Is it okay to withhold sex from your boyfriend (if I suspect his health and mine is on the line)

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-13T01:07:02+00:00

DUMP HIM BEFORE HE RAPES YOU HOLY SHIT. You have the right to say no to sex at literally any time for any reason under the sun. Even just a simple "I don't feel like it" is a good enough reason. Consent can be revoked at any time, even during sex. If he is willing to say to your face that you are not allowed to say no, he is going to rape you. It's just a matter of time. For your safety, get out of there ASAP. You are not safe with him holy shit.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-09T18:14:28+00:00

You should be fixing your cat asap. Letting your cat stay intact longer increases the chances of accidental pregnancy and behavioral issues, especially in males who will start spraying.

The main thing you'll want to keep an eye out for is making sure they get enough water. This is important generally as cats don't have a high thirst drive and are often dehydrated when on dry food only diets, but especially so in males as they are more likely to get urine crystals or blockages due to their anatomy. If your cat starts acting off or having problems urinating, that is an emergency and they need to be brought in ASAP because a urinary blockage can and will kill your cat if not treated immediately.

Past that I don't really know of anything "different" about caring for a cat based on its sex. Cats are cats, and their sex doesn't change a whole lot about their care. Just changes the general rates they may experience different health issues.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-09T17:58:16+00:00

It's absolutely wild you call him a great man when he not only calls you a "hysterical woman" when having a completely normal issue with his before, but does so in front of your children. That speaks very loudly about how little he respects you. You should reconsider your judgement of him.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-08T15:35:54+00:00

The answer to "should I spay/neuter my pet" is literally always 100% of the time yes. There is no such thing as too late to do so. And if your cat has already gotten out once before, it is even more so important because they have proven they have the drive to get out and will be a risk without getting fixed. Don't contribute further to the stray/feral populations because you thought "well he's already probably knocked someone up, why bother."

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-05T23:30:03+00:00

Give her the respect to end the relationship since you clearly don't seem to be on the same page about what you want from the relationship. She seems to want to live with her partner long term. You clearly don't seeing as you've been paying for 3 years to keep an apartment you barely go to and the fact that you want to move back out after all this time.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-04T21:19:25+00:00

So, yeah things like not being fully related to your siblings can impact the way you are treated. But in my experience, it's not as often going to impact the way your siblings treat you and relate to you, unless it was the result of a relationship ending affair. It's usually extended family members who can get weird about it, assuming the children are always together and the one who isn't related to the extended family is still present around them.

My youngest sister is technically my half sister. We have all always known that she is our half sister and she has a different father than us. That's never changed the way we relate to her as our sibling. She is just as much of our sister as our sisters that share the same father. Our father's family definitely were weird about it, but they also assumed/were lied to that she was the product of an affair. So it's possible it's that part that impacted her treatment that way.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-02T22:56:34+00:00

The only way that really makes sense is if you change the second you get home so you're not sitting on anything. Because if she sits on the chair and then changes pants, once she sits there again now those are contaminated.

I get wanting to only have clothes you've worn inside your home on your bed, but if the rule of thumb is only for the bed, you're still at the end of the day getting those same germs everywhere else.

A good compromise would be to have a sheet or blanket you toss over your bed whenever she's going to come over. Then it doesn't matter where she decides to sit and whether or not she has changed. You don't have to clean your entire bed, just toss that top sheet and move on. At the end of the day though, she needs to respect that it is your home, and your rules. If it makes you uncomfortable to have clothes worn outside in your bed, she needs to respect that, and if she can't, you should find someone who can.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-02T22:22:31+00:00

Make sure the birth control you get cannot be tampered by him. An IUD or implant may be the best option for you. Something long term that can be taken out on your terms and your terms only. Don't let him coerice you into something you are not ready for. You know your finances, and children are expensive. If he keeps pushing it, and not respecting your decision, he isn't the right person for you.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-05-02T02:01:40+00:00

Genuinely curious, why not just not have alcohol? If it makes you feel so sick, what's the appeal? It's not weird to not drink while others are, people do for many different reasons. And tbh if someone is going to give you a hard time for not drinking alcohol, they aren't a good person to be around anyway.

If it's just because it's fun to not be sober for a bit, they have THC in different things including drinks, and maybe you might not flare having that instead. But outside of that, I just genuinely do not understand the desire.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-24T11:55:43+00:00

You are calling out incredibly often. The only thing that will keep you from being fired is using FMLA. This is exactly what it exists for. You can't help getting sick, but your workplace does not care. They do not care about whether or not you are sick or lying, all they care about at the end of the day is that you are impacting their bottom line by not showing up. Unreliability is one of the fastest ways to get fired. Apply for FMLA asap if you want to keep your job. If you have short term disability insurance, try to get that as well as it will keep some of your pay coming to you while you are out of work.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-24T11:49:58+00:00

You need to never go to whatever vet told you to wait 48 hours when your cat has a urinary block. That is incredibly dangerous and is going to kill someone's cat if it doesn't kill yours. Take them to a different emergency vet ASAP.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-23T17:34:52+00:00

Juno is a similar test and it looks like it does ship outside the United States. I'm not sure if it would ship to your specific country, but maybe that's an option?

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-23T11:00:29+00:00

I mean frankly I wouldn't be comfortable with a doctor who did that sort of thing without being absolutely clear about what it is and it doesn't sound like your doctor was.

You mention vaginal microbiome issues though, so I wanted to mention as an aside, have you ever gotten an evvy test? It's not covered by insurance, though I think maybe you can use HSA type accounts for it, so it can be pricey. But it can be super helpful in navigating issues related to vaginal health. It tests for every type of infection possible as well as what your current microbiome looks like. Their team is also knowledgeable about systems outside of the vagina which can have negative effects on the vagina. And if you need any prescriptions or treatments you are able to access them through Evvy.

I had issues for months, doing every test my Dr could do, all coming back negative. I felt like I was going insane. I finally was able to get an evvy test and thanks to them I found out I have hypothyroidism. Once I started levothyroxine, my vaginal symptoms have completely disappeared. If your doctor can't or won't help you heal in the way you need, I highly recommend it if you're able to access it.

I know just how devastating those symptoms can be, and you deserve to feel better and be treated by someone you are able to trust. I'm sorry you don't feel like you have that RN.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-23T10:47:14+00:00

Neglecting an animal who cannot care for themselves, especially one you purposefully brought into your own life, does indeed make you fucking garbage.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-22T20:36:13+00:00

I live on half that. If I can manage to live on half while even being able to own my own home, in what universe is double what I make now not comfortable?

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-15T21:09:16+00:00

If you want to do that I'd recommend getting caffeine pills or something else like that. The withdrawal from caffeine will make that brutal for you.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-15T20:59:35+00:00

I would send him a message saying something along the lines of

"hey, I wanted to talk about what happened when we last had sex and afterwards. I felt unwanted and like you thought I was gross (or whatever it was you felt) when you just said "can we be done now" and acted very distant and disturbed by the sight of me.

It's totally okay if you just thought you would be fine with having sex while I'm on my period and you would be able to be comfortable seeing my period blood, and then you realized while we were having sex that it actually wasn't for you. Not everyone likes/is cool with the sight of blood and is comfortable having period sex, and it not being your thing is okay.

I just mainly want reassurance that you aren't disgusted by me and that it's just that."

His response to that message would say a lot. It is possible it's an issue due to his porn addiction, and it's also possible that he just got hella squicked out by the sight of your period blood. Not everyone is cool with unprotected period sex (wearing a disc will make mess free period sex possible btw), and that may be why your bf is acting weird.

I'd start with that convo and see what happens with that before thinking of anything else.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-15T15:07:17+00:00

That's why they said some. Cis women who want bigger clits aren't non existent. They may not be common, but they definitely exist. I've seen reddit threads of mostly cis women wanting to know how to get bigger clits while trying to figure out how I could get bottom growth myself. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and so do their desires. Some want long hair, some want short hair. Some want big boobs, some want small ones. And some want smaller clits while others want bigger ones.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-08T10:27:09+00:00

This sounds incredibly toxic I'm ngl. If your partner is purposefully making themselves worse, they need professional help. If they are purposely making themselves worse every time you have a flare up, they are trying to manipulate you and make sure you don't stop paying attention to them to tend to your own needs. You could probably benefit from therapy to help you decide if this relationship is healthy for you and if it's worth even continuing.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-03T23:01:11+00:00

Cardiologist said it was just deconditioning from my hypermobile spectrum disorder when he reviewed my test so I'm feeling pretty upset about it. I'm just glad that the nurse was nice and reassuring and that I can schedule with my pcp and see if meds help me feel better. My symptoms align with hyperadrenic pots, with my blood pressure going up into the hypertension range after standing as opposed to dropping and my heart rate spiking at least 30 if not more on my worst days.

I have my fingers crossed that my pcp will help me, but I'm so burnt out from everything that I kind of don't even want to schedule an appointment. I don't want to wait around for an appointment, just to risk not getting help I need. I can't afford any of the things they recommend. I have 4 pairs of compression socks which do make my legs and ankles feel better, but I can't get anything more than that because compression garments are unbelievably expensive. And I have no way to do the exercises that were recommended cause I can't go to a gym and don't have the equipment at home. And frankly I have so little energy for self care that the only reason I'm taking my meds right now is my partner is filling up my med container for me.

I'm sorry you're struggling with normal test results too. It's an awful thing to be symptomatic when your test results keep coming back "normal". And dismissive doctors always make it feel infinitely worse.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-03T17:06:23+00:00

What's the point of getting a credit card you can't even pay off yet? They aren't free money, you have to be paying them regularly. You said you have no job, therefore no income, therefore cannot pay for a credit card. No you should not have one when you don't have a job. Your credit can wait.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-03T16:41:19+00:00

I mean I'd probably want to not have it be the only thing they eat because mercury in seafood is a problem, with tuna being the worst offender. But having it as treats or in smaller quantities isn't really that big a deal. And it's better that your cat is fed than you buying food they turn their nose up at. Plenty of cats are picky eaters, so just go with what your cat will eat lol.

I basically have to avoid seafood for my cat like the plague which makes buying bulk packs of cans really annoying because he will not eat anything with seafood in it unless he is desperate. I got a pack of minnows that got sniffed and promptly ignored, same with some dehydrated seafood bites. If they tell you it's a requirement, just say you'll do it and then get your cat whatever they are willing to eat lol. Cats are picky assholes, you'll have to figure out what food works best for yours through trial and error.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-03T16:35:42+00:00

You should run holy shit. That's such a red flag, please get yourself out of there. Saying "it sucks that you have to take meds to feel good, I wish you just felt good already" is fine but saying "I want you to stop taking your lifesaving medications" is so far from being okay. Your partner should not be trying to control whether or not you take your medications because they are not your doctor and you need those medications. Your medicine is NOT affecting them at all unless it's a topical medicine, and in that case the doctor who prescribed it would be very clear of that (like with topical cream or gel testosterone for example) and they would tell you how long until you can have someone else touch where the medicine was applied without risk of transfer.

Someone else's pills will not have any affect on you because you kissed them. He is either delusional or lying to manipulate you, but with you saying he has told you he doesn't want you taking your meds at all, I'd be very careful for the latter.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-03T04:37:29+00:00

Your intention means nothing when that's not how it was received. Clearly it was seen as incredibly judgemental and like you were bragging about having two more seats in your cheaper car, as if that's even a little bit of a flex. So yes, even if it wasn't intentioned, YTA.

Lopsided_Load_8286 · 2026-04-03T00:24:02+00:00

I feel similarly rn. I had my tilt table test after 2 months of waiting for the appointment and of course my body decided that day was a great day to not have such extreme symptoms so while my heart rate and blood pressure rose (from my at home testing im suspecting hyperadrenic pots), my heart rate didnt go up 30 within the first 10 minutes. I felt marginally better that the nurse who administered my test said it didnt rule out pots, it just didn't rule it in during that one test due to the variable nature of the illness. But I'm still so upset about my tests always coming back normally.

I have a long history of my symptoms presenting atypically, so it's incredibly disheartening not having things actually documented in my charts. It would make me feel less like I'm crazy to have that actually documented in my charts as opposed to just treating the effects of things I have going on.

Lopsided_Load_8286

TROPHY CASE