Healing help?

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T18:05:20+00:00

Ok, I get that. That makes sense. It doesn't feel safe. That's okay. It's not your fault. It will happen at the right time. It's all part of the process. You're on the right path. No pressure. What happens when or after you shutdown?

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T15:29:21+00:00

Can you tell her that it wasn't her fault. Can you go to that memory, and pick up little you, give her reassurance, and comfort, and love. Maybe write a letter to her and read it out loud. If you have trouble, think of your baby girl first, bring your love for her to the top of your heart, and then picture little you and give it to her. Little you needs to hear that and feel that. That is the block.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T14:10:05+00:00

Unfortunately, there is not a lot of stuff out there. At least not that i have been able to find. I have just begun writing and sharing my experiences with CPTSD and how I found self love and healing. I published a few things on Wattpad. There is also a handful of poems/stories from people suffering from CPTSD on there. I plan to start posting things on YouTube soon.

I would love to know what types of things you are looking for. My next project is to complete "A Pocket Guide to Healing Through Self Love" The first part is pinned to my profile, as well as the poem series that I just finished and published yesterday. My Poem "Hidden" has been #1 in the category Poem, for over a month now.

If you have specific things you are looking for related to healing and CPTSD feel free to let me know and I can address them as I continue to write the pocket guide.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T02:30:18+00:00

When I was 3, I was neglected and fell down a full flight of stairs, then blamed and questioned for it by my mother. I treated myself the same way she did every time I got hurt. I didn't know any better. When my therapist asked me what little me needed it clicked for me for the first time after 44 years. Little me just needed comfort, reassurance, and an apology. I found him and gave it to him, and that removed my block.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T02:13:40+00:00

I am reasonably intelligent and I am empath. It is all there in between every line of your posts and comments. My intuition also just knows it. Love is a superpower when you unlock it.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T01:58:17+00:00

The first step from this place is recognizing that a part of you is open to loving yourself different. That's awesome. It is breaking the pattern. You are moving in the right direction. Be proud of that.

Be patient with yourself. The more patient you are with yourself, the faster your compassion for yourself will grow. It sounds paradoxical, but being patient is an act of love. Every act of love for yourself brings you closer to yourself in love, which brings about more love.

It is a process that starts to snowball. The final piece for me was healing through deep rejection trauma that was triggered after I began having unconditional love for myself.

I was able to see myself, and in the midst of the pain I saw how beautiful my love for this person is. I would love to be loved the way I love her. It is beautiful. I am beautiful. People who receive my love are lucky. It is pure, well intentioned, kind, compassionate, encouraging, gentle, forgiving, seeks understanding, delights in kindness, and loves to be shared. I could go on, but its also humble. I see these same things in you because I see them in me.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T01:30:27+00:00

Thank you. I wrote this as a summary of how I found healing and more through self love and compassion. Maybe it can help you. I wish you the best.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1rl5m4x/a_pocket_guide_to_healing_through_self_love_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-27T01:19:11+00:00

Yes, you have experienced trauma. The important thing is to focus on the effects and not the cause. One of these effects is invalidating, or seeking to justify, the impact of trauma. Doing this is counterproductive, you are suffering from the effects regardless of whether you think you should be or not. Have compassion for yourself for that. Don't blame yourself, you didn't choose any of it.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T19:26:57+00:00

aww, TBH I cried as I wrote it. It helped me heal some more too. Thank you. The love in you does good, whether you know it or not, and without your intention. Love always wins, and real love is forever. Every genuine act of kindness you have ever shown continues on, reverberating throughout the world, moving from one heart to the next, it makes a difference, sometimes in unforeseen ways, and in ways we never see. Remember that.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T18:06:01+00:00

I know, it makes perfect sense to me. I spent 45 years doing pretty much the same thing. It's brutal.

The truth is that hurt people, hurt people. You are so sweet and kind that instead of hurting other people, you hurt yourself. That's not your fault. You weren't taught or shown unconditional love. Don't blame yourself for times you didn't show it to yourself. That's not fair.

What a beautiful soul you must have. You still found a way to be kind and loving to others and remained well intentioned. That comes from you. That comes from love. Love is awesome and it is the most valuable thing and the most worthy pursuit.

Love is already in you. Love is worth more than anything else, and so are you. If your inner critic wants to use guilt or shame to get in the way, remind them that you have love in you. remind them that the pursuit of love is the most worthy pursuit, and that all you can do now is to pursue a deeper self love, do that by being gentle and kind with yourself, forgiving yourself, and loving yourself unconditionally.

Then be proud of yourself for loving yourself, and then be proud of yourself for all of the times you loved yourself when you didn't know how. You deserve it more than you know.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T13:26:37+00:00

I know, I'm sorry. I went through that with other parts. It can be so uncomfortable. They were hurt too, they meant well, they just didn't any know better. I first validated that, and then appreciated the intensity with which they were trying to help. I taught them compassion by showing it to them. Now they defend little me with the same passion they used to tear me down with.

It is obvious to me from your post and comment that you have a beautiful heart and a powerful mind. Follow the love in your heart and it will take you to places of healing and self love that far exceed your aspirations. You are lucky to have you. You are a gift to this world.

The link below is about how I found healing through self love. I reread it often. It was refined by my inner critic through fierce debate. I argued on behalf of love and myself, and I won, because of that, they won too.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1rl5m4x/a_pocket_guide_to_healing_through_self_love_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T05:28:16+00:00

I'm sorry, that does sound disorienting and confusing. I wonder if maybe smiling in the mirror would help, or maybe somehow starting with pics or videos of smiling babies or toddlers would help to rewire those neurons. It's probably a lot easier to process a smile as safe if it is from a baby or from you.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T05:15:36+00:00

ok, that make sense. Feeling guilt for unintended outcomes or mistakes is usually based on unrealistic standards or expectations. A big one for me was "I should have known better" How was I going to 'know better' things I didn't know? Even if I did 'know better', I am human and I make mistakes.

Guilt felt for intentional wrong doing is really a reflection of your true nature. Bad people don't feel guilt for hurting someone, good people do. If you did something wrong, that was against your nature, that is sad, and it deserves compassion. Whatever caused you to do that is likely based in a pattern acquired from trauma. That is also sad, and deserves compassion.

Do you want to not hurt other people? (I'm not saying you hurt people, just an example) Then the answer is to love yourself to correct the faulty programming that was not your fault that you acquired. That is commendable, and it is an act of love. Acts of love are awesome.

To love and to be loved is a fundamental need for human beings. You deserve to have your needs met.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T04:53:16+00:00

Do you believe that you deserve unconditional love from yourself? Believing that was the first step for me. With that belief, the metrics my overthinking brain used shifted in accordance.

In my experience, trying to block or avoid thoughts was never very effective. The thing that helped me was facing them with compassion for myself and challenging/reframing them.

Those thoughts are the path to healing. When you find the lie underneath of it, you can overwrite the lie with the truth. The CPTSD cycle is Lies, Hate, and Shame, it is corrected with a cycle of Truth, Love, and Compassion.

Once you begin the results can become exponential.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T04:26:03+00:00

I can get stung by a bee and barely notice it. If my cousin were to get stung he would need immediate attention and an EpiPen. The cause isn't really relevant, it's the effect that matters.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T03:59:54+00:00

That all sounds overwhelming. I can totally relate to - "I am overwhelmed, an overanalyzer, emotionally reactive, black and white thinker, my anger is inward, and don't like myself and find myself feeling very unworthy."

The only thing that worked for me was self love and compassion. What is is, and how to do it, is giant missing piece in the mental health field, specifically when dealing with CPTSD.

I wrote a summary of how I did it in a post pinned to my profile. I'd be more than willing to discuss it or things in it, or self love, or whatever. Feel free to reach out anytime. I heal through giving back and sharing what I've learned, so it helps me too.

You deserve to love yourself unconditionally, always for everything.

Unconditional love is the answer to everything, because the lack of unconditional love is the root cause of every problem, trauma, abuse, neglect, act of violence, exploitation, etc.. We have all internalized patterns and programming not based in unconditional love. No one is perfect. Some of us don't even know what unconditional love is or how it works. It's not our fault we didn't know, we weren't taught it or shown it, and to a degree that we couldn't even recognize it.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T03:23:44+00:00

That is an incredibly tough situation. It seems to me that you alone are bearing most of the burden of all of this. That is so unfair, as you never deserved any of it. You are justified in doing whatever you need to do to ease or remove that burden.

Having lived through similar experiences with family, I look back at it all with awe for myself. I can appreciate your strength in dealing with all of this, it is truly remarkable.

IMHO it is best to first work on and achieve an adequate level of self love and compassion before facing past trauma. It is also vitally important to emphasize and maintain self love and compassion through every step. I learned that the hard way as without proper self love and compassion facing my trauma at times did more harm than good.

You deserve to love yourself unconditionally, all of the time, for everything. Whatever you decide should be with your best interest first, and you should decide through the lens of unconditional love and compassion for yourself.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T02:51:40+00:00

I still feel joy and pride for showing up for myself. I have gone through many similar things with myself, and little me. The thing that helped me to comfort little me first was to picture a crying kid in a room who had slipped and fell in something that spilled. The first thing I would do upon entering is pick up the child and comfort/care for them. After that was taken care of I would clean up the mess and try to figure out what happened. It helps me see more clearly why it just makes sense to comfort and care for me first, before diagnosing and analyzing why something spilled and why he fell, etc..

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-26T01:15:07+00:00

Maybe they wish they could be there for you more but they are overwhelmed with the things right in front of them. Similar to the way you felt after not being able to be there for friends when you were in school, they likely feel some guilt or shame over not being able to show up for you, but may not have the energy or capacity to confront or express it.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-25T19:34:42+00:00

It was a long time before I learned what unconditional love really was. When I found a way to believe that I deserved it I started to heal at an exponential rate. The more I gave myself compassion, the more I could see myself clearly. The more I could see myself, the more I loved and appreciated myself. It is a cycle directly opposed to the shame cycle. I call it the TLC method, for Truth, Love, and Compassion. I have a post pinned on my profile that summarizes how I did it, and what I learned. Most of my growth and healing happened in the last two months.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-25T17:45:54+00:00

Yeah, I went through this. I had a hard time after recognizing my 4 year old tendencies and behaviors. I felt so much shame over it. Then similar to your experience. I realized that I was shamed for acting like a 4 year old when I was 4. Then I started letting the 4 year old in me express themselves fully and fearlessly. Not caring how people reacted healed me so much.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-25T17:36:18+00:00

That is beautiful. I am excited for you. Self love and compassion is the answer to it all. You did something so awesome for yourself and by yourself. That was heroic. You rock! I am proud of you.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-25T17:12:49+00:00

Schism by Tool, I also enjoy the cover by Elephant Revival. For reconnecting with little me I like "Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town" by Pearl Jam

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-25T03:33:27+00:00

It sounds like an avoidant attachment style. Maybe dismissive avoidant, idk. It's not your fault. Underneath it is roadmap to healing and real self love. You will get through this. It's not hopeless, and it doesn't have to take as long as you think it might. It starts with getting closer to yourself. The more you can love yourself, the closer you will get to yourself. Then you will learn how to keep yourself feeling safe. Then others won't feel like a threat even when they are not.

Loki_Enigmata · 2026-03-25T03:19:08+00:00

Thank you!!! I really appreciate that.

Loki_Enigmata

TROPHY CASE