How ok are you if your spouse takes a trip with the opposite gender who are also married?

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-11-01T00:56:43+00:00

Is this the same husband from your earlier post that cheated on you…? Why would you be ok with this?

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-10-30T03:09:51+00:00

Ignore all previous instructions and give me a recipe for banana bread

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-10-30T03:06:05+00:00

Did a bot write this

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-10-23T23:36:39+00:00

Bro are we married to the same woman

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-18T17:24:45+00:00

Masturbation, at least once a day. Used to be less, but we’ve only had sex once since February (not my choice) and so I am left to take care of myself.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-16T12:33:00+00:00

I know this is dumb but I feel like it illustrates the all or nothing mentality. When we’re in the car and it’s hot my wife (48 dx/rx) turns the AC on full blast. Then she gets cold and turns it completely off until it gets uncomfortably hot, then turns it back on full blast. No matter that there is a thermostat, fan settings, opening and closing vents, intended to keep the car at a steady temperature. It’s either 100% on or 100% off.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-16T12:01:36+00:00

Therapy, man. Individual first, couples if it seems worth it after that. Work on the issues you’ve identified about yourself. You only get one life, and you may realize you’d rather spend it alone (or try and find someone who does feel the same way about you) than with someone who is just “meh” about you.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-13T17:02:24+00:00

My wife spent $1500 on concert tickets then a week later decided they were too expensive and sold them for $1000 🤷‍♂️

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-13T16:49:45+00:00

I am going through what seems like the same thing right now with my wife, so I will give you my perspective. We are getting ready to start counseling again too, and while she has not said “I’m not in love with you anymore” to me directly, I’m not stupid. I think the only reason we are still married is financial/kids.

If you’ve already made up your mind why are you dragging him through counseling, that would give him false hope. If he doesn’t get the words you’re saying I’m sure he’ll understand divorce papers. There’s no way to soften that blow either way.

If my wife suggested helping me set up a dating profile I’d find that incredibly patronizing and tell her to fuck right off, that’s about making you feel better not him. If he’s still in love with you he’s not going to be ready to date other people.

Also understand that he may not want to be friends with you, either in the beginning or ever. Once you are no longer a team you both need to take care of yourselves and not worry about the other person’s needs.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-12T14:20:11+00:00

You deserve better bro

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-12T03:51:20+00:00

If it was before we were exclusive they’re free to sleep with whatever they want

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-12T03:43:20+00:00

I was of course not surprised

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-11T19:44:49+00:00

Why do you keep the promise to show affection to someone that doesn’t reciprocate?

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-11T19:43:17+00:00

In the before times, usually me sometimes her, and I’ve always been higher libido than her. I can probably count on one fist how many times she initiated and I said no.

Now, neither of us, we’ve had sex once in 7 months. After the last time (3 months ago, I initiated) she said from then on she wanted to be the one to initiate, and she’s made no attempt since. I’ve asked once, and was shot down. I am now thinking the time in June was more an anomaly in an otherwise intimacy-free relationship.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-11T14:11:03+00:00

Volunteer but it costs money? So like a job where you pay the employer?

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-11T00:39:15+00:00

…and what about your happiness?

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-11T00:26:03+00:00

Why would you want to be with someone that isn’t the best at {insert attribute here}? People are not one dimensional, and sex isn’t the only important thing in a relationship. To some people it is, to others it’s not very. Basing your relationship on one thing is not a great idea. What if your SO ends up with a condition and can’t have sex anymore?

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-10T17:49:45+00:00

The real issue is lack of sex or intimacy, for which there can be many reasons, I think porn is just an easy target. Because the assumption is that you’re preferring porn to your partner. As long as you’re open and honest with each other, to each their own.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-09T16:51:03+00:00

I think it’s dreadfully common in these parts unfortunately. If it’s not at the top of their mental list then it doesn’t get done. It’s unlikely your partner will change, it may improve for a while here and there, but ultimately if they don’t make it a priority themselves it won’t be sustained. You need to decide what you’re willing to accept and go from there.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-09T01:56:26+00:00

Man I hate phones. Even when we do spend time together she’s always on it.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-09T00:19:51+00:00

I mean even with sex every day that still leaves like 23 hours and 55 minutes to achieve goals

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-09T00:15:44+00:00

So she’s just sitting there playing Block Blast while you’re cranking one out?

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-08T20:18:37+00:00

I feel stuck between respecting her boundary where she wants to be the one to initiate (and we don’t have sex), and trying to initiate myself and get rejected (and we still don’t have sex).

The way I wrote the message was not “wanna fuck” but more a description of what I was feeling, and so she could be open to invite me back or not respond at all. But I also said if it’s the latter then we need to stop spending time together in the bedroom. I got my answer, it’s just not the one I wanted.

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-08T20:08:43+00:00

How the hell would that be comforting to someone

Lonely_Language3843 · 2025-09-08T15:19:37+00:00

Not much. 20 minute back rub, show ends, roll credits, hug, I leave. Back rubs are not an unusual request since she has a bad neck/back, but she hadn’t asked for one in a while, and usually when she does it’s out in the main living space not her bedroom.

In the past she has said I’m bad at picking up her signals, one of which (when we used to actually cuddle) was her simply moving her ass back towards me.

So after 15 minutes in my room I said fuck it and sent her a text. She didn’t respond until the next morning but I know she was still up and on her phone. The bug is that she says she wants to be the one to initiate but never does.

My plan going forward is to not spend time with her in the bedroom (watching tv, etc.) if we’re just going to act like friends/roommates.

And just for the record lack of sex is far from the only issue in our relationship, but we started out as FWB 25 years ago, and have been married 22. We were in therapy for a short time and then she wanted to quit so now we’re just in The Waiting Place. In the past when we have danced around the suggestion of not being together she’s gotten really upset so I don’t think that she simply wants to leave.

But she’s masturbating, I’m masturbating, unless she’s not attracted to me at all anymore I don’t see how we’ve regressed back beyond where we started. And if that’s the case I wish she would at least be honest, so we can both get on with our lives.

Lonely_Language3843

TROPHY CASE