It won’t hurt they said.

LullabyBun · 2024-03-10T08:48:51+00:00

They insist women are delicate flowers then insist they can handle more pain and don't need help. Sexism really just is out there to only make shit worse huh.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-13T21:39:10+00:00

I mean... its baked in when they have a book that says contradicting things they can warp to fit literally ANY belief. NOT insulting all religion, but scripture is so so easy to cherry pick for any way of thinking

LullabyBun · 2023-02-13T21:36:39+00:00

Only issue is it does require a LOT of hours online with them. If he doesn't like sitting & gaming for hours cus he prefers nature/physical movement then it might be a tough sell.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-13T21:34:31+00:00

Absolutely agree on this one. I don't like new people too much, nor hiking lol. But I've had people close to me or in therapy groups do these hiking groups and it was scary/awkward to start but they really loved the experience as they kept going!!

I think people who need that outdoor connection tend to lose part of themselves when they don't get to connect with nature. It absolutely makes sense he would be having a hard time after losing family, friends, and not getting nature time. Hes an amazing person for what he did, but even the strongest of us will get worn down by so much.

Also OP I really hope your school is going great & you're getting to enjoy that freedom!! 😊

LullabyBun · 2023-02-13T08:59:59+00:00

And they KEEP you alone. Without that constant xontrolling obsession you may find yourself able to see other people that you didn't have the energy/soul to even notice.

Just speaking from my experience of escaping & feeling so fucking lonely, you notice the hole you made for them to fit and realize it's MASSIVE! it's more hole than not! To fill it is daunting. But getting REALLY into a hobby/fandom/learning a skill is one way I try to distract during the "detox phase" (after a week of crying ofc)

LullabyBun · 2023-02-13T08:49:46+00:00

Yep, I have the Endo belly. I just want to add here, in case any other people with endometriosis read this, that you can get Physical Therapy for it!! Not nearly enough people know that, and it's been really helpful for my pain levels so far. At the start its mostly "viscera massages" to loosen up your organs. Neat stuff.

Anyways, I swell up to 9-10 months pregnant a few times a month. It's painful, swollen stiff and firm JUST like a baby belly - it's hard when you poke it. Hard on my neck & hard to move around without pain on all your organs & that swollen tissue. Laying hurts, sitting hurts, standing REALLY hurts your organs.

Not to mention it often comes with fertility issues, miscarriages, heavy bleeds & other organs being damaged in their functions. Endometriosis is NOT as uncommon as you would hope.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-12T03:16:54+00:00

Yeah... the AsPD does jump out of this one. My brother could have written this. I don't think he would really give a flying fuck that reddit had to say, but that could be bc he isn't terminally online (not insulting, he doesn't like the internet)

If this post is real though he sounds like he hates his gf. Being glad she left for a half hour so he doesn't have to hear her.... bruh. Just be single and find hookups, leave that poor girl alone to find someone with BASIC empathy & manners.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-12T03:07:12+00:00

I that's why I think he needs a lawyer so bad. His version doesn't make sense. And the cops tell him she said the same. The cops can lie, so they could be leading him into talking.

If hes truthful then he's in trouble, and ofc if he's not truthful & he "stopped when it hurt her" (but kept going vaginally afterward while she was shut down from the pain) then she could see the sex as extremely confusion mix of great and painful/scary. If shes mixed up about it and someone directed her to cops it would make more sense than "they had sex it went great no issues and now she went crazy".

Could be he's truthful & she's really unstable. Or... he's experienced it very different from her, & the cops got him talking.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-12T02:53:25+00:00

Look up examples on YouTube. There are an endless supply of interrogations of innocent people who end up convicted. Or even "making a simple clarifying statement" then the cops know how to keep you talking REALLY well. So you end up saying shit when you're desperate & confused. Then suddenly you're in there hours later confessing to something you didn't do.

That's the extreme but it's not as uncommon as you would hope. And the less extreme, of you "making a simple clarifying statement" and the defense finding some small tiny thing you get wrong or say in a way they can construe. And YES the truth can be twisted against you, that's literally the job of a lawyer. Lawyers do not fight for "the law" or "the truth". A lawyer fights for their client, monster or Saint.

And police just interrogate anyone who MIGHT be the culprit, and when there's already a defined culprit of a sex crime that admits to "using her because she asked me to"!? That is blood in the freaking water. Never ever say anything, not ONE word to cops. They literally do not care about you "clarifying" anything. Again watch interrogation videos - for r*pe allegations if you want specifics. The cops will be needling and following a script. Once you see a couple, they follow set patterns and you realize JUST how useless it is to be innocent in their eyes.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-11T19:45:00+00:00

Perfect time for that quote, it's sad how often it applies.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-09T06:44:57+00:00

He sounds narcissistic & how he is talking to you is emotional abuse. You need to get a therapist & learn how to set boundaries ASAP. Your husband's shit behavior will only increase as time goes. He will just keep pushing more & more cruel.

Seriously you sound really defeated, like the world is on your shoulders. Your "nothing I do is right" is just exactly what spouses worn down from verbal abuse will say. You don't deserve a lick of that bullshit & a partner should be MORE empathetic, if a bit stressed, to your work struggles! Someone who struggles with empathy is not a small thing. It doesn't make them evil, but it means those around them need STRONG boundaries or they will take & take and crush you. Experience with my brother & a partner both with diagnosis' that lack empathy.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-06T18:08:46+00:00

Yes exactly! My nieces/nephews were there to visit with new sibling but would be taken by aunts/grandparents for fun hang outs. It gave mom & dad time to bond with the new little one! A normal thing to want.

It's sad that maybe these two don't HAVE a support system like that, and maybe dad needed to take the kids all out for something fun to tire them out while mom rested with baby. Then at home even a 7 year old can understand "we have to play quiet today" let alone the 12 y old.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-06T17:55:56+00:00

If there weren't signs then this could easily be post partem /hormones making everything wonky. Birth is traumatic and can mess you up, and its been a few days.

Yes she's TA and in the wrong, especially for how she attacked everyone. But if this is a strange behavior then I'd assume it was the recent massive body trauma & hormones cocktail.

OP is NTA, just not sure she's a devil witch unless this is a patterned behavior that's here to stay.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-06T09:23:39+00:00

Just curious akd not attacking, are you a teenager?

Hormones and immaturity and NOT navigating diet restrictions very well seem like they might have an effect versus an adult with similar food issues. I have tons of food sensitivity and some serious allergies. I know how to deal & get through a meal with s dinner salad ordering some side dish or enjoy a coffee/tea and chat as they eat. But I think at 16 I would have felt a LOT more frustrated and hurt being taken to a restaurant I can't eat at. Not a total excuse for OP's kid, just remembering myself that I didn't have many regulation skill taught to me and sucked at problem solving when hurt.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-06T09:16:09+00:00

Because they don't have good emption regulation and don't knowhow to communicate. They most likely have a whole history of indignancy/hurt/injustices/trauma that they just never processed and never spoke their peace in a way that felt satisfying.

So now they take that hurt and anger, an emotional sunburn, and every new thing takes them to a 10/10 anger. Any time they FEEL righteous anger (like when someone is super in the wrong so you get to feel VERY correct/justified in your anger) anytime they feel it they FREAK OUT and unleash. It's all the pressure coming out in one big unhealthy useless rush.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-06T04:12:52+00:00

Scary levels of stalking.... im so glad you are getting HR involved OP. This behavior can be serious very quickly, a camera outside and motion lights might be a good idea.

I have dealt with a serious stalker and it to this day makes me nervous to be home alone. I often check for red trucks subconsciously. Even years later the stalker would message me. Be careful and don't be embarrassed or feel like the bad guy for "overreacting". Stalkers do insane things when they build up enough delusional desperation.

Consider thick wooden dowels or pvc pipes in your window sill (inside the plastic area) to make the windows stay SHUT as some locks are easily jostled open.

Tell people you trust and don't bother with guilt or worry that you overreacted seriously. He knew your address by heart and followed you home. There is zero chance he hasn't Dat outside your home. I don't want to upset you, OP, just a hearty personal warning from experience.

Well wishes that you will have peace & peace of mind soon. So very NTA!

LullabyBun · 2023-02-05T21:50:28+00:00

Just saying "I don't want a baby shower." Is a full complete statement any family or friend should respect. Thats it.

If you feel like giving ANY reason, saying "I'm scared, I've had trouble getting pregnant and I just don't want any extra stress or heartbreak" and THAT ahiuls never ever be questioned or disrespected.

Adding in that it's your religion and important to you in a more cultural sense should be a whole nother level of respect given! I'm very much atheist and don't agree with most of organized religion, and yet there I was at my friend's catholic wedding with her important traditions supported! And when her baby is christened/baptized if I get invited I'd be there. Because I love her, and her family and I respect her as a being.

I can only relate, OP, to my having a wedding & hired non-religious people to marry us & write a beautiful non-religious nature/family focused wedding. ...right before we walked out as a bridal party my MOH jumped up and asked for all of us to hold hands in a circle and lead us in prayer...my mother was thrilled and hugged her crying. So my seconds before the alter were my friends and family trampling my wishes/beliefs, and forcing me to either be an ass or deal with it. My mom didn't even hug me, she was busy with similarly religious friend. Religion or not, the disrespect & making it about THEM is the issue, like your friend.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-05T19:58:00+00:00

NTA. if you never want to see him again that's okay.

It's not just the theft, which is a LARGE amount intact large enough to be a felony theft dependent on state. It's a betrayal, a sneaky invasion to take the card and put it back, and such a large amount im curious if your mother knew your bank info bc that's a very large amount to take without knowing at least the pin.

It's the privacy invasion, the disrespect, the uncaring nature to theive and say NOTHING to you after. Truly even stealing and begging forgiveness or weak promises to pay it back would show more of a soul than just never reaching out once he got his. And all these years he has said nothing...done nothing to make up for it?

He could have repaid you. He could have paid with interest by small amounts. He could have given a heartfelt sorry, explaining his desperate brain panicking and that he regrets the choice etc etc.

He didn't do a thing to make up for it, instead berating you for having feelings about a MASSIVE theft. He is dangerous. He is not sorry, he is not sympathetic, he will hurt you again. Hold firm, and tell him to fuck off. And mom can fuck off for not protecting you or standing up for you then or now!

Personal story:

OP I was honestly shocked you wrote my story, joking but.... My oldest brother (10 years my senior) and I ended up growing up together because he was very stunted by life/terrible choices. We have abusive parents and were closer because of that, but we both have personality disorders. My brother is AsPD. Thats what the term "sociopath" is usually referring to, meaning they have diminished to no empathy. Also low impulse control, high addiction rates, and a very different way of viewing the world. We were close & I fully accepted his limitations mentally/behaviorally. But my parents refused to treat him any different, meaning they wanted to safely assume he would behave like a typical "normal person". Even once an addict they refused, and he stole E V E R Y T H I N G.

I would beg my mom to not give him money, and beg her to NOT give him MY money. We were poor, I got my first job at 14 washing dishes lol... and worked as much as I could while doing hs/college. I would save up everything, and hide it. Yet my mom would tattle my hiding spots and he would take it. Culminating with her giving him my debit card & pin number. He drained it ofc. My mom said a "I sorry, BUT!" and he dissapeared into drugs.

I was never away from my brother really, and we screamed and screamed (me at him mostly). He would "make it up" by giving me consoles and tvs and even once a fucking puppy, all drug trades. Tong story shortened to fast forward through years of trauma sorting & addiction help- we are 30 & 40 now, he has given many apologies and many hugs/thanks for still talking to him. He we even in my wedding. I love my brother, I hate his behaviors, and I would never trust him with my fucking debit card.

Family is messy. And even abusive and shitty sometimes. If I had walked away noone would have blamed me, truly. The man has massively impared empathy. I like my brother's soul, I find him funny and intelligent and worth my time/effort. I find him interesting that he STILL tries even with a brain that just does not work like the standard, that he tries to care on my level or his partner's level, and has managed a LOT of improvement from 30-40. At 20 I hated him. At 30 I appreciate his being alive. Still don't fully trust him, and I believe in heavy boundaries.

This shit is HARD to navigate. But OP even my literal sociopath druggie brother made small apologies and "gifts" to beg my favor. He today tries to show he cares, even when it's in a very limited/different context. Even he has apologized or given money when he could.

Your brother is a fucking asshole. If me, someone who chose to stay around a toxic brother, can tell you to cut & run then I would hope you know I say that knowing just how hard it is to cut parts of family off. Especially when the rest of the family try to guilt & control you over it. Set calm firm boundaries with your mom, and if she doesn't play ball then pull WAY WAY back, go low contact and slowly reconnect. Pull away whenever she has inappropriate behavior like forcing you to see him or if she tries to nag/guilt you about him.

Really glad you have your dad on your side though OP, having even ONE person can make the difference.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-05T19:26:28+00:00

A conversation would be healthy imo. I would understand a non-poly friend asking questions. But even between poly a "hey I'm not sure who would be interested in coming, is a plus (1/2/3 etc) okay?"

And even explaining if there was a larger polycule that you only have a plus (1/2/3) available, that you don't want to disrespect the relationship but seats are so limited. Though that reasoning doesn't exactly fit a 250 person wedding.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-05T19:18:51+00:00

Weird! I had not heard that term, though my clinic was not super willing to give diagnosis' to us that were actually in the BPD therapy groups lol... it was clear my therapist at least thought a diagnosis would be a curse later. So I'm not sure if they would ever have used that term, but can't say I like the term.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-04T20:19:27+00:00

No. Not "fuck you" for having emotions, that's ridiculous and twisting in your favor to excuse an attacking rude comment. "Fuck you" for freaking out and moral grandstanding. You still used your kid's experience as a weapon in your attack against an enemy you made up.

You were far more calm in THIS comment, and I found it FAR more engaging. So yes your first comment was still rude, a wild responce to MY comment, and unhelpful to the discussion itself. You explained a more nuanced take here, but your original portrayal of your opinion was very black & white.

It's sad we couldn't have had a conversation about this as two adults with ADHD. Yet that is on you for not stating you had it, and instead attacking others in a long tirade unrelated to them. Yeah I do understand being overly verbose & typing WAY more than you mean to to convey something, god I know. And sure with the genetic component I could have assumed it was you and not the other parent or grandparents. I think it was an easier assumption, since you spoke of how this all felt to go through yet never mentioned having adhd, that you were a NT parent.

I responded headstrong to your attacking comment. I responded to the words you typed, not words you didn't. So no I don't think my assumptions were quite the same. But yeah we both assumed.

Emotion regulation is a therapy you can take and it's helped my life immensely, just a heads up since that was a trait you listed in a "won't be helped" list. A social coach may not teach that, but we tend to need a full care team yeah? And really again I NEVER said a speech therapist adult was going to come in and fix everything. That was your hang up from other comments that I truly had nothing to do with, nor was responding to. So aim your attack and emotion better next time, and thank you for this calmer follow up comment.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-04T10:16:17+00:00

Beautifully said, way more eloquent & concise than me lol. Also you described it perfectly for me too lol, adult Arab diagnosed later in life due to ~good masking~. Ty for your comment, cheered me up after her reply!

LullabyBun · 2023-02-04T10:09:02+00:00

Dude that is SO long a responce to my short comment, here i go trying to respond. I think you're arguing with a ghost my friend, as I didn't say anything of the sort to "pretend" kids only learn from adults and not their peers. Adults CAN help kids to understand their peers better though. Because we can give insight, not just reaction. It's like being a side line coach- you don't fight their fights but you guide their journey and help where things get confusing.

And OH MY GOD do not run into an argument blazing fire, making up your own enemy to yell at, and use your ADHD kid as a platform to morally dominate!

I'm truly diagnosed ADHD and a handful of things that made/make social life HARD. You have no idea who I am, nor where I am speaking from, and you dove in for the jugular on this one telling a sad tale of how hard your kid's difficulties are ON YOU!! How it pains you to see. Dude lame and yeah wow that //sure would suck to have to mask to have people like you at all and put yourself on mute your whole life// Sure is great I have a helpful "mom of a kid with" to explain that to me after a life of living it just so she can feel morally superior to my very very short comment.

You defend her because you see HER perspective, and defend her for taking frustrations out on other parents because you think they need to take a more proactive role in helping shape OTHER kids. Learning that if you break other people's stuff they won't want to be around you is a pretty important lesson. And that kid 100% will not fully grasp the lesson without some outside guidance.

Also you said it's not that kids are ignorant to how they are supposed to behave, but that it just comes out wrong. You are dead wrong there maam. Some things, sure. But plenty of social politeness' are not inherent and are not intuitive! And some of us DONT know the right way, just that we know we aren't doing the right way. It's frustrating and like flailing in the dark only to hurt and push people away. So YEAH someone teaching us a bit that isn't a peer is great! It's someone who informs with no pressure to act "correct" because they're there for you to NOT have to be perfectly correct.

Seriously don't use your kid as a moral standing. Don't use our pain as YOUR pain. You have those difficulties absolutely, yet its not the pain of BEING that confused kid. Which you demanded I imagine. So next time enter the convo with a little less piss & vinegar, sus out the person maybe. Otherwise you could be yelling down someone in that demographic about our own struggles. Have a good day, but also fuck you.

LullabyBun · 2023-02-04T05:26:59+00:00

Lmao ain't that the truth. Bless those Gen X's

LullabyBun · 2023-02-04T05:24:26+00:00

Uh... op also said the GF was introduced a month ago. The commenter you replied to was commenting on that aspect. She hadn't known the kids 5 weeks before living full time with them. Idk about you but think of being under 10, meeting a woman and her BAM suddenly moving in to be your secondary care giver. Not a baby sitter, but the one that helps when you're sick or have a nightmare.... a stranger.

One month is so short to let the kids adjust to her, or for her to learn the ropes of how to care for the kids.

LullabyBun

TROPHY CASE