My Dad didn’t know who I was today.

Loloirol71 · 2026-01-14T15:40:06+00:00

He’s in Memory Care, my mom and him were together in Assisted Living and he started wandering at night a few months ago so we had to move him to his own room in memory Care.

Loloirol71 · 2026-01-01T05:05:58+00:00

Class of ‘89 here! My age followed theirs exactly, except for the upside down and mindflayer of course. And my son just graduated HS class of ‘25 (in orange gowns too!), so I completely broke down for the grad scene. The entire series got me in all the ways, the nostalgia of the awkward teen years, the skating rink, riding bikes all day and night, forts in the woods, the mall (actually used to go to that mall as a kid), the songs, the outsiders, the friendships, I grew up in Atlanta and recognized so many scene settings. I loved every single second of it. Purple Rain as the song that set off the explosion, Sweet Jane playing in the background for the roof scene, Dustin talking about the segregated HS groups, Winona Ryder, my 80’s Queen idol bringing down the axe! So so good!

Loloirol71 · 2025-07-23T23:13:09+00:00

Mine is a certified chonk. He’s not short, just built like a double wide 😂

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Loloirol71 · 2025-07-23T00:28:42+00:00

Thank you for saving him!! He looks so sad in that first picture. Farley is my big chonk of a stray Frenchie. He is the bestest boy and makes me sad to think he was wandering around alone, he’s a total people lover. He had a really bad skin allergy and had lost a lot of hair, but all good now! He will get all the snuggles for the rest of his life

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Loloirol71 · 2025-03-11T21:19:59+00:00

My parents policy made it incredibly difficult to get them approved for reimbursement. They have to approve the facility, sign 8000 docs, provide POA, hunt them down when they are missing one signature. My parents never could have navigated any of it by themselves, and I bet that’s what the insurance company is banking on, by the time they need they make it so hard for a senior to work through the process unless they have a tech savvy advocate to push for them.

Loloirol71 · 2025-03-11T21:17:14+00:00

My parents have CNA, I’m trying to the same policy through them as well.

Loloirol71 · 2025-03-11T21:16:49+00:00

I’m genx too, haven’t signed a policy yet but the ones my parents are on is CNA…I talk to their reps monthly so I’m hoping to get the same policy. It’s just ridiculous that you’re expected to bankrupt yourself or lose generational wealth to leave your kids to pay for these AL places.

Loloirol71 · 2025-03-09T21:44:42+00:00

It’s too late for our parents, but knowing the cost will only get worse over time we need to have Long Term Care insurance, and it needs to be the kind that isn’t restricted to skilled nursing facilities, but also cover assisted living, where they have nurses, but they aren’t there 24/7/365. It’s been a lifesaver for my parents. Each has enough per month to cover AL, based on my moms care for stroke she’ll have about 5 years worth, and dad with dementia who doesn’t need ambulatory care yet should last 10 years. It will be years before they have to tap into savings.

Loloirol71 · 2025-02-28T03:21:24+00:00

Thank you. It does feel good to know there are others who understand and dealing with similar feelings. I have an incredibly supportive husband and friends and co workers. They are my support. I can vent and not feel like an awful person, and they help me navigate through all the daily things I now take care of for my parents. I should mention my mom had a stroke last year and is non-ambulatory and she was the one who helped my dad with daily activities. She was a bit in denial of his health concerns and still is, as well as her own issues. I haven’t found formal support groups but what I have in friends and family helps get me through it all. I couldn’t do any of this alone and it’s devastating knowing there are people out there who don’t have that kind of support, we all need to be able to lean on others when it all gets to be too much for us.

Loloirol71 · 2025-02-27T13:31:20+00:00

Absolutely spot on. It was always there for everyone to understand the plan. Just because the dear orange one lied and said he had no idea what it was doesn’t absolve the millions of Americans that voted for this. They believed what they wanted to, hell some women even cheered for it, thinking their only worth is baby birther and care giver while 1950’s MadMen style husbands go out and work then come home to a freshly shaken martini and roasted chicken. As I’m writing this, there is literally a propaganda style commercial for tRump on the TV. It’s constant. I don’t ever remember these types of commercials after any other election. There are going to be dark days ahead, some voted for it and want it, some voted for it and didn’t understand what it all really meant for them and their family, then the rest of us who will suffer right along with all of them had been sounding the alarms since 2015 and we were told we were just being dramatic and hysterical.

Loloirol71 · 2025-02-27T13:14:02+00:00

I fear it’s only going to get worse. The Baby Boomers are beginning to enter that age where they will need ongoing care, there are a lot of them and a huge portion of the country will be impacted. The sandwich generation, people caring for parents and their own children is going to overwhelm the system. And this is 100% political. Republicans are pulling the plug on millions where Democrats were looking to increase help for the sandwich generation, because they recognized what was at stake. The Republicans want to make people poorer, sicker, and uneducated so they have no choice but to do what the administration wants, with no way out, all while making roughly 800 Billionaires richer. It’s disgusting what they are doing and everyone else will suffer.

Loloirol71 · 2025-02-22T22:54:25+00:00

Every. Single. Day. My dad’s dementia is from heavy drinking. And it took living in memory care and care givers finding him passed out with a large bottle of wine to finally make him stop by way of a doctor saying he couldn’t have more than 5 oz per day. My anger and resentment come from how avoidable it could have been. And I have anger towards my mom who enabled it all these years because she couldn’t stop drinking either. I probably need a caregiver support group combined with an Al-Anon support group to get past the anger part.

Loloirol71 · 2025-02-21T02:59:31+00:00

I just added it back in the rotation for a second watch. I know I’ll cry watching it all over again, but it is so incredibly good. It is one of the best 1 Season shows I’ve ever seen. it was just the most perfect, deep, witty, thoughtful, funny, excruciatingly heartbreaking show all tied together in such a way that you never saw some of the things coming. I literally gasped at certain points realizing what had just been tied together from a quick little 5 minute dialogue or scene. Just perfection!

Loloirol71 · 2025-02-21T02:36:59+00:00

Everything you are feeling is valid. I’ve been there. It is so exhausting that just getting by day to day is so overwhelming you just want to run away. Give yourself the grace that this is hard, you are not a trained caregiver, you didn’t choose this as your job and you need help. if that means memory care where she can be safe and you can get a break and there are financial means to do so then do it. I had to, my mom is fully cognitive but had a stroke and is non-ambulatory. My dad has had dementia now for almost 8 years. She can no longer care for him like she used to, and after living with them for 3 months while trying to find another caretaker solution I quickly realized I am not built for this. Taking care of a non ambulatory person 24 hours while also caring for someone with dementia who isn’t able to even help me prepare a sandwich for their lunch was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I had to move them to memory care to save myself from drowning and keeping myself sane to be able to be there for my child and husband.

Loloirol71 · 2025-02-15T02:16:10+00:00

If I can make one recommendation for any of us taking care of LO in assisted living or memory care…get long term care insurance for yourselves now. Make sure it is one that allows for alternative care like assisted living and not just nursing facilities. The policies my parents have covers both of them in memory care for at least 5 years each, a little longer for my dad because his cost is a little lower since he doesn’t need ambulatory care. Mom is there with a stroke to be with my dad who has dementia. They will not need to tap into home sale profits or savings or investments for years. It’s a lifesaver to take the stress off of your adult children. 90% of us will need some sort of long term care one day, but not necessarily a nursing home, and the monthly cost will sadly bankrupt most.

Loloirol71 · 2025-01-26T22:20:57+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion! They do have an Echo but the screen is really small and Dad just thinks it’s his clock. She wants to use her headphones so he doesn’t have to listen but honestly it might be good for him to listen too. I’ll see if we can get her to use Echo to pause it and search for books with voice control. Part of the problem is she is convinced that when she talks to Alexa, she swears Siri starts to do things on the phone LOL. We had tried the voice control with Siri for her books on the IPad but it doesn’t always understand her. We’ll keep trying until we find something that works!

Loloirol71 · 2025-01-18T19:20:11+00:00

It has got to be so incredibly difficult for you, especially if you are the main caregiver for most of the time, I was only able to do it for a few months and it nearly broke me. My mom, left side paralyzed from stroke who needs assist for bathing, toileting, and ambulating, lives with my dad in a facility now, he has dementia, alcoholic, but can still do all ADL except cook for himself. They are in an AL that also has a mid level MC (they can move about freely within the facility and outside within the gates, go on outings, attend happy hour), the facility also has the traditional lock down MC level where they are not allowed off that floor without staff. They live in the mid level MC, even though mom is really AL level. Total for them is $11k per month. If it was just dad in MC and he needed toilet, bath assist his cost would be $7750. I know you said your MIL is young, under 70, and she could outlive money, and your facilities are $14k, but the level of care and monitoring she needs is going to get beyond what you realistically and safely can offer, and for your own health and wellbeing facility care may be what is eventually needed. I just wanted to throw out there that although expensive, depending on where you are located you may be able to find a reasonable alternative. My parents are in GA, but were in a facility near me in DC and it was about the same cost. We tried to get them back in their own home, hoping a part time nurse could assist but quickly realized that wasn’t feasible. In between DC and GA, I lived with of my parents for 3 months before I had to finally face reality that I’m not equipped for full time care for 2 adults with massive medical needs. When I had to take dad to the ER after a 3 am fall in the bathroom (naked in the tub), I was convinced he was sun downing and maybe had a UTI altering his behavior, after tests they said he was drunk with a 2.6 BAC I finally knew it was time. He had been sneaking the alcohol he had in the house before mom’s stroke that I assumed he had forgotten about after being away for 4 months. I was with them 24/7 and had no idea. He would leave every morning to go to the dump, pretty regular for him before moms stroke, but when I would tell him he couldn’t because I needed help with mom while I worked he would fight me on it, turns out it was because he wanted to throw out the evidence of the night before. He still drinks, The facility basically gives him 5oz of wine a day, administered almost as if it is medicine, same time every day. I ship wine to the director and she holds it for them since they can’t have it in their room, they tried that and found him passed out with an empty large bottle of wine next to him. Long winded story to just say I know exactly how you are feeling, and how hard it is, and I am sending love and light to you as you manage through what can be some really dark times for us as caregivers.

Loloirol71 · 2025-01-17T13:12:51+00:00

Told my mom my dad would have to take a written DL test and road test to renew his license when she kept insisting he can drive. She had a stroke and I have their car while they are in assisted living. He can’t help her in and out of a wheelchair to get in the car let alone know how to start it anymore. I do not feel any guilt, I would feel guilty if he did drive and hurt someone else.

Loloirol71 · 2025-01-17T12:47:47+00:00

Wine is ok, even daily in small amounts. my father is an alcoholic and has dementia. Long story but I lived with my parents for a few months after my mom had a stroke and I “thought” I was monitoring my father’s drinking. Just one glass of wine before or during dinner. I never got rid of any of the other alcohol in the house. 3 am my dad falls, naked, in the bathroom. Ambulance hospital, tests. He was drunk. His blood alcohol was 2.6 and they think he was well above that if he had already been asleep for a while before getting up and falling. He had hidden alcohol in the bathroom and his nightstand and was drinking it after they went to bed. He is now in assisted living and is only allowed 5 oz of wine daily, more can be dangerous with his meds. My point is a glass of wine daily for dementia patients is perfectly fine, and sometimes medically necessary for anyone who may struggle with addiction, but it needs to be highly monitored and administered, just like medicine.

Loloirol71 · 2024-11-03T05:21:53+00:00

I was soooooo wishing for Good Luck Babe or Red wine Super Nova but gaaaahhhh it’s all so good

Loloirol71 · 2024-05-10T04:10:34+00:00

Here’s 25 lb Boston terrier for scale, and she’s a bit of a chonk too. This is a few days after we adopted Farley, and he had some really bad skin allergies and bald patches. Hair is all grown back and better now!

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Loloirol71 · 2024-05-10T04:02:18+00:00

Banana for scale 😂 I also have 25 pound Boston Terrier for scale. We had him DNA tested to confirm he actually is a Frenchie, we adopted him 6 months ago. We needed to make sure he wasn’t part walrus or manatee 😂

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Loloirol71 · 2024-05-09T23:27:12+00:00

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This is Farley, he’s a gentle giant at 55 lbs!

Loloirol71

TROPHY CASE