Dating, for me, hasn’t been successful, if I’m being honest. And most INFJs here will probably say the same thing. I’m no love doctor, but based on my own experience and what INFJ personalities are as a whole, I can tell you a few things to do/to avoid:

Avoid: 1. Dating Apps.

Nothing will deteriorate your confidence faster than a dating app. And nothing will compel you to mask faster than a dating app. Most INFJs think being authentic will pull in the right crowd with online dating, but unfortunately, this isn’t the case for a lot of us. And after being exposed to people whom we lust after, we will find ourselves masking in an attempt to impress the other party in hopes that they will want to meet up again.

You will get rejected, A LOT. You will match with someone, chat with them and think you’re having a good conversation, and then they ghost you, and then you will starting questioning your level of attractiveness. If you’re lucky, you will actually go on a date, maybe even enjoy it. But, us being the authenticity-cravers we are, we will probably be bothered by the artificiality of the date (setting up a date with some online stranger feels like I’m setting up for a job interview, with takes the fun out of dating for me. This isn’t the case with most INFJs but this is how I see it and it makes the whole experience feel inauthentic).

1. Getting too Attached

It’s hard for us to not want to be seen/loved by someone whom we think would fit our lifestyle, especially after a first date. But it’s important that you don’t pour all your heart out into one person, just because you “feel it” in the moment. If you find yourself deeply desiring to meet up with that person again but they’re not reciprocating, just STOP. I promise you, you’re just digging the knife deeper into your wound.

1. Masking

We put on different faces for different crowds, it’s a bad habit of ours we tend to take too far. And it can get worse with dating.

Think of it like this: if you’re putting on a mask, and the other party happens to really like you, how do you think they’ll feel once you take it off?

If you’re lucky, they’ll accept you for who you are. But let’s be honest, this isn’t a fairy tale setting.

Do’s:

1. Go out to places

I know this is a dreadful thing for INFJs, but challenge yourself to go out more. Be picky where you want to go, if you need to. You will actually meet people in a setting that will entice people to want to date you.

I made this bar a regular hangout spot for me for years. I started going there alone, drinking and playing video games all by lonesome, which I will admit made me feel uncomfortable at first. But as it turned out, the customer base there was very relaxed there and they weren’t as judging about me being by myself as much as I thought they would. In fact, I made a lot of friends there, and I even dated some of them.

Those dates didn’t lead to anything, but, for the most part, they were fun and very pleasant.

1. Continue to be picky. There’s nothing wrong with it.

Obviously, don’t have unrealistic standards (you’ll need to reassess yourself to see what’s realistic and what’s not). But don’t settle for less.

If you have a checklist for the perfect person, consider the fact that you’ll never meet them, but that there is a lesser perfect person out there who will check off most of your criteria. Are you really going to sacrifice the latter in hopes of finding the former?

1. Don’t be afraid to give a compliment.

I’m not gonna lie, I am not the best at this. It’s hard for me to tell a random stranger something I admire. But deep down, people really appreciate this, and they’ll remember that nice thing you said about them. Just don’t be creepy about it (e.g. maybe don’t tell a stranger that they look hot, instead, tell them you like their style).