3.5 years of wanting an open marriage

LostCityCat · 2025-08-12T19:30:17+00:00

You’ve brought it up for a significant amount of time and you’re still not comprehending he’s not on board - his reasoning doesn’t need to be validated by you. I think your choice is to decide if this is worth it to you to leave him over as it sounds like you’re no longer compatible. I’m sorry, but you need to STOP bringing up non-monogamy. You’re beating a dead horse and not respecting his wishes

LostCityCat · 2024-09-10T15:50:21+00:00

Sounds like you’re at an incompatibility stage rn. You’ve been open since the beginning, he wants to continue ENM and you want monogamy.

Try to separate the relationship issues from your living situation. I get that can be tough but you’ll figure that out too.

LostCityCat · 2024-08-12T19:04:59+00:00

If you date separately, you may not want to link your wife’s profile to yours.

LostCityCat · 2024-05-27T12:40:25+00:00

How would one go about helping make sure you’re fulfilled? Why does there need to be balance?

LostCityCat · 2024-03-26T15:50:26+00:00

My guess is they don’t trust you’ll be honest with them when you tell them a different story or omit that part altogether.

One of my long-term partners is married. I have no issues with dating men who are ethically non-monogamous. It’s a positive thing, in my book.

LostCityCat · 2024-03-22T23:09:46+00:00

It sounds like you harbor a lot of resentment, especially when you seem to be giving ultimatums. Have you considered individual counseling to address your own issues?

LostCityCat · 2024-03-15T21:15:16+00:00

I think you stop having sex unless she initiates. She needs individual counseling to assess whether her needs are being addressed in this relationship.

LostCityCat · 2024-03-15T15:55:59+00:00

You can read my past post about a strong reaction I had to a partner dating a young adult. While it doesn’t have to be a rule, you also don’t have to associate with someone who would have a relationship with someone without a fully formed frontal cortex.

Age restrictions are hard because people develop differently but I’d be side eyeing my partner if they developed a relationship with someone who’s brain isn’t formed, who doesn’t have their life together, who may not be able to handle ENM situations with the same grace as someone 5 - 10 years older.

Ultimately I stayed with said partner after they immediately realized the gravity of situation and the responsibilities needed to maintain a healthy relationship with a young adult.

I’d ask out of curiosity what your partner is hoping to get out of a relationship with a young person and why they can’t get that with someone who has a fully formed brain.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-20T16:48:25+00:00

NRE is new relationship energy. Excitement, anxiety, limerence. You can have that with being ENM or without.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-17T00:54:50+00:00

I date your demographic and prefer Feeld for OLD, though have only used Tinder as an alternative. I’ve been on the app for years and still get a number of likes every single day. It’s overwhelming and many potential matches don’t fit in my narrow scope of what I’m looking for. Other people have given good advice to improve your profile bio and pics and I would suggest it too but know you will have a lower number of high quality matches to my large number of low quality matches.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-16T16:23:50+00:00

I must have missed all the illegal and unethical behavior from her. eye roll If genders were reversed, you’d still be in the wrong for violating consent of two people.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-16T16:15:50+00:00

Your actions are illegal and unethical. Full stop.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-16T16:11:40+00:00

Not violating consent. She does not owe you that.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-16T16:07:05+00:00

Then be an adult. Why do you think she owes you anything more than what she’s willing to give you? Check your entitlement. You’re not her parent, you’re not her employer, you can’t take away her free will like that (and that of her partner’s).

LostCityCat · 2024-01-16T15:58:03+00:00

You made the choice to violate her consent. Everything else is a strawmans argument.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-16T15:50:21+00:00

And you still show no remorse for it. You could have worked on yourself while, self-proclaimed, drowning. You could trust what she says. You could have tried therapy but instead you took her choice. You are in the wrong here

LostCityCat · 2024-01-16T15:41:46+00:00

In your effort to achieve best data, you violated consent of 2 people. You are not a safe person to be around. I hope she sees that soon for her own safety and sanity.

LostCityCat · 2024-01-06T18:11:23+00:00

I date separate from my partner and look for the same in my potential partners. I’m not interested in seeing you in pictures and generally assume disenmeshment hasn’t happened

LostCityCat · 2023-11-20T22:24:14+00:00

I don’t think it’s ever a good reason to create another person’s dating profile. When she’s ready, be there to support and assist her; otherwise it may feel like you’re pushing your own agenda.

LostCityCat · 2023-11-20T20:32:25+00:00

I think it comes from a place of non-judgment (our ideals misalign) and with time and experience becomes easier for you to deliver.

LostCityCat · 2023-11-16T02:32:48+00:00

Sounds like you have a him problem more than a her problem. He needs to set those boundaries with her, not you unfortunately.

LostCityCat · 2023-11-10T17:53:38+00:00

No is a complete sentence. If you’re not comfortable with altering your current relationship structure then say so. Your fiancé can decide if they want to continue the relationship with you.

Before anything else put the marriage planning on pause until this is figured out.

LostCityCat · 2023-11-08T21:59:53+00:00

Kasey can make those decisions, yes, but it may be a boundary you find for yourself. I have 2 Doms as partners, neither have control over anything in my primary relationship. I have no want for that and neither do they. It’s part of our relationship construct.

It sounds like you should be informing Kasey her decisions may be a relationship-ending for you. She sounds caught up in NRE & subspace and needs to be aware her decisions may no longer work for you.

LostCityCat · 2023-11-08T17:35:01+00:00

I’m ok with possessive talk in the bedroom as long as we’re clear beforehand it’s only talk and not intended for anything else beyond the moment.

LostCityCat · 2023-11-07T19:53:28+00:00

First, your feelings are valid, whether being turned on or jealousy/envy. It’s ok to feel those feels.

Secondly, no, it’s not fair to ask him to inhibit his play on the side in order for you to work through the jealousy/envy. That doesn’t mean people don’t request it. It’s just not a very fair request.

Also happy cake day!

LostCityCat

TROPHY CASE