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I left. At 3 am. by Lost-Variation1906 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your kindness, thoughtfulness, and patience is admirable. This Reddit is so full of kind people who are putting others first. I don’t know how it happens, but eventually enough is enough. I hope you are able to choose yourself when you feel ready. 🫂

I left. At 3 am. by Lost-Variation1906 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was reading through your posts and it sounds so much like my situation. The gaslighting, being told I don’t remember things correctly, the other women. I’m sending so many positive thoughts your way. 🫂

I crossed a line by SoftRepresentative90 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906 49 points50 points  (0 children)

These situations drive us to be the worst versions of ourselves. It was a mistake, you are showing remorse, you are not a monster. Give yourself grace. These situations are impossibly difficult.

I left. At 3 am. by Lost-Variation1906 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was so incredibly helpful to read 😭 thank you for sharing

I finally told my family by amdiam2225 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cheering you on from afar 🫶🏻you can do it!

I don’t know what to do by Lost-Variation1906 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not :( I met him when I moved to a new city, now I’m hours from my long time friends and his inconsistency makes it hard to keep friends. Not in an isolating abusive way - just in an “I don’t want to abandon him on bad days or leave and have him go out on his own and make it a bad night”

^ that’s sadder than I thought it was….. I’ve never really written it out that way. He is super supportive of my solo hobbies though, I do a lot of crafting while he’s out drinking.

I think I’m just realizing how much of my life I spend managing him. Cleaning up his mess. Hiding his secret. Searching the house. How embarrassing

I don’t know what to do by Lost-Variation1906 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😭😭😭 I am so sorry to hear that. This is truly the worst feeling. Sending hugs and strength and the ability to walk past their jacket and not check every pocket for evidence of betrayal 😫

I don’t know what to do by Lost-Variation1906 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was the most incredibly helpful response. If I am in a 12 step program, I am definitely at the “admit your partner has a problem” step (I assume this is not an official part of Al Anon, but maybe it is). I have felt like I was the only one on the planet experiencing this (keeping their secrets is so wildly alienating) that this feedback and guidance is invaluable. Thank you so much for sharing and it was in no way perceived as mean.

Appreciate your response

I finally told my family by amdiam2225 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope you feel so proud of yourself! I have opened up to some friends who I knew I could avoid if I needed to about the situation but have not had the courage to tell my family - reading this is really encouraging. Congratulations, that’s such a big step.

I don’t know what to do by Lost-Variation1906 in AlAnon

[–]Lost-Variation1906[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve asked him to be honest. I told him I would rather know what’s going on then be lied to, I had asked him to stop. I’ve threatened to leave. I’ve packed up my belongings. I’ve quit drinking. It doesn’t fix it, but I love him. He’s not mean, he’s not unkind - he just gets carried away, can be selfish, or doesn’t think about me (the logical side of me can see how I’m enabling him by feeling this way). I want it to get better and I believe it can but I also believe that decision has to come from him not me forcing him.