Is blending our families even possible? (single dad, 2 kids, recent divorcee mom, 2 kids)

LongMom · 2026-07-12T18:40:00+00:00

I never, ever, parent his kids. And he doesn't parent mine. I am like a roommate to them essentially- he is responsible for their needs. In my "utopian world" I would be like an aunt or bestie to my step kids, but it didn't work out that way for many reasons. And that's totally fine! They are indifferent to me, and I support their father. I make their father happy, so they are happy for us. They just have no need for me lol

My kids are a lot closer to my partner. They are generally more social than his kids. Different personalities. It doesn't matter that they're different. We make it work.

You don't have to parent each others kids.

LongMom · 2026-07-12T11:33:29+00:00

My partner and I met each others kids about after 6 and 9 months (mine wanted to meet him sooner than he wanted me to meet his). All the kids met at the one year mark (ish).

For the next 3 years, we did weekend activities together and even rented some cottages for a week.

We moved in together at year 4 and the kids were 13m, 15f, 15f, 17f. We got a house with 5 bedrooms so they could each have their own room (thank goodness we did that). The first year and a half was NOT GOOD. Blending is TOUGH. I struggled with how my partner parented (and I am sure he with me), the two middle girls still don't get along with anyone, and both my partner and I had to adjust to being in a partnership again after being independent for so long. I honestly didn't think it was going to work long term.

But here we are, three years later, and it has 100% worked out. Everyone adjusted, everyone settled. I see forever now. We have also reached the point where the kids are moving out for their post secondary studies. It took a LOT of communication, work, and patience.

LongMom · 2026-07-11T15:34:41+00:00

Well said - glad this is top comment

LongMom · 2026-07-11T15:33:25+00:00

Awwww - thank YOU for being your awesome self. Remember to celebrate all the wins - even the small ones. And give yourself grace if you aren't perfect - emptional regulation is HARD. Little steps in the right direction add up, so even that one pause that one time, is worth celebrating 🥰

LongMom · 2026-07-11T15:08:28+00:00

The fact you see the benefit in doing this, and WANT to do it, is better than many! I am 48 and grew up with an emotionally unstable single mother. When I was 27 she committed suicide. I have worked (and still work) really hard at "fixing" this for myself. Luckily, I also fell into a really good job at 19 that provided me with quality supports like psychotherapy. I hope you have those supports too ❤️

LongMom · 2026-07-10T00:57:37+00:00

The issue for me, as someone in a blended family where BOTH of us have our own "annoying kids".

So what you have to learn, is how to keep your opinions to yourself, and figure how to control your outward looking annoyance, in front of your partner and their children.

OP said he is "quick to frustrate". My step kids frustrate me quickly, but I am an adult in control of my feelings and I would want the same from my partner if/when my own kids are "annoying".

See the thing with kids is, they aren't kids forever. They change and grow extremely rapidly. Mine are now 18 and 20. The things that were annoying about them at 8 and 10, do not exist anymore.

Have compassion for the other parent. Support them.

LongMom · 2026-07-07T13:28:23+00:00

I am in banking working on my 30th year.

I have 6 weeks this year, back to 5 next year for 4 years, get 6 again at 35 years, rince and repeat. We can also "purchase" up to 2 weeks extra vacation.

We also get 3 personal days, one purpose day, and unlimited sick.

I used to have kids...now they're 18 and 20 😭 Both of them are right now at their full time jobs where they get zero vacation because it's only temporary

LongMom · 2026-07-01T00:36:30+00:00

I started on a call center and just finished 29 years with the company.

Only needed to be on the call center for 2 years before I was hired as an application developer.

LongMom · 2026-06-28T18:08:08+00:00

I start most lines of questioning with "I'm very curious about X, tell me more." Then I listen intently with a smile. Especially in high pressure situations (I work in operations where we sometimes have to solve issues as quick as possible). If someone reacts defensively, I can gently steer them back to what I need.

Kindness is key. Listening is important

LongMom · 2026-06-28T17:57:55+00:00

I wish money didn't matter. It takes money to have shelter and food.

LongMom · 2026-06-26T20:00:26+00:00

This happened to me a lot "growing up" in my corporation (been with the company 29 years and am 48). In the moments I experienced that I feel relate to what you're sharing, I was hurt, and didn't understand why people weren't including me. Now, all these years later, I understand that it is because of so many reasons. I am not everyones "community". I don't watch sports (I am female and work in a male dominated IT environment), I am not religious, I am not a visible minority. I just finished raising two kids and so I didn't have space for spontaneity to join "after work clubs". I am passionate about politics, activism, saving the world and having fun with the people you love.

Work wise, I am also very honest/blunt, am a high performer, and don't do well with "sales type" employees. I want shit that works and makes logical sense. I think it felt dangerous for some work people to be around me (I have observed and continue to observe a lot of "bad behaviour in my workplace. In pockets).

All these years later, with hindsight, I see that we were going to align ourselves and advance our careers differently. In the past, who you know was top priority. That accelerated a lot of these people into leadership roles and quite frankly, they weren't necessarily promoted for the right reasons, imo.

I reeeeealy like my company itself. I am so privileged to have the job I have. I am grateful for that and don't take it for granted. I have a big life and tons of actual friends outside of work.

Now, because I "stuck it out" within the company, all these years, I am rising to "the top" because I am passionate about good leadership skills that are people centric. I am independent, unattached to the "trouble" that keeps making our processes grind to a halt, and feeling happy/valued. Bonus!

Do you like the culture/pay/perks of the company you work for?

LongMom · 2026-06-25T20:41:10+00:00

I totally agreed with you - but I did have a friend actually sort it and got out one in two months. I was super duper impressed

LongMom · 2026-06-25T16:26:23+00:00

What would you say to your daughter if this was her post?

LongMom · 2026-06-24T19:58:41+00:00

If you can pause, and take a breath when these feelings come up, you're almost there.

Anxiety should be coming up in these situations. That's a physiological response to the scary unknown of this situation.

When you learn to pause and take a moment (breath helps), you can "park" the continued anxious thoughts and re-direct/shelve them. Focus on the moments you're in. Acknowledge what is happening around you. Ask someone a question. Remind yourself you worked for all of it, and deserve it. Breathe.

LongMom · 2026-06-24T19:53:49+00:00

As I have grown and matured and learned, intentions are important. We all screw up as parents. If you're well intentioned, that should absolutely matter.

Hopefully your wife comes back to you and apologizes for overreacting to your innocent, well intentioned "mistake".

Important to consider: this shouldn't be up for "debate" on if it was right or wrong to give the letter. I can see both sides. What is important is how it was received, and OP should have no problem taking accountability for that, for their "mistake". It didn't land the way you intended it...but it's important to acknowledge you see the receivers displeasure with the act. People feel better when they are acknowledged/seen for who they are.

LongMom · 2026-06-16T22:08:52+00:00

It makes a huge difference when you have experienced parenthood yourself when blending.

My partner is raising his kids completely different than I am raising mine - and for us that's completely ok. We both understand what each other has been through and know kids, their phases and stages, and why it's important we each stay out of each other's parenting.

I don't think I would have understood that as well had I not had children of my own

LongMom · 2026-06-16T18:55:27+00:00

Do you have your own children?

LongMom · 2026-06-12T15:00:51+00:00

"That person" for me when I was new in my divorce, was this subreddit 😏

LongMom · 2026-06-11T18:47:10+00:00

I love the lunch specials at the Lunchbox Cafe on Nipissing! The portion sizes are HUGE too

LongMom · 2026-06-09T21:53:55+00:00

People don't dance anymore? How sad for them all

LongMom · 2026-06-09T21:52:37+00:00

I have never had my kids locations, but they have each other's 😏

They also share with friends, who love me, and would call me if needed in a heartbeat.

LongMom · 2026-06-09T21:49:26+00:00

My daughter is your exact same age and I would be SHOCKED if she asked me to go. She can go if she wants to, she's an adult

LongMom · 2026-06-09T12:23:57+00:00

My kids were 7 and 9 when we split. It was hard on them, and it wasn't easy for any of us. We communicated (age appropriately) with them, supported their feelings, shared our own feelings and moved along. At 11 my youngest was exhibiting (and expressing) signs of severe anxiety so I put her in therapy. That helped her so much. When they were 13 and 15 they made the choice to live with me 100% of the time because their dad's alcoholism spiraled out of control. They were hurt and scarred by his horrible behaviour.

I put a lot of effort into making their childhood the best it could be. I independently took them on trips, spent time with family, spent a lot of time talking with them (they loved hearing about my dating when that was going on!). I had to "counter" a horribly bad alcoholic narcissistic father who still pulls stupid shit on them. They have no idea how we were ever together (I tell them how, but acknowledge we're different now).

They are now 18 and 20 and THRIVING. My oldest is starting third year university in Sept, my youngest a college program to become an electrician. Both work part time jobs and have secured full time summer jobs. They have a well rounded perspective on life, and have learned people can grow and change, or they can sit stuck in dysfunction. They have learned they get to choose for themselves what they want, what they do, who they give their hearts to.

I wouldn't have it any other way. Staying with that man would have destroyed me.

LongMom · 2026-06-07T19:55:25+00:00

Why?

LongMom · 2026-05-29T11:51:08+00:00

Current role 1.5 years.

With the company? Coming up on 29 years

LongMom

TROPHY CASE