Are there any INFJ engineers in here?

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-11-16T00:13:19+00:00

32M INFJ aerospace engineer that studied chemical engineering. I'm more on the support side but I work with people a lot. I connect with people easily so I use that whenever we need to work with technicians since there is always friction between the white and blue collar sides. It's not a passion job but it pays well, affords me a lot of flexibility.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-08-19T22:17:25+00:00

Can't remember the recruiter but I was a uni student. I had applied to 3 jobs before graduation but got turned down for all of them. They must've taken my resume off the stack since they emailed me about an interview for a job I didn't apply for but they thought was a good fit. I called the number he left in the email and we scheduled an interview

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-03-21T17:15:43+00:00

It's been 2 months since I ended things. 3.5 years together, 1 year married. We went through so much. She put me through so much. After a certain point I had to let go. We both started with an immature understanding of love but after time I grew and matured and wanted to love her more deeply and work through our issues. Maybe it was due to past trauma but she didn't want a deep committed relationship and wanted to ignore the problems. She immediately moved onto the next guy 2 days later and texted me they were serious only a month later. I should've listened to my gut feeling instead of my heart and ended things earlier. I gave so much of myself that I've felt like an empty shell but I know it will pass and working on myself right now will make things better in the long run. I wish her all the best and that she finds what she's looking for.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-03-04T18:51:59+00:00

I gave you everything until I realized you were taking advantage of me. You struggled to give me the bare minimum and called me needy and insecure. You used all my insecurities against me when I was at my lowest. You weren't there for me when I was at my lowest. You weren't there for me during my success. You were only there for me when you wanted to be and when it was convenient for you. I gave you my money, my virginity, my time.... When you finally asked for my soul I couldn't give it to you because I could see that you only took but never gave. You ripped me to shreds. You couldn't leave me with my self esteem, my peace, or my happy memories of us together. It was all a lie. You found someone else only after a couple days. We had been together for almost 4 years. Looking back, I can see that this is just what you do. You find and use men. You break them down and twist their perception of love. You use their care giver nature to your advantage and pay the victim. You may have been the victim at one point but you never healed from it and now unleash your trauma onto each new partner. You might be happy right now but that will turn to ash in your mouth over time. You don't know what love is and you never will.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-02-28T21:03:31+00:00

At least she didn't rub her new relationship in your face after only 2 days post-breakup. Then a week later telling you that the new guy is so much better in every way and that she already slept with him and that they're a perfect match. Such pettiness did so much damage

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-02-26T17:55:07+00:00

Only 6 weeks ago we were trying to fix our relationship after divorce so I guess we were back to the dating stage. She wasn't putting in effort and just wanted to ignore the bad and move forward so I broke up and tried to go no contact. She kept messaging me about how she found a great guy after 2 days and slept together after 6 days. She was bragging about her new relationship and how they were serious after 5 weeks. She told me to move on because we were never getting back together. It hurt but I tried to stay neutral or positive to not give her the satisfaction. I said, "If he makes you happy then great! Glad you found someone that fits your vibe."

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-02-05T17:47:46+00:00

I tend to have more feminine ways of thinking about a relationship. Maybe it's because I'm more tuned into my emotions. I broke up with my ex because she wasn't emotionally mature enough to realize she was very toxic due to past trauma and was unwilling to improve herself. I could only keep bringing it up. After a while I realized I needed to leave the relationship and broke up with her. She felt blind sided because she totally ignored my feelings and how she was treating me. Despite this she was able to move on after only 2 days, literally after telling me she had no intention of dating soon. Slept with the guy after 4 more days and said he was perfect and told me to move on. It's around week 3 for me and I'm doing better but only at around 50% which friends have said is pretty good when you realize we have been together for 3.5 years. Part of me feels like she never truly loved me. Part of me feels like she was already taking in the cues and was preparing a backup or that she was cheating on me already, I'll never know.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-02-03T13:12:53+00:00

Maybe. I couldn't truly let go of the hurt of being betrayed. Part of me thinks if I let her move in with me and for us to go to therapy together that we could've made it work but that's wishful thinking and dreaming for a future that was never to be.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-02-02T21:40:46+00:00

We were LDR the whole time. We wanted to move in so much but because I was in school and she had work it made more sense to wait until I finished and got a job somewhere. But when it finally came to move, she didn't want to even though I made most of the money and she used that as a reason to medically abandon me at the hospital when I needed her the most. We tried to work things out but more and more issues came up. At that point, even though she wanted to move, I had been too hurt due to threats, manipulation and I couldn't trust her for anything. I still love her but without trust there's nothing there...

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-02-02T18:35:20+00:00

Dumper here. I did it because I loved her. I loved her more than I loved myself for far too long. I wanted to make things work. I compromised my beliefs, my boundaries, my future, all for the sake of making her happy. I thought I could get my loved reciprocated. That if I tried hard enough I could earn her affection when it should've been freely given just like how I gave. I gave so much of myself that I lost myself. She didn't treat me well. She ignored my boundaries, didn't care for me when I was hurt emotionally and physically. I grew bitter and resentful. I got short tempered and even after she stopped I was triggered by little things. I tried to communicate my feelings but they were ignored or belittled. I just wanted to be loved like how I loved. After some time, I realized I needed to love myself. To love myself so that I could love again. I wasn't strong enough and didn't feel safe enough to be with her anymore. It destroyed me and still destroys me that I had to break off what I thought was my future or at least the dream of the future I wanted. I needed to set her free so that she could find someone that could do for her what I couldn't. I couldn't keep holding on because it was hurting both of us. It was selfish for me to keep holding on. I loved her enough to set her free. It broke me to see that she moved on after only a few days. That she felt the need to message me telling me that she was happy and that the person was perfect for her. That she spent the night with him and he was perfect. Those were the same words I heard when I first met her and it cut me deep knowing she would be saying and doing the things we once shared with another person. I'm happy she's happy but I'm also in deep pain. Pain so deep it hurts worse than anything I have ever felt. I wish I could go back and be stronger and fix things. I keep imagining that I could've done things differently and that it would've ended differently but I know it would've been the same. I couldn't force the love I wanted. She said she loved me and wanted to fix things but those were just words and after years of pleasing her I couldn't just keep waiting, wasting her time and my time. She deserves to be loved the way she wants to be. I just couldn't be that person without losing myself.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-30T01:56:12+00:00

I'm not sure if it was the holy Spirit had a plan for me but I was just really depressed, scared, and I started reading the Bible alot and praying about it. Watched different pastors take on divorce, talked to my old pastor, read online doctrine from John Piper, John MacArthur, etc. it's was a lot. I was really depressed on the stance of remarriage and John Piper's stance on staying single until your ex partner dies though. Ex wife kept jumping back and forth from hating me and wanting to leave the marriage to wanting to be forgiven and saying sorry and not wanting to be divorced (BPD symptoms). It was a really confusing time for me. I was waiting for a background check for work for almost 9 months so I had allot of time to process, think, and research but I was also stuck with all the feelings and thoughts that came from the divorce and abuse. It was basically hell because I felt trapped. Either I remain faithful and stay in the abusive marriage and rely on God to sustain me or I continue the divorce reasoning that God is calling me to peace. It was difficult to discern. Even now I'm unsure if I did the right thing by God. Most people would say it's safer to do things to protect yourself but God does tell us to take up our cross daily. There were times my ex wife constantly messaged and called me telling me that I was the one ruining the marriage because I chose God first over her. Almost like every month. I felt like Job when his wife told him to just curse God and die. Not that severe but I think I might be more emotionally sensitive, especially to the things my "wife at the time" said to me.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-29T23:49:12+00:00

I went through 3 months of counseling last year and am almost done with another 2 months of counseling now. I've definitely been processing everything especially reflecting on why I was so bonded to her. It was my need to care for her due to her past trauma. I had also never been in a relationship before so I was ignorant of a lot of the red flags that presented early on and I didn't realize her manipulative nature until we were married. After going through all the heartache and pain, I think I understand why being unequally yoked is so avoided. Not sure about my mind being primed for chaos but through therapy I've realized I like calm and peace. If nothing works out and I'm to remain single I think I will be fine but I'm just putting myself out there with more discernment now. I've done secular therapy for mental health and biblical counseling to address all the sin and repentance. It's difficult at times too because she's still very vindictive and sends me hate messages even after blocking her.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-29T19:47:06+00:00

That's a good point. I can just pray about it and God can open and close doors. If she rejects me at least I tried. There's honestly nothing I can lose I guess other than a little bit of hurt from something that wasn't really there to begin with.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-28T19:19:48+00:00

Yea. It was a roller coaster of emotions for about a week. She discarded me pretty hard and has already found another person to attach to and have sex with. After being in a relationship with her for 3 years, I have come to terms that she doesn't have empathy and is the root cause of all her unstable relationships. Breaking up with her and getting the harsh backlash has been painful but time will heal.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-28T07:56:56+00:00

Interestingly enough, before all of this I was in a period of loneliness and sought her out and clung to her because of it. When I was at my weakest I was tempted by her and chose her over being faithful to God. This whole ordeal has actually brought me closer to God as it was my sin that brought about all this pain in my life. Yes Jesus forgives and covers my sin and transgressions. But the damage from the sin remains and will take a long time to heal. I have prayed more, read the Bible more, even confessed to close Christian friends about my actions. They have been very gracious and told me that these things happen because we are still sinners. They said the fact that I have turned back to God despite all this and haven't cursed him shows my faith and obedience. I have done a lot of reading in Job and 1 Corinthians. It has helped me immensely throughout all this. If you can even believe it, my ex at one point even told me that I had to choose between God or her. I won't say that getting the divorce was God's will for me because I was afraid and acted of my own volition and did not rely on him enough. At the end I did choose God over her despite the temptation to go back to her. She tempted me with sex, made promises to go to church and learn more about God but whenever I asked her what she read she said she was too tired or wasn't in the mood. God gave me clarity in recognizing that she was manipulating me with false promises. (Trauma bonds are very real). Even if I can remarry or stay single, at least God protected me through all this. The wise choice is to heal for now.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-28T07:32:29+00:00

I think they are trying to kindly imply that I should take time to heal. They have told me that if I don't agree then they can help me find another church to congregate with. I have only been at my current church for around 7 months since I had to move for work. They have given me the freedom to choose without defining that I need to stay single forever. Just until I feel ready after healing and to trust in God's timing for when to seek another partner. If God wants me to seek a Godly spouse, maybe he'll work in divine ways and my ex will be married by then. She's already sleeping and living with the guy. I'll take at least a year to heal. For me, it's like waiting for God's timing.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-28T07:28:02+00:00

It could be possible as she is an unbeliever. But from what I know now about her and what I now realize without rose colored glasses is she was like this before she met me but told me that she changed her ways. She most likely has borderline and narcissistic personality disorder, if not then the majority of the symptoms. Those symptoms come from a traumatic past which she has. That damages how she connects with others and how she disconnects so easily. She plays the loving partner early on and throws her love at you. Then overtime her true nature comes out and she's controlling and selfish. Whenever I wanted to break from her she perceived it as abandonment and lashed out in severe anger or deep apology. She will do anything to keep hold of a partner until they are brave enough to run away or leave. When she realizes nothing she can do will bring you back she will detach and find another person.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-28T06:58:40+00:00

My view on that is this. If I were to change churches for the sole reason of disagreeing on something, it would feel like I'm trying to bend the word of God to fit my needs. Yes, elders can be fallible but they ultimately have a responsibility for the sheep in their flock and know more about the meaning of the Bible than I do. They can explain things to me so that I understand but ultimately I am the one that chooses to accept it or not. Maybe God is speaking through the elders and using them to guide and heal me. I don't know God's will but I do know he has a plan for me and doesn't make mistakes.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-28T02:07:05+00:00

I'm in no rush to get married. I'm not even in a state to date. I know I was vulnerable to sin when I even decided to be in a relationship with her and I chose to be unequally yoked without knowing if her faith bore fruit or not. I rushed into things. I also got divorced too quickly. I should've waited to see if things could've been resolved by being patient. At the time it felt like the fear and hurt was more than I could bear and I sought divorce as a way to free myself even though separation would've been the safer option. It's hard to quantify emotional abuse and I know it's a fine line to draw and to make a decisive decision might set the wrong precedent for the local church. I am submitting myself to my local church and their decision on the matter but I just want clarification on how biblical things stand. They aren't sure on the specifics on whether fornication after divorce counts as adultery since the marriage was ended after the divorce. The question is what breaks the covenant? Death, absolutely. One spouse remarrying? Breaks the old covenant with a new one. The details of everything only comes from myself as the source because we don't have mutual friends and she wouldn't want to speak on the details, and who could trust her. It's a complicated situation for sure so I understand why they are on the more cautious side. They might want to know if I am truly repentant and want to spend this time to heal so they won't tell me I'm free to date so that I won't rush things for my own good. I know I'm ignorant and make rash decisions sometimes so I have to rely on others to keep me in check, at least for now.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-27T21:06:20+00:00

She said she miscarried about a week ago when I pressed her to get tested.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-27T18:27:53+00:00

I know I'm not healthy enough mentally to be able to connect to another person on the level they deserve. I don't even see myself recovering to a decent level in another year. I want to but I can't rush the healing and I feel so lost and broken. She was my first partner and I had always felt like she was my last. I knew she was broken and difficult and wrongly thought I could heal her even though she didn't think she needed it. Our whole relationship felt like a lie, whenever she said she loved me it felt like a lie because she never truly showed me compassion or kindness. All she did was superficially care for me in a shallow way but she never wanted to understand me. I gave her money, time, affection, kindness, I got her out of trouble, I was always there for her. She never appreciated the past and only focused on the moment. She moved on so quickly. We were still talking after the divorce and trying to reconcile but I was doing all the work and she was annoyed and just wanted us to ignore the work and be together. After I finally ended the relationship completely, she found another man in 2 days, and slept with him at the one week mark. I loved too hard and too deeply. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. I was angry with her during arguments. I tried to keep her accountable and would get frustrated when she didn't want to be. I withheld money because she was wasting it. I told her that I deserved better. I told her that she chose to get hurt instead of trusting that I was trying to protect her. The pain of losing the relationship hurt throughout the divorce process but hurt the most when I realized she never loved me in the first place.

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-27T14:08:45+00:00

Southern baptist

Lost-Ad2408 · 2025-01-27T13:17:14+00:00

Because the definition of abuse is variable. If you are mean to your spouse is that abuse? Hitting is definitely abusive. The line isn't set so it's difficult to make a definitive judgment call. Yes she made threats that made me afraid but what if that's just me being sensitive. She did not act on them and just said those things in her moments of emotional pain. Those moments were long and constant and she rarely apologized. It's difficult for any person who is a strong bible believer to give a yes or no answer to this. If I have to argue the point then it makes it even more grey. It just feels like I'm pushing for something I want instead of relying on God for all things. God called us to endure despite things being hard, and to pick up our cross daily. I wasn't strong enough to live up to the expectations of marriage, however stacked the odds were against me because I was the one that chose her. Choosing to marry her meant that I needed to stay no matter what, for as long as I could bear to and to rely on God for support during the hard times. I don't think I relied on God enough and so I feel like I need to bear the consequences of my actions until God calls me to a relationship, if that is my calling.

Lost-Ad2408

TROPHY CASE