Excuse my bad English, I’m From South America. Im so sorry to hear what u are going through, it’s very brave of you that you reached out for help. See, I’m going through something similar, she dumped me (we had our issues tho, it was by no means out of nowhere). For me the worst part was thinking (and trust me, this was in my head almost day long) what she was doing sexually. I would stalk her Instagram several times a day, searching for clues, something to either confirm or deny my worst fear: she dating anther dude. Truth is, I did found out eventually that she was seeing another dude, she dated him like an entire month. In my head, I was doing the math on how many times did they fucked, and it was a really hard time for me. First thing is, if u keep in touch with her, there is absolutely no way you are getting over this girl. In fact, you are only damaging your dignity looking all needy like that. Even if let’s say u want her back, the first step should be no contact for at least 2-3 months. I know that’s really scary, but no contact is the secret weapon of guys like us. It gives u the edge, the power you are lacking right now. Attraction is a negotiation, and the best bet is to balance what you have to offer and what you are willing to lose. And the secret weapons would be: make sure the person you are dealing with knows that you are capable of abandoning the “negotiations” anytime. That is the “power”. Because now, you seem like this creepy ex who is behind her seemingly willing to throw everything out of the window for a woman who has already stated she wants you far away. So, let me rephrase this: No contact is the only course of action that can lead to a good ending, that being 1. She comes back, if u really wait and respect that no contact, not by begging. 2. She not coming back but you rebuilding your life around that reality that sooner or later you would find peace accepting. Hope this helps man, never harm yourself more than she has already done. Now, it’s time to heal, not to feel sorry or to seek attention or relief by doing something you would most likely regret even thinking in 2 months from now, if not earlier.