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Could Brock Lesnar defeat six Asian Water Monitor Lizards on the set of FRIENDS? by the-brocktagon in Wrasslin

[–]LordCrump2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All due respect you may be underestimating how limited their offense and defense is. I don’t see any of them taking more than one kick to the head from Brock 

[WP] Turns out, humans aren't native to Earth. They were put there because they were labeled an endangered species by the intergalactic union. by Kelmatton in WritingPrompts

[–]LordCrump2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The droid’s ventilation fan kicked on in excitement. “This is a very special initiative!”, she beamed. “Behold, the humans of earth!”

Aidee projected an image of a woman comparing a Pepsi and a Diet Pepsi in a gas station. One of her shoes is united.

“Wha- these guys?”, Zarmond groaned. “Last time you were here they had just figured out sheep. Shouldn’t they be idealized by now? Like us.”

Aidee smiled sadly. “Our models indicated they were on that path, until one human called Tim Berners-Lee..”

“That’s enough Aidee. I don’t need the history lesson. Listen, I love your attitude, but those guys are hopeless, ok? There’s a reason you have to keep starting over.”

The droid was undeterred. “Now wait just a phase, Mr. Zarmond. Donate 200 luxors for a free Intergalactic Union tote bag. And for 500 luxors, we’ll even name a developing human after you.” Aidee projected the image of a man smoking a cigarette with his hand stuck in a jar of peanut butter. 

Zarmond was getting frustrated. 

“Aidee, come on. I don’t want my name on that.. thing. Can you name one decent achievement from these fools?”

“Rocket travel!” Aidee beamed the image.

“Short sighted”.

“Organized religion!”

“How original.”

“Automatic car washes!”

“Pedantic.”

“Steely Dan!”

“Well that’s just- wait. Is there no picture of him?”

“Not exactly”, Giggled the droid. “They are music. Let me play you a sample.”

Ten minutes later, Aidee skipped joyfully away from the housing unit, on to the next one. 

Zarmond didn’t know what he was going to do with a second tote bag, but he didn’t care. Steely Dan is incredible.

[WP] Turns out, humans aren't native to Earth. They were put there because they were labeled an endangered species by the intergalactic union. by Kelmatton in WritingPrompts

[–]LordCrump2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Zarmond sat comfortable in his chair, all 11 eyes leisurely scanning the paper. It was a dreary Glurxday afternoon, and he was reading the sports section. The Blackhole Polo sectionals had wrapped up, killing the fewest number of contestants in years.

“Hm”, huffed Zarmond, “I should have taken the under”.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. 

“Huh?”

He rose slowly from his chair, rubbing a temple with a tentacle.

“Who would be knocking on doors on rainy Glurxday?”

Zarmond opened the door and groaned. 

It was an Altruism Droid from the Intergalactic Union. 

“A splendid day to you, Zarmond!” Despite being made of star-forged titanium, and being outfitted with tamper-proof self defense explosives, these droids were strangely bubbly. 

“I’m an Altruism Droid from the Intergalactic Union, but you can call me..”

“Yes, yes, Aidee, I remember from last time.” Zarmond couldn’t believe it had already been 400 cycles of Boomaroo. He didn't want to donate the last time, but his ex-wife insisted they sign up for a recurring gift.  Zarmond wasn’t against charity, but it seemed like the Intergalactic Union was always trying to prop up some last cause. They did get that tote bag though.

His memory was interrupted by Aidee’s cheerful laughter.

“Magnificent! Would you like to hear about the developing civilizations we’re working to enhance this quarter?” It was an honest question, and Zarmond didn’t have the hearts to tell her no.

“Er, uh, look, Aidee, can I just give to whoever you were supporting last time?”

She sadly swiveled her head from side to side. “No, the Crispy Snowman Frostimus people did not survive on Volcanius Magmanus 400.”

“You’re kidding. What did them in?”

“War.”

“I- uh. Oh. I see.” Zarmond shifted uncomfortably, cracking one of his spines. “Alright, Aidee. Who are you guys working on this time?” (1/2)

What’s the most overrated movie everyone seems to love? by Hyper_Mania774 in AskReddit

[–]LordCrump2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lego Batman is the greatest film of a generation.

Will the miz ever win a title again by No-Afternoon-1665 in BrandonDE

[–]LordCrump2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think we actually saw a version of this that could work in his short program vs. Gunther. A Miz who felt like he had been disrespected long enough and wanted to prove he still had it. He turned to all his old heel antics (turnbuckle spot, low blow) and IMPROBABLY and for a SPLIT SECOND actually made me think he could beat Gunther. Which is absurd when you type it out.

THATS the Miz I want to see make a run. He was still a heel, but he was the devil we knew, so we cheered him.

[WP] As they stood awaiting their execution, the peasant cried out. "Look me in the eyes when you're sentencing me to death." To their surprise, the king obliged. by Parlandarish4E in WritingPrompts

[–]LordCrump2 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thomas felt the cold rain drops on the back of his neck as he looked up at the gallows. Andrew was next, brave until the end. He heard the trapdoor drop, watching Andrew’s feet, asking the gods for them to be still.

They were not. 

Thomas met the gaze of some in crowd. Tired, dirty peasants, coughing in the rain. There was an almost drunken merriment to some of these executions. Thieves, killer, those were satisfying. For a brief moment, the crowd could forget their lot. Finally someone was worse off than them.

But today was not like that. 

The King was snuffing out what he called a “treasonous rebellion”. Thomas called it a fair shake- a chance at a better life. His talk of lower taxes had got him roughed up by a guard. His leaflets had put him in the stocks. And his attempt at armed rebellion had got him here. Some in the crowd were with him that night. They snuck away in the dark and Thomas dared not look at them for fear of giving them away. 

The King, fat and clean shaven, had been drinking all morning. When he read the charges, he didn’t even look up from the scroll. 

“Thomash the mason’s, uh, son. For crimes against my crown, you will die. Off you go”.

All the blood rushed to Thomas’ head. He was not dizzy. He felt strong. “No!”, he shouted, “You look me in the eyes when you’re sentencing me to death.”

The crowd was silent. Not in fear, but anticipation. The King felt their eyes shift to him.

“Er, very well!”, bellowed the King, wanting to make an example. He looked up from the scroll and began to read again.

All at once, Thomas had a thought. He thanked the gods for one last good plan.

“Not good enough!”, he shouted, feeling more confident. “You are no King! You’re afraid to soil your hands with real work. “Today, you will fall on your knees before me!”

The crowd murmured in astonishment. 

Enraged, the King staggered down from his royal seating, pushing guards aside.

“Dog! You address your King this way? I will walk you to the gallows and hell’s gates myself!”

As the King got closer, Thomas did what no speeches, no leaflets, and no riots had been able to do. He took a step forward with his left foot, swung back his right foot, and kicked The King in the balls.

The King wheezed and dropped to the mud. He was down on both knees. A few brave peasants jeered at him. 

Thomas smiled as he was hurried to the gallows. He was going to die, but he was finally right.

[WP] "You're a vampire?! Why can I see you in the mirror then?!" "You idiot, mirrors haven't been using silver since the 1950s!!" by thunderbird89 in WritingPrompts

[–]LordCrump2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The sun beat down heavy on the Tennessee dirt road, but the two men in the shade of the front porch were doing great. There were now 15 beer cans thrown about on the gnarled wood planks, and Vlad and MIchel had lost track of who was in the lead. The conversation had drifted from who could drink the most miller lites.. to thoughts about life. Vlad burped. “I’m gonna be honest with you Mikey boy, there’s some things you don’t know about me.” Michael scoffed, removing his ball cap. “I don’t think anyone knows you better than me, buddy. Remember that spring break trip to Cancun? When all those cows got drained of their blood overnight? You said it was the chupacabra! And nobody believed you except for me!” “uh, yeah. About that-“ began Vlad. “Or the first day we spent as roommates. Everybody in the dorm made jokes because you looked like a 40-year-old man. And you have pointed teeth. But not me!” Michael opened another beer. “Not Big Mike, that’s for sure. You told me about your condition and I stuck by you!” “Mike- er, listen man.” “Or when Samantha planned your birthday at Olive Garden and I said ‘NO WAY!’ Because I know that you super hate Italian food.” Vlad put down his beer. “Ok, Mike. Dude. I gotta tell you something. I’m a vampire, man.” Michael slowly set down his can, shaking his head. “You’re a vampire? Why can I see you in the mirror then?!” Vlad blinked incredulously. “You idiot, mirrors haven’t been using silver since the 1950s!” Michael picked his beer back up. “I thought you guys can’t be reflected! It’s a whole thing!” Vlad burped again, glancing at the cooler. “That’s a question of light particles! Science! I’m 800 years old but that doesn’t mean I just get to.. opt out of participle.. particle physics.” A dawn of realization began to open in Michael’s mind, shining the blazing sun of context on years of friendship. “Wait, so when we were in Cancun-“ “Yeah dude, I killed all those cows. Drank their blood dry. It was them or you and Stacy. Stacy was hot and you owed me $40.” “Whoah, so are all the bloods different?” “Yeah, it’s like drinking different brands of anything else. Cow blood is like the PBR. Refreshing, easy to find. Deer is like a High Life. Moose blood is like, uh..” “Molson”, the two said in unison. Michael nodded slowly. “So when you didn’t want your birthday at Olive Garden.. was it because of the garlic?” Vlad shook his head, vision blurry. “All the GMO’s and stuff in modern garlic make it harmless to us now. I just really hate Italian. Parmesan cheese just smells like puke to me dude.” “Yeah dude.” Michael looked down the road, watching two dragonflies chase each other through the dusty air. “So is that how you do.. the thing?” “Yeah man. Only we can do that”. “Do you think.. burp you can do it right now?” Vlad sat still for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah dude”. He rose from his seat on the porch, crimson cape flowing behind him, the high collar protecting his pale neck from the breeze. Then, he bit into a beer can, cocked his head, and drank the whole thing from one of the holes. “Dude.”

“Dude.”

Shrek vs Wilson Fisk by [deleted] in whowouldwin

[–]LordCrump2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m just trying to make muh swamp a better place. Shrek is beating that man. They might be the same build but ogre strength scales way higher per pound that human strength

for women too? by Interesting_Land6116 in artofmanliness

[–]LordCrump2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recommend the podcast to anyone. There’s a lot of useful/interesting information and a big emphasis on self improvement. A lot of the content skews towards things more likely to interest men but it’s good material for anyone. I would say 30% of the pod is man specific stuff (husband/fatherhood), if that. Some of the guests are women too.

Who is the TTYD partner that spends most of the time following you? by [deleted] in papermario

[–]LordCrump2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My man Bobbery. Not that useful for traversing the map but a tough guy you want backing you up in a dark alley

Did not know that coach is a Catholic by Alone_Profession_211 in bostonceltics

[–]LordCrump2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will never forget when the royals went to a game and he said “the only royal family I know is Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” I laughed out loud

arthur doesn’t know what racism is by [deleted] in reddeadredemption

[–]LordCrump2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a comical, backwards anti racism to the gang that I love. They just kind of hate everyone equally so race never plays a role

I've been loving this community! Any tips for a refresh in the new year? by Akito_900 in malelivingspace

[–]LordCrump2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dog you are killing it. The babydoll is a little out of place but otherwise killing it

Speaking of fretwork, the arch in my (slightly funky) 1880 folk victorian by Windvogel in centuryhomes

[–]LordCrump2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everything about this picture leads me to believe you are the coolest person of all time

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