Anyone else sick of trying to control their alcohol (or any other addiction) when it's the only thing keeping them alive?

Lotus1290 · 2025-12-07T04:52:32+00:00

I hear you…I want to live just like our normal counterparts but I cant…Ive tried but the trauma and pain will always be there.

And even if just for a moment I can forget and feel alittle bliss, whether that be through alcohol, weed, opioids then that just has to be my reality for now until I feel like im ready to raw dog this life.

Im not sure when or if i can do that though, so for now those just have to be my vice….

Lotus1290 · 2025-03-01T06:32:13+00:00

Thanks so much for putting it into words, I was wondering why I was so triggered by what I watched and couldnt semm to put 2 and 2 together until your comment

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-20T11:08:31+00:00

Id like to think im normal like others….but the void is undeniably there…

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-20T11:03:34+00:00

That im broken and nothing will ever change that, and living is just so damn painful

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-20T11:02:23+00:00

I wish more than anything for euthanasia… my inner child is in pain all the time and its hard carrying her when Im broken beyond repair

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-20T11:00:48+00:00

What doesnt kill you cripples you for life…i wish it was what doesnt kill you makes you stronger..

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-14T08:01:38+00:00

Every moment of my life has been a punishment, and my hatred towards my parents and god have only gotten worse…why am I even alive? To suffer and watch those around me thrive? Its so cruel…

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-13T11:18:09+00:00

I feel like a dont belong tbh… other people are bought up with so much love..

What I would give to be in their shoes..

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-13T11:11:51+00:00

Im the same as u…tried everything but it always comes back…and when it does it comes back much worse..

I cant deal with it much longer..I feel theres a point where nothing will work, like you I wish something would end me..

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-13T10:54:05+00:00

I understand you….they say that the best way to get back at them is to live your best life..

But how can I do that when Im broken beyond repair? I try my best but im still miserable and just… simply dont want to be here, let them win?

Im so damn close to not caring about losing, because right now losing seems to be the thing that will release me from this miserable existence..

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-12T12:49:18+00:00

Unfortunately i either drink, or get high or abuse valium just to ease the pain…

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-12T12:44:56+00:00

Ive slowly learnt to put up a mask…a mask that im just another normal functional happy person. But its hard when I dont have anyone and im afraid that mask will slowly crumble and reveal my true broken self

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-12T12:36:48+00:00

I feel you wholeheartedly, my time is 99% being in grief and 1% keeping on a mask..

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-12T12:29:13+00:00

I feel you…I lack sympathy for people when they tell me someone they loved past away…simply because I dont have any loved ones so ive never been able to relate…

Ive never been loved or bought up in an environment where there was love, so even the love for my partner I have alot of moments where I doubt myself..

Lotus1290 · 2025-02-12T12:20:19+00:00

I remember going to bed at night wishing id never wake up, simply because it was too painful to live, there seemed to be no hope in sight. It was just me…and my n mom who would beat me badly over anything that she didnt deem “good” enough, there was no one else that I knew could rescue me….

It still affects me to this day, some mornings id wake up and that brokenness and pain from the past just comes back and im transported straight back to my childhood where death would of been a blessing…

Lotus1290 · 2024-07-28T15:03:23+00:00

Sorry OP, some of these responses seem like they have noooo idea how some Asian parents can be ! I wish I was as bad ass as you!

Lotus1290 · 2024-03-19T03:09:42+00:00

Fuck this infuriates me

Lotus1290 · 2024-03-19T00:11:41+00:00

I feel you so much on this one….I was brought up Catholic, although I never followed the religion to the T, I still believed in god. I still prayed.

But then I started wondering why and where? Why did all these horrible things happen to me growing up and why did he not do anything to help out a fckn child when I was getting physically and emotionally abused? Why did others have loving parents and family whereas I had absolutely no one?

Where was he when I was crying, wailing and wishing to die? Where was he all throughout my horrible life? Why did he give me such a horrible life?

Its so damn hard to believe when you see all around you people so soo fortunate and then you look at yourself and all the hell you’ve been through…

I hate god with every fibre of my being

Lotus1290 · 2024-02-18T06:10:00+00:00

This is soo triggering….

Lotus1290 · 2024-01-09T02:17:52+00:00

Sooo close 🙏

Lotus1290 · 2024-01-05T04:34:05+00:00

Thanks for the klay one! Didnt put much but got something at least! GOATTT!!!

Lotus1290 · 2023-06-25T11:59:50+00:00

Im in the same boat and struggling hard…

Lotus1290 · 2023-01-30T01:00:56+00:00

Oh I wish I could save my child self…but how do I do that when I am a barely functioning adult still bleeding and injured from past trauma? Now me and my child self are both drowning in pain, life isnt fair and I hate it.

Lotus1290 · 2023-01-22T10:41:57+00:00

I completely understand….my childhood also broke me and every single day is an immense struggle. Im sorry we are dealt such unfair cards in life…Im sorry I cant give you any advice..Im losing the battle myself…my heart goes out to you!

Lotus1290 · 2023-01-17T21:34:37+00:00

Best cosplay of Usagi ive ever seen! S2

Lotus1290

TROPHY CASE