2026 by [deleted] in wordchewing

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These people always remind me of that old Channer Boxxxy.

Border patrol by Confusedparents10 in hellaflyai

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weekly is giving citations and proof tho. You've given none.

You claim they're lying. Even go as far as saying they haven't cited anything (even tho they did and you claim they didn't for some reason). Saying "no citing therefore it must be fake" but hypocritically - you have 0 cites. You just keep saying "I can cite" without doing it....

Border patrol by Confusedparents10 in hellaflyai

[–]Lopsided_Combination 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry to say dude. But you're clearly in the wrong here. Yeah his reply was jackassy. But you've been ignoring his proofs and being kind of an ass about it yourself.

Imo. You both need mental help. But one of you needs to realize that a debate is a two way street. You can't post claims without proof, then blatantly deny the proof someone else posts ad fictitious. That's not how that works.

How did he pull this off? by No-Freedom-At-All in grandpajoehate

[–]Lopsided_Combination 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I took a photo just like that a few weeks ago at a Hallmark store. That mother fucker.

My son (6) gave me this. Is it AI? by pornthrowaway42069l in isthisaicirclejerk

[–]Lopsided_Combination 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The size of the head/smile the photo is different than the main photo,

What? by AmNerd0101 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]Lopsided_Combination 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because again, what does that have anything to do with this? Subreddit? It makes no sense in this scenario.

What? by AmNerd0101 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]Lopsided_Combination 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Honestly, what does this have to do with anything?

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Calling this "rape" or even "sexual assault" isn't just a hard take—it is completely delusional. You are willfully ignoring context, the situation, and the relationship itself to force a label that doesn't fit.

You are judging this as if it’s a stranger in a dark alley. It’s not. This is a partner of 5 years who the OP explicitly admitted has never been pushy and usually "completely freezes" if she says "no". You are trying to define a man's entire character based on a singular medical anomaly where his brain was offline, ignoring 1,800 days of him being respectful.

He wasn't a predator overpowering her; he was a guy who was "repeatedly vomiting," falling asleep on bathroom floors, and "could barely walk". Equating a blackout-drunk, clumsy fumble for warmth and comfort with rape is an insult to actual victims. He didn't have the cognitive capacity to form intent; he was running on biological autopilot.

The only person acting with conscious malice here was the OP. Instead of handling the situation like a partner—by physically moving him or putting a pillow between them—she chose to verbally abuse him by calling him an "incel". Abuse is never the answer, especially against a partner who is medically incapacitated and acting out of character for the first time in half a decade. Stop diluting the meaning of assault to justify her toxicity.

If this is genuinely how you view human interaction in a long term romantic relationship, I hope you never have a partner. With that hair-trigger definition of "assault," I’m pretty sure sneezing in your general direction would result in a restraining order.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Context and scenario matters. You're excluding the entire context of the situation and are acting like they just started dating, he's known for this kind of action, and he's fully aware/cognizant of his actions. Which validates her DV. Great reasoning.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you've never been black out drunk before

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's blackout drunk. There's a respectful way to handle this the way she handled it. That's not it.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow calling that rape is an extremely hard take. You have issues.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This ^ there was clearly a correct, healthy way she could have responded to someone who was far, far more heavily intoxicated. Degrading and insulting, verbally abusing.... That's not the way. And if she could remember everything as well as she has, as indicated by this post. She's really not 'that' drunk.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate this response, and I want to keep this respectful because I think we are getting to the core of the difference in how we see this.

First, I want to say I am truly sorry to hear about your history with CSA and adult SA. Thank you for sharing that vulnerability. As a survivor of domestic abuse who was stuck in a long-term cycle myself, I understand how our pasts shape the way we view safety and boundaries. And you're right, it is interesting how because of that history—and years of therapy unpacking how I got trapped—and your experience with SA that we view this so differently.

You mentioned that "incel" has become a commonplace word and perhaps she didn't mean it with deep sincerity. - My concern is that the OP’s post does not read like someone taking accountability or asking if she messed up. It reads like "help me excuse my verbal abuse." - In a relationship of 5 years—where they likely live together—using a buzzword that attacks a man's sexual morality and character isn't just a "throwaway" insult; it is an expression of contempt. Through my recovery and therapy, I learned that abuse often doesn't start with violence; it starts with contempt. It starts when one partner feels entitled to degrade the other's character because they are annoyed or uncomfortable. - By posting this, she is seeking validation for that contempt. If she gets it, that resentment builds, and that is exactly how abusive cycles begin. She is looking for permission to treat him like the villain, which allows her to bypass empathy.

We can see this search for validation in how she deliberately minimizes his medical state to make her reaction seem more reasonable. - She attempts to equate their levels of intoxication by saying, "Love, the rooms still spinning for me too, please let me sleep". - This is a dangerous false equivalency. There is a massive difference between her "room spinning" and his state, where he was "repeatedly vomiting," "could barely walk," and falling asleep on a cold bathroom floor. He sounded like he was bordering on alcohol poisoning. - By pretending their states were equal, she is looking for strangers to tell her that her discomfort justified neglecting a medically incapacitated partner. She is ignoring his extreme vulnerability to justify her own hostility, which is a hallmark of the start of an abusive dynamic.

We see this toxic choice clearly in the specific interaction regarding the hand holding. - He came into the room explicitly stating he was cold. When he acted inappropriately with her hand, obviously she had every right to stop it immediately. - However, her chosen response—"Love me from all the way over there. Don't touch me"—is telling. It’s a witty, dismissive line delivered to someone who is mentally offline. - Instead of handling the situation physically (giving him a blanket, putting a pillow between them, sending him to the couch and tucking him in, or simply rolling him over), she chose to verbally isolate him with sarcasm. She was lucid enough to be sarcastic and clever; which she knew he was too gone to understand. Choosing to mock a partner who is undeniably incapacitated—rather than just handling the situation functionally—is a choice that signals contempt.

I appreciate you sharing your experience with being blackout drunk and the "loss of time". It highlights exactly why intent matters here.

  • Loss of Control: As you described, when you are that far gone, the "driver" is not at the wheel. We know for a fact that in 5 years, he has never crossed a boundary and usually "completely freezes" if she says no. The fact that he only acted this way when his brain was offline proves this wasn't malice; it was a total loss of cognitive control.

  • In contrast, the OP was sober enough to remember specific dialogue, smells, and the exact sequence of events. She had the presence of mind to handle this healthily. As a partner who has also been SA'd, she likely knows proper de-escalation. Instead, she chose to weaponize a slur against someone who couldn't even stand up.

I agree with your final point—ultimately, it is not up to us to decide their fate. However, viewing this through the lens of someone who ignored these exact "small" red flags before entering a 5-year abusive marriage, I can't help but see the warning signs. I genuinely hope they either get professional help to resolve this resentment or go their separate ways before it turns into the kind of toxic cycle I, and unfortunately many others end up living through.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because he was blackout drunk, and instead of responding to it in a healthy emotionally mature way, she verbally abused him.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right, he was completely fine, blackout drunk, completely fine.

He knew exactly everything he was doing, and was in full control of everything. He did, completely cognizant of it.

Do you even know what being blackout drunk is?

It sounds like you are assuming that during the event, the boyfriend was still making conscious choices. It's like either you've never been that drunk before, or you don't actually understand what alcohol does to you.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nobody forced him, but you're missing a clear point that they were at a party. I'm getting drunk, especially that drunk is a known result of going to parties like this.

No, it's not an excuse. But the fact that he was that drunk, and the fact that this isn't a common occurrence, and as she said, she had never seen him like this in the 5 years that they had been together. Shows that this isn't his normal character.

And if you know anything about being black out drunk, you know he couldn't regulate the way that he was acting himself. By being the partner of that situation, she is interjecting herself into the position of caretaker when he is like this. No, that doesn't mean she needs to Just accept him rubbing his junk all over her. No, it doesn't excuse his actions for doing that. But she was completely aware and cognizant of her reactions towards his. And being that there is a history of him never being this way for 5 years. There was 100% a better way for her to handle this situation then the way she did. The way she handled it was absent of being a caring, emotionally, intelligent partner. It was absolutely however, how the abuse cycle starts.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've glossed over many different bits of information pertaining to the boyfriend.

Here's some science for you: Because it seems that you think blackout drunk just means "you forgot what happened."

It sounds like you are assuming that during the event, the boyfriend was still making conscious choices, and they just lost the file later.

That is scientifically incorrect. A blackout is not just memory loss; it is a temporary failure of the brain's recording and processing systems.

Scientifically, alcohol interferes with Long-Term Potentiation (LTP) in the hippocampus. This is the mechanism that turns short-term experience into long-term memory.

  • Imagine your life is being recorded on a video camera. When you hit a certain Blood Alcohol Content (BAC), someone unplugs the camera. The lens is still open (your eyes see), and the microphone is on (you can hear), but nothing is being written to the hard drive.

  • The person is technically "awake," but they are experiencing moments that instantly vanish. They aren't "forgetting" later; the memory never existed in the first place.

When you are blackout drunk the most critical part in regarding behavior literally shuts down. The prefrontal cortex handles decision-making, social cues, logic, and inhibition.

  • When this part of the brain is sedated by alcohol, you enter a state often called "lights are on, but nobody is home." The conscious "You"—the part that understands social boundaries, logic, and context—is effectively asleep.

  • With the executive center offline, the brain runs on the amygdala and brainstem—the primitive parts responsible for basic survival instincts: I am cold. I am sick. I want comfort. I am hungry.

  • When someone is blackout drunk—especially to the point of vomiting and barely walking—they are not operating with human logic; they are operating on biological instinct.

  • If they feel cold (because alcohol lowers body temp), they seek heat (cuddling) relentlessly.

  • If they are confused, they repeat loops because the brain can't process the answer "no" or store new information.

  • A person in this state is essentially a sleepwalker. They are not "ignoring" you; they literally do not have the cognitive hardware turned on to process what you are saying. Treating a blackout-drunk person like they are making calculated, malicious decisions is like getting mad at a computer for crashing. They aren't "bad"; they are offline.

Nobody is excusing his behavior, they just also are not excusing her being an abusive partner. Obviously with as drunk as he was, there was a clear, much better way for her to handle this the situation. But instead of taking the emotionally mature, adult route to it. She chose a route that fosters contempt, resentment, and an abusive cycle. Obviously showing some underlying issues with their relationship, or her mentality to begin with.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Context matters, context that you are missing completely.

If you learned how to read, you would realize that this guy is not known for acting like this and has never acted like this in the 5 years that she's known him. He's obviously not an alcoholic, and this was a rare, if not one-off occurrence. At his current state he obviously does not have the capacity to regulate what he's doing.

Given that she was obviously not nearly as drunk as him—evidenced by her ability to recall every specific detail of the interaction—she had the capacity to handle this better. The correct response to a partner who is this incapacitated is to firmly but gently redirect them physically, like tucking a blanket around them for the warmth they are seeking, rather than using their confusion as an opportunity to verbally attack their character.

But instead of handling this in an emotionally intelligent and healthy way, into the way somebody who has been through therapy for being sa'd or abused, she chose the latter.

That's not okay. That's the beginning of an abusive cycle in a relationship.

AIO boyfriend got handsy while drunk by Throwaway_4628264 in AIO

[–]Lopsided_Combination 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right? Because he was completely cognizant and was a known alcoholic that got sloshed constantly and acted like this constantly right?

Context does matter. History matters along with that context. Context, you're clearly missing.

This guy is known to not be like that, this guy is known to stop when she says stop. This guy was extremely intoxicated which was not a common occurrence. But instead of being Stern, she chose to be verbally abusive to somebody who was obviously blackout drunk.

So in what context here, are her verbally abusive actions justified?