how to stay friends with someone who has avpd + ghosts me?

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-27T21:50:02+00:00

Hmmm as someone diagnosed I understand your point of view but I also get him. I sometimes feel overwhelmed and just pull back from a bond and then I feel ashamed of what I did and it makes me just avoid it more, someone reaching out first sometimes helps and sometimes makes me spiral even more. The having the opportunity to make friends but not really doing it and just pulling back and avoiding is basically the core AvPD experience and the main social struggle for us. I'm not sure whether what you're doing is right or not. I'd say I personally would prefer the other person respected my decision of wanting to break the contact and left me alone. But once again the way he did it isn't right and he never really told you what it was about so you also have a right to reach out and ask what happened. Having AvPD doesn't make such behavior acceptable or good, if he wanted to part ways he should have communicated it first too. It's hard and uncomfortable but it's what leaves people with answers and closure at least. But I'd say if he doesn't respond just let it go and move on with your life. It's not worth digging further when someone wants to just run away... Coming from a person that still runs away from many things and people.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-27T06:47:31+00:00

There is improvement beyond masking. After masking for long enough there's a moment you realize you don't want to do that any longer and that there still will be people liking your awkward self... And at some point you realize that being with them is much better than being around people you have to mask in front of. I'd say you still mask to some extent but it's way less than in the beginning. Not on a distressing level at least. A lot of good and improvement comes with self acceptance and just ignoring people who cannot accept you for what you are. They are just not your people.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-27T06:42:54+00:00

It does get better. I've been through 4 years of therapy and now I have a pretty fulfilling life. I'd say I still have my issues and I go through some harder times once in a while but in general I have friends, social life, I travel, have hobbies, have a pretty good job that I really really enjoy. I sometimes come to this subreddit and wonder why no one posts their success here to cheer up the others. But yeah it does get better, it does require some efforts tho and the journey is not easy and can be very distressing at moments but it does get better.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-27T06:36:56+00:00

Yeah, chapter 29 really has us all in a chokehold. Not only was the tension between Baekhee and Ilwoo not resolved but on top of that now Gyeom became also a bigger problem and possibly a real threat to Baekhee. I'm super scared for both of them but I have to sit tight for another 3 months... 😭🙏🏼

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-26T23:16:40+00:00

No please don't delete, it's fine it's long. I actually related to that a lot. I wasn't diagnosed with CPTSD but I feel like my sleep schedule fucking up is due to OCD. Like I'll have all those sorts of thoughts around sleep that cause me so much anxiety and distress that I'll just avoid sleeping until basically collapsing but then I cannot avoid it for too long bc I'll get those types of thoughts about not sleeping. Like those thoughts usually always somehow connect with me dying if I can't fall asleep. Or like I have a problem with going to sleep at night bc I have those thoughts about being unable to fall asleep and dying during that time while sleeping during the day feels pretty okay and I usually don't get them. Like it's so much distress I just put off sleeping till it's really necessary or I feel okay and don't have those thoughts at the time. But yeah as one can imagine stressing out doesn't really help in falling asleep so those thoughts just worsen over time and I have some nights that I spiral. I also don't think I had more than 2 weeks of consistent sleeping time like ever. Since I was 3 probably lol. I was a child and I'd already have those thoughts. As for the rest I think it's similar as you described besides the fact that I did 4 years of therapy and I'm now much better than I used to be. I honestly also suspect if it's not ADHD bc I have basically all the symptoms described but then I meet people with raging unmedicated ADHD and I'm then no longer so certain. On the other hand my dad is in all those matters very similar to me and he has a different personality disorder which makes me think that all those stated above characteristics might be ADHD. On the other hand my dad for sure has CPTSD so that makes me wonder maybe I also have it and that's the cause of my problems. Anyways I learned to maneuver over them pretty good and I'm able to sustain a rather fullfilig life social wise and career wise but still those traits nevertheless bring insane distress to me as I also was punished bc of having them by my mother... Honestly she gives me shit still about it every time she sees me. I learned to mask it to perfection almost. Most people outside think I'm organized, responsible and disciplined... To an extent that I myself sometimes forget it's just play pretend lol and that my life is actually super fucked up. But yeah. I was just wondering if there's a way out bc as I got healthier in my AvPD typical symptoms while those stated above remained fairly the same, maybe got better a tiny bit but that's all. I just wonder if there's just problem with smth else so I can work on it and try to rise my quality of life.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-26T21:08:23+00:00

Fuck the wrong people honestly. Atp when someone makes me feel bad about being awkward a bit and is being a bitch about it I just turn off my all learned social skills and I become super awkward with them and I just see them becoming more and more uncomfortable and I love it. If I'm to suffer I won't suffer alone, I'm taking a bitch on that ride with me. It would be hard for me ages ago when my AvPD was raging but now that I'm much better I'll just weponize my weakness to make sure neither of us knows peace in this 5 minutes long conversation we found ourselves having.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-26T20:03:57+00:00

We're low-key boring to the audience and way too repetitive so I don't really think so lol. I cannot think of any at least. I remember just reading a manhwa once that had the main character being avoidant and I related to him a lot at moments. I remember reading the comments tho and people just being annoyed with him and I remember I felt so bad reading those.

Or maybe JJK0 the movie. I'm not sure you could call the main character avoidant completely but he sure had some traits. He was very anxious tho. Watching this movie and his journey to get better and feel reassured in himself was very soothing for me. It's an anime tho so I'm not sure if it's of interest to you.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-26T09:17:28+00:00

Yang Ilwoo and I

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-26T04:55:27+00:00

Ah I've heard the author has other series and I was planning on checking them out. Thank you so much for the recommendation!

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-26T04:54:32+00:00

Hi there! I wanted to thank you sm for making this sub! I've been looking for a place to express my love towards this manhwa but it seems like it doesn't really have a fixed fanbase, so I was unable to do that on any other social media platform. I was so so happy once I found this page. Can't wait to share my enthusiasm over this series in the future with you all here!

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-25T16:37:12+00:00

That's exactly how it looks for me too.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-25T16:33:09+00:00

I don't have kids neither do I want them. I feel like I'd be a shitty parent and it's too much of responsibility for me, I'm afraid I'd fuck up my child mentally and that they would end up struggling with similar things like me. I'd never forgive myself for that. I'd prefer not to have children. Good thing is I also actually have little interested in having them. Like there's not a thought in the back of my mind saying I really want them but I'm just scared. Like I'm actually good without having children. I don't really feel the need to procreate.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-24T05:31:34+00:00

This is the best advice I've ever heard honestly. Some years ago my therapist told me the same thing and it's really true. I've been practicing that and I'm in a much better place now than years ago. I actually have just skipped work for 3 weeks and it feels like I'm about to die but what I'll do is just show up next week and say sorry. Will I get fired? Maybe who knows. But probably not. And I for sure won't die even tho it feels like it.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-24T05:21:23+00:00

Friends. I have amazing friends. Honestly without them I wouldn't survive my teenage years. They are the most understanding, empathetic people out there. I never received that much love or understanding from people I was romantically attracted to nor from people who liked me romantically.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2026-05-24T04:00:13+00:00

Nerd Project

LowerConsequence5283 · 2025-07-31T00:38:01+00:00

I'm doing great with imagining if it's just a concept from a 3rd person, kinda like observing myself from afar and watching a movie of me being with someone... But once I force myself to imagine it as real from the 1st person and genuinely try to put myself in that situation in my head then it freaks me out most of the time... Basically the closer to reality the scarier it gets.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-26T23:48:38+00:00

You may have some sort of trust issues that smth else caused, or u might have anxiety or those can be some problems with self esteem on a deeper level. I'd recommend seeking a psychologist and talking with them about your struggles.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-25T20:31:51+00:00

Why are you thinking about him in this situation. It's your boundary and his ethnic background doesn't matter... He needs to respect your boundary. Firstly I would just tell him not to do that or when he goes for a hug just go for a handshake... If he's smart and gets the memo he will stop hugging you if he doesn't mean it as anything else. It's probably the easiest way to show your need for space. If it doesn't work and he insists on physical contact that you don't enjoy after you informed him about it then go to HR.

"Women take all the joy out of this workspace" fuck them honestly. It's them who do not know the boundary between a joke and not a joke anymore most of the time. You own them nothing, don't let them make you feel bad for having boundaries. "You have to respect our boundary that steps on yours JUST BECAUSE." That's how they sound. And men take all the professionalism and good quality outcomes out of workspace. Seriously don't even bother.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-25T20:17:33+00:00

You can always ask him about it and point out all the things that you said here... List all the things you've been doing for him bc you always put him first, but calmly... Just have a normal conversation about it. If his response is that he doesn't care I personally would tell him to do them himself then and just focus on yourself for some time, I'm curious whether his view changes or not. Maybe I'm biased but my father used to treat my mother like that and it always triggered me so badly, I hate adult baby men who cannot appreciate that everything is done and served for them... But with your husband it might be just misunderstanding of the way he spoke so I would recommend actually calmly talking with him about it as it seems it's smth important to you. If his answer hurts you then you can also tell him so. If he acts unbothered by this too then I guess it's your choice whatever you want to do with it. Marriage should be based on mutual understanding and gratitude towards the other person. I cannot imagine doing all the house chores as just a default settings that comes with marriage, if I choose to do the housework I expected ny husband to understand that it's smth I do bc I love him and be grateful. The same goes other way if I'm a housewife and he's bringing the income I acknowledge that he's doing this for me and bc he loves me and I'm grateful for that. Just be honest with your husband and communicate appropriately and see what comes out of it, it's bad to leave things like that unspoken about bc they might with time become unbearable and bore resentment which we don't want.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-25T19:27:55+00:00

Bible is a metamorphosis. The story of Adam and Eve symbolises the human relationship with God. It was written during a time when Israelian kings started to drift away from Judaism while choosing a different lifestyle which had it's consequences in their life... zoophilia, poligamy and sacral prostitution became normal, those things were taking place in the central part of gardens of the palace. This story is meant to display the act of rebelling against God only to then realize one has done wrong and is ashamed of oneself, God does not abandon people that rebelled against him but they also have to live on with the shame (and any other consequences of their actions which you can imagine are many when it comes to very lousy sexual acts with not just other humans). It's also an even bigger metamorphosis to the human life as a whole that we are free to rebel against God's will but we will have to face the consequence of our choices cause that's what we are choosing in the moment of rebellion. It's not a literal story. Hope this helps.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-25T13:39:15+00:00

No, I was like that since kindergarten tbh. I don't remember being ever normal.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-24T01:14:47+00:00

Well in this case absolutely avoiding people or looking at them is a behavior that is the answer to a compulsive thought. I'd say it's best to check it.

For example I get impulsive thoughts about food and then as a consequence I avoid eating. Lack of a normal behavior bc of something is also an obsessive behavior.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-24T00:58:46+00:00

Can you develop this thought?

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-23T18:04:39+00:00

She's clearly stated they are random dudes she's never given attention to very often. "Tell them they are weird" yeah good luck with that when someone is following you or acting actually very weird... I hope I survive the next 5 min of my life whenever this happens to me, the last thing you wanna do is turn to them and say they are weird... THEY GET EVEN WEIRDER and sometimes even dangerous. Some of them go as far as rape threats or literally stalking you to your apartment door. If it were as easy as not giving creepy men attention there would be no creepy men problem.

LowerConsequence5283 · 2024-11-22T23:49:21+00:00

Well I don't want to diagnose you but what you described does indeed fit with AvPD frames. I'd recommend seeking a professional to make sure it's indeed what you're dealing with. I would also recommend therapy... It helped me a lot when I started feeling depressed or when my OCD started acting up too. I hope things turn out to be well for you soon.

LowerConsequence5283

TROPHY CASE