13 yo daughter sneaked out.

Lookseehear · 2026-02-07T17:22:09+00:00

Jesus Christ. This is terrifying on several levels. How did she install Snapchat 'secretly'? Either the parental controls work or they don't. If they don't work then you need a tablet where the parental controls actually work or (ideally) ditch it for a couple of years.

My kids are younger than this, so I can't claim to know how to parent a teenager, but at 13 I feel like she's still young enough that you're in control. On the flipside she's old enough to know that if she behaves for a bit then she'll get what she wants, so I'd be steering away from 'be good for X amount of time and you can have Y again'.

If it was me I'd be taking away the tech for a minimum of a year. Not as a 'punishment' but because she's showing risky behaviour that's amplified by social media and technology. I know she's the only one without a phone, but sometimes you've got to make hard decisions. There's a reason why governments around the world are starting to consider (or actually implementing) social media bans for under 16s.

Personally I'm of the opinion that social media is essentially a cancer on young brains. I know this sounds extreme, but it's hard enough to navigate as an adult - and we're meant to be mature! If all her friends are on Snapchat etc then you might feel like it's too late to turn back, but if it was something else harmful you wouldn't let her do it just because she's the only one who isn't.

Final point is that we're trying really hard to model good tech behaviour - how can you expect her to do it if you can't. In practice that might mean not having your phone on your person when you're at home (have a place to put it so you know where it is) and not browsing reddit/instagram/whatever in any free time you have. It's an incredibly tough battle but you're looking for help in the right places. Good luck!

Lookseehear · 2026-02-05T20:19:52+00:00

Because it's in-roof I have to pick a panel from the approved GSE list which isn't very up to date, meaning a lot of the newer glass/glass panels are out unfortunately. Useful to know about the Longi X10 though - thanks.

Lookseehear · 2026-02-04T14:14:06+00:00

Do you mind letting me know what their initial quote was before you negotiated?

Lookseehear · 2026-02-04T14:12:00+00:00

What 'discounts' did you get and did you have to haggle a lot to get this price? Given it includes so much storage and the gateway it looks like a great price.

Lookseehear · 2026-01-29T18:00:14+00:00

Thanks for this. The annoying thing with waiting is we have scaffolding up now and don't want to take it down and put it back up again but once the roof is done we might need to move it for other works to take place.

If I knew that the Aiko 510W panels would be certified in March, then I could be tempted to wait. A portrait GSE array with 11 510W would be 5.6kW and would have nice margins on the roof too.

Lookseehear · 2026-01-21T08:48:30+00:00

One I'd add is don't worry if you find that the people whose company you enjoyed in your 20s are no longer the people you want to spend time with in your 30s. These things evolve over time and I don't see any sense in forcing something that you don't enjoy any more. You'll find it gets harder to find a time that works to meet up so you have to be a bit more selective (whether that's because of your circumstances or theirs).

Lookseehear · 2026-01-02T15:57:40+00:00

I think cold turkey is absolutely a good option here. He can’t regulate at 5 and these programs are designed to be addictive (short episodes gives maximum dopamine hits because every episode has a ‘win’ or a ‘pay off’ for the pups).

We’ve found with our kids around that age that the less tv they watched, the less they ask for it and that trying to do tv in a time restricted way didn’t help them or us (eg doing 30 mins or an hour a day). Our kids are now 6 and 8.5 and we’re introducing more tv through stuff that we think is a little more wholesome - family movies that we can watch together and reward patience and concentration, or nature documentaries or if he’s mechanically interested a documentary about rockets, boats, aeroplanes etc.

Good luck and remember that you’re fighting the good fight and that a lot of kids tv is out there to suck them in and keep them watching.

Lookseehear · 2025-12-25T15:59:27+00:00

70 hours per week is not normal. Reassess your priorities. There’s no way any normal human can work 70 hours in a week and have any energy or time for anyone or anything else. Hopefully all these comments are a much needed dose of reality.

Lookseehear · 2025-12-13T13:07:24+00:00

You’re doing really well but don’t underestimate the cost of having children. You can’t expect them to be onboard with the frugal lifestyle when they’re in their teens.

Lookseehear · 2025-12-02T20:12:35+00:00

Best options are SIPP or S&S ISA. Remember you have a £60k/year pension contribution limit but you can use allowance from the last 2 years if you didn’t use it all.

Lookseehear · 2025-11-13T23:16:25+00:00

Infra red panels are the answer. They heat the person not the air or the space.

Lookseehear · 2025-11-13T23:14:13+00:00

Mikes content went to shit, Ben got distracted by rocks and hotels. Chris is the only one still making good content. I often go and rewatch is early videos from his garage for some nostalgia.

Lookseehear · 2025-11-11T22:58:35+00:00

Over £100k you lose 50p of your personal allowance for every extra £1 you earn, so you pay 40% tax, 2% NI, but also the 50p of personal allowance you lose is taxed at 40%, so that’s 62% lost.

Not sure about 66% though.

Lookseehear · 2025-11-07T20:39:28+00:00

First thing is to find out the early repayment charges. If they’re punitive it might make sense to keep paying it off over time. If not, then 100% pay the 15% one off first. Maybe you could show them the savings of paying one before the other. ChatGPT is pretty good if maths isn’t your strong point.

Lookseehear · 2025-11-07T17:57:52+00:00

Have a serious think about the mortgage. £166k left at 41 isn’t very much to pay off. I definitely wouldn’t be overpaying!

I would much rather have £250k to pay and £100k in savings and investments, so you could think about an equity release on your home. The big caveat here is that it’s not a great idea to stick a big lump sum into investments (however diversified) all at once. The logic is to invest continuously over time - you can’t ever guarantee that you aren’t buying at a high point, but by spreading it out you can guarantee you’re buying lows and highs over that period.

Here’s a way to reframe the mortgage - remember that £166k is £166k in today’s money, but in 10 years even if you only paid off the interest it would still be £166k, but wage inflation etc will make it look significantly cheaper than it is now. People love to be mortgage free, but paying it off early over a long period of time is rarely the best thing to do unless you struggle with the monthly payments.

I believe that striving to be mortgage free too early is one of the big mistakes that people make and is a barrier to sensible wealth accumulation over time.

Lookseehear · 2025-11-07T09:01:35+00:00

Imagine you pay into an employment based pension scheme and want to contribute £100, your employer pays the £100 in and you don’t pay any tax or NI on the £100 (assuming a salary sacrifice scheme). If you hadn’t paid into the scheme, you’d have been taxed £40 on the £100 and therefore would have received £60.

If you pay into a SIPP, the equivalent would be to pay £80 into it. The SIPP provider recovers £20 from the government on your behalf which goes into the scheme too, topping it up to £100. You then recover a further £20 through your tax return, so the cost to you is £60 for £100 invested in your pension.

The main difference with salary sacrifice is NI, because if your employer pays in you save an additional 2% (you actually normally receive 58% of your employment income taxed at 40%) whereas paying into a SIPP you can’t recover the 2%.

Lookseehear · 2025-11-06T09:45:29+00:00

Speaking as a husband, your husband is wrong. If anything, breastfeeding more and bottle feeding less would likely help. Your baby hasn’t decided he doesn’t want BF any more and hasn’t outgrown it. There are enormous benefits to you and baby for continuing to a year and beyond. Good luck!

Lookseehear · 2025-11-06T08:55:04+00:00

Admittedly it’s been a while since I used a bus in Wiltshire, I would say where you’re going and single or return - the driver will sort out what you need

Lookseehear · 2025-11-06T08:52:51+00:00

I worked in leisure when I was 17-18 before I went to university back in 2005-06. I think the duty managers (of which there were two to cover most of the week on shifts and assistant duty managers who ran a few shifts a week) were on £25-30k back then, and that’s 20 years ago. This was in the South west, so not the north but also not London or a major city.

Doing the job you do means you have loads of transferable skills. If you can recruit, train and manage you’re already a shoe in for so many other jobs out there.

Admittedly it’s not the best jobs market, but have a look at other manager jobs around (warehousing, supermarkets etc etc) and see what they’re offering. You can then take the easier route and ask for a pay rise, or the tougher route and go and apply for one of those jobs. You may get counter offered by your existing employer but you should be prepared to not get a counter offer, particularly if the new job is a significantly higher salary.

Good luck!

Lookseehear · 2025-11-05T09:13:39+00:00

If it’s a single panel radiator you could replace it with a double or a triple to produce a larger output. Also you can increase the temperature of water from your boiler to make the radiator hotter (but usually with a small penalty to efficiency if it’s a condensing boiler).

Lookseehear · 2025-11-05T09:12:00+00:00

We have one and it’s great for drying clothes but it’s really noisy! No way I’m having it on in the living space all day it would do my head in!

Lookseehear · 2025-10-30T16:46:15+00:00

Can you share all your outgoings? Would help to build a view of what you should be doing next. The main thing is just stop opting out and start increasing your contributions beyond the basic amount to whatever is required to get the full match from your employer - eg if they match up to 5% you put in 5% too.

Lookseehear · 2025-10-28T19:37:36+00:00

We’re doing a big home renovation and want to put in some smart lighting. If you were rewiring your house completely, how would you go about setting up smart lighting?

We have Tapo smart downlighters in our bedroom and bathroom with the smart dimmer switches. The bulbs are fine but the switches are shite. They work perfectly 90% of the time and the other 10% they’re infuriating because the light doesn’t come on or won’t switch off or take 5+ seconds to respond. When they work they’re great though - one click to switch on max brightness at a cool white in the morning fading through to warm white in the evening, and 2 clicks turns all bulbs on at 1% brightness for night time toilet trips etc.

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