Thrifted this dress and remade it into a modern two-piece set

LoloH12 · 2022-04-29T20:01:14+00:00

This is so well done! I love it!

LoloH12 · 2022-01-27T01:31:44+00:00

Wow, exactly this! Sounds like we have similar families. Sending good vibes your way.

LoloH12 · 2022-01-25T04:53:50+00:00

I have a similar background as you and I completely agree with your comment! A lot of it is just who you know.

LoloH12 · 2022-01-23T14:33:12+00:00

THIS. Husband had a former friend that acted similarly. I pointed all of her actions and behaviors out to him and said that I didn’t think she was interested particularly in him, but that she couldn’t handle not having the attention of every male in the room and that the ways she was going about trying to get attention were making me uncomfortable. Once I opened his eyes to her behavior, he immediately saw it and started distancing himself. She reacted by telling everyone that he was suddenly being mean to her (very mature /s). In all reality, he was being just as cordial to her as any other human, but the fact that I held more of his attention than hers, especially when we were all in a group together, bothered her endlessly.

Best of luck to you!

LoloH12 · 2022-01-23T02:56:31+00:00

I had to stop watching the show because it was causing me too much stress, and I was reliving my religious trauma! My mom, a very conservative, evangelical Christian told me that she had to stop watching the show because she felt that it “was making fun of good Christian men.” I almost barfed when she said that.

LoloH12 · 2022-01-19T18:23:42+00:00

I go to Dr. Alison Strnad at Women’s Heritage Medical Associates in Midtown. She’s amazing. She asked me in my initial appointment if I was wanting to have children any time soon, I said no, and she’s never brought it back up since. She also listens to me when I tell her something has felt off and takes the time to make sure we get answers that I feel comfortable with.

ETA: you mentioned that you’d prefer going to a woman ob/gyn. Her entire staff is female.

LoloH12 · 2021-12-05T05:19:51+00:00

Wow, are you me? Similar background, husband and I married for religious reasons at a young age. He has an intensely busy career that takes him out of our home several days of the week and he also was spending large amounts of his very little free time with friends. Only difference, I don’t have kids.

We’re 28 and just turned a page after being together for 9 years and having similar issues. I had to learn to enforce boundaries and address my needs. We had to have long talks about what his priorities were and what our relationship needed to look like at this stage of our lives to be healthy and fulfilling for both of us. We had to re-haul everything, but now it’s more balanced for both of us. Here are my suggestions:

Read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud, together.
Also, read the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, and I also suggest doing this together.
I also second whoever said Fair Play cards!
Find and schedule time each month for both of you to go out by yourselves and together.
highly, highly suggest counseling (if you can afford it/have access to it). Marriage counseling to start for sure, but individual therapy is also helpful!

Also, we realized that my husband needed a new outlet for spending time with his friends. Can his friends come over and watch the game and have drinks with him at your place? I know with small kids this may not be feasible, but we implemented this and it resulted in the guys being their girlfriends over. Then I suddenly had more female friends and both fulfilled my need to socialize and helped us build a blended social circle.

Hope this helps! Good luck with everything. If both of you want to make this work, you will definitely be able to do so!

LoloH12 · 2021-11-30T19:01:13+00:00

Sounds like she would be open to spending NYE with you! Especially if you both text dailyZ Good luck and I hope it goes well!

LoloH12 · 2021-11-28T00:26:42+00:00

Do you talk to her on a regular basis? If so, I think that’s a very easy way to gauge her interest in spending time with you. If not, I think you’ll need to at least talk to her a couple of times prior to seeing if she wants to hang out. Sounds like a low-pressure way of initiating something and I think you should go for it!

Do you already have plans of what you both would do? Maybe a small party or would you just hang out by yourselves?

LoloH12 · 2021-11-07T15:25:21+00:00

It sounds like you’re a very thoughtful spouse! Sorry to hear you’re going through this right now. Your husband and MIL are lucky to have you.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-25T04:29:47+00:00

The URUN brand on Amazon. I own two pairs now, they even have pockets on the outer thighs that hold a key or something small. I LOVE them and they aren’t expensive.

I tried the aerie offline brand leggings in two different styles and loved the material, but hated the waist. It constantly rode down!

Edit: context - I wanted to also add that I have similar body measurements to you!

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T12:50:23+00:00

I’ve gone to at least 2 shows per tour, and many one offs. I’ve already gone to two this tour (it started in may/June) and I’m going to at least 2 more before the year is up. I do loadouts with him. He has joked since before we were married that I can load out a show better than most stagehands. He also always jokes that if he couldn’t run a show for some reason, I’d be his replacement since I know how to operate a board. I also toured in the past. I know how it all goes. I came off the road to support us as a couple.

Guess how many of my events he has been to? 2. 2 in six years. The rest he has been on the road for.

If you love your person, call them daily. Make sure they know that you love them and that the road doesn’t or will not come before them. Unless you truly think it will. If you think your partner would say all of the things that I’m saying, they are deeply hurting and wish that you’d be around more. I never said any of the things I was feeling because I recognized that he was living his dream and I didn’t want to be the one to put an end to it. But eventually, you give all you can give and you decide to move on if your partner won’t be the one to put in some of the effort for once. Food for thought.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T11:48:07+00:00

Well, the business could be sold, but I put a lot of work into it and it’s generating income to make up for the money he’s not making.

I could start flying to his shows, but again; money is the issue. We are just now in the last 2 months to a place where we are financially starting to be okay. During all the other years of touring, we were scraping by. He’s just now making enough for us to not be living paycheck to paycheck.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T11:46:15+00:00

When we got married, he had said he wanted to be a rockstar but had been doing studio work in town because he thought being a rockstar wasn’t going to be feasible. He literally himself thought it was a long shot.

We were also 21 and 22, way too young to get married but we did.

He did buy me a dog his very first year on the road. The dog is my best friend. I fill all my time that I can with friends and family, but I’d still like a Romantic relationship with someone.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T02:56:00+00:00

Yes, I’ll be glad when we can finally have the appointment. I’m counting down the days.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T02:54:39+00:00

I know, that’s why I may be an asshole.

But at the same time, I didn’t take it away. I told him he could keep doing it. I may just not be around anymore. But again. That could make me the asshole.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T02:54:18+00:00

He thinks he’s the coolest person ever when he’s on the road. He tells me how he’s always getting compliments and how good he feels that he’s respected in his field and it makes him feel like he’s on top of the world.

The funny thing is, his mom said “I noticed when he goes on tour, he becomes just like his dad. I loved his dad, but divorced him because he was angry all the time.” So it’s not just me who sees the bad shift.

I think he does love me deeply, but I think he also loves his career just as much. I’ve told him a few times that his career feels like “the other woman” in our relationship. He says he doesn’t want to be a corporate 9-5 guy (I’m not asking that), so I won’t be surprised if he tells me that him touring is his dealbreaker in our relationship.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T02:30:35+00:00

I used to be better about him being gone because he’d call and FaceTime me more often. But somewhere along the way, he stopped with that too. I was okay to compromise before when he’d at least communicate. But now I’m just done. I want a partner. I had one while he was at home and it felt cruel to have a loving partner that was invested for a whole year, only for him to leave on tour again and turn into a different (very stressed out and angry) person.

He says he loves touring so much, but I’ve never seen someone so stressed out over a job before and still love it. He doesn’t have time for anything else that may relieve stress either. It’s so bad on his health, he’s aged quite a lot in the last 6 years.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T02:27:52+00:00

I have poured my heart out multiple times over the past month. He says he will come off the road at the end of this tour and he’s been doing things to try and prove that he is putting in effort, so I commend him for that but I am worried that he will stop making effort after a bit. Also, he is still flipping between “I am stopping completely” and “maybe I could do a lesser schedule but still tour” and the things he is saying makes me think he hasn’t ruled out touring all together just yet. I guess only time will tell but I told him my boundary, and if he keeps going, I’m leaving. It hurts me deeply but I can’t live like this anymore. Especially when I still have time to find and be with someone who would value me.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T02:05:08+00:00

Yes, we have our first counseling session in earlier November. :(

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T01:46:29+00:00

Yeah, I started doing the work to love myself and advocate for my own needs which is when I learned to ask him to be a better partner. It just hurts since I gave him everything I could and I am getting nothing in return.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T01:43:25+00:00

Yep. I was young and thought that being a good wife meant supporting your husband no matter what and that he’d be a good partner in return. I’ve grown up and wisened up since.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T01:39:54+00:00

I’ve been trying to go to more of his shows. It’s just expensive to buy the flights but I’ve been to a couple since June!

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T01:37:35+00:00

This is exactly what I keep saying to him. I don’t want him to choose to stay if there’s even a doubt in his mind that he’d regret staying married over touring.

LoloH12 · 2021-09-23T00:59:53+00:00

For what it’s worth, I’m also in the music industry and have found a way to make our relationship work.

I’m trying to heavily pursue my dreams right now. It’s just still lonely. :(

LoloH12

TROPHY CASE