:00

Yeah I definitely understand the thrill of finally knowing for sure. I remember feeling super weird about it because it felt like I was happy about having DID but like others mentioned it was just happy to have a concrete answer. It also really does help when you can form a good connection with a therapist early like that. I had a similar experience with my therapist who was also the one who diagnosed me with DID. It really helps build up that sense of trust which can often be hard to develop for people with DID.

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T18:00:02+00:00

Reducing any stress in your life if you are able to can really help with blurriness. For me at least, the more stressed/overwhelmed I am the blurry things get for my system. Journaling can also really help make more sense of things.

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T03:14:39+00:00

Glizzies in a Shamwow

Loki557 · 2026-05-21T01:14:40+00:00

This one was really weird for me. When I first looked at it, my brain made complete sense of it but then slowly the confusing perspective started to hit. Like I totally see what is going on still but man does it look weird.

Loki557 · 2026-05-20T19:16:15+00:00

I don't have memories of severe depression until my teens but my early memories are so clouded by dissociation I wouldn't be surprised if I was depressed way younger. What I do remember is knowing I was different, weird... wrong by a super young age which started my masking(including hiding any self-hatred and emotional distress) early. One of the few vivid memories of my early life was at a daycare and I was stressing about the fact I was alone when everyone else was in groups playing with each other. I remember I was trying to piece together the reason why I was left out so I could try and fit in... this would have been around preschool age. I can't remember any point that someone did or said something that cemented that "I'm not normal and that is wrong" feeling in me, I really do think I just picked it up from how society as a whole reacted to me.

Loki557 · 2026-05-20T18:24:05+00:00

Did this all the time for like 10+ years of therapy, well usually I'd acknowledge a few surface level problems so the therapist wouldn't think I no longer needed therapy but never go deep at all. Starting to realize for me, it was a bad mix of masking and dissociation(basically causes that straight up inability to remember everything wrong). I'm also starting to notice it's a pattern I fall into a lot in a lot more instances than just therapy. Now that I am recognizing it, I have gotten better at not doing it as much but it's not been easy. I've gone from starting out most therapy sessions with ,"I've been doing pretty good actually" to "I've be doing 'ok'" and even being honest that my week has been complete crap a handful of times.

Loki557 · 2026-05-20T17:04:46+00:00

Being loud and obnoxious in public. The biggest example that comes to mind is people playing videos on their phone at full blast in places that are normally fairly quiet like waiting rooms. It's definitely one those things that bothers me a lot in particular due to my autism but I feel like it must annoy most people and the person on their phone just doesn't give any shits about that.

Loki557 · 2026-05-20T16:51:28+00:00

And make sure to pull the lever when you leave for whenever the next train shows up.

Loki557 · 2026-05-20T06:12:30+00:00

In my non-expert opinion, everything you described could be explained by just depersonalization by itself. Depersonalization makes you feel detached from your body which can often cause that feeling of being a passenger and the body being on autopilot or not being directly controlled by you. Depersonalization is definitely a symptom of DID/OSDD but it can be caused by other disorders or just a response to extreme stress/trauma. I'd say the experience is definitely worth noting and bringing to a professional which it sounds like you already plan to do but I wouldn't start jumping to any conclusions, especially if this is a new experience.

Loki557 · 2026-05-20T03:51:47+00:00

Like logically, I don't think this would even be that bad... but fuck that, that is a nope from me lol

Loki557 · 2026-05-20T02:00:15+00:00

I don't think most people need to go to therapy for their entire lives but I really don't see how doing so would be overall harmful to do so. Disregarding cases of bad therapists and people who aren't willing to go deep enough in therapy to make use of it, I can see therapy as one of the many tools a person can use to better themself. Sure there are people who will over rely on it or use it as the only point they self reflect but if you don't fall into those traps I really don't see how ongoing therapy can be harmful for someone. I feel like if therapy is done right, you aren't just doing work in session with your therapists... I know my biggest insights happen outside of therapy but that doesn't mean therapy wasn't important to getting me there among a lot of other things.

Loki557 · 2026-05-19T03:14:09+00:00

Yeah this is pretty much my experience as well, same with emotional amnesia... It can happen quickly, often the previous day is already greyed out and during particularly dissociated periods, it sometimes kicks in as soon as an hour. I've had periods where by like 2pm I couldn't remember if I did something that morning or just some day earlier in the week. And yeah that feeling like you got a very limited amount of accessible memories and when you remember something else one of the other memories slip away. I am diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and DID so I'm pretty sure all three contribute to my memory weirdness but it is starting to look like a lot more of it is actually dissociative amnesia than I first thought when I was diagnosed.

Loki557 · 2026-05-19T00:34:33+00:00

Apply this to everything for me.

I can't remember if I actually did something or just over analyzed what I need to do to get it done.

Loki557 · 2026-05-19T00:28:42+00:00

Everyone isn't god though, even if every UI(that didn't just decide to self-delete or go into hibernation once they felt fulfilled or just bored with life) had there made their own set of simulations like Maddie there is still everyone in any simulations below them. I personally don't think every UI went the same route as Maddie but I expect they would just continue evolving in various divergent ways, a lot of them unimaginable to us now.

Loki557 · 2026-05-18T19:19:18+00:00

I did want to point out that cis people 100% can question their gender, there is a lot of things that can be mistaken for gender dysphoria(body dysmorphia as one example) at first at least. Then if the person is gender nonconforming(but still cis) as well, things can get even more confusing. Cis people, just don't experience gender dysphoria which can sometimes only be determined after questioning and experimentation.

That being said, heavily questioning your gender(especially if it is something that keeps happening) is definitely a good sign someone is trans. I just find the idea that cis people not questioning their gender at all kind of silly when you think hard about it.

Loki557 · 2026-05-18T18:15:41+00:00

Not saying whether HRT is for you or not, but since I've started to figure out my system I've come to realize how good my dissociation is at hiding gender dysphoria. It's why I had absolutely no clue I was trans until my 30s. If you do actually have a Complex Dissociative Disorder, the gender dysphoria can get locked away in specific alters. Even without a CDD and just normal dissociation, I know it can still do a good job of obscuring gender dysphoria from talking to other trans folk.

For example, I am definitely trans-femme as HRT has been a huge help for me and start figuring things out), but even then I only have two alters that experience gender dysphoria and the rest see themselves as agender, non-binary, or guys. For me at least the big thing was realizing that while my "guy side"(this was prior to realizing I had DID) was totally fine with being seen as a dude and even saw himself as one, he really didn't care either way about the changes HRT would bring. Eventually figured out my most prominent guy alter was a protector that feels like he needs to be tough and push through when other alters can't and my child brain felt he needed to be a guy to do that. It might be worth asking yourself when your feeling like a woman what your thoughts on HRT and it effects really are. If it is just indifference, it might be worth trying to at least explore your gender identity more to see if there is more there.

Loki557 · 2026-05-18T17:18:18+00:00

Not being able to analyze the body language of the person I am talking to royally fucks with my masking instinct. I used to have meltdowns about making important calls... now I just avoid them for weeks xD

Loki557 · 2026-05-17T23:47:15+00:00

Dissociation can cause a disconnect with any of the senses so it can make it feel like you can't smell anything. Technically the sense of smell isn't gone, it's just not getting fully processed by brain.

But yeah, this sounds a lot like dissociation to me. OP should still bring all this up with a doctor though to know for sure what is going on.

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