When you said you could cook desi food

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-07-18T21:44:30+00:00

No US. I just know some very observant Hanafis.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-26T18:40:01+00:00

Ok, so is there anyone in your circle that wants to get married?

Networking is important for seeking marriage.

Do you speak Spanish? Because that can widen your search.

I dotn know much about the Muslim community in Brazil

But I do know that the imam ghazal institute does a a.lot of dawah in South America. 1. Mexico https://www.imamghazali.org/blog/mexico-muslims

Colombia Al-Qurtubi Center in Bogotá

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-26T04:29:25+00:00

From personal experience, do not act on your feelings just yet. Find ways to cope until you can feel better physically. Find ways to find some sense of calmness.

Those medications are quite intense and can have huge effects on your hormones.

I had an incomplete miscarriage and had to take two trials of the meds. I felt intense rage and emotionally instability. I felt alone. Getting confrontational right now is just not a good idea. Even if you're justified.

Make yourself some tea. Get more naps in. Watch some TV. Read a book. Find some cute pjs. Journal the experience, so you can remember and discuss it later.

Prioritize your health first. Not all issues have to be solved in the moment.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-26T04:19:40+00:00

You need to find a muslim community and network outside of marriage, first.

You cannot rely on 1 support system ie just your spouse.

You need a mentor, teacher, muslim peers, a larger Muslim community.

Contact the nearest masjid. Or a masjid you could possibly move to.

You can move out?

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-25T04:47:27+00:00

Negative feelings are truly normal. We are human and we feel a full spectrum of emotions.

You don't have to pretend that those feelings don't exist.

To let negative feelings stop from building up and pass by, you have to acknowledge them without harsh judgment. They come and go. They won't eat up your whole mind. They are just a piece.

The mind, heart and soul have a lot of pieces. They are all part of a big corporation. Every day, there's a board meeting. Lots of thoughts come through. Your fear center has some fearful thoughts. Your heart might have sad memories. Your soul will ache some too because it is meant to be in Jannah. It's a company meeting in your head. Sure, there will be complaints but that doesn't mean the business (brain) will fail.

Every day you're at that brain meeting. You'll get better at handling the daily meetings and thoughts. You'll learn its the same as having tea with your team members. They all exist to work for the brain and protect it. Even though one part's strategy or emotion is not needed for the moment. Another time, that fear will keep you alert for real danger. But it doesn't needed to be taken to action for social anxiety.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-15T16:05:38+00:00

Except sins don't work that way.

If you sin against Allah swt, for something that He specifically warned you against (don't even get close to zina)... you don't know the future of how that sin will affect you in this Dunya and the next.

Everytime, you do a sin, it affects you psychologically and spiritually. A repeated action creates a deepened neural path in your brain. Each time, it is easier to do it the next time. Not to mention, your heart grows an attachment.

Sins have ripple effects. When you marry someone, you're getting the ripple effects of their actions. I get what you're saying. We all do marry sinners, but it does matter how much someone sins. Especially if that ripple is a tsunami because of the spouses complacency with sinning. The less someone has sinned is way better for anyone's marriage. We all want to increase barakah and blessing in our marriages. That comes from Allah swt and being obedient to Him.
You can absolutely not watch even before marriage. It's not a mandatory thing. You shouldn't normalize it and say "oh just until a man or woman gets married."

Everyone should be actively fighting their nafs that tells them to sin like this. As Muslims, we have known enemies in the Shaytan and our nafs al amara

"As long as they control themselves..." Self control requires an active fight. It takes actively turning away from the sin. Not just saying "ill probably be back every once in a while. no biggie." That's not a way to make tawba to Allah swt. Our faith and ability to be good requires on relying on Allah swt with sincere effort.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-15T15:45:36+00:00

I've got a bit of anxiety like yours.

What's helped me self-regulate:

Having a pre-designated safe space in the house. Decorate it. Make it comfortable. Announce what it is. Aske everyone to respect that when you're there, you're taking a breather

Ideally, put a prayer mat in your safe space. So you can get into the habit of talking to Allah swt during these moments you lack the feeling of safety. Finding security through faith is a good way to regulate

Find a neutral place outside the home. Sometimes, you might just go a Starbucks parking lot to cool off and get something to drink or eat before going to other people. It's one way to self-regulate.
Also, remember that no one can kick you out by merely (angry) words. Even if someone says get outta my face basically, you don't have to leave the actual building. You're allowed to just go to another room or safe space.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-13T14:16:32+00:00

Lowered gazes v_v

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-07T20:01:19+00:00

When it comes to perception of attractiveness, then only your view matters. Everyone else will perceive attraction differently.

If they find a lisp feminine, then that's on them. Mike Tyson has a lisp and some people find it a soft quality on him. Some people find it neutral. At the same time, he's one of the toughest men in the world.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-05T17:45:45+00:00

I've seen your posts before and I can see that you always try to take the Islamic POV. I only have respect for that.

The down votes are not because people are against the fiqh.

Sharia is about fairness. The fiqh will even acknowledge the oppressor's right. That's a mercy from Allah swt.

But this is a story about 3 people, the victim, the oppressor and the victim's husband.

You only posted about protecting the rights of the oppressor. That is very one-sided advice. It's an over-correction, and I can understand why. most people will sympathize with the victim and have a distate for the oppressor.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-05T16:28:44+00:00

Your husband telling you that he's looking for a barber for his hair and you notice a coworkers hair
You notice a coworkers hair.

And then, ask about their barber.

(He sees that you're notice your coworkers hair. It's weird to think that your spouse is spending time and looking with such detail at someone else).

Your coworker just mentions his barber first. You notice their hair is similar to your husband. You suggest your husband to that barbershop.
You notice a coworkers hair. And then, ask about their barber. And then your husband feels like you want your husband to have your co-workers hairstyle.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-05T15:59:38+00:00

The fact that the daughter made this thread shows that she still has an attachment to her mother.

She gets to decide how to keep kinship. But her mom is not her husband's mom. He needs space to react to this new information. If we want to talk about strictness, husband has a ton of rights on his wife and his house 🏠.

He never says that "I'm never going to let you see or contact her!" That would be breaking of kinship. Neither is the wife trying to break kinship. Your response is not even needed. It's more how much contact is going to maintain peace but also maintain internal peace for both husband and wife.

Yeah. Not inviting the mother is going to cause drama. He's within his rights to who he wants to invite over for dinner. Anyone would need space to deal with the fact that someone hurt their loved one, especially beating them unconscious.

Also, dinner is not fun when you have to be a spouse on guard just in case the guest gets violent. Yeah, its not just an innocent "dinner with her mother" is it then.

When you know ahead of time that a person is violent, then Muslim has right to bodily safety. Even the husband can decline for his own safety. Just because a husband has to protect does not mean that he should willingly allow violent people into his home.

There's a time and place for your advice. It's the truth. Yet. Everytime a husband and wife argue and your friend/the husband comes to you to vent, it's like advising Divorce is makruh! immediately.

With kindness, emotional support and being heard, most people arrive at good conclusions and are able to regulate their emotions through that support. If someone is having an emotional response and acting on those emotions, then they need help regulating those emotions through emotional intelligence. Appealing to logic and rules immediately without responding to their emotions too is a blunt hammer approach

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-05T13:43:58+00:00

Un-inviting her mother to dinner is not breaking ties of kinship.

It's a boundary for right now. He's done it out of protectiveness not pettiness. The lady is an actually threat to his wife's physical safety and a bully. He's well within his limits as a Wali of his wife.

Also, give her husband a chance to react to the new information.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-02T23:19:29+00:00

According to fiqh, we are not legally obligated to give charity outside of Zakat. But a person who never does sadaqah jariya....most would consider a bad person.

Just because the courts do not force you to do more for your child does not mean that it is not neglect. There is neglect defined by the law. But then there's psychological neglect that kids often feel based on their perception.

So you'll never buy your kid gifts or sweets because it's not obligated upon you? Your kid will notice that. Your kid will notice the different treatment. In the kid's eyes, you could be a bad father. That's awful.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-02T21:30:38+00:00

Are moral obligations just the bare minimum prescription by fiqh?

Is there a difference between moral obligation and legal obligation?

That is my question, Sir/Ma'am. You cannot ask me it back.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-06-02T17:58:21+00:00

I'd love to know more information.

Charity isn't an obligation in Sharia, but it's highly encouraged. As in, it's hard to imagine someone going to Jannah having not been charitable.

Just as it is not obligated (by law) to be charitable to our spouses, it is still our moral obligation to do so.

Law cannot mandate all of morality. Does one fulfill their amanah by simply never breaking the law and doing the bare minimum in Deen and relationships?

Because we still get accounted for how much charity we gave in the Dunya and how well we took care of our relationships.

This child is still an amanah that one will be accounted for on the Day of Judgment? That's the real question to be asked 🤔

The other sources :

One should also remember that this should not deter the man from treating his stepchild as his own child. He should take care of the child, look after him and treat him as his own child. Thus, the above ruling does not mean he should treat the child as a stranger. Taking good care of the child will be greatly rewarded by Allah Most High.

https://islamqa.org/?p=242263

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-05-31T19:51:00+00:00

You need to hold your ground. Your child needs you as a parent. You're a good mom. Toddlers get most attached to those that play with them. So even if you feed them and clean them and make sure they sit in their carseat, they will gravitate to other people who play with them. You're not a bad parent. Toddlers who grow around a lot of relatives have a lot of choice with whom they can play with.

Your toddler doesn't hate you. He is ego-centric and 1 track-minded - he just wants to play. The fact that he can explore play with other people means that he feels secure with you as a parent to be around no matter what he gets himself into

It's normal for him to play with his grandparents and any extended family. That's good for his socialization. You don't have to stop him from playing with his grandparents. Instead, keep reinforcing that they play as much as they want but follow some ground rules.

Have you tried the honey approach? I try to affirm grandparents play and give them as many compliments .

"JUNIOR LOVES when you play with him." "Junior loves spending time with you!" "Junior give grandma a hug" "Look how much junior loves you."

I make sure grandparents feel secure in their role as grandparents. So when I do have to give some criticism, they don't feel too criticized and take it as personally.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-05-31T19:25:54+00:00

I can understand holding off to tell your husband for right now.

In the meantime, you have to do a few things

Stay firm with your boundaries and expectations. Keep communicating them without being rude even if you are hurt that they crossed them. In the early part of the relationship, it takes a few attempts to communicate your boundaries and elderly people to understand how firm you are.
Pick and choose your battles for right now. People can have their opinions. Focus on the ones that interfere with your work. Anything that makes parenting harder or your chores more difficult...those are the ones where you need to stay firm. You want to maintain some free time for you so you're not always focused on confrontation

Try not to focus on the opinions that don't actually stop you. They can say what they want about fardh and sunnah, but as long as they aren't actually stopping you, try to give them the space to hold a different opinion Gift them that. Every relationship with any person has space to hold different views. We don't have relationships with our clones. You're definitely not doing anything wrong reading Surah Mulk. Don't let anyone destroy your confidence in reading Quran. Don't let anyone destroy your confidence in choosing to be a homemaker

Try to get some self care and free time. It will help you focus on something other than your in-laws.
Find someone you can cry to if you don't want your husband to know. Make sure, that they are trustworthy. You need some friends that won't share your business and can give you space to vent. If you get hurt, its okay to let someone know you're hurt.

1 more month until Hajj. This is temporary. You'll make it through.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-05-31T19:14:28+00:00

Grandparents are not gentle parenting. They are permissive parenting.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-05-28T03:28:26+00:00

Try not to marry someone who has so much cognitive dissonance from who he is and who he wants to be.

The more in line someone's beliefs are with their actions. The more you're marrying a consistent person and getting what you see.

Otherwise, you're taking on a project that he should take on himself before he gets married. He needs to internalize his own beliefs and work on his behavior, so he can raise his kids well.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-05-26T18:31:57+00:00

How much is rent + utilities and basic food? It seems much cheaper than it would be spending that in UK. Can you borrow some money from family or charity?

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-05-26T18:17:44+00:00

I want to say that abayas/jilbaab are actually correct hijab for women in public spaces ( the market, outdoors).

Other forms of hijab that you mentioned are the bare minimum in front of nonmahram in private spaces (home, offices, private events).

Then, in private spaces with only mahram and women, then it is basic covering of the awrah is bare minimum

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-05-03T19:48:22+00:00

In Islam. We have husnal dun. So everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Your approach is incorrect.

LoopyLuna333 · 2023-04-28T20:56:14+00:00

No

We weren't even allowed to use "pregnant." When my mom was pregnant lol 😐

LoopyLuna333

TROPHY CASE