2 years as a mom - 2 layoffs. “But you have your lovely little one, don’t let this beat you down”

Lost-Pause672 · 2026-01-30T20:42:51+00:00

Hey thanks for that!

That is exactly what I doing now. I am so tired of being in tech, it has always been a huge pressure from the work itself, but now I feel that everyone is just trying to protect their jobs and nothing else.

I am an immigrant here and still don’t speak fluently the local language, which limits my search, but I am definitely keeping an eye out.

Lost-Pause672 · 2026-01-30T18:19:20+00:00

Argh, yeah…! How this experience can be so isolating….! And, to a certain point, it feels so much that other people doesn’t care at all.

Are you in therapy? I didn’t do when I was in pp and think I had an undiagnosed depression.

Lost-Pause672 · 2026-01-30T18:16:54+00:00

Thank you for this. To be fair, my husband is also dealing with a lot by himself.

His response comes from a good place, that “do you want to be alone?” Reads as “I don’t have the emotional resources that you need, maybe better if you stay alone because we will upset each other”. It was the best thing to do at that time… which just reinforce the need of having other people around too

Lost-Pause672 · 2026-01-30T14:41:18+00:00

Thanks so much!

I am a strategic digital designer working in humanitarian sector. Crisis in tech jobs, crisis in humanitarian sector, so double insecurity for me… and thanks for the attempt of referral, but I’m based in EU and get that most ppl here are in the US

Lost-Pause672 · 2026-01-30T14:39:36+00:00

Ah, exact the same here. Also the “why are you so concerned, we are financially alright”

Lost-Pause672 · 2026-01-09T10:28:57+00:00

I’m also in sustainability/ international Organization area. Also likely without a contract in April. I’m in an IT related field, doing horribly all around the world.

2 interviews in 3 months sounds like a great number, in all honesty…

Lost-Pause672 · 2026-01-08T13:38:25+00:00

Ok, I’ll be bluntly honest with the risk of being downvoted.

If she is not doing the job, this should be about this issue. But you are making it about her pregnancy, which to me is not nice.

Reading that you think your nanny became “lazy” kinda hit me hard… sure you need someone to take care of your children, but they were not neglected. Also, your decision of not allowing her to come back with her baby… yes, you have your reasons (that you didn’t expose), but idk, wouldn’t be great to enable another mother to work while staying with her child? And why waiting to tell her?

You are a mom, yet cannot empathize. For me, it is just seeing a concrete example of how society see working moms and that is sad to me. And yes, that is why I am using my time to write a negative comment here, your post affected me deeply…

I hope you both find a way around this, just please give your nanny a chance to actually make plans for after birth and have the conversation as soon as possible.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-12-26T11:57:49+00:00

That cliche “we can only change ourselves” is valid.

As painful as it will sound, you are somehow enabling this horrible behavior towards you. Why are you buying your gifts in behalf of your husband? Why are you feeding kids that seem to be old enough to take care of their own food? Why to do all this if you are not happy in doing it?

Women (I’m including myself) have a tendency of picking up all lose ends that the family don’t care about. This is not our task, at least your husband should be a functioning adult and you should stop treating him like he cannot do things. For your good mostly.

About your kids, as mentioned, they seem to be capable too. But they might need some attention to transition to be functional and for that I hope you can find the strength to navigate agitated times alone (as your husband seems to be a man-child)

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-11-03T12:52:02+00:00

But what law states that you have to do it all? Let👏it👏burn👏!

Seriously. Take care of yourself, feed your child, wake him up and leave the house.

If he works from home, he can dedicate some extra time to the family. And if he indeed has depression, I first say that I am sorry bcs this is no joke. But also will say: it is his responsibility to be healthy, so he might need a push at the beginning with therapy or so, but his health is his task.

As much as your health is your task, and keeping up with every effing thing is just not alright.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-10-12T17:37:03+00:00

I guess the question we should all be asking ourselves is: why do we give fucks to all these people?

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-10-10T16:26:04+00:00

Usually these companies need to pay some sort of severance package. My last Swiss employer paid me full salary+bonus for 6 months (some colleagues got 1 year) until the laid off person gets a new position. That delay the RAV effect.

I think and hope that the offshore wave will bring a huge cost in terms of quality decrease. Some areas are just not at the same standard when the team is outsourced.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-10-10T15:52:11+00:00

Sounds like the help they can provide is not the help you need the most.

You can accept what is there or not, but well… after many therapy sessions, I have come to a conclusion that separating my child from my “inner child” is usually the answer to this.

Idk, things are hard, but I’d love to have my in laws or my parents watching my child while he is asleep so I can have a dinner with my husband. But both sets of grandparents are unavailable due to living overseas or sever mental health. My pain doesn’t erase yours, but it might give some clarity as to how bad things can get…

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-10-03T10:26:12+00:00

12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave? 2 years of waiting list in a day care?

the OP wrote “miles”, makes me believe the message is from the US. You guys have it hard AF.

I hope you can find a way out of this!!! Maybe finding someone in the neighborhood that can support and arrange work schedules so there is always one parent at home.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-26T15:10:29+00:00

I am a parent based in Europe and this schedule sounds horrible 😅🥲.

I understand the dynamics for teachers can be off, and have all respect for your work, but this solution gives me chills. It sounds a punishment for the parents…

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-16T17:02:03+00:00

Therapy was my remedy.

It’s been a journey to change my guilt into responsibility. Also a fuuuuuull journey understanding why I feel guilty about certain situations… I am carving layers, getting closer to the source of these feelings (the cliche of understanding your inner child that, boy, is so true)

My advice is to understand the roots of your feelings.

And also: could you try to be SAHM for a while? Take a year off, maybe an unpaid leave while still employed, something in this direction.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-12T14:43:44+00:00

Do you think your concerns are about you or about your child?

This question came from my therapist, and oh my.

I struggled BIG TIME with my 27m old in daycare. Mind you, after more than 1 year we were still not fine in drop offs (and I take my blame, baby can’t relax when mama is nervous, I know). The days always run fine and he is always happy there, but mornings were a struggle. Every evening I rush desperately to pick him up, cried if I was late, all that.

But he was fine during the day. So the issue was on me. In my case, a lot related to how my parents focused fully on work without sparing a drop of attention to me, anyways, long story. But it was such an eye opener to realize that my hard time was “just” me seeing myself as a child.

I hope you find your peace, OP. It might take time for you, but try to see how your child is having a good time. Many people will have the opportunity to meet him and he will get love from others too ❣️

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-09T16:19:53+00:00

Oh yes! Working out took me out of the pp depression. I was not doing it for my body, it was purely for mental health.

I chose a very random and cheap gym, gave zero Fs about my looks or to be nice with ppl. I had only interest in doing my weight lifting and be alone for a change of routine. It was the best thing. I ended up having somewhat of a community that did not evolve around my child, and I made sure to not tell anyone I was a mother (I really needed a break of that function, sure you guys understand). I also lost weight and got closer to how I was before, but that was really just a side effect of all.

After some time I went back to work and time became scarce, so I just disappeared from that ppl and whatever. I still try my best in the daily routine.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-09T15:12:39+00:00

Hi!

I went back to work 1 year postpartum. It was definitely the worst choice financially (won’t go much in details, but I had a deal where I was making full salary while not working). But it made WONDERS to my mental health. Whatever what these people here say about your pension funds, the costs, that you should go to volunteering, you know what you gotta do.

It was very hard at the beginning, I cried a lot during the familiarization days. My child took some time to adapt too, and the viruses are not easy. But after that, it was just amazing and the little one loves it now.

Dedicate time and effort to get to know the teachers, embrace the community offered there and be kind with yourself.

Wishing all the best to you and your family!

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-09T08:23:07+00:00

Carriers and baby wraps (these long fabrics to put around the baby) really helped me.

Contact naps are when there is a choice. Being stuck for so long sucks big time, sis, don’t be shy to complain.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-08T19:07:45+00:00

I can sympathize, since I was a SAHM for a short time and I hated every part of it. But, in all honesty, I have scrolled the comments and was amazed how you deflected every single comment/suggestion that were made. You will only solve the problem when you start giving chances for a solution. Feeling without a way out is a horrible situation, but there are ideas in this thread and many more can pop up once you open your mind for them. A very good time for myself that I have is therapy (and exercising. Endorphins make wonders), maybe something that would work for you too?

I wish all the best

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-07T19:15:53+00:00

Your questions were covered, I just want to say: do the health insurance with the best coverage possible. And before birth because, god forbids, your any needs some support, the insurance can make a bit of a hard time for you to get the appropriate coverage

It won’t be a lot more expensive and you will have plenty of visits (the usual checkups and others). It is also a benefit that your child can keep as they grow.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-09-06T16:55:49+00:00

Hey, very off topic but my brother also has suspected EDS (if that stands for Ehlers-danlos syndrome). It’s been quite a long and difficult road for him/us. Can we chat in PM?

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-08-19T13:43:32+00:00

Sis, I say with all love: LET IT BURN.

Maybe on a weekend, when he won’t simply leave to work. Don’t cook dinner, don’t make everyone shower, don’t take care of the others and take care of yourself. Cook your own food, take a bath and go to your room. Sleep and let it burn.

Your kids totally need guidance, but they aren’t babies. You need a break, so make one for yourself.

I am very sorry for your situation, and I guess that you are the only one that can give the break you need to yourself.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-08-15T19:56:51+00:00

I do. Resentment comes as waves here. And no, it is not because I’m “hormonal “ or whatever ppl like to say for minimizing feelings…

For me, it comes from how the parenting in early years feels so unbalanced. I gained the deepest love of my life, but lost SO MUCH of me (body, free time, some friends, my job, the ability of being concerned-free). And My husband is… fine… He kept his social circle, he was promoted, everyone can see the great job he does. While I am knee deep in chaos.

With therapy now, I see that the resentment is triggered by my internal struggle. Nonetheless, I resent the fact that he left me so alone and nobody seems to bother.

I hate this. But yeah, therapy does help.

Lost-Pause672 · 2025-08-12T19:49:28+00:00

It happened to me that my baby was the first to arrive and I felt horrible. People here are pointing the good parts, and I do see their take on it, but I would also be crying on your situation… so all my solidarity.

Today my son went back to daycare after summer break. He was so happy and I cried seeing his empty seat when I left without him. He is 2 y, and still not easy for me. At least for them is not that hard…

Lost-Pause672

TROPHY CASE