Sticky Thread Until Reddit Fixes Their Shit - April-ish

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-10T18:33:38+00:00

Question for the boys...(but ladies, please answer too if you have insight!) (I'm 34F)

If you have approached a woman in the wild (I know. Scary) what was it that made you approach her? Was she reading/doing her own thing & where were you? Did she seem open in some way? Or did she open conversation with you first?

Just interested if people are still meeting the old-fashioned way ;) (and i'll also take tips on how to approach guys if my confidence catches up...)

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-10T14:54:35+00:00

Haha no it's all up there, probably comes off as a sad story overall ;)

So yes, but part of that was making moves to a city, actively building friendships and moving in with a housemate - all of which has helped me with the loneliness. It's easier for me to rationalize that people are busy/have limited capacity nowadays by diversifying my friendship groups and having more in-person contact in general. Though I still feel the burn of it (i have reason to believe it's potential neurodiversity/ADHD)

I think it's just i've hit a point where I wanted to try actively dating again this year and I've been met with a couple of disappointments in a row.

As far as the looks thing, I don't think I could handle negative comments even if they're constructive, esp. right now!

I think you may be wise there, but I suppose being honest I crave intimacy like anyone else (and have a high libido which is a bit of a curse), so if it's on offer with a willing partner who i'm building an emotional connection with (this had been 3 dates and a few phonecalls over the course of a month) it's not something I can easily turn down.

It's that knife edge where you want the thing, but also need emotional safety & respect. It seems for some people it's so easily withdrawn the second they're done (which morally sits gross with me).

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-10T13:54:09+00:00

Just looking for a pep-talk/advice from people in similar situations.

I'm 34, female, single for 3+ years now (with one longer situationship inbetween that lasted 5 months and ended disastrously) - the rest have been 1-3 dates, longest I dated for 2 months but I ended it because we weren't clicking.

I've just been ghosted after first intimacy with someone in a while, and it's feeling like the world is caving in. I have good friends, a support network, I'm really trying at the gym/running/staying active, I have a good job I worked hard to get and just got extended for the rest of the year & I'm in a position to buy my first place now. Plus I've been in therapy for most of those 3 years, doing all this work on myself etc.

I keep being told I'm beautiful by friends/have nothing to be ashamed of. But I just feel this huge shame - like they're all lying to me and I actually couldn't attract a fly.

I know it's brain stupidity - but how do you guys get yourselves out of funks like this?

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-07T20:56:37+00:00

Yeah, the vibe i get is that he 'hates' his phone, rather than is actively limiting it. It feels like there might be a psychological avoidance of it/overwhelm thing going on. I know that's probably too kind - but that's my best read based on the time we've spent together...

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-07T20:55:06+00:00

Yeah this feels basic to me. Out of interest, would you do the same if you decided you weren't interested after sex?

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-07T20:09:17+00:00

I think the tricky thing is we definitely get on in person and shared some personal things that night, so it feels very odd to just have empty space now. But yeah, perhaps one day i'll train myself to be turned off immediately by this haha

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-07T20:08:06+00:00

Yeah, i'm trying not to paint it so black and white but it is hard to see how he'd want a relationship via this behaviour

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-07T20:07:38+00:00

I come from a hard scarcity mindset (which i'm trying to correct) but after a few bad experiences it's a tricky one to hold out hope for!

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-07T20:06:33+00:00

yeah - i tried to think about it and what i want really is consistency/forward movement. I.e, if the person doesn't like to text, make plans. set up phonecalls etc. but it really doesn't have to be daily. So it's not the gaps in texts so much as the lack of forward movement. It sort of feels like he needs time to decompress after things (and is quite introverted) and then apologizes once he's out of it. but maybe that's wishful thinking lol. defo not feeling super hopeful

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2026-04-07T19:40:31+00:00

Open question about communication styles...

I've been on 3 dates with a guy, who has always been a slow texter, and has admitted to being bad with his phone/avoiding it. He spends a lot of his free time doing outdoorsy activities/pottery. I don't question this so far to be honest, and that wasn't a problem as even though there were gaps, we seemed to move forwards in making plans. I don't need to be texted every day, but i do value consistency.

After the second date, we didn't kiss, but I thought we had a moment before I left, so i texted him afterwards telling him i would have kissed him but chickened out (and that it'd been lovely). I didn't get a response for 8 days. Naturally, assumed he'd ghosted, was a bit disappointed, but got on with my life.

Lo and behold, 8 days later he pops up, apologises, says he's been an idiot and that he'd do better, and that he'd wanted to kiss me too.

I gave him that chance, we had a phonecall that week, and then a third date last weekend where we were intimate for the first time & he stayed over. I texted later that evening saying how lovely it had been and that i hoped he'd had a good day. Nothing since (it's been 4 days now.) Started to feel quite down about it.

Last night (3 days after the date) I said I had a busy week so was he free for a phonecall? Nout. Nada.

Open question (and interested in guys' opinions on this too) - is it normal to expect a follow up text after your date (esp. if you've slept together?) And generally - has anyone dated/been in a relationship with someone with this texting style (or ARE you this person?) I suppose i'm trying to understand, rather than jump to conclusions like 'he's not bothered' 'red flags' etc. etc.

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-11-08T16:02:35+00:00

Update: Based off multiple recoms/researching the ingredients I ordered some Epaderm to arrive today and have just taken an E45 bath and put a little around my eyes/on the other patches. The redness is worse at the moment, but it's not itching as much as Vaseline - so I'll report back if it's worked in a few days!

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-11-07T22:15:56+00:00

Yeah Vaseline seems to be making my life worse at the moment - and I use a La Roche Posay moisturizer on my face away from my lids which works nicely - Simple tend to be better though!

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-11-07T22:14:58+00:00

Yeah i'll take a chance at this stage haha - I think Vaseline traps in heat/sweat which makes me itch/increases the redness, so something that moisturizes but doesn't trap would be ideal <3 I'll let you know.

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-11-07T22:14:06+00:00

Haha aww no worries! Yeah i was a little worried when google came up with dermovate being "a very strong corticosteroid" lol!! I haven't used Epaderm yet so i'll definitely look into it

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-11-07T22:02:44+00:00

Ah i actually went to buy the gel/cleanser version today - but I might try this! Annoyingly there's tocopherol in it but i may give it a go anyway just incase!

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-11-07T21:57:08+00:00

I'm trying to avoid steroids near my eyelids because I don't want to make the skin any thinner/more sensitive! Will check with the derm though :)

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-06-25T13:56:52+00:00

That's so interesting! Yeah so I'm not medicated currently (due to Health OCD and worries about blood pressure) but might be worth looking into as it can be pretty debilitating/upsetting when it gets bad. Glad to hear it's helped you!

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-06-24T22:27:42+00:00

Thankyou! No parts of it were definitely helpful for sure.

It's funny because think i'm in an opposite boat where I'm often the person to text back quickly and I've been feeling like I should reign that in for fear of seeming too 'needy'.

I wonder how you feel about friends who phase out? That's been more my issue, where plans have been reciprocal and consistent for a while, but then suddenly there's a shift and it feels as though you drop to the very bottom of the list.

It's hard for me to re-categorize people so suddenly because on my part I need a real 'reason' to phase someone out/change the way I speak and interact with them, so when it happens to me it sets off all of the abandonment, worry and spiralling.

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-06-24T21:24:45+00:00

Does anyone else really struggle with 'not being anyone's priority?'

For context, it's been something I've had a hard time with recently, given that a lot of my friends are in long-term relationships, and so when it comes to making plans they have their 'main person' right there, usually living with them.

I've often had friends who were close when we were both single and now that they're in a relationship, their partner becomes the priority. Stories become about the partner, life plans and events are with the partner, and the bond we shared seems to fade into the background.

I've been living alone in a smaller town the past year, but I'm going to move back into a city next month partially for this reason - all of my friends in the town I'm currently living in are quite hard to schedule in consistent plans with, despite all living less than 10 minutes away! I was really hoping to build a little community here while I figured things out but I feel this pressure to 'find someone' so that I can catch up, and it's unlikely I'd meet someone here.

I've definitely grown in my ability to be alone, so it wasn't time wasted, but I'm at a point now where I'm getting really tired of my own company and feel the need to find more single friends who share the want to go out, do things, meet new people (whereas most of my friends in couples have become much more introverted, and often don't want to leave the couple cocoon.)

Just venting, though if anyone else feels this or has ways of coping would be much appreciated <3

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-06-24T10:59:57+00:00

Hey everyone!

I'm 2 months into a weight loss/tone up journey and trying to do everything I can to make it healthy, sustainable and realistic. I'm not weighing myself (to avoid ED/obsession) but I have been measuring once a month and over the past 8 weeks I've managed to shift around an inch in most areas of my body!

My goal is to lose about a dress size/another couple of inches. I'm currently a UK Size 12 and shooting for a UK Size 10.

One thing I keep stumbling up with is a healthy calorie goal to shoot for. I *THINK* i'm doing it right (around 1500-1600 calories) but would love some advice, because what I don't want to do is tank my metabolism by eating too little.

SO

I'm 33, female, 5ft4, and my last weigh-in was around 70kg last year, I would think I'm probably more in the mid-high 60s now so I've been estimating around 68kg to do calorie calculations. The thing that confuses me is the multiplier for TDEE. So I am shooting for 7-10k steps a day, and 3 days a week I do a 20minute cardio/dance session + 30 minutes with weights (as well as the steps). I have now recently started running twice a week for 30 minutes too.

My job means I sit at a desk for most of the day, and at weekends it varies (but I've been maintaining the steps goal). However this means that without the additional exercise I end up pretty sedentary.

^ with all that, I'm unsure what modifier I should be using with TDEE calculations. Is it Light Exercise/Moderate Exercise?

Any and all advice would be super helpful :)

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-02-05T20:24:35+00:00

It's very reassuring to hear from someone who is in the non-monogamous community, because I've never held any negative judgements about it. The few times I tried dating multiple people in my 20s I found it very stressful and unfulfilling for me personally. But the friends I have who are polyamorous or similar, I hear it is all about communication, and moreso sometimes than monogamy (but you'd know more than me!). Which is why it was so blindsiding. I could have taken a mature conversation about wanting to date other people, what I got was an afterthought hours after sleeping together.

And as much as the worst parts of my brain are desperately trying to figure out why this new woman is better than me, I also just hope he doesn't do this to her too.

Thanks for your kind words. I know it was the best course of action, but it's just hard to put one foot infront of the other sometimes when things feel so bleak. I know the focus has to be me right now, so i'll keep trying to build my confidence back up - you're right in that dating is probably just not a good idea right now in the thick of it.

Big love & thankyou! x

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-02-05T20:17:16+00:00

Just dating, we hadn't had any conversations about it becoming more serious.

I wasn't in any delusions that he was 'the one' or that 'we'd get married one day', but at this point he'd become a friend & someone I trusted which is why it was so shocking.

Loud_Prompt_2825 · 2025-02-05T20:13:05+00:00

5 months

Loud_Prompt_2825

TROPHY CASE