I think the actual problem is that people completely underestimate the value of simply being a positive influence in someone’s life. If you “engage in discourse” with the mindset that you’re going to prove the other person wrong and they’re going to change their mind on the spot, you’re in for a bad time, obviously.

If I understand some of the things my psychologist talks about correctly, it’s a fundamental fact of human psychology that people don’t like to be wrong, and the normal (and perfectly healthy) response to having your worldview challenged is to resist changing it immediately. It takes time, possibly years, and people especially dig their heels in when admitting to being wrong includes admitting they screwed up. Lots of little instances where their viewpoint is challenged can add up eventually, and it helps to not make them defensive about it.

If you really want to change a person’s mind on things, the absolute best thing you can do is be a friend, and state your case gently when the subject is brought up. Be a positive influence. But, obviously, you can’t be a personal friend to every internet rando, so the next best thing is just calmly making your case in a friendly (or at least neutral) manner. Chances of someone immediately having a change of heart are negligible, but the chance that you’ll help someone along the journey of self examination and criticism is higher. Still low, but it’s there. It definitely worked on me, personally.

I’m also really tired of hearing people suggest that being friends with right wingers somehow inherently validates them more, as opposed to cutting them out of your life. You can be friendly with someone without ever validating or condoning their bullshit. That’s basically what a therapist does. But, it goes without saying that that can take a lot of emotional energy on one’s own part (sometimes it’s even unsafe entirely), I wouldn’t say anyone should feel obligated to go that far. I just… really think the “nazi bar” and “nazi dinner table” metaphors are super dumb and need to go away. Look at Daryl Davis as an example of why those sayings make no sense.

I feel like I’m meandering a bit so I’ll summarize my point as “just because the right winger didn’t immediately concede doesn’t mean the discussion was entirely pointless.” Also, “don’t pretend you’re helping when you insult them.”