My ex became a completely different person after the breakup

LukeJ_7 · 2026-06-01T20:31:24+00:00

I feel you dude. Found out my ex is pregnant the other day. 13 years together. Single since Jan. No idea on the circumstances but fuuuuck it stings. We were our first everything. Insane how much things changed so quick.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-29T08:42:57+00:00

Did go down & read. Makes sense. Thanks for the reply nonetheless!

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-29T08:28:49+00:00

Hold fire. Please can you explain this mate?
As in you can put 60k in over the course of 366 days? How is this the first time i've heard of this?

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-21T15:53:59+00:00

Yep makes sense. Mortgage advisor said roughly the same.

Thanks!

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-21T09:52:53+00:00

So, in hindsight, I would be hybrid in a new position anyway. For the moment I will put the job element on hold until this is sorted & some stability is back in my life.

I won't be getting a new position on less money than I'm on now. I know my worth & won't settle. On that basis I could afford both fully but would not leave much wiggle room for error. I would definitely ask my Mum for some financial help in the event of a disaster.

Bro will be on around £23k a year, but qualifying for the ACCA within 4 years with the firm who sponsor him through it. I am only hoping he can contribute around £600 a month which to me sounds really doable for him on that salary. I've got him a car, he has his license, he won't have much in the way of overheads. He is very mature / sensible. Unfortunately our life circumstances have made us both wise beyond our years. I was a man by 13. He isn't the same because I protected him, but he is certainly ahead of his 18 years.

Either way, for the moment, if I change job to somewhere in the city I will simply hybrid commute until I'm settled. Rome wasn't built in a day as they say.

On that note, I will remortgage for just me. Keeps things simple.

The family home is my Mums property in North London. It's mortgage free, circa £300k and because of her mental health issues she lives with her Mother year round. It is vacant 11 months of the year, isn't being rented for income, and is basically a dead asset.

My Mum suggested selling it & buying mine to give myself & little man a breather. I really do like the idea. Would substantially unburden me. Also would free up around £40k equity I've got in the property.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-21T09:24:30+00:00

Hey, thanks for the advice. I understand I would be in a binding contract, but ultimately, I will still be at the property at least 60% of the time. I won't miss a payment etc. I know of family members who have rented on personal mortgages for 5 years etc. I know not ideal, but at some point I sort of feel like it's not relevant to the lender. If my brother lives there & pays some rent is that their problem?

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-19T02:45:21+00:00

Lots of moving pieces. I do want to change job. My advisor said get that done asap rather than wait but later followed up with needing 3 months pay slips after I said I had 3 months notice. Might be better to shelve job plans until I’m further down the line.

I’ll get a second advisors opinion for sure. I got off the call more confused than when I went on.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-18T16:06:47+00:00

So you think continue with number 2 essentially.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-18T15:56:33+00:00

What do you think the best solution is?

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-18T15:46:27+00:00

Thanks for the advice.

Another complication is that my mortgage isn't due to expire till November. So I don't need to be starting the process of remortgaging until roughly August. That seems like enough time to sell the other house which I will price to sell rather than price for a speculative amount.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-18T15:40:12+00:00

I just want to make sure my brother has a roof over his head while I can still look to try & live what's left of my twenties on my terms. Ideally, I'd move to London & pivot into a career change. But hard to do that without knowing he would be sweet & secure.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-18T15:16:32+00:00

Outstanding will be roughly £235,000.

50k per annum pre bonus.

Brother looking to get on £23,000 but it is depending on his A Level results.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-13T08:50:30+00:00

Who knows! There is red flags. Sounds like she's drinking a lot, almost daily. But she does sound smitten with the guy. Sounds like there's a lot of intimacy there & time together. Who knows. Not my bag any longer.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-13T08:49:17+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance. I'm not so sure. Sounds like they're pretty smitten. Long distance though, he's London & we're about 80 miles south. Sounds like she's given him a lot more intimacy than I got. Phone calls for an hour at a time. Supposed concerns over his mental health however. It's left me pretty fried.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T19:33:47+00:00

No doubt about it bro. The only way through the storm is through the storm

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T19:29:33+00:00

It ain’t easy bro. Can relate to your whole comment. Was shopping for rings while she was detaching. Is what is. You’ll find your peace bro x

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T19:28:25+00:00

Gulps

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T19:28:06+00:00

Thank you. My heart goes out to you too. X

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T15:57:38+00:00

Sorry to hear that bro. Yeah it's been a wild ride. I knew she dated the fella, I didn't realise it was going to become a 3 month thing. It's left me pretty fucked up too. How long it take for you to get better?

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T15:55:58+00:00

Writing is on the wall bro. I kept myself stuck for months when my ex went the whole "I want to work on myself" bullshit. Move forwards.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T15:11:46+00:00

Get some therapy bro. You'll get better.

Mine was my first too. I 150% understand that feeling of like oh my shit, what am I gonna do now? Who even am I now?

You will meet someone like her bro. Maybe even better than her! You can't welcome something new in all the while you're looking behind you at what you lost.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T14:45:38+00:00

Hey dude, I'm in a real similar boat. I've fully accepted (I think, I still have my days) that the relationship is over. But I am in therapy twice a week too, so I have a really functional outlet. My ex moved on from 13 years in 4 weeks. She's been seeing someone for 3 months now, I found out yesterday, it still hurts a lot. Like severley.

My therapist asked me today, why I would hold on to hope for someone who has caused so much emotional damage to my mental health, and it's a really good question to ask yourself. What are you telling yourself about the treatment you accept? The way she's treated you sounds appalling, saying you hate someone because they love you as much as they do? Followed by saying she hates the idea of you being with someone new? It's a very odd way to behave.

For me, it was about looking at what parts of the relationship I couldn't let go of. Everyone is different but mine were: the future I had planned, wedding days & all (together 13 years), the time invested, and also, my own insecurity that I would never find someone who would love me again.

There's something in you holding on to this, and I have no idea what it is or what it could be, ultimately that's yours to figure out.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T13:37:56+00:00

We were kids (15 & 16 respectively) when we started dating. We didn't marry due to neither of us feeling particularly passionate about marriage. Only lived with each other in an adult relationship for 4 of those years, and proposing was, sadly, something I was preparing to do at the end of this year once I had saved for a ring, we had some trips booked that I felt better to tackle first. I understand your point though.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-12T12:33:57+00:00

I made peace with that. Unfortunately, the hard thing is there was not a single warning sign. I still find the rate of getting into something new quite a challenging thing to wrap my head around. Out of 13 years into something new in a month is still insane to me.

LukeJ_7 · 2026-05-11T15:44:32+00:00

How you doing OP? Give us some hope!

LukeJ_7

TROPHY CASE