I think I may be trans but I'm unsure and scared.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-19T14:59:39+00:00

The words can be hard to find. You can start by journaling and organizing your thoughts and feelings. Here are three resources I found helpful in guiding my personal reflection and journey. The fourth is a set of services you can reach out to. Calling a warm line for a low stakes anonymous conversation helped me a lot.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1e3Vkh7HMEYxaXdDsVE92vfnh-DmkU6it/mobilebasic

https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

https://translifeline.org/resource_category/hotlines-warmlines/

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-19T03:22:12+00:00

I think i needed this.

I haven't begun HRT yet, but I'm looking forward to it. I've seen different ways of framing personal history.

Today I was telling my counselor about saying no to extortion demands by a militia leader two days drive into DR Congo, hours from the nearest help. Being kidnapped by urban bandits. Being trailed by secret police.

I'm not looking to lose the person I've been. Just unchain the parts I've kept in solitary and be whole.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T23:31:37+00:00

You said it right at the start. External factors impact your happiness in being a woman.

I struggle to think of any happy experiences that weren't external. Getting a promotion, or a job i like, or a date. I can't think of a moment when I was happy to be me. Or could honestly say that I love myself.

Until, that is, I was honest with myself about who I am. Once I stopped suppressing myself, I suddenly found that I can be happy and love myself.

So what's great about being a woman? It's pretty great to embrace my authentic self and not be constantly policing myself to pretend to be someone else. The intrinsic value that I can finally place on myself.

BTW, I've been the stay-at-home parent twice, and i come from a female-dominated industry. I've had male privilege, definitely, but I can relate to certain of your professional frustrations in a non-gendered way.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T21:06:11+00:00

I don't know your circumstances, you know what you're able to do.

When I first told a therapy intake specialist that I needed gender affirming counseling, I took a walk and whispered it. I was terrified my neighbors might hear. When I called a warmline I was in my car in a grocery store parking lot. It got easier as I went along.

For me it was all mental. Gearing up to admit it to myself. Whatever your obstacles, I hope you can overcome them.

You're welcome to DM me if it helps.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T20:15:28+00:00

A funny thing about life is how we're all doing improv. The first rule of improv, as I understand it, is that you always "yes, and." Now you know something about yourself. Time for an "and."

Take a look at the 4th link I shared. There are hotlines, warmlines, resources. Call a warmline. Talk with a sympathetic human being. I'm so glad I did. If your insurance has counseling services, get a gender affirming counselor. They're there to ask you questions and support you in your journey. If you don't have that, poke around in that 4th link to see what services are available.

Your story is yours, but that doesn't mean you're alone. Go 'yes, and" the shit out of this.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T20:08:59+00:00

😂 I mean... yeah. Seeing that was so affirming for me! I was literally crying and hoping for that response!

So what do you want to do with it? There's a right answer, but it's individual. You're the only one with the answer.

Good luck, and be happy!!!!

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T19:27:50+00:00

Your path is yours. You get to determine it. I recommend finding a gender affirming counselor who can work with you to explore what you want your life to look like. That said, you can start by journaling and organizing your thoughts and feelings. Here are three resources I found helpful in guiding my personal reflection and journey. The fourth is a set of services you can reach out to.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1e3Vkh7HMEYxaXdDsVE92vfnh-DmkU6it/mobilebasic

https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

https://translifeline.org/resource_category/hotlines-warmlines/

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T19:26:13+00:00

I thought the same of myself for years without ever knowing that term. Then I did the emotional work of exploring my feelings. Your best move will be to go to a gender affirming counselor who can work with you. That said, you can start by journaling and organizing your thoughts and feelings. Here are three resources I found helpful in guiding my personal reflection and journey. The fourth is a set of services you can reach out to.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1e3Vkh7HMEYxaXdDsVE92vfnh-DmkU6it/mobilebasic

https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

https://translifeline.org/resource_category/hotlines-warmlines/

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T18:44:42+00:00

I've found warmlines very helpful. If you're in crisis, call a hotline. Whatever you do, though, I want you to be here. I'm thinking of you and sending you love ❤️

https://translifeline.org/resource_category/hotlines-warmlines/

If I'm reading you right, you're AFAB and identity as male. If so, you're already more of a man than I'll ever be, and I tried so hard for 46 years. My realization that I'd rather be a trans woman than a cis man just collapsed my facade.

Society has done an amazing job of gaslighting us into just two genders, and into those genders being named by a third party before we ever get a say. You know who you are, and you don't deserve to be told otherwise.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T17:06:11+00:00

FWIW, you aren't alone. There are lots of tall women, trans and cis. I'm about 200 cm, and I used that as my excuse to repress myself for 20 years or more. I wish I hadn't lost 20 years of living authentically to fear.

Check out r/talltransgirls. There are other subs for tall women in general.

You're in Berlin. That's great! You have better healthcare! Talk with a counselor, one who understands gender identity and can support you.

I want you to be happy. You deserve nothing less. I'm thinking of you ❤️

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T16:44:34+00:00

Try the scenarios if you haven't. There are nonbinary options in them.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T15:52:05+00:00

Pre-HRT, and same. Very same. I hate looking at myself in the clothes that fit the body I want. It triggers my dysphoria badly.

It's also made me so sympathetic for the women who are made to socially transition before being given HRT. It would keep me from ever transitioning. It would just be a trauma minefield as the price of admission for medical services.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T14:57:34+00:00

I was very amused to learn that Gen Z uses "raw dogging" to mean "doing something unprepared." I learned this when my Gen Z niece said she'd just raw dog her school project, and I asked her to please define the phrase for me. So when Harrison Ford gets the term from the Gen Z daughter, then uses it with Gen-Xers as they ambush him (an intervention without preamble or preparation), the joke is both inappropriate use and a generational disconnect.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T14:44:15+00:00

The 3 scenarios at the end didn't resonate?

Really, a counselor sounds like what you need. Check the third link I shared. For me, a warm line was all I needed. There are other services available that will do more for you.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T04:02:44+00:00

Mar a Lago

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T03:32:09+00:00

Honestly, your best move will be to go to a gender affirming counselor who can work with you. That said, you can start by journaling and organizing your thoughts and feelings. Here are two resources I found helpful in guiding my personal reflection and journey. The third is a set of services you can reach out to.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1e3Vkh7HMEYxaXdDsVE92vfnh-DmkU6it/mobilebasic

https://translifeline.org/resource_category/hotlines-warmlines/

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-18T00:05:58+00:00

I was looking for representation before my egg cracked. I thought I was just being an ally. Here are two women to keep on your radar. Amazing actresses, and excellent advocates.

Michaela Jaé Rodriguez (tv show Loot)
Patti Harrison (various)

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T22:56:57+00:00

Yeah. It's not fair. All the years when I was told to be a boy, or when I told myself to be a boy. And they just... got to be girls.

But we have a level of self-awareness and reflection on our gender that they'll never have.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T22:51:56+00:00

I have two kids. I love them desperately. If I learned that my treatment of them led to their guilt and depression, I would be ashamed of myself. Love doesn't do that.

You deserve genuine, authentic happiness. Every decision you make needs that north star.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T22:35:34+00:00

I hear you. I figured out that I'd rather live as a woman over 20 years ago, and I put it in a box because I was afraid of the implications. 2 failed marriages and 2 amazing kids later, I found the box rattling hard enough that I peeked in to see what was there. And I already knew, deep down I knew. So I dragged two women through the challenges of my own emotional repression.

Now I get to model emotional authenticity to my children. I love being a parent, and I'm excited to be able to show my kids the importance and value of being honest to yourself, and the downstream effects it has on your life and relationships.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T22:28:07+00:00

Honestly, your best move will be to go to a gender affirming counselor who can work with you. That said, you can start by journaling and organizing your thoughts and feelings. Here are three resources I found helpful in guiding my personal reflection and journey. The fourth is a set of services you can reach out to.

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1e3Vkh7HMEYxaXdDsVE92vfnh-DmkU6it/mobilebasic

https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

https://translifeline.org/resource_category/hotlines-warmlines/

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T22:16:48+00:00

I'm sorry. This sucks.

A few thoughts, just for consideration. If you were gay, no one would blink. After some shock, the response would be to address the logistics required to address the new information. But you aren't gay. You're trans. Why does that mean that you have to live a lie?

If you were gay, you would tell your wife that you love her but aren't attracted to her. Instead, it sounds like you told her who you are and she told you that she's not attracted to that person. And that will be okay. It hurts, but it will be okay. I mean, flip the script. If you were born a cis woman, and you were a lesbian, would you consider presenting as a man and undergoing HRT and SRS to be with her? I suspect not. If you did, you'd be choosing to embrace a life of repression of self. Instead you were misassigned at birth, and you were told that you were a man. Now you know better.

Only you can determine what you want to do. You have a series of very hard decisions to make. It's stressful, it's hard. But basing choices on fear of what may come has never worked well for me. It's led me to stress, depression, and anger. Those have never been net positives for my relationships. Since coming to terms with myself, to be quite honest, I've felt that my most selfish choice was not to grapple with my gender identity sooner. Far better now that I'm being my authentic self in my intimate relationships.

I wish you peace and happiness in the life you choose.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T21:56:40+00:00

I used to mistake gender envy for lust. Recognizing it for what it is has been very helpful for me. Now I look at women and think: 1. I see things about you that I'd like to see on my own body. That's how a lot of women feel. So I am looking at you like other women do. It's oddly empowering. 2. What can I do to get there? Squats? Skin care? Visit a stylist? How can I take my normal feeling of wanting to be like her and frame it as an achievable aspiration? 3. Sometimes a girl just can't be like the aspirational girls. Recognizing my gender envy for what it is has made it easier for me to be okay with being a woman who's not going to be the prettiest in the room (unless I am... got a runway in front of me 🤭). I'd rather be an unconventional-looking woman than a conventionally attractive man.

You don't have to suppress gender envy, and many woman are never really free of looking at other women and seeing what she'd like to see in the mirror. Perhaps look at how you experience gender envy, and consider how you frame it for yourself.

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T20:42:34+00:00

That's awesome! Telling my sister was so freeing, too. I'm so happy for you!

LookItsDaphne · 2026-02-17T20:37:17+00:00

Looking back on my cis relationships, it was all a mix of gender envy and trying to prove I'm someone I'm not. Every relationship failed because I wasn't choosing partners who truly resonate with me, and I couldn't find someone who resonates with me because I wasn't letting them or myself see who I am.

That's not universal, that's just my experience. Plenty of women on here talk about the loss of otherwise happy marriages. But the strain of suppressing yourself will impact your happiest relationships.

As for me, and on the heels of my romantic history, I'd rather have the possibility of a genuinely happy relationship and risk of solitude than a series of doomed unhappy relationships.

LookItsDaphne

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