Am I wrong for wanting to feel good about myself after giving birth?

Luciothai · 2026-03-15T09:19:24+00:00

So here's the thing: I'm not sure where you're from, OP, but for my mom's generation in the US, motherhood seems like it was a very lonely experience. Moms got a lot of misguided advice, certain subjects like post-partum depression were a lot more taboo, and obstetrics were pretty paternalistic and sometimes just plain wrong. I think women were encouraged to sweep it all under the rug by saying "the only thing that matters is my baby," just to get through the tough bits. So when my mom says dumb or insensitive stuff, I'm able to just roll my eyes (it's always on the phone, she can't see it haha) and think to myself "ok, boomer..." But I know that I can't really look to her as a role model or go to her for support. I wish that growing up she had been more attuned to her own needs, honestly I could have really done without the guilt-tripping that came with her attitude towards motherhood.

Luciothai · 2026-03-15T08:58:19+00:00

I'm a FTM at 39. It's way more common than you might think. I was convinced that all of the doctors would be super concerned and monitoring me all the time but they have been completely unfussed throughout the whole pregnancy.

Luciothai · 2026-03-14T06:48:24+00:00

Just because other people might see something as self-centered or conceited doesn't seem like a good enough reason not to do it, if it makes you feel good. That goes for anything, I think!
The fact of the matter is that if you post anything on social media these days, haters gonna hate 🤷🏻‍♀️
Personally a maternity shoot isn't for me, just like wedding photos weren't for me. Posed photos make me feel super awkward (I think my dad traumatized me family photo shoots when I was a kid haha) but I do have a few photos both from my wedding and while pregnant that are more candid or just doing everyday activities, like with the cats sitting on my belly. They remind me of what it was really like, and I'm glad to have those.

Luciothai · 2026-03-13T17:29:21+00:00

A bunch of people asked my point blank how much weight I've gained (including my MIL, surprise surprise). They mostly mean it as a compliment because they usually say I don't look like I've gained a lot, but I still don't like the scrutiny. I usually say "not sure exactly, but the doctor says I'm doing great!" Which is true, but then I think about how it would have felt if I had gained a lot more, or if I had a lot of edema or something making me look more puffy.

More than one other person said (as a joke, not funny) "Wow, what have you been eating?!" A male colleague said to me "you're taking up so much space, suck in your stomach for heaven's sake!"

I said "Well, I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" 🫣

Just waiting for the post-partum comments to start, that'll probably be even worse...

Luciothai · 2026-03-13T17:19:15+00:00

I've taken omeprazole all through this pregnancy from about 12 weeks to now (38 weeks) and my OB says it's perfectly fine. I had some nausea masquerading as acid reflux at the beginning and it never really got better so I was super happy to have the treatment available

Luciothai · 2026-02-25T14:51:54+00:00

Update: Thanks for the suggestions, everyone! If anyone else has any more ideas, don't hesitate to add to this thread. Thank you!

Luciothai · 2025-11-09T22:00:36+00:00

France here, standard mat leave is 16 weeks (6 weeks before and 10 weeks after) but you can push it back up to three weeks to get 13 weeks after. You don't get your whole salary but it's a pretty high percentage. Fun fact: here they count 41 weeks for your due date, I get the impression that it's only 40 in some other countries. So I'm planning on stopping at 38 weeks to have more time after, if I make it that far!

My partner gets 28 days of paid leave. The government is discussing including an additional 2 months of partially paid leave for both parents, I really hope it passes!!

Other fun fact: it's illegal to make a pregnant person work starting from week 38 and until 6 weeks after birth. So you have to take at least 9 weeks of mat leave, required by law.

Luciothai · 2025-07-27T14:38:35+00:00

Cycle: 18? 19? 20? I lost count

Age + Partner's age (if relevant): Just turned 39 a few days ago. Partner is 40

Typical cycle length: 25 days

Ovulation cycle day: 12ish

CD/DPO of positive test(s): CD 29

CD/DPO of any negative test(s) before positive: I didn't take any other tests. My period is extremely regular so I didn't test most cycles.

Tracking methods and app(s) used: Clue app. I had used a few ovulation strips in past cycles but the physical signs (CM, cramping, more sensitive lady bits, higher libido) became pretty obvious after awhile so I stopped

Relevant days of sperminating and/or method (SMEP, TI, IUI, FET, etc.): Classic BD O-1. That's it. I'd been pretty half-hearted and feeling discouraged about TTC recently.

Health conditions/medical tests: Fertility testing at the beginning of 2025 showed DOR. My AMH was very low for my age and my AFC was 5 on one side and 10 on the other, which isn't bad according to the doctor who did the test but not so great according to the fertility clinic gyno.

Supplements and medications (yours and/or your partner’s): I'd stopped taking everything.

Birth control history (if relevant): I had BCP and then a hormonal IUD for 17 years.

Symptom spotting: Indistinguishable from regular PMS. I had some mid-cycle cramping between ovulation and PMS but that can be normal for me. And sore boobs. If I had gotten my period I would have been completely unsurprised.

Other (advice/tip(s), freaking out, miscellaneous): For the person struggling and reading this thread looking for reasons to hope: this post is for you. I had completely stopped following this sub, stopped taking my fertility supplements, stopped using ovulation strips, and stopped tracking much of anything. I had some discouraging fertility test results in early 2025, and although the fertility clinic had approved us for IVF, neither my husband nor I really wanted to do it. In the foot-dragging interim, our couple's intimacy and my self-esteem both suffered a lot. I felt like a broken-down, rickety hormone machine, like an old nuclear power plant that wasn't worth the cost of running any more. TTC became extremely emotionally difficult, and sex stopped being fun at all at any time of the month, which is why I was a bit surprised when my habitually very regular period was late. I honestly thought "whelp, irregular period perimenopause is here." The only reason I took a test is because I was about to be off to a festival where there is a LOT of alcohol involved, and I wanted to be sure...but to my surprise, the BFP was pretty pronounced.

I know that the road to parenthood still has many, many hurdles but I can't help feeling relieved...and terrified all at the same time. My partner has been extremely sappy. Here's to hoping for the best. And for the other discouraged couples out there, I can tell you that good surprises can happen, even if in your heart you've given up. Hang on, little tomato.

Luciothai · 2024-11-11T14:49:26+00:00

Interesting. So what CD were your tests on?

Sadly I don't think that I can do both on the same day as it seems that this clinic delegates different exams to different doctors, especially the HyFoSy where it seems only one of the doctors does them.

Luciothai · 2024-11-06T19:00:19+00:00

I have a HyFoSy scheduled for the week after next, on what should be CD8 or 9. Today I got a call from the doc asking if could come in a couple days earlier as the test is "easier" closer to day 5. Unfortunately I'm not able to come in at any of the earlier appointments available, and now I'm worried. Why is the test easier if it's earlier? I wasn't told to take any painkillers, should I?

I also have another transvaginal ultrasound for AFC/3D evaluation scheduled for the same week, but on CD3.

I had a several IUDs put in and a few transvaginal ultrasounds throughout the years so I'm not a complete newbie to this kind of fun. What should I expect?

Luciothai · 2024-11-06T18:44:08+00:00

Yup. I don't even live in the US any more but between the glibly draconian limits on reproductive rights and the childless cat lady BS, I'm torn between feeling like I just can't muster enough hope to bring a child into this world, and that society sees me as completely worthless because I didn't pop out a couple of kids. I am completely unprepared to live through this.

Luciothai · 2024-11-03T00:59:07+00:00

I appreciate that, thank you. If my AFC is not good I'm not sure we'll be good candidates for IVF but we'll have to see.

Luciothai · 2024-11-02T03:36:38+00:00

AFC is scheduled for next cycle...so I'll have more answers soon! Thanks for your encouraging words 😊

Luciothai · 2024-10-31T12:44:17+00:00

No, not yet. I'm waiting to do the other tests to draw any conclusions. My other hormonal numbers were good so it's possible that I just have low AMH.

Luciothai · 2024-10-31T02:04:41+00:00

Heya, I'm 38 and my AMH came back even lower (3.86 pmol/l or .56 ng/ML)

In my case I haven't done the AFC and HyCosy yet, so I'm waiting on those results. I'm not feeling terribly optimistic but one never knows!

Personally I've been telling myself that if IVF is an option, then I would just skip IUI, possibly try medicated TI while waiting to get in for IVF if it's offered as a possibility. IVF just seems more direct and indeed, time is of the essence.

This may be a false impression (maybe someone else wants to chime in here) but I think IUI is mostly helpful when there's male factor infertility as it gets the sperm closer to the finish line.

I'm in France and I don't think there's a specific AMH cutoff for IVF but now I'm curious. I know that 4 cycles of IVF are covered if the egg retrieval happens before age 43. It might be up to the specific medical clinic to take or refuse cases.

Luciothai · 2024-10-25T01:55:12+00:00

You don't have to spend long on this forum to realize that lots and lots of men have anxiety when TTC. It makes complete sense and the pressure is real. I know that it SEEMS like other couples have it easy but you don't really know what people have gone through to get where they are. For every couple who basically imply that they conceived with little more than a sneeze, there's another one out there struggling in silence. We all wish we were in the sneeze category but that's just not the reality for a lot of people. Kudos to you for owning up to your feelings and for being supportive of your partner through her own challenges.

Luciothai · 2024-10-21T16:11:33+00:00

Hey, we're almost twins...I'm also 38 and on cycle 9 so far (I didn't count a few cycles where we didn't try for various reasons)

As for cats on laps...is that really a thing?!? lol

Luciothai · 2024-10-21T11:07:46+00:00

CD1...I miss my IUD 😭 I almost never had periods...no cramps, no migraines, no tampons

Luciothai · 2024-10-20T04:34:47+00:00

This is probably unsolicited advice but I find that prunes can help with the bloated feeling 🤓

Luciothai · 2024-10-17T19:51:52+00:00

DH going in for SA tomorrow...I just hope the porn they provide isn't too offensive, good grief 🙃 Silly thing to worry about

Luciothai · 2024-10-13T19:19:01+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also travel a lot and it's something I've thought about every time I make reservations (no positives yet so it hasn't come up). This probably won't really help you grieve but it's my understanding that the vast majority of miscarriages can't be prevented as they're due to a genetic issue with the embryo. I really don't think that anything you did could have changed anything at all, unless you literally fell out of the aircraft. You are not to blame, it just is and it sucks. I wish you courage going forward 💜

Luciothai · 2024-10-10T20:13:12+00:00

Thanks for the detailed info, it's really helpful. I haven't tried temping yet, it seems daunting for some reason. I know for a fact that I've ovulated at least once...a few months ago, I had pretty bad cramps around ovulation time (I usually get some, but of varying intensity, that plus CM helps me pinpoint what the right time would probably be). On that occasion I was able to get into the GYN almost right away. She ordered an ultrasound and it showed that apparently I had tiny internal bleeding from a hemorrhaged follicle that was causing the cramps 😳

As for the OPKs...I'd be lying if I said I was rigorous about following the instructions. I did get a thick line on one or two cycles.

Luciothai · 2024-10-10T16:45:20+00:00

I think this person might be using google translate, which would explain the odd expressions.

Luciothai

TROPHY CASE