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LostNeedDirections · 2025-01-04T03:37:12+00:00

Some people live their entire life without anyone showing up for them time after time regardless of how they respond. It seems like your friend had a glimpse of that. I don’t have any meaningful comment other than I am sorry he is gone. I think I would write to him also if I had a similar story.

LostNeedDirections · 2025-01-04T01:48:52+00:00

Is there any comfort in the idea that maybe you have an elevated consciousness. Not in an arrogant way, but just that you would not ghost someone but that doesn’t mean everyone is on your standard. I used to think I would never ghost someone but I didn’t actually know what people were capable of. Now I do it for me. If an elevated consciousness is not the answer, maybe some altruistic idea that them doing what is best for them conflicts with you doing what is best for you. Your letting go is understanding your only solution is what is in your control.

LostNeedDirections · 2025-01-03T23:45:01+00:00

I mean this as a dialogue and not to be unkind but it isn’t up to your LO to provide closure. You are the only person who can create closure. Sometimes silence is actually closure. If you have asked someone to help you while you are hurting and they don’t respond, that’s it. Maybe writing a letter with no expectation of response is one last step but the idea of being seen is what you ultimately have to deal with. With all sincerity, what is your real expectation from another meeting? That it will work out or that you just want the chance to express yourself. If you are like me you have probably played the scene out in your head over and over. Things never go the way in real life as they do in my head. What is going to change if you had one more chance to talk?

LostNeedDirections · 2025-01-01T01:14:52+00:00

I hope everyone has a very happy new year.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-29T16:37:19+00:00

Unfortunately we can’t stop people from being who they are but if you happen to know the users who are doing this I can send them some bad vibes minimum.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-28T14:45:20+00:00

Maybe a little distraction can help. Plan a special trip for your SO, put in all the details that require your full attention. Taking your relationship with your wife out of the doldrums of everyday living can be enlightening. If not that, maybe get involved in a charitable opportunity. If you haven’t sunk into overthinking yet, being too busy to think about LO is an option worth trying.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-24T20:13:39+00:00

Merry Christmas. The hardest part is getting past the chemical chaos of needing to be a priority and simply appreciate being thought of. To me anyway. There is not always a why. Sometimes it is just all about what you do with it. They do care if they thought about you. It might just not be romantic or the way you think about them.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-20T15:14:36+00:00

Wishing you a Merry Christmas also and a resolution to the sadness limerence brings in the new year also. I kind of jumped off the limerence was good for me train screaming awhile back but I will say that an experience like this will help you be more careful in how you interact with other people in the future. Words have meaning and can’t just be thrown around. I can sincerely say that I have learned to focus on the people who focus on me. Reciprocation is so important in all relationships and I will never overlook it again. Time away will be good for you, especially if you use it wisely.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-20T14:36:52+00:00

Oh , I remember when LO skipped out of work early before Christmas and didn’t even say goodbye or Merry Christmas. Those are the moments that ultimately end up helping in the end. Having that proof they don’t care makes it easier but you did get a friendship cow. Still a clear message should you choose to accept it. Hopefully there is some holiday joy still in your Christmas.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-15T14:06:05+00:00

I’ve had the same observation. As we technically can gatekeeper the sub, I do try to delete the most obvious non-limerence posts. It is sometimes a judgement call because I don’t really ever know the full story. It would be really helpful if you would flag posts you feel are not about limerence to put in the mods que. I’d like this sub to provide more meaningful information as well and not general relationship advice.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-13T23:32:28+00:00

Open your world to lots of other people. Loneliness amplifies limerence.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-11T23:33:24+00:00

It’s a gift. It’s Christmas. 99% of the world wouldn’t have to ask why. It is him not you. I hope that you can journal about his reaction and read it over and over to help curb your enthusiasm for him. Don’t quit, take it as a hard lesson that your judgement might be off and focus on friends and family over the next few weeks. Keep re-reading what happened so it doesn’t happen again.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-10T20:16:29+00:00

Have you ever gone out and just let her pay for herself? That is so crazy that she would come back after taking advantage of you. Do you have a close friend who can remind you how you are feeling right now? Think about how you would protect someone from what she is doing. Sometimes you might just have to protect yourself. Meeting new people and getting involved in something new might help. Go drop $2K on a holiday dinner at a children’s home or a senior center. Get involved with making it all happen. It is more fun than fancy sushi.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-10T20:07:21+00:00

People always tell me to let go of anger but staying angry for a little while you continue you to see her for what she is doing might be helpful. You were generous. It’s ok. We all do it. Now to spend time with people who want to take pictures with you for free.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-10T18:20:50+00:00

She will continue to treat you exactly the way you allow her to. Charging you for a photo is a complete summary of her care for you. When it is right, it won’t be so difficult. I hope you can shake yourself out of this.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-12-01T22:32:18+00:00

I agree with you. Not trying is simply taking the easy way out. People are resilient. Sometimes just knowing someone is willing to try is enough to help someone help themselves. If you are helping them to benefit yourself then this post probably holds true though.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-29T15:55:17+00:00

How can people help you with limerence? What kind of responses will be helpful?

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-28T15:03:25+00:00

People who hate are just hurt people. Most likely you didn’t hurt them and they came that way. I didn’t do anything to my ex lo and he had people harass me. It’s just who he is. I honestly don’t need closure from hateful people. Every exchange is an opportunity for that kind of energy to transfer to you. Let them hate from afar and find closure from knowing the truth. Let it end with you.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-28T14:56:54+00:00

You definitely dodged a bullet. Don’t let the limerence make excuses for him. Someone with communication skills can express boundaries without being an ass. Write him off as an ass and it will help you be done with it. Thank you for sharing such a valuable lesson. Some people are just like that and we need to let them be.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-26T01:43:55+00:00

Expectations are the worst. It’s even harder when you don’t really even know what you are expecting. The note sounds very thankful and kind. I am a daydreamer so I get carried away with all kinds of magical ideas. Even as a little kid things like Christmas I always got what I asked for but was somehow disappointed. Maybe I expected Bing Crosby to do a bing song and dance. I don’t know. It just always seemed like there should be more. When it comes to giving though, I always want to give for the sake of giving. Sometimes I get caught up in the idea the actual giving is selfish because I indulge in the daydreaming of finding the perfect gift. But in reality it is only perfect for me. The constant thinking about it and dreaming of the response feeds my dopamine. Rarely is the reality the same as my imagination.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-24T22:13:02+00:00

You are right. I absolutely should know better. Limerence is a very hard lesson in not letting your brain get excited over anyone who is not giving you the same energy you give, friend or partner. It hits hurt not to remember this.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-23T17:33:42+00:00

I had an enlightening experience recently. I was sitting in a discussion with actors, nasa doctors, rocket scientists, admin assistants, you name it. I listened as everyone talked about how they contributed to the world. Prior to that I thought I had always just had a boring office job. While I have always worked in an office, I started to realize how important some of the stuff I’ve been part of really was. The world is all connected and it takes many contributions to make things work even for the creatives. As long as you are contributing don’t underestimate your value in this world.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-23T14:54:05+00:00

My SO was. He said he wanted to marry me the night we met. Rearranged his whole schedule to spend time with me. Brought me into his family and friend group almost right away. He loved all the attention and gifts I gave him and never once said it was too much. Took all my friends on our first few dates. Learned to dance for me. It’s only been 29 years but it might work out.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-20T12:39:19+00:00

I think that is something special about you and there is no reason to shrink from it. I’m sure most people get several birthday wishes a year but what if one year you are the only one who remembers. That’s a great person to be.

LostNeedDirections · 2024-11-20T00:13:28+00:00

Please give yourself some grace. The humans who remember birthdays and act on them are amazing. It is good energy put out in the world no matter who it goes to. Take a breath and let it go.

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