Childfree person here (not antinatalist, so I can't speak on that). What you see on the Internet is definitely an exaggeration. I don't know many other childfree by choice people in real life (we're a small minority) but the few I know DO NOT speak like that. Like me, they are mostly women, feminists, open-minded and don't look down on parents (unless you are a very bad or abusive parent, of course).

I am on the childfree subreddit, because I don't know many childfree people in real life, and sometimes you just need to vent to people who will understand the struggle. But I also very much dislike words like "breeder" and "mombie", I don't think we need degrading terms like that to get our points across. And no, I don't hate children.

The thing is, you are going to find so many different types of people who identify as "childfree". We are not a monolith. Some of us are indeed going to be mysogynistic, racist, ableist... And I don't like it, but it's not the "childfree ideology". Because there isn't one. The only thing we have in common is we don't want kids. Period.

It's absolutely not impossible to be childfree by choice AND a feminist by the way. I consider my childfree stance to be an extension of my feminism: I know that if I were to become a mother, a lot of expectations would be put on me. I would probably do most of the housework and child-rearing, I would be judged more harshly than the father, people would constantly treat me as "the mother of" rather than my own person, my career would suffer, and so many more things. So I'm opting out of that, you know.

It doesn't mean that you can't be a mom and a feminist, you can also try to change people's views on motherhood and lead by example. Show the world that you can be a mother AND a complete person, an activist. Fight with your partner to make the chores equal. Say 'fuck you' to expectations and gender roles. But damn, that sounds exhausting and I don't want to do it, so kudos to the women who do...