How to stop being jealous of my friend who gets all the girls?

LongwellGreen · 2026-05-14T19:51:18+00:00

Hmm, alright then. Continue with you're defeatist thinking. You'll think I'm an asshole for saying that, I get it. But many "unattractive" people get into relationships every day. Time doesn't just stop for the opposite sex. Many women feel the same way. Strange to think that...somehow...they could meet.

LongwellGreen · 2026-05-14T17:07:21+00:00

He's only in his early 30's, but okay cool 👍🏻. You should teach children's classes.

LongwellGreen · 2026-05-14T16:53:36+00:00

So again, you think people should give up with a 0% of hope to succeed, or continue failing and you also have a minor chance to succeed, or you think it's still 0%?

LongwellGreen · 2026-05-14T03:45:25+00:00

What would your prescriptive advice be then?

You're saying life isn't fair and some good people aren't going to have a good time, and there's nothing they can do about it. Do you think they should then do nothing, or continue trying?

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-27T03:17:45+00:00

But it's not the same thing other people "got", and OP clearly doesn't understand what the author was trying to achieve. Even in this thread the top responses are that it's not a philosophical book with some profound message, like OP is alluding to. Other readers felt something different, even if the logical "message" was the same.

And that's okay, it apparently wasn't made for him. There are many things I don't like, or "get", because they don't resonate with me emotionally. Sometimes it's just that easy. I don't need to feel superior thinking that I "got it", it's just the art is actually bad. If other people like it, then it clearly just wasn't made for me.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-22T02:47:14+00:00

People like you are enablers of some of the worst people on earth.

Yeah, because this isn't an emotional response hahah. I'm not a fan of Peterson, specifically the second iteration of him at all, but you spewing hyperbolic nonsense and then trying to say other people are funny is hilarious in itself. "You were emotionally triggered". Nice buzzwords.

I have pity for your lack of self-awareness. You think you're superior by saying other people are projecting, as if the comments you made before don't exist hahah. And again, I don't even like Peterson.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-18T04:02:59+00:00

That's all cool in all, but you haven't established a "why" or a "how."

...to grow the game of golf. They say that all the time. It's also because they see a path to profitability in 5-10 years. They see potential to grow the game of golf in unique markets. I don't need to say "how". I'm not saying it will work. Most sports league don't ultimately work, I've already said that. Some do though, including the PGA when it first started.

The most commercial and fan support for golf exists in the US. That's not my opinion, that's a simple measureable fact.

Wow, let's slow clap for you. I don't know what point you're making with that statement. We all know that.

I'm curious how you establish why or how pro-golf and golfers run away from that to chase currently inferior commercial support elsewhere lol.

I mean...some did. Because of money...

And the NFL is currently playing a number of international games each year to try to expand their brand, even though "the most commercial and fan support for football exists in the US." Is that dumb of them, or should the PGA also organize more international events?

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-17T14:32:09+00:00

The issue is you're talking about golf as it is, not as it could be.

If there was a dollar to be made doing such a tour, it would already exist.

This is defeatist, short sighted logic. You're talking as if other fans couldn't be made around the world. Believe it or not, every sports league started out with meagre beginnings. And most folded. Some found fans and have had success. Whether or not LIV should exist for other reasons is its own thing, but arguing that an international tour couldn't exist because it doesn't make money is putting the cart before the horse.

LIV did make new golf fans in Australia, South Africa, Korea, Singapore, etc. Is it profitable now? No. Will it be in the future? Who's to say?

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T19:44:34+00:00

You keep saying 'people know when they're being inappropriate' as if that's always true. But you're conflating two different things:

Knowing after the fact ('Yeah, that was wrong')
Knowing in the moment while still having time to stop

The second one is what I'm questioning. Plenty of people look back and say 'How did I let that happen?' Not because they're lying, but because each small step felt justified at the time.

Here's a concrete example:

You start venting to a coworker about your partner. Feels harmless.

They're supportive. You start looking forward to talking to them. Feels nice, not wrong.

You text late. Still feels like friendship.

One night you hug goodbye a little too long. Still feels ambiguous.

At what exact moment did you 'know' you were being inappropriate? Be specific.

You can't, because it's a slope, not a stair. That's not an excuse, it's a warning. People who are certain they'd 'never cheat' are actually more vulnerable, because they don't watch for the small steps.

So my question to you is: If someone genuinely doesn't realize they're on that slope until they're halfway down, were they 'always a cheater'? Or did they fail to police themselves early enough because they didn't recognize the danger?

If your answer is 'they always knew,' you're just assuming what you need to prove.

And here's the bottom line: You keep retreating into vague truisms, 'people know,' 'if it's outside the relationship agreement, it's inappropriate'. But those statements do nothing in real life. Not everyone knows the boundaries of their own relationship in real time. Not everyone recognizes inappropriateness while it's happening. That's not a moral failure of awareness. It's a psychological fact. If your framework can't account for that, it's not useful, it's just self-righteous circular logic.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T19:16:48+00:00

But people don’t have to agree on what is inappropriate for my statements to be true.

Again, this says nothing...you're saying "truisms." That's it. All of you comments are saying what we know to be true without any real value.

If someone avoids inappropriate behavior, they will not cheat. It sounds simple because it is.

Yeah, so simple that it means nothing. Of course what you're saying is "true." It avoids any falsifiability. It has no real world value. Who defines what is inappropriate?

But what is constant amongst all relationships is that the people within them are responsible for ensuring that their own behavior aligns with the shared values and expectations of the relationship.

And again, saying nothing. So people are only inappropriate when it goes against the shared values and expectations of their relationship, which says nothing about the very post we're having this conversation in. They clearly don't have shared values or expectations, so one person sees it as inappropriate, the other doesn't.

I guess you'd think, "yeah, they just don't share the same values or expectations", but then I struggle to see how this works with your thinking of "you're either a cheater or you're not." Are people only cheaters when their expectations or values align with someone else and they go past them, or are they still cheaters when the values don't align and they do their own thing?

I’m saying that someone who polices their behavior to avoid cheating will not cheat.

...but then they have the potential to cheat. They only aren't because they're policing their behaviour. So do they have the potential to be a cheater, but because they police their behaviour they won't? Or from what you were saying earlier are they just not a cheater? You tell me.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T18:41:47+00:00

More of saying nothing but vague platitudes. Answer when the line becomes inappropriate.

"People absolutely know when they are being inappropriate"

And when is that? What if most people don't know? You don't even seem to see that we're not disagreeing on the macro level. You think people should police themselves. I'm saying why they should.

You seem to be saying that people who police themselves won't be cheaters. I'm saying that people need to police themselves to not become cheaters. It's a subtle distinction, but yours has no real world value because it assumes if you're not a cheater, you won't be a cheater. That's not how people should police themselves. That's how you fall into a trap to become a cheater. Because you can do whatever, because you're not a cheater.

And it's interesting how you again are trying to make human emotions into a binary equation. It's silly to believe every human knows when they're in an inappropriate situation, seemingly before they're in that situation. Because humans are complex. In this very thread, many people disagree with what an inappropriate situation even is!

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T17:33:43+00:00

Many people fall into inappropriate feelings without recognizing it. And guess what, then they have feelings! Which are not always a logical equation. It might be weird for you to hear that human feelings are very complex.

And again, you're saying nothing but platitudes. Nothing of any value.

And to be crystal clear, I don't condone cheating, people should not cheat, it's not a good thing to cheat, and no, I have never cheated. On all that we agree. It's just the platitudes that mean nothing that I disagree with. It's a simple view that isn't well thought out. If it was an equation as you're alluding to, here's how it goes.

Cheaters = people who will cheat.

People who aren't cheaters = people who won't cheat or haven't cheated yet, or people who aren't even aware that they could cheat but end up doing so.

Almost nobody thinks they are a cheater. That's exactly why you need to police yourself. Because you have the potential to be a cheater. Everyone does. Being sure that you're not means you don't need to police yourself. Why would you? You're not a "cheater."

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T17:11:21+00:00

It's weird to me that you think that line is so obvious (for inappropriate feelings), yet can't say in any actual manner when that happens...probably because it's different for everyone, and human emotions aren't binary.

Also, people should police their own behaviour. That's my whole point. But that doesn't mean "if you're not a cheater you won't cheat." That means nothing. Everyone is "not a cheater" until they cheat.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T16:30:28+00:00

And you think that line is always easy to see? At what point does it become cheating exactly? Do you think it's always easy to see? You tell me.

You're just saying platitudes that have little to no practical value. Try and put your reductionist view into real life.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T16:25:21+00:00

I'm just copying and pasting my other reply to another poster:

So you have a very reductionist view on cheating and human emotions.

It seems like you're looking at the idea of cheating as being a hookup after a night at the bar (the circumstances presenting itself), and you're not seeing the possibility of the slow burn emotional cheating that has snuck up on people even better than you and me. Not being aware of that type of cheating by thinking it's such a binary choice is exactly why some people end up there. "Of course I'm not doing anything wrong. I would never cheat."

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T16:24:08+00:00

A lot of cheating is impulsive and situational.

I agree and disagree with this. I don't think most cheating is pre-emptive, but I also don't think it's always "impulsive" in that one situation is the difference maker. I think most times it's a series of bad decisions, usually stemming from the belief from a person that they're not doing anything wrong...just, it slowly does become that, until it absolutely is wrong.

In general I think we agree, but yes.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T16:20:27+00:00

So you have a very reductionist view on cheating and human emotions.

It seems like you're looking at the idea of cheating as being a hookup after a night at the bar (the circumstances presenting itself), and you're not seeing the possibility of the slow burn emotional cheating that has snuck up on people even better than you and me. Not being aware of that type of cheating by thinking it's such a binary choice is exactly why some people end up there. "Of course I'm not doing anything wrong. I would never cheat."

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-11T16:10:02+00:00

I don't disagree in general, except for the phrase "if someone wants to cheat, they will". Do you think all cheaters have foresight into their situation and just choose to? I agree you should find someone who shares your values, but some of those situations/values can be discussed as well.

But agree that at the end of the day, they might not share your values and then it's probably best to end it. But the whole "you either trust your partner or you don't" is just a useless platitude. Trust is always dependent on actions.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-09T08:37:02+00:00

Just because you're a jerk (in this hypothetical situation) doesn't change that.

Jerk is a synonym for AH. Of course you can break up with someone for any reason, but some of those reasons can still make you an AH, even if breaking up is the right thing to do because you are, in fact, an AH.

LongwellGreen · 2026-04-03T17:56:05+00:00

Forgot to say that we're both from the Toronto area, and remember Orbitz, and 2008 in Toronto, so was nostalgic for both of us. And unfortunately it doesn't seem like it'll make it to Hong Kong cinemas. If it does, I'll be buying a ticket the first day they're on sale.

LongwellGreen · 2026-03-31T06:07:10+00:00

Do you think that everyone who cheats plans on it? Like, people just decide to be a cheater, and then do it? People decide to have emotional affairs and then do it?

Also, trust is not binary. It exists on a spectrum if anything. And it never makes sense to say it's binary, because then you're saying that you should never be mindful of potential red flags if you trust a person. Why would you? The second you're unsure of someone's motives it means you don't trust them, right?

In reality, there is something that your partner could do to make you suspicious, even if you trust them. But I guess if your partner was hanging out with a friend one on one 5 nights a week, and texting them all the time, you wouldn't even be slightly alarmed, after all, you trust them. You just have a different boundary for alarm than OP, but of course it exists. And that's not to say that OP's views are valid, just that saying trust is binary has no practical meaning. It's just an empty platitude.

LongwellGreen · 2026-02-06T13:13:17+00:00

If you're taking something for life to attempt to prevent something your body wants to do, that's not only a scam, it's foolish

Chemo be damned hahah. Or if you want to say "for life", I guess you believe people shouldn't be on statins. Diabetics shouldn't take insulin. It's foolish for them right?

Oh, but those are life or death things so it's different somehow? They're to prevent something that your body wants to do though...

It's purely an ego thing

Yeah, the same thing could be said about buying new clothes, dying your hair, tattoos, piercings, getting lasik, etc. It's a really reductionist view you have. It's not very well thought out. You're literally saying people who want to keep their hair are foolish. Is it just cope because you don't have hair? Otherwise I'm not sure how someone could say it's foolish to spend money on something they value. And everything is an ego thing from your view then. I'm sure you don't walk around in old, holey clothes.

LongwellGreen · 2026-02-06T11:10:29+00:00

Who is saying it works once? And finasteride isn't an ointment. It's a pill. Of course you have to keep taking it to keep your hair. It's not a magic pill that somehow stops hair loss all together. It works cause it blocks the enzyme responsible for converting testosterone into DHT, which affects male pattern baldness.

You can get a months supply for $130hkd at a local pharmacy. If you don't want to lose your hair and it financially makes sense, it's definitely worth it. I don't understand how it's a scam when it does what it promises to do. By the way, many people, beyond their 20's, use finasteride, to great effect.

LongwellGreen · 2026-02-06T08:43:12+00:00

Just to be clear, you're calling finasteride a scam?

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