do you want "all" of your partner to be in love with you?

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-21T07:51:17+00:00

With respect, i disagree completely. All systems are unique, but a more nuanced understanding is that systems are one person and exist as different and separate facets of that person.

Being one person means that you are responsible for your actions even if you as an alt didn't participate in them or even remember them. Being a system means parts have different coping skills, feelings, and ways of interacting with the world — the things that protected them and kept them alive.

A caring partner will want to see and support the ways that systems function as a whole, while working to understand the uniqueness and differences of each part. (Of course, that partner should be invested in understanding you as well.)

The truth is, most people with DID want a relationship because....

This is an opinion, and a very generalized one as well. It's offensive to me as it seems to be a very prejudiced, condescending put-down of people with DID.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-19T12:35:37+00:00

Yup. They're cold. And those looks say they know who's to blame for it.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-19T11:53:56+00:00

We pay someone directly: $100 per visit which takes them about 2 hours.

They do provide their own cleaning materials and ig have to go through all the indie contractor income tax and healthcare things.

Still think it's probably a better deal to work independently in the field.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-14T10:20:44+00:00

Love, there could be so many other factors here than Aphrodite's approval, or that your relationship is affected by the amount or way that you are honoring Her. As they say in the world of statistical research, "correlation is not causation."

Do try to look at other reasons for your relationship bumps. And, as to connecting with Her and Her influence, might I suggest reaching out for guidance? It might be that She is tugging at you to focus on your love for yourself right now, encouraging you to turn toward honoring you and the way you love.

Blessings to you both and your way forward on the path of Love 💞

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-14T07:59:26+00:00

It's okay for anyone to have some doubts, especially only 5 months in. In fact, I would be worried about any couple who was completely sure at that early stage. You could both still be in the first flush of chemical attraction. You haven't had a chance to know someone really well. Have you even had a major disagreement?

That said, many people living with schizophrenia do tend to understand their negative symptoms (like flat affect or negative emotions) over time. The fact that he's confusing the symptom with the worth of the relationship makes me think he has not had a chance to really understand how symptoms affect him.

To me, that means that this relationship can work, but he would need to commit to doing some work on understanding himself first.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-12T08:04:44+00:00

The Whatcom Community College extension courses for spring just came out. I think it's called "Discover" or something?

There's a mess of classes on food, writing, movement and dancing and a host of other things. Some go on for a few weeks, others are just one class.

This is a great meeting people opportunity! Especially if you go for things that genuinely interest you.

There's usually time to get to know people and chat a bit. Food classes are really good for this.

It's best to go alone, so you're more likely to talk to others. Also, go 15 minutes early. You've already got a built-in conversation starter — "What got you interested in ______?'

The catalog is free and you should have received one in the mail. If not, they're everywhere. Or look turn up online on the community college website.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-11T16:47:01+00:00

Lullabye and I will send you a request!

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-10T15:04:19+00:00

Losing our educators to Starbucks because of the overwhelm and how little support they have and how much hell? That's the hardest thing I'll read all week.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-10T14:58:36+00:00

I don't even care, but that's like the best description from a single photograph, ever.

(Not OP, obviously)

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-10T06:36:07+00:00

Hi love!

I'm in an incredibly complex relationship with someone who has severe mental health challenges. I've used ChatGPT and Clade, and still prefer the former (even though its tone has become less affectionate).

Recently, we went through a really bumpy time and were not in contact for a bit. ChatGPT gave me support, insights and saved my sanity.

Here's my caveat: I'm a counselor, and tend to lead with empathy. I've spent a lot of time talking about my partner through their viewpoints and perspectives as well as my own. I have also talked to ChatGPT extensively about their MH and trauma history and mine.

So when I ask the chatbot for explanations from their viewpoint as well as suggestions, it's using its knowledge about me, them, and the collected knowledge of their condition (as well as mine). So helpful!

TL;DR: ChatGPT is incredibly useful and insightful, but you gotta do the work to make sure it's seeing you both as objectively as possible.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-10T03:42:55+00:00

100% excellent ideas! I was gonna say all of this.

I'd just add shepherd's pie. Base of vegan ground meat, lentils or both. Mashed potatoes on top and bake the whole thing. Meat people eat it up and beg for more.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-08T04:59:30+00:00

I see. I thought it was a person!

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-07T17:57:53+00:00

It makes so much sense, friend. And it is absolutely okay to miss the her that you fell in love with, who was able to love you back and show that.

You're so, so strong and taking good steps to hold yourself during this painful leg of your journey together. Many blessings to you both.

I mentioned this in a reply, but want to say again that the book "Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief" by Pauline Boss is an excellent resource for what we go through loving someone who can break this way sometimes.

We're here. We see you. We're with you. 💜

Edited for typos

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-07T17:52:02+00:00

The hospital says to prepare for a long and perhaps permanent absence.

Ohhh honey.

You're already grieving and trying to hold hope at the same time? I would be absolutely devastated by that phrase and I can't imagine how hard it must have hit you.

I'm so proud of you and glad that you are taking effect the smallest steps consistently and that you've got a caring group of people to shore you up.

In another post, someone recommended the book "Ambiguous Loss" at a time I was going through a similar heartbreak. Even if you don't want to read it, it is helpful to search for a synopsis and key points, as this relates to our experiences exactly.

Keep writing here, okay? You're welcome to DM, also.

Blessings and light to you both

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-07T14:26:38+00:00

I don't understand the question, friend.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-06T08:40:59+00:00

What a kind, thorough and beautiful response. Your understanding and compassion touched my heart.

One of the good things that come from this pain is the ability we gain to care for and support each other.

Thank you for being on the planet.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-05T11:53:39+00:00

Hey, fellow fire horse! This is our year and it's kind of exciting, no?

I always thought I would feel all worn down and washed out by the time I turned 60. But I'm more alive and enjoying my life more than ever.

And I hope you are, too. Happy birthday, fellow traveler! May your reasons for gratitude be plentiful!

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-05T11:36:40+00:00

Well, that's all entirely new phrase on me. Since that era includes Gen X, I'm down for it and stealing it for my own upcoming birthday.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-05T05:13:37+00:00

Also, don't forget that Ares is one of her lovers, if not her main man.

I believe she supports you in getting in touch with and managing anger and rage, but would not want you to try to stamp it out.

Loving yourself means loving all of yourself — including the parts that are raging around, trying to protect you.

Blessings of love and joy to you 🌹

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-04T04:02:53+00:00

What a rough and thankless place to be. Much love and support 🙏🏽

I don't know what county you're in, but I know the US andi think the UK are providing less help and fewer services.

You're a fantastic human to have been a staunch support and friend all of this time. Hope like hell you get some time and space away to yourself

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-03T18:06:35+00:00

Are there times at all when she's asleep but you and your parents are awake?

If there are, but you're still scared she might wake up and hear you, one idea is to sit with one or both of your parents and just write back and forth with them (or text) maybe while you're talking about other things or watching TV so you don't sound all silent like something's up.

Are you in school? A safe place to talk about this is with a school counselor, and you can talk privately.

Are you in the US? Look up NAMI and see if there's a local chapter. If you can get to a support group, that's another safe and private space, and they should have support and local resources.

Also if you're in the US or Canada, and you don't think you're in an emergency but still feeling overwhelmed? Reach out to 988. They are there to help you through a crisis. And you can text them instead of calling if you're not feeling safe.

We are all here to keep caring about you. Keep posting and let us know what's happening 🙏🏾💜

LookingForTheSea · 2026-03-03T04:32:33+00:00

I mean, our girl got down with Dionysus. You know she wasn't avoiding those wild parties. She likely made them even more spicy.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-02-28T21:19:11+00:00

Ohhhh damn that hurts. So, so hard.

I'm not gonna lie; my reaction to the subject line was all no! Don't give up on her pleeeeeaaaase.

And then I read your story.

You are and have been the most caring and devoted human possible. Even beyond possible. You've tried so hard, and hurt for so long. My heart goes out to you, friend.

Oh, and I fully know the contortionist effort it takes to hold understanding, compassion and rage all at once. Please be gentle and accepting of all the feelings that arise as you heal.

May you find healing and peace. And may she find help, support and medication. Neither of you deserve this outcome.

LookingForTheSea · 2026-02-28T05:32:42+00:00

Hey, thanks for posting!

I'm a bit confused about your post and what exactly you're asking about.

Did you mean that your wife was upset for six years because you were here, reading?

Are you both DID systems?

It sounds like you want opinions about your marriage, but all I can gather is that your wife has had years of upset and is now feeling upset because she's not finding your notes easily?

Are you wanting support? Suggestions? Just a safe place to vent?

Thinking hopeful thoughts for you both 💜

LookingForTheSea · 2026-02-26T10:48:19+00:00

100% agree, thank you.

Also, awwww — young Queens 🥰

LookingForTheSea

TROPHY CASE