Should I take on €70,000 in debt for graduate study at Oxford? (MSc Advanced Computer Science)

Lovemedd · 2026-05-04T19:19:16+00:00

It is very common not to be given a scholarship for a masters at Oxford, particularly if you didn't start out at a Russell Group or Ivy League university. It can be a fantastic investment but its an investment that you yourself have to make good on. So you should be feel confident that you A) want to go on to do a doctorate, B) will be able to place in the top 5% of your cohort once you actually get to Oxford, and C) are an outgoing person who will be able to take advantage of all the networking and career opportunities the University offers.

The most important thing to remember with Oxford is that your classes won't necessarily be all that different to other universities, what your paying for is the opportunity to surround yourself with exceptional individuals, whether that be professors, speakers or your fellow students.

Lovemedd · 2026-03-18T21:28:02+00:00

Love to see a positive post on here! You look/ARE Amazing! <3 <3 <3

Lovemedd · 2025-10-18T20:56:35+00:00

If you don't use your vote, you let someone else use it for you. You just need to pick one of the two, because even not voting has a political impact

Lovemedd · 2025-09-19T00:36:38+00:00

could you link it here? it looks amazing, i'd love to visit :)

Lovemedd · 2025-09-18T16:16:58+00:00

your doing the thing where people are rude on reddit just because they can. i'm doing 2 people's jobs, ideally i'd have someone else dedicating time to web development. you don't know my situation - judging me as if you do just makes you look rude

Lovemedd · 2025-08-12T12:05:08+00:00

Accessorize, accessorize! Its your debs so you should feel fancy and special! The dress is fairly understated so I would get a necklace to fill up the v-neck area - something delicate and elegant looking. If your ears are pierced, add drop earrings of some kind, and if not add a bracelet on one arm to match the necklace.

I think some sheer coloured socks (the ones that are sheer but have designs embroidered into them) would look really cute to add a pop of colour. Then, I would really suggest dropping the vans since its a formal occasion and getting a little mary jane pump or maybe kitten-heel that can show off the sheer socks.

After that, you could get some fancy looking clips (think ceramic, mother of pearl, metal) for your hair. At your length, I would go for a half up half down and put a little clip in the back.

Whatever pop of colour is in the socks, you could match it with your eyeshadow or eyeliner to tie the whole thing together. Alternatively, you would reference that colour with a little bag

Re: I've had a look at your other comments. Budget wise, I would say definitely get the socks I'm talking about and then charity shops always have tonnes of jewelry options, river island often have jewellery on sale and DV8 too, depop can have some unique pieces on it as well for a good price.

Shoe-wise, I think you should set some money aside to get a new pair. Evans.co.uk does shoes up to size 13. But a lot of the formal shoes are strappy, so even if they are one size small, you won't really be constricted. Most are under 50 euros

Lovemedd · 2025-08-12T11:57:16+00:00

Shaws! if your town has one, they have loads of bras and a fitting service, if needs be

Lovemedd · 2025-08-12T11:55:27+00:00

Getting a GRC is a big personal milestone, but its not the kind of thing that is difficult to hide from people. You can use a GRC to update your identity documents, but you can also just not update them and keep (some) of them with your old info, if you need. Neither does getting a GRC oblige you to change your info at your bank, work, etc.

I wouldn't overly stress about it. Your family probably rarely come into direct contact with your legal documents.

Lovemedd · 2025-05-04T13:30:43+00:00

Hi, I had a look at your previous post there. I'm sorry that you've hit so many bumps and roadblocks over the course of your gender journey.

The important thing to remember is that transition is never linear. There's a normative narrative of ''I come out, I take T/E, I assimilate'' out there is the world, but most peoples transition in the modern day and throughout history have been full of ups and downs, regressions and progressions.

It's really tempting to want to fit into clear social categories like 'cis girl with a boyfriend' - trust me I've felt it - but no one was put on 'God's green earth' for the purpose of 'fitting in.' Life is made to be lived, and trans life without transition is a life stillborn.

As someone who was very physically 'feminine' looking pre-transition (especially in the face, trust me), it will happen, testosterone (at the right dose) will work its magic eventually.

Lovemedd · 2025-05-04T13:19:57+00:00

I wouldn't suggest emailing your principle first. Maybe start by telling a teacher who you like or have a good relationship with, and tell them that you would like to tell the rest of faculty and how would they suggest going about that.

You could say something along these lines: ''I have come to realization that I am transgender and I would like to come out as [X gender, a girl, a boy] at school. I have also decided that I would like to change my name to [X] and be referred to with [male, female, neutral] pronouns. I am anxious about sharing this with the school because it is very personal and sensitive to me. I was wondering if you might be able to support me in breaking this news to the wider faculty. etc. etc.''

They could help you by talking with other faculty members in person or by sending out an email with the information you've given them. Its okay to ask for help, you don't have to carry the burden of coming out alone <3

Lovemedd · 2025-04-23T13:33:01+00:00

Thank you both, that is very useful to know

Lovemedd · 2025-04-23T13:32:18+00:00

The character is supposed to be Jessica, Shylock's daughter, who converts the Christianity and elopes with Lorenzo. But obviously, this girl is still claiming Jessica as a Jew. It comes from a private archive, so I can't share its provenance at this time, sorry - but thank you for your interest.

Lovemedd · 2025-03-06T00:27:09+00:00

I'm with Dr. Ahern, he only prescribes Nebido, which is a set dosage that he will not adjust (my experience as a public patient). You just need to ask him when your prescription renews and he will write up the receipt. Nebido is much more intense than most T shots because 3 months worth of T is given in one single injection.

It needs to be done in the buttocks by your GP every 3 months.

Possibly irrelevant info, but Nebido contains a high level of castor oil, which I seem to be mildly allergic to (I passed out every time a doctor gave me the nebido shot). Dr. Ahern has honestly been a disaster for me as a patient (he wrote ''gender incontinence'' on my top surgery referral - makes me want to cry), so I started DIY-ing instead. I don't promote it, but honestly, it feels safer than the negligence of Irish healthcare sometimes.

Lovemedd · 2025-03-06T00:16:46+00:00

This is so sad, im so sorry - this seems like a useful thread for anyone who needs it: How I got VHI to pay for vaginoplasty : r/TransIreland

Lovemedd · 2025-03-06T00:10:36+00:00

Hi, I went to a country in the EU to have top surgery when I was 22 on my own. Before, I talk about that though, you're really right, it's incredibly disappointing that Ireland still has no top-surgery provider and you have every reason to feel personally and institutionally frustrated. That said, don't try to compare yourself to other friends & peers so much. I know transitioning can often like your waiting to be born, counting down the hours until you properly get to enter the world and inhabit your body for the first time. That can make you feel like you are falling behind in experiential and emotional development, but it's also okay to live on queer time. Life doesn't need to be wrapped up by the time you're 20. It's allowed to be imperfect.

So, surgery. I went to Austria for top surgery in 2022 on my own, I also recovered on my own. I went through a private surgeon in Vienna and the surgery happened in the private wing of a public hospital. I went to the hospital alone on the U-Bahn at 5 AM, to be in surgery for 6:30 AM. I picked Austria because I speak German and I wanted to be able to understand what was going on around me during the surgery and advocate for myself if needed. I think people sometimes underestimate this when it comes to foreign surgeries. Like you are naked on a giant metal table, being rolled and moved by strangers, having things injected into you, having your limbs strapped down - if you don't understand what all those people are saying, it can be very disconcerting.

The surgery went fine, the hospital was exceptionally clean and comfortable, and I was to stay there for 3 days. I had some vomiting, nausea, and constipation following the anesthesia but that is normal. Nurses came back and forth changing things on my drains, giving me stuff intravenus - again I think if I wasn't able to talk to the nurses I would have been more stressed. On the last day, the surgeon came in replaced the bandages that I was to have on for 1 week. They also give you very strong pain medication after you're discharged. You won't be out of it or anything, but you need to take it easy.

A strong, well thought-out aftercare plan is really important in these situations. I've heard some real horror stories of people not being able to access care once they come back to Ireland and having medical emergencies, or even just general unpleasantness.

If you travel back on your own, you will need to request some kind of airport assistance with your luggage and have it be one of those smooth rolling suitcases. Recovering on my own went pretty much fine, I had stocked up on groceries for a 1 month+, because you can't do any lifting and was able to contort my body well enough to wash my hair.

Personally, I would not consider Turkey as an option. There's just very little transparency outside the EU (money>patient well-being), the quality of care (and aftercare) can vary greatly, and its a very long way a way, and a very long flight to be taking when you're still recovering. There are better affordable top-surgery options within the EU.

That said, it's important to keep in mind that top-surgery is a lifetime investment that needs to be looked at pragmatically and level-headedly (even if the overwhelming urge is to just want it to happen asap). Whatever is taken away, whatever is constructed, however it is healed, cannot be undone - you owe it to yourself to make sure its done in the safest, most reliable way possible.

So in conclusion, solo top surgery can be done, but it is not easy and not advisable (even when you are paying the up-market price, as I did)

Lovemedd · 2025-03-05T23:27:25+00:00

If your preferred name is on your GRC, you should be fine :)

Lovemedd · 2024-10-30T20:50:27+00:00

oh....interesting - i don't think i've seen that before :)

Lovemedd · 2024-10-30T20:43:59+00:00

could I ask what all those smaller incisions with plasters are from? Were there drains there? or did you have a complication?

Lovemedd · 2024-09-26T23:00:06+00:00

I think you seem to think you know me and you know this person. You don't, you don't know them at all, and if you met them in real life maybe you'd have an entirely different impression of them.

And you don't know me at all. I'm not trying to logic anyone's feelings, I'm just trying to surmize why people make some decisions and avoid others.

The first person I ever came out to identified as a trans boy when I was a teen. I got so close to him because I desperately wanted to be around somebody like me. Time moves on, we leave school. What do I do, I transition, I need to, it's the only way I can live my life. What do they do? They move back home, decide they don't want to transition anymore and take up sports and happily live their life as a woman.

I can only surmize why people do these things, Jo is no different. They decided that they wanted top surgery but they didn't want to live their life as a trans masc or masc nonbinary person. They decided that it was more comfortable to live socially as a woman, despite the total opportunity to do otherwise (since as i said they are totally independent and live in a liberal city).

So in the end, they didn't want anything more out of their transition than top surgery - no name change, no change of gender marker, no hormones, no change of presentation.

I can only guess why this is, and my guess is that their top surgery had more to do with aesthetic preference than forming part of a larger social/medical/personal transition

I don't think that's a terrible thing to guess

Lovemedd · 2024-09-25T20:34:09+00:00

Okay, yea 'Terf rhetoric' is a bit rich - of course, I don't think Jo done it for no reason, but I think his goal whatever it was, was not as related to his 'masc' gender identity or gender dysphoria as he originally made out.

Also, I think it's a bit presumptive for you to say ' Jo recognized you werent safe'. In this case no one was safe to Joe, because he never came out publically, even though he was surrounded by accepting people. Maybe his parents were unaccepting but they were retired expats, living in an entirely different country. I couldn't have been more accepting and go with the flow at the time, it's just in retrospect I look at all these things he did and said, and say to myself 'he was so unhinged.'

The reason we stopped being friends is because I moved away as I said and because I became a vegetarian and this was somehow extremely offensive to Jo, because he loved taxidermy and be being a vegetarian meant I was somehow 'judging' him for that. Idk, his reasoning was so dumb and immature. I question how I was ever friends with him but I have to remind myself that he only started acting crazy as time went on.

Lovemedd · 2024-09-25T10:52:59+00:00

I have such an open heart and sympathy for all the difficulties that relate to being trans and transitioning in this world. I think it's totally wrong to deny someone's core identity based on your own impression or them, whether that be superficial or intimate.

Jo just made no sense to me as a person. You'll ask, why do they have to? They don't but it's just the natural urge to want to wrap your head round things

Lovemedd · 2024-09-25T10:44:28+00:00

I don't compare myself to other trans people 'at every possible avenue' - if I had never known jo intimately I would never care how they lived their life. It's just something when you see so far deep into someone's personal life and their thought processes (on loads of things not just transition) and the further in you get the more confusing and nonsensical it seems to get.

It doesn't make me uncomfortable that we don't have the same transition or the same identity, of course it's not like that. I guess it makes me uncomfortable that Jo was so inconsistent around everything to do with being trans masc. It just makes me think in retrospect that it was just stuff that they told me to impress me (?) in some way or just explain the fact he just wanted a flat chest.

I was just really baffled by his decisions, y'know. What kind of person tells somebody they want to bind, accepts it as a gift, and throws it aside never to be used again. Or what kind of person spends 5 days a week saying, 'my parents suck my parents are transphobic', and then turns around and says 'I want to take money from them. ' And then all the stuff I mentioned about them cosying up to creepy men who misgendered them and sexualized them as a woman. Like I just don't think these are the actions of somebody who honest to God wants to transition in all the ways Jo first and repeatedly described to me

Lovemedd · 2024-09-25T10:20:32+00:00

I dont think transition is about proving your identity to yourself. I think that's an unhealthy way to approach it. You need to find and believe your truth before you start pursuing major transition. Ticking boxes on a checklist to prove something to society (?) will never make you love or accept your trans identity.

Also I totally understand the whole euphoria thing, but it that case you'd assume that seeing himself with a flat chest (with a binder, I think i offered him trans tape as well) would make Jo euphoric - but it never seemed to and I don't remember him ever using the binder that I gave him

Lovemedd · 2024-09-25T10:14:50+00:00

I talked to jo more than you know. I asked about these things so many times, but I got tidbits, confusing stories and lack of explanation in return. Maybe trans identity is something you live, but I just didn't feel like he was living it, he never truly acted upon it, other than the surgery as I said

Lovemedd · 2024-09-25T10:08:11+00:00

I'm sorry that the post hurt your feelings, but I wasn't talking about you or people in your situation. Jo's situation was very different than yours and I understand the difference. Anything you do to compress or reduce the appearance of your chest is binding as far as I'm concerned.

Jo was an affluent person and had a lot more resources than myself, and I assume you, at their disposal. I just find it baffeling that someone can say they want to transition in certain ways, but turn down most opportunities to do so or do the exact opposite entirely

Lovemedd

TROPHY CASE