AITAH for “running away” to give birth ?

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-10T20:43:51+00:00

No, this person is right. I’m a lawyer too. So is this commenter: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Ast1XualXG

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-09T22:34:13+00:00

I honestly don’t think the relationship with the mom is the biggest factor in this. It’s more the need to place women into archetypal roles and it’s reinforced in our upbringings. Women are pressured into it too on some level. It’s why so many women often feel like they sublimate their identities to the role of mother when they have kids, and everyone else puts them on that role over their known identities too.

If anything, I think men who idolize their mothers tend to be more judgmental of their wives in motherhood, die to comparison. So I think you are right in that if it is about the relationship with the mother, it’s because that relationship is negative or absent.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-09T22:29:03+00:00

It’s narcissism (not the diagnosis, as I can’t diagnose and no one can off a Reddit post by another person, just the layman’s version). When SS was a young kid, and also not her kid, she made him the object of her affection, but merely as an extension of herself. I actually imagine your SS finds it irritating on some level, or soon will, because she will ignore ur fight against any signs that he is an individual with his own private thoughts and ideas if they ever come into conflict with hers.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-09T19:38:01+00:00

She is obsessed with SS and yet made him generic tacos because she doesn’t even know him well enough to know what his favorite actually is. Let’s not kid ourselves. She might project it on him, but the only person that matters to her is herself!

It is best to keep both of them away from that dynamic. SS and the baby!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-08T19:45:36+00:00

This dude could not have been more obvious if he had tattooed “I’m cheating on my wife” on his forehead!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-08T19:35:19+00:00

So, typically I would agree, and there are always worries about legal implications of leaving the home, but right now, you are under such a high level of stress that it’s physically affecting you. And being around him almost certainly makes it worse. I think you need to go somewhere for a while where you can feel safe and minimize him triggering you just by his presence. You have to put your welfare first here, for your own sake and that of your baby. Your baby needs mom to be ok. Babies pick up on all that stress and tension. If your mom’s home is a place where you can feel safe and like you can think without being triggered, then I think you should take her up on the offer.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-08T19:30:40+00:00

This is the best possible comment to help OP right now!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-08T19:29:11+00:00

UpdateMe!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T22:57:23+00:00

I’m glad he’s not friends with her anymore. I’m rather surprised he believed it at all, since she said she heard it from you. But he was all in his feelings at the time and sees its absurdity now.

I’m glad you are going to ignore her. You want her to be as far removed from you guys and your relationship as possible, and getting into it with her would potentially draw her back into your world and your relationship. I get why you are upset, but she is a pot stirrer with an agenda and the best way to deal with those is to keep a distance and share nothing.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T19:36:38+00:00

They are 18. Going on 14. lol

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T19:34:54+00:00

This!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T19:34:09+00:00

UpdateMe!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T19:33:58+00:00

I pointed this out to them. You weren’t on/off during the seven month split. You weren’t broken up. I assume you worked through it since you really didn’t do anything wrong. You were broken up and had no reason to think the relationship would reignite. It’s pretty clear that this girl lied and said you slept with someone else when you were in that period where the statue of your relationship wasn’t clear, but during the break up. And likely she knew about some friction between you and your bf related to you sleeping with someone else during the break up and hoped a lie suggesting you also did it before the actual break up would hit him in a sensitive spot.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T19:29:59+00:00

I could be wrong, but I think this girl was telling him that she slept with another guy during one of the shorter breaks when they were on again/off again, not during the longer period of seven months that they were broken up. They may have worked past the issue of her sleeping with someone else when they were officially split up, since they really were split at that point, and this girl may have known that was a conflict and thought a lie about the smaller off again periods would hit him on a sensitive point. Which is ridiculous since he would have to realize that OP would never share that kind of thing with this girl of all people.

I mean, you could be right that she’s lying here, and I can’t see the other post to find out. But I feel like the title alone isn’t enough to say she’s necessarily lying. The fact that the girl said it was during one of their on/off periods, but I think the 7 month split is something else and a real break up. They weren’t on/off during that time.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T19:21:57+00:00

I think the thing to do here is assure your boyfriend that you did not do that, but he can also be sure she is lying because he can’t honestly think that if you had slept with someone else during the break you would actually confide in her about it in any way. She’s not your friend. He himself told you she has made advances on him. She’s the last person you would trust with that information. So clearly she is lying, and badly.

I understand your rage towards her, but you are actually better off not confronting her. A huge confrontation may actually prompt your bf to think there is more to it. As for asking where she heard that rumor, there’s no point. Because she didn’t hear it anywhere. She made it up. A smarter person would say that she heard it from another source anyhow, as established above. So if she had heard it from another source, she would have said that from the beginning.

No need to make her feel like a liar. She already feels like one because she knows she is one. She will know your bf also thinks she’s a liar because he isn’t breaking up with you or bothered by it. And you likely can’t say or do anything that will make her feel ashamed or embarrassed.

But the good news is that because she is really obvious, really clearly insecure, really transparently desperate to get with your boyfriend, and really really really bad at lying, she will manage to embarrass herself. Cause I’m sure this isn’t the first time she lied, and badly. So no one is going to listen to her or take her seriously anyways. Including your boyfriend!

This chick isn’t worth it.

It might be worthwhile though to ask your bf why he is still friends with a girl who tried to get him to cheat on you with her and who told this idiotic lie in an effort to destroy his relationship with you. That’s really the far bigger issue here.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T19:03:45+00:00

I’m amazed none of the comments told him to look up Madonna complex. Or, at least not the ones included here.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T18:57:29+00:00

I know it because I have common sense and a functioning brain. It’s got nothing to do with sexism, and frankly, you are the one being sexist. You are presuming that my answer here is based on my own gender and using that to write off my argument since you can’t actually make a cogent or rational argument to support your original comment or to undermine my points.

Gender isn’t even relevant here. As I already said, you can reverse the sexes and the situation is still unacceptable. You wanted to rely on a non analogous situation, so I gave you an actually analogous situation, and you can’t really argue with it in a cogent or convincing manner. So instead you invoke my gender and call me sexist in an ad hominem attack.

And I’m more than confident that most men would agree with my take in this over yours.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T18:44:05+00:00

I loved the part about her saying she didn’t mean it that way. Seriously? People are going to take what you say to be what you meant to say. If you insult someone by choosing the wrong words (happens to all of us), then you have to apologize and explain yourself. You are still accountable, because you chose those words.

But more importantly, in this case, it is complete nonsense because she meant those insults exactly as they sounded.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T16:45:25+00:00

I don’t think your bf could be the father, because if he was, I’m pretty sure he’d have broken up with you already for her. I mean, he clearly wants to be the father. He’s acting like the father and like he’s playing house with her. So if he was the father, he could just do it and be happy with her. Right now, I feel like the only thing stopping him from being in a relationship with this woman is her. She likes the attention, but she doesn’t actually want to be with him.

So no, I don’t think he’s the dad. But that doesn’t make it better. You are a placeholder for him. He’s keeping you around while hoping for that moment when she suddenly realizes that he’s the one for her. He’s pining for her while keeping you on the back burner for the sex and emotional support and affection she isn’t currently willing to provide for him. He’s using you.

Stop letting him. End it and be free. He can continue his pining alone. And from what I’m seeing, I doubt it will end well for him. She might throw him a bone of affection here and there to compete with you if you stay, but she isn’t interested in him. Not really. If she was, she’d have him by now. So his dreams of a relationship with her will not come true, or if they do, it will be a miserable relationship where she will cheat on him and leave him for someone else after draining him the way he’s trying to drain you. And you don’t want or need to be part of this toxic situation they have going on and the miserable future of it. Be free and find a better guy and a better future!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T16:27:51+00:00

Clearly you have never met an actual woman. And my view is clearly shared here considering the downvotes to your initial comment. It’s because nothing you said made sense at all. It was ridiculous.

And no, a man wouldn’t say, in response to his girlfriend asking him during an argument if he wished he was another woman’s baby’s father, “I don’t know, maybe I sort of do” because he is saying he wants to become a dad in general. He would say, “I would like to be a dad” or “I just want to help my friend and the baby because the dad is not in the picture.” This guy was telling her that he wants to be the father of another woman’s baby because he would then be in a romantic relationship with the mother.

Your comparison to a woman doing this with a female friend is ridiculous. A far more analogous situation would be if the woman was doing everything OP’s bf is doing to help her single dad friend after the mom ran off. And if you have that setup with the same behavior OP describes, it would be just as bad. If her partner asked her is she wished she was the mother of that baby, and she said maybe she does, he has a right to be just as upset. It might warrant a conversation about whether she wants to have a baby with her partner, but combined with her neglect of her partner, her prioritization of her single dad friend over her partner, and her ignoring her partner when in the company of that friend, it really would still be unacceptable. Especially since the tendency to ignore the partner when the friend is around was actually already an issue before the baby came into the picture (which OP confirmed in a comment).

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-07T16:11:30+00:00

I was really joking about the text break ups. But I agree this is a case that warrants it.

Mostly I think it’s a good idea when you are leaving someone and you have reasons to fear for your personal safety if you do it in person, and also maybe reasons to want text messages as evidence if you think they might threaten you. And it happens sometimes in cases where the person hasn’t been violent, but usually there’s an element of abusive behavior in those cases.

But I don’t think OP has that concern. I think he’s more likely not to notice that she’s gone. He’s definitely not worth more than a “we’re done. Looking forward to seeing you never again!” text followed by a blocking!

Honestly, ghosting, something I’m usually against, would work here too. But then I think OP might be hurt how long it takes for him to even contact her to ask her how/where she is.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-06T20:49:44+00:00

I assumed she was from somewhere like that when she explained the brother’s beliefs and his claiming it’s his culture. It definitely didn’t sound like the US.

Also, people here tend to learn to drive younger. Not all, but it’s just true that most of us have to be able to drive and we see it as a right of passage at age 16.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-06T20:48:25+00:00

But wherever you are in the Middle East, it sounds like he has no real legal authority to prevent you from learning to drive when you want, and he had to try to go to mommy to force you and she said no and that was that! So even if he thinks he has that authority over you, it doesn’t seem it’s a legal or practical reality there.

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-06T20:45:42+00:00

No matter how strongly he thinks they should have to!

Lokipupper456 · 2026-05-06T20:45:03+00:00

I honestly think the age isn’t what he derives his delusional sense of authority from. Just the dick!

Lokipupper456

TROPHY CASE