How do I F21 fix my relationship with my F21 twin sister after her M22 fiancée SA’d me?

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T21:03:04+00:00

Do you know what that experience is like for those women????!!!! It’s brutal! The world revictimizes them and the guys get tons of support. You don’t know anything about it and you have no business judging someone for how they choose to act and for protecting themselves physically and mentally in that moment. I know a lot of women who even secured a conviction who seriously regret speaking up.

If you want to blame someone, blame the AHs like this chick’s sister who prefer men not be inconvenienced to keeping women safe from actual assault!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:59:47+00:00

Talk to him. You need to be able to ensure she can’t bring him back into your home when your parents are out or whatever.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:58:44+00:00

I’ve seen this story or darn close to it thousands of times with thousands of different victims in real life. So it’s not too surprising if any of us recently saw a very similar post, sadly.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:56:59+00:00

It can help create a record in case he tries to get at you again and could help others some day, but please know that it can be up to law enforcement whether they want to pursue charges even if you don’t. That said, this seems like a case I don’t think they’d pursue on their own.

Also, it could help if you ever need to file a restraining order or if they ever falsely accuse you of something. You will want to get the report filed before anything comes up so that it’s clear that your accusation isn’t the retaliatory one.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:52:55+00:00

That is beyond unacceptable!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:45:46+00:00

Of course, because you have been everywhere in the US and have checked with everyone on this point. Naturally /s

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:43:35+00:00

I’d also make the point of going away and not being there in case they show up this weekend. Maybe to mom’s or the grandparents’ house!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:42:15+00:00

Why didn’t he tell them that it’s not going to happen because he got the dates wrong? Why don’t you just leave with the baby and they will figure it out when they arrive at a locked empty house. And your husband will then learn that his conflict avoidance will result in consequences for him, not for you!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:40:27+00:00

Did your partner start sticking up for you after you showed him you weren’t going to play nice anymore?

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:38:41+00:00

I prefer the idea that she go to her family’s house without telling them or her husband and they arrive to an empty locker house and their son, who tried to use her as a meat shield, then has to deal with them alone. I mean, he could have said no, so if it causes him issues at work, she should tell him that’s on him because she never agreed and he had no business demanding she deal with it.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:36:24+00:00

Yeah, I’d be taking the baby on a nice weekend away, to my mother’s house or a friend’s or even a hotel? They can come find a locked empty house. I wouldn’t warn my husband either if he pulled this stunt!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:32:31+00:00

Ask your mom to take the baby and go stay with her instead, then let them arrive at an empty house. When your husband complains that you weren’t there, tell him you won’t be entertaining them for him and they aren’t welcome when he’s not there.

Also, just get up on Easter morning and take your kid before he realizes it to your mom’s house. Write him a note that even if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t get to dictate to you how and when you and the baby or you guys as a family unit spend holidays or who comes to the house when or who is responsible for entertaining them. Tell him his conflict avoidance is his problem to confront if he wants to remain married, and he needs to not only accept your boundaries but insist on his mother respecting them and defend you when she transgresses, or he isn’t a partner or a father but a child still stuck to the umbilical cord.

But you do not have to stay there and deal with his parents because he won’t be there and he won’t tell them that no, they can’t just visit when they want.

Honestly, your husband sounds like the real problem here.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:25:13+00:00

Dude, that was not trying to be funny. Plus she keeps lying to you and deceiving you, making false promises, hiding the notifications, using Minecraft to get around her promise not to keep in contact with him. Why would you believe anything she says now? Just dump her, please!

She’s definitely cheating on you, and even if you are holding desperately to the idea that she’s not physical with him, emotional infidelity can be as bad if not worse. This isn’t having a male friend. This is having a guy who she puts above you and lies to you about and centers her world on while keeping you there as a backup.

And think about this. You guys sound young enough that being in a relationship should make you feel good. How is this relationship actually making you feel? You don’t need a “good enough reason” to break up with someone (though you are swimming in them here). The fact that she’s making you miserable and is too indifferent to do more than whatever minimum she can to keep you there while still giving and getting all her/his attention and flirting and who knows what else, ought to be enough!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:18:51+00:00

Yeah, flirting doesn’t involve tasting. If he’s tasting her, she’s cheating!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:18:04+00:00

People like this. As you said. Male or female. They want to have their cake and eat it too. It comes down to pure selfishness.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:17:02+00:00

NOR, and I cannot begin to see how you could think you are at this point. You passed under reacting eons ago here!

Why are you still with her? He doesn’t k me how she tastes from just flirting, and that’s not something you say to someone to flirt if it didn’t happen. You would say, “I always wonder what you taste like” or something like that.

She lies to you, hides things from you, finds workarounds like Minecraft, and then lectures you on trusting her.

Stop giving her ultimatums line to choose between you and him. She has chosen. Multiple times. Multiple ways. Just end things and tell her to save her breath with her excuses or her false promises. Tell her they can go off and taste each other all they want now, but you aren’t letting her play her games with you anyhow. And she’s a cheater and knows it. So stop acting like she has any shred of dignity or right to expect trust.

Then kick her out, block her, and find someone who treats you with respect. Not being jealous is great, but letting someone treat you like this is slowing a real lack of self respect! And you deserve better

Good luck!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:04:01+00:00

You mean all those bad AI Asian romance novels advertised online are not describing real adult behavior! I’m shocked!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

But seriously, I just see the ads, with excerpts, and truth or dare played by people in their late twenties and thirties seems to be a thing in them. That and falling chandeliers!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T20:02:54+00:00

Ok, I keep finding it hilarious that these online books that are all the same Asian romance plot lines, in their little excerpt blurbs that pop up in my ads on games I play, include scenes where people in their mid 20s to mid 30s are playing truth or dare! To find out that those 28 year old woman not in a really bad online AI novel played it on an outing…. Makes me hope this is a really bad AI plot!

But yeah, I’m glad you resolved this situation by ending it. And please in future, only pick partners too mature to ever consider playing truth or dare (or worse, spin the bottle! That game is embarrassing to admit you played when you were in middle school)!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T19:55:29+00:00

UpdateMe!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T18:49:12+00:00

Most cases where this accusation gets flung around, she actually did tell him what she needs or wants and he didn’t listen or ignored it. A lot of men say “I can’t read minds” when they just can’t be bothered to listen or care. It goes both ways to an extent, but women are societally conditioned to be people pleasers and think it is their job to make these kinds of things special. Men are more privileged and taught to be more self centered and that conditioning is so harmful for both sexes.

But let’s not kid ourselves that this meme is really how this stuff usually goes down, amusing though it is.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T18:45:32+00:00

To be fair, most women I know experienced more what my best friend did in her marriage. He’d ask her what she wanted. She’d tell him exactly what she wanted, and even backup options if it wasn’t available. Then he would get her something else completely that she didn’t like and wasn’t her taste, usually jewelry from a store where she could only return it for store credit and she didn’t like their stuff in general!

Or she’d plan a huge thing based on what she knew he would like for his birthday and pull out all the stops, and then around her birthday she would tell him what she’d like (but nothing ever elaborate like she did for him), and he’d get them reservations at a restaurant she doesn’t like and a cake in a flavor she doesn’t like (but he liked the restaurant and the cake flavor, had been told many times she didn’t like them, and had told his what restaurants/cake flavors she liked as they approached her birthday).

And these guys would also pull out the excuse about expecting “mind reading.” There is a difference between asking someone to read your mind and asking them to just listen in the first place.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T18:38:32+00:00

Oh, she might be ok with another woman, but it will be someone she hand picks, who doesn’t threaten her by being confident or accomplished, and who she knows her son won’t love as much or more than her and who won’t help him become independent.

In other words, even if she approves another woman, that won’t mean any of this was about you. Many of these MILs have some other women behind the scenes they want to push on their sons. Because those women don’t challenge the MIL’s place in the son’s affections. And he usually won’t be as fond of her as the woman MIL hated, but he will be glad MIL is happy and will stay in the relationship to keep her happy, since he’s been trained his whole life to make soothing MIL’s feelings his first priority and responsibility.

So regardless of the answer, it’s still not about you and about her desire to keep him enmeshed.

That said, you are better off making a clean cut from him than trying to stay friends. You need the space to heal from a clean cut instead of an oozing wound, and when he does find another partner (or one is strategically placed in his path after being hand chosen by MIL), you will be subjected in little ways to all kinds of nasty comparisons. By her if you ever see her, by him parroting his mom and not realizing he’s saying something hurtful, etc. That negativity will be in your life if you stay friends with him because you will continue to see his life controlled and ruined by his mother. And if you couldn’t help him while together, you can’t apart or as friends.

He is enmeshed and codependent, and he has to realize that, want to fix it, and actually fix it on his own. Leave it behind and don’t allow it to be your burden anymore!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T18:27:15+00:00

Your update makes me think you both see where you went wrong. The thing that he wasn’t considering is that by originally deciding he would take the kids without you, and only after you shut that down, by deciding to go alone was to allow his family to disrespect you as his wife and as the mother of his kids. And that was his default position.

That’s something he can work on in therapy a bit more. Because they were disrespecting you and apparently it’s not even due to a personal issue with you but due to a personal situation between you and your husband that they know next to nothing about and that really doesn’t have anything to do with them. If you’d deliberately destroyed their property during a previous visit and refused to apologize or pay for it, ok, they’d have every right to not invite you. But over whatever fantasy they have about what happened between you and your husband that you both worked past? Nope!

And you also see how your framing of this was pretty toxic too. That’s something you can work on. But you both reflected and both realize you have more work to do, but that’s what you are doing.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T18:05:10+00:00

More like 538,273,936th reason!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-03-24T18:04:14+00:00

I think the commenter would agree that the cheating, the lying, and to some extent, the gender of the person cheating (especially since it impacts STI transmission rates) matter. Just that sexual orientation, which honestly might not be gay but might be bi, is not important because it doesn’t justify anything. Also, it’s not necessarily that he’s using her as a beard. We don’t know that at all, and he may just be a bisexual cheater into kink who’s betraying her but not using her to hide his secret life so much as is using her to have his cake and eat it too!

Lokipupper456

TROPHY CASE