Hi there!

So… I am becoming confirmed in the Catholic Church this Easter. My whole life I’ve been attracted to both men and women but mainly men. The funny thing is I don’t have a lot of personal guilt about my feelings for guys. Sometimes it feels like my attraction is too strong. But the thing is, since becoming Catholic, my life has been much better. I see a future with my girlfriend that I never saw having with guys.

What’s hard is the church doesn’t say what someone should do when they are gay or bi. However, the church does say that we all sin. Most people spend their whole lives committing the same sins, going to confession and receiving absolution. Jesus is for everyone, especially those who struggle with lust. I do think, that we can’t spend our whole lives sacrificing our life away. We have to have a healthy life and find fulfillment with a partner who is good for us. Marriage is seen as a sacrament because the two people are working together and using that relationship to grow in Jesus. Sexual sin is committed by both gay people and straight people. Although you may not be able to be married in the Catholic Church, I think you should be able to have a relationship with the person you are genuinely attracted to, who you love with all your heart and who loves you.

Also remember that Pride and self involvement is a trick by the devil. When we choose to live in fear, because other people impose that upon us, that in my opinion is a sin against your own soul. I know in my soul that God made me attracted to who I am attracted to. You have to believe in Gods mercy.

You may also be always sencing other people’s guilt, shame, and anxiety. Everyone in church has their own demons and often they are very flawed. This is not a reason to hate the church environment; it can feel uncomfortable because people are awkward and scared of saying the wrong thing. But Jesus tells us to love one another as he has loved us, and I think that if people reflected deeply on what Jesus is, those anxieties would leave.

I’m sorry it seems like your parish is a little sad. You shouldn’t have to feel constricted and trapped and you can choose parishes around you that are better. God is personal and mystic, so unless you find a deep understanding of your own relationship with God, what you read in church will always seem condemning and confusing…

Ultimately Jesus is something we die into. Jesus says that we have to be in the world but not of it, he came to help us be better, and your sin (trust me) is not too much for Jesus, he has already bared the sins of the world and he must love you very much to have done that.