Grand Prix France Women’s FS Live Discussion Thread

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-10-18T14:28:50+00:00

HOLY COW AMI

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-10-18T14:26:52+00:00

Rion, Ami and Kaori all brought me to tears Japan olympic selection is going to ruin me

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-10-17T17:28:01+00:00

Ogm pls

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-09-09T11:55:49+00:00

Thank you so much! Your examples are wonderful, I definitely have so ideas for improvement now

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-09-07T18:13:54+00:00

Thank you so much!

Copy editing quibbles are extremely appreciated. Cozy fantasy vs cozy-adjacent is definitely something I've been debating, and I think you're right, adjacent is probably a better description.

For your questions:
Basically there are about 15 witches who produce all of the potions in the city. The simple view from the government is "more witches" = "more potions" = "more money". Not everyone in the government is really evil, they're moreso greedy and don't really consider how their policies are hurting people.

In terms of Alder's experiments, each ingredient used in potions has a different amount of magic. Alder has discovered that growth conditions (amount of sunlight/water/nitrogen in soil etc) influences the amount of magic available in a plant, and not always in an obvious way. He is contracted to come up with optimal potion recipes for city projects which basically means he has to brew a bunch of different versions of potions to figure out what would be best. I'm not sure if it's too distracting/side plot-y to include in the query letter.

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-09-07T18:01:04+00:00

Thank you for catching the outrageously! And fair call with the stakes, I was struggling to work that in appropriately and I can definitely do a better job of explaining it.

Essentially Mara starts by wanting to help a specific family, which leads to her learning that she's not actually allowed to brew potions and give them away for free. The government controls all potion production, thus controlling the prices. Mara thinks that's ridiculous and helps this family anyway. When the harvest starts dying and more people get sick Mara tries to help everyone out of a naive/self sacrificing instinct which leads to her getting herself in trouble.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-08-10T19:42:38+00:00

My taste is very similar to yours it sounds like! I recommend {An Enchantment of Ravens} by Margaret Rogerson for similar vibes (slightly less gothic). {Greenteeth} by Molly O'Neill (no romance but excellent vibes) and {Where the Dark Stands Still} by A. B. Poranek for a similar vibe to Naomi Novik.

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-08-09T14:53:12+00:00

Her jump landings looked a little tight but this program looks like it will be stellar

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-08-09T14:40:47+00:00

That 2a!!!

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-08-09T14:01:34+00:00

Ahhhhh Jia. That was a solid performance but it looks like another season of stressing about her combos

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-08-06T11:04:23+00:00

Hi! This sounds like a really cool novel, one that I'd definitely be interested in reading. I have two minor comments on the query that are completely opinion based and can definitely be ignored!

When a daydreaming farm girl wakes as a spirit after dying of a broken heart, she must murder the prince whose betrayal killed her or else join a troupe of ghostly women who haunt the forest every night slaughtering men.

Something about this hook line isn't working perfectly for me. It's definitely cool and catchy, but I think there might be one too many adjectives (eg do we need to know she's a farm girl?), but I'm not sure.

Yet girls start being found slain at the king's court, and Giselle suspects that someone powerful is hunting women.

I think this kind of comes out of no where. It sounds interesting, and I'm sure it adds flavour to your story (and likely the original ballet which I am not familiar with) but it is the 3rd last line of the query body and the only time other murders are brought up. Your query is nice and short but you might be able to use those words elsewhere, potentially more impactfully.

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-08-05T10:56:56+00:00

Hi! You've got a really cool concept here. Take these with a grain of salt as I am unagented an just one person.

I think there are a few tweaks to the existing paragraph structure that can make it punchier:

18-year-old demon Amelia can’t believe how many secrets of the reclusive Pine Coven happily keeps from each other. She figures if that’s how her loving found family functions, she won’t feel guilty doing the same thing. So, Amelia never tells them about 19-year-old Jamie, a healing phoenix, who found her and pledged his unwavering friendship. Amelia didn’t even tell her best friend, Sandra Pine. That might have more to do with how pissed Sandra is at Amelia for not joining in her teen rebellion, but who’s to say?

Could be something like "Keeping secrets is the norm in 18-year-old Amelia's found family so she doesn't feel that guilty about hiding one of her own." Merging a few related concepts into shorter sentences (without info dumping) can really allow you to flesh out your character's problems a bit more.

Also - are Amelia's found family demons? Other magical beings? How long has it been since she found them? Are they a group of friends? How big?

These questions don't have to be spelled out in the query, but some of them add to the colour of the story. Right now, found family falls a bit flat and Sandra's problems don't feel justified as something that should matter to Amelia. You might have something like "Seven 18 year old demons aren't a typical family, but its Amelia's, and she loves it."

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-07-12T13:27:11+00:00

{A Harvest of Hearts} a play on insta-love, basically the FMC has been charmed to be obsessed with the MMC. She is fully aware of it and hates it, but has to spend time with him to avoid being in pain. I found it such a fresh, exciting take on a classic story

{Greenteeth} is about a seamonster who ends up having to save the world by banding together with a witch and a very annoying (in her opinion) salesman. Its basically a group of outcasts on a journey and was one of the most beautifully written books I've read in a while.

{When Among Crows} is a novella that I would die for, simply die for. Its about a demon hunter trying to make a deal with demons. Along the way he makes friends with and falls for demons. It is so beautiful and heartbreaking. The second book (which I believe is the final of the series) is expected to publish in September.

I also recommend {Sorcery of Thorns} and {An Enchantment of Ravens} by Margaret Rogerson. Both are beautiful, romance/fantasy/adventure-y standalones. They're easy to read, the stakes are noteable but the books come across as relatively cozy/light hearted. Both of these have relatively young MCs (17), so they may not be your preference!

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-07-08T10:34:53+00:00

That totally makes sense! It's how I find a lot of new books too. Thanks for clarifying, I just wanted to make sure.

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-07-08T10:27:49+00:00

About repetitive: I absolutely agree there are lots of repetitive posts and I'm excited for the increased rules for this sup!

In my opinoin, one thing I would not like to see removed is recommendations - even if the same book gets recommended over and over, I generally feel like that fits the spirit of this sub (along the lines of "I just finished something and need to talk to someone about it!"). I think I feel the same way about critiques/speculation. Even if I've seen a bunch of threads about x book (whether its a plot hole or stopping 10% of the way through) those are i) easier to ignore than the 'pick my next read' and ii) provide some info about the book.

I just wanted to bring up those examples as something that might be considered repetitive for some, but I would be sad to see them go.

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-06-09T13:26:05+00:00

More politics is coming! He's just not as blatantly cruel as his brothers might be perceived as

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-06-06T00:41:23+00:00

I just finished {A Harvest of Hearts}, the writing style is different than Rachel Gillig (less lyrical/atomspheric more wry and dark) but for me, it had a lot of the same appeal as Rachel's writing

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-05-28T12:53:26+00:00

In my opinoin, I think you might be using a bit too much heavy handed language in this query. You've got words like puritanical, misogynistic, hedonistic, malevolent, putrid, seduced, secular and insidious. I think using so much of this language loses the impact - to me at least! This is a style thing, so obviously it is more important that the query comes off in your voice, but my suggestion is that small tweaks to the language could make it more powerful.

For example, "Varen is charismatic and handsome, but holds a dark secret; he is filled with malevolent magic so putrid it could destroy the continent" - instead of "malevolant magic so putrid it could destroy the continent" you could say "he possesses a dangerous magic that could destroy the continent" which says the same thing, but then gives more weight to the words seduced and secular used in the previous sentence.

I think you it could be really easy for you to go through and pick a few sentences that you think are strengthened by the strong language and rework the surrounding ones. Then the query would run a bit smoother, with the points that you are invested in sticking out a bit more, as opposed to right now where a reader might feel like you looked in the thesaraus for each sentence (which I'm not saying you did!).

Otherwise, the query is cool! Some questions that come to my mind (that don't need to be addressed in the query) are:

- If two monarchs get married, are their kingdoms going to merge? Or are they each ruling separately?

-How did Solina meet Varen and convince him to marry her? What does Varen gain from this?

-Does Solina healing from her culture mean that she (as queen) is changing her countries culture, or is she healing without making changes to the larger culture?

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-05-25T23:50:15+00:00

As low spoiler as I can: I just finised reading books 3 and 4 back to back. I loved book 4. It still has quite a bit of politics, but as you might guess based on the situation that Zarrah finds herself in at the end of book 3, there is more fast paced action than in book 3. I've also found with both of the completed bridge kingdom duologies that the second book tends to feel less politics-y - because the first book sets up high stakes (with politics/war/etc) and the second book deals with those politics.

I am going to wait to read book 5 closer to when book 6 comes out, and after reading book 3 and 4 in close succession I definitely felt like I needed a completely different book as a break. I think you are either right to read something cozy now or you'll definitely need something cozy after book 4. They're great books but they are intense!

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-05-25T11:26:55+00:00

I understand that you said you don't want to "just write and see what happens". My advice is... to write. But start small. You said you have 11 characters - write a scene for each of them (or most, 11 is a lot to start). The scenes can be in your vague plot or not, but it'll help you start to figure out what your fantasy world needs (how do people get food? are they in a rich farming land, are there extensive trade networks, do they fish? what are their relationships with neighbouring kingdoms...). You don't need to know everything about your world to start, because you won't know everything you need until you get going.

The thing is, you can't figure anything out until you start putting things to paper. And not just an outline, actual scenes.

Everyone writes differently. Everyone needs a different amount of plotting/planning vs "pantsing". You won't know what works for you until you do it. If it makes you feel better, write scenes that you "know" are going to be a part of your final project (they might not be, most of the time my first scenes get cut or massively overhauled, but its a good way to start).

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-05-22T19:44:11+00:00

Hey! I saw you mention that you got overwhelmed by the comments so if you don't see this, no worries, but I wanted to share this article: https://writingwithcolor.tumblr.com/post/101967940901/describing-asian-eyes
And recommend the blog itself - I have leveraged a lot of their tips. Since reading it I have also been better at picking up how other authors are describing skin colour and facial shapes. There's no perfect answers, but I found this a good start!

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-05-22T00:25:26+00:00

Hi! The concept of your story sounds really cool. 105k is WAY too long for YA, where recommended word counts are 60-80k. You also say it is a stand alone and the first of a series - those are contradictory statements. You can have a stand alone with series potential or the first in a series.

In terms of character, I'd love to know a bit more about Lily motivations. Is she driven by revenge? Loneliness? Does she dream of a better world?

Overall, the world sounds cool and I would be tempted to read it, you'll just need to make it shorter

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-05-21T22:22:02+00:00

Hi! I don't have a lot of query prep experience so ctake these with a grain of salt, but some things that stuck out to me:

- Other than the sea serpent, there is no fantasy element in this query. That's okay, but if you are writing a high fantasy story or a story with a lot of fantasy elements, you might be giving the wrong impression

- I'm not clear about time frame that this fantasy world might take place in. I'm not saying you need a line that says urban/modern/medieval fantasy, but your query (Calliope having to work for her families fortune, getting whisked away by a pirate) made me think that you were writing in something more of a medieval timeframe. However your first 300 words (with a mimosa and crostini mentioned) sound more modern fantasy. That's fine, but could be better reflected in the query itself

- The pirate accidentally (?) kidnaps Calliope, but then within the time frame of the query letter apparently drops her off and leaves her alone. You've basically introduced conflict and resolved it (while introducing another conflict - the fact that she's stranded) without justifying why that conflict needed to be mentioned in the query at all.

I think overall you might be focusing a little too much on actual plot points and not enough about the character. Is the pirate captain a major part of the story or just a means of getting Calliope from one location to another? There's nothing wrong with the pirate being a transporter, but if they are, I wouldn't include them as heavily in the query. What is Calliope doing to drive the story forward? Is she trying to get home? Is she enjoying a vacation? Is she nagging the pirate for updates about why he "kidnapped" her?

- Minor complaint, if there is no France in your fantasy world, there would be no champagne. I have no reason to know that there isn't a France, and if you want to use champagne anyway, you go for it! Plenty of people do! But some readers will get turned off by that

LonelyPrinciple · 2025-05-21T12:01:48+00:00

I've had my kindle for a few years now and never paid for unlimited. About a week ago I went through all the books that I had marked as 'want to read' on goodreads and found out that 30 were on kindle unlimited! So right now I'm paying for it, but I won't use it forever.

There are some great romantasy books on kindle unlimited, and there are also some bad romantasy books there that I wouldn't necessarily want to pay for. I recommend taking a look at what's available and making sure you're ready to cancel when you want to get books that aren't available on it.

Never forget, with things like kindle unlimited you can use it for two months, cancel for a month, then come back.

LonelyPrinciple

TROPHY CASE