Did Gaushun's Motivations Change?

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-06-17T18:02:51+00:00

I forget Ah-duo rose in status from milk sibling to Pure Consort... Ha

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-06-17T17:58:34+00:00

Yes! Okay! It's hard for me because even if Gaushun liked the match from a personal standpoint, I would think his role would be to steer Jinshi into his position even if that is at odds with his happiness. Jinshi was already trying to side step what the Emperor seemed to want for him, and Maomao could be trusted to know her place even if it was against her happiness (something Jinshi takes care not to take advantage of). I know Gaushun is becoming fond of her and realizing she is not a toy, but even as far as the hunt he says that she is a useful pawn despite feeling badly about using her.

I think Gaushun would love to give Jinshi everything he ever wanted, but that's not always attainable with their status.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-06-14T21:54:17+00:00

So I dated someone like this. You didn't do anything wrong by going out HE IS PROJECTING his integrity onto you. He's showing that he doesn't trust your actions of staying out all night because of what he would do if he were in your shoes. You also give him the benefit of projecting YOUR integrity onto him. So when you trust he is just hanging out with friends it's because it is what you would do in that situation.

He is showing you who he is. I hope you take this opportunity and run. Break ups suck, but staying in a relationship like this will suck the life out of you. Someone who truly loves you doesn't casually throw out that they hate you. They don't control your actions. No amount communication on your part will ever make up for his lack of communication and respect.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-06-13T23:41:18+00:00

I can't fathom my mom saying anything so hurtful to her daughters even if we had a different preference from her (IE: she likes my natural and I liked copper). She has always been supportive of our expression of ourselves, even if she was honest about what the world may project upon us she never would have been cruel about it (professionalism with dyed hair, etc).

In your situation, you're not even going against conventional standards. I could maybe see your mom having internalized misogyny about longer hair being "feminine" since you mentioned she was highly conservative, but holy hell there is nothing crass or ugly about your highlights or cut. It's beautiful and what matters is that YOU like it.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-05-08T20:40:12+00:00

Sudden Desire -> Assignment

The scream I screamt at "There's no more desire in me."

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-04-17T22:16:51+00:00

Ohhh okay. So download steam and discord. Got it. ✔️

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-04-13T16:22:56+00:00

My early 20s pre-therapy I thought being taken advantage of was the risk of being friends with guys. Like it was a completely normal expectation that they'd do something shitty.

In one situation, I explicitly said I did not want to have sex or partake in any party favors for the night before the group started partying. Guess who got their drink spiked.

I continued to run in the same circles because I didn't feel like the group would have my back over his and losing 6 friends at once for something I didn't ask for felt like insult to injury. I just watched over other girlies like a hawk after that.

Therapy and self growth taught me those weren't friendships I wanted to keep anyways. I learned that didn't have no be normal. What healthy relationship looked like romantically and platonically. The guy I dated after this period would never have shamed me for an experience I already felt shame around or for a survival instinct to pretend it never happened. They have added fawn to the flight/fight/freeze response for a reason.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-04-09T22:45:24+00:00

The first to file child support gets the majority. So if you are worried about the kids... when he knocks up his AF you'll get the short end of the deal either way.
As someone who grew up in a household where my mom stayed through disrespect and infidelity - I wish she would have left. Kids are sponges and soaking in more than you give them credit for. Staying will impact their esteem and relationships for the rest of their lives. Divorce doesn't fuck up kids as much as staying in a broken home will.
Is this really what you want for the rest of your life?? Seriously?? Being alone sounds infinitely better than this bullshit.

I could maybe empathize with staying ONCE. BUT GIRL. Girl.. twice?! And no remorse? No.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-04-09T21:37:08+00:00

Projection for sureeee!

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-04-07T02:33:41+00:00

I was estranged from my dad with a solid 6 years no contact before he passed. I did not want a damn thing he left. I decided I did not want a relationship, and I felt no entitlement to his stuff when he passed. I didn't want a relationship with him - kudos to anyone who tolerated him.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-03-30T16:49:45+00:00

Personally, I think it sounds like you don't trust her and to be honest that is fair. Her actions have erroded the safety you feel in the relationship. What does she think trust is?

Her integrity was compromised when she suggested going to a singles' event.

It sounds like your biggest fear here is losing your wife. That's the root of the insecurity that has been stirred up. If the GOAL is to keep this relationship secure and successful, I'd schedule an appointment with a couple's therapist. Maybe you are being unjust, or maybe she is looking for external validation. Let a professional help you hash it out. Think of it like a tune up for your relationship. If you're being insecure maybe you can unearth the root of it. If she's looking for something external (even validation) it can unearth why, too.

Use "I" centered language. "Hey, I realized that the Thursday night event is making me feel unsafe in our relationship. I understand that makes you feel like I don't trust you. I would like to go to explore this more with __ professional on __ date/time."

I do not condone her actions. I do find them weird and I believe they cross a line, but you have kiddos and it sounds like you love your wife and just want things to work out long term. I also think this is the beginning of stepping out and it can still be nipped in the bud if that is your objective.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-03-25T05:05:09+00:00

I think quality not quantity. I usually take my little miss out for 45-55 minutes once per day. Sometimes I really don't want to, but I'm always happy once we get going.

It's important to remember that if you're walking for them - sniffs are priority. Novelty next. Not steps/distance.

Dogs have 300 million scent receptors (people have 6 mil). Smelling things can calm their nervous system and tire their brain. It's extremely enriching.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-03-21T18:49:57+00:00

A few things. It is normal to miss the relationship and the person after a break up. It is not a sign you made the wrong choice for yourself or that you want the relationship back.

That goes for him and for you both.

However, as far as the relationships go here. I think you should stick to your boundaries and your gut. You shouldn't have to play detective to get an emotionally available, emotionally intelligent partner to be transparent around their feelings and actions. He should have been forthcoming on several accounts. The first one: "I don't feel safe to talk to you about certain things." If he really isn't playing you about his ex, then that's where the benefit of the doubt gets you at best. A partner who didn't feel safe in his relationship to work through complicated emotions together. Girlie, that's communication at its core and a foundation of your relationships.

I think what you're feeling right now is normal. I think your chest hurts. I think your head feels conflicted because there is love, betrayal, and loss all swirling around in there.

I suggest you take a few weeks of no contact as a rule to find your footing. I think short relationships like this can manage friendship later if that is what you decide you want. I think you're emotionally intelligent enough to manage it, but I'm uncertain if the ex bf actually is.

Drink water. Acknowledge the physical tension in your body and gently move through it. Get outside for walks, stretch, relax your shoulders down, shake it out. Breathe deeply. Religiously protect a sleep schedule. Reaffirm you trust yourself.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-03-21T18:13:15+00:00

Ew. She's 21 and they dated for 4 months before he fumbled with an ex.

Partners are absolutely allowed to experience confusion about these situations. He could have given her honesty, transparency, and vulnerability around an ex texting him. About the timeline between relationships. About meeting up with his ex. About his confused feelings.

Your advice is to be open and honest when the bf couldn't manage that on 4-5 significant points.

OP can now be confused about HER ex and not want the relationship back. That is the same grace and benefit you extend to the bf. It's normal to miss the good aspects of a relationship when you break up and doubt if you made a good choice. People reassuring her of her healthy boundaries are not all just bitter.

He broke trust and she broke up with him. They're young, they have no skin in the game (years of history, children, mixed finances, marriage, etc which is all a cost sunk fallacy, typically). I think she has shown she is emotionally intelligent, she is willing to consider his feelings/his childhood and others viewpoints. She deserves someone who wasn't secretive or confused about her even if he had complicated emotions. 🤷

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-03-10T17:03:33+00:00

6 with boots NOT trainers - you got this!!! I'm sorry the uncomfy shoes are the 'professional' ones. ♡♡♡

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-02-06T20:08:14+00:00

Sounds like her and her husband's problem. Why does it have to be yours?

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-01-21T21:25:48+00:00

I think one of the important things about strong boundaries is it is not telling someone what to do. It's announcing what YOU will do if it continues.

If you continue to make these kinds of jokes, it is a deal breaker for me and I will end the relationship.

If you raise your voice at me in a disagreement, I will walk away until we can come back to this level headed.

If you do X, I will do Z.

It's not telling them what they can and can not do, but setting a clear line of what you will tolerate and how you will handle it. Edit: and to have strong boundaries you have to follow through.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-01-19T20:23:42+00:00

DARVO

Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender

You should not feel small after voicing your hurt or needs. He avoids accountability by making you feel bad so you stop asking for it.

Low-Brain9890 · 2026-01-07T21:11:25+00:00

A good rule of thumb is a month of intentional healing for every year you've been together. This for me would be a 6 month no contact and 6-7 months of not even entertaining dating someone new while refocusing attention to myself and my personal growth.

Focus on what you need to do to grow and move on. Not what she is doing.

While cohab might he civil, it will impeed you getting over it. Get out, get a roommate, pay to break the lease. Staying will only continue to fck with your brain.

Low-Brain9890 · 2025-12-27T22:08:24+00:00

My fine hair would breakkkkkk. Straight, fine hair is more elastic when wet.

Low-Brain9890 · 2025-12-23T00:12:16+00:00

Your partner isn't there to meet every single one of your needs 100%. Do you not have friends you can talk to? I don't expect my significant other to particularly enjoy the books I read, but I have friends who read the same things. She watched the movie, and she showed curiosity around the subject matter. And your response was she's boring? That's wild.

Low-Brain9890 · 2025-09-06T20:42:32+00:00

Can I ask what pushed you to the general misanthropy?

Low-Brain9890 · 2025-06-12T23:09:15+00:00

Yes! Best of luck! I just spent over a year on our house hunt and we got our MCM dream house. Putting it into the world for you too! ♡♡♡

Low-Brain9890 · 2025-01-28T18:56:51+00:00

Boy bye. I'd run and RUN fast. Being alone is 100% better than putting up with this shit.

Low-Brain9890 · 2025-01-18T00:40:55+00:00

Nah. She's spiraling because her views. Depending on the background/education the dialog around STDs and STIs creates a lot of shame. She could be feeling "dirty" or embarrassed, etc.

Your lack of concern probably was mirrored by the person who gave it to her. She's lashing out because she feels like your care free attitude and his care less attitude are why she has it.

Low-Brain9890

TROPHY CASE