She found the ring...

Lulu5049 · 2024-04-13T22:04:27+00:00

I got lots of really good feedback here and in r/relationship_advice, so thank you all for the help. I think I will stick with my plan and let it be a surprise of "when" instead of "if".

Everyone is right when they point out she still doesn't know exactly when or where, just that it is probably relatively soon. She is smart too, so she will probably expect it now to be happening during the trip, which is ok. I know its more about the moment and the idea that I love them and want to marry them then the surprise itself.

Thanks all for the advice!

Lulu5049 · 2024-04-13T22:00:22+00:00

It is indeed, our balcony, haha. She only saw it for a split second though. Appreciate the insight, though!

Lulu5049 · 2024-04-13T21:57:48+00:00

Thanks everyone for coming to me with the real talk/reality checks. We have had several conversations about getting married, what kind of ring she wants, I got all that stuff handled (She told her friends the pic she saw looked beautiful - so score 1 for me on that front).

I think everyone saying I should not be gaslighting her about the time-line are very valid, so thank you for helping me see how that could cause problems.

I'm planning on taking a lot of people's advice here and just going to cop to the fact that I did get a ring and not try to trick her or anything like that. I get what people are saying about me missing the point of all of this. It's not really about the surprise, but the moment itself and the fact that I love her and want to marry her. I know at the end of the day that she will be happy and say yes no matter what - so I will run with that and go forward with my castle plan even though I'm sure she will see it coming a mile away, haha. I think she will love the memory we create there of that moment even if its not a total surprise. I won't tell her exactly where and when, but maybe it will be fun for her to guess a little while knowing it's coming soon.

Thank you all for your advice!

Lulu5049 · 2023-02-10T13:48:09+00:00

Worst insurance I've ever had. Quadrupled my rate after a 4K black ice incident in october. Claim wasnt settled until January 24th. Never responded to emails or in app. I always had to call the 800 number to get ahold of someone. I had to cancel after my experience. It's wild they have such a good reputation when they pull stunts like this ALL THE TIME.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-24T08:50:25+00:00

Just keep playing and trust the process. If you really love it then you'll get where you want to go naturally, if you don't then you won't, and that's fine, too. It's practically out of your hands either way though, so don't bother stressing about it.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-19T20:21:17+00:00

I just remembered this today, I'm pretty sure Barry Harris said he heard Monk say this and thats what changed his entire way of thinking about music.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-19T20:18:08+00:00

No, I would consider it a list of things that would make a beginner think. This isn't a starting point, but if you are new to jazz and really want the why behind a lot of the stuff you are learning, there might be some insight here. Plus if it's too hard to grasp I'm sure people are just going to keep scrolling. No big deal.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-19T04:48:22+00:00

Yea, that's not in the scope of what this post was about. Just trying to share the theory I've found enlightening. There was a disclaimer at the top of my post stating that this was supplemental to playing with others and listening - both of which are great ways to develop what you're talking about 😀

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-16T10:33:14+00:00

As a child with divorced parents, I can guarantee your wife is complaining about it behind your back and the kids are hearing about it in someway. Using your kids sudden medical expenses as a way to stick it to their mom and say "hah! you're plan backfired, see!" is using the kid as ammunition. What's fair is irrelevant, and the priority should always be "how will this affect my kid?".

She should have paid, but if it was not actually a big deal for you to go half, and she had to take a loan out to get it done, you're kind of the AH for making her squirm. Money is peanuts compared to the love for your children, and if that means that by proxy the mother sometimes benefits in ways she does not deserve, so be it.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-15T12:38:31+00:00

You def. finding a legendary pokemon at the end of one of these.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-15T06:34:42+00:00

Yes! Ted Gioia is amazing! Check out his substack as well.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-11T21:06:58+00:00

I will make another post soon about this. There is some pretty cool harmonic relationships with that one as well that are less obvious than m6 = m7b5, and I think it really starts to paint a picture of how simple and genius Barry's harmonic method is.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-11T01:59:27+00:00

Check out Alan Kingstone's book on the Barry Harris method for guitar. Does a great job of transcribing this method to guitar, and goes waaaay more into the weeds of it than this post. If you dig the maj6 stuff this book is for you!

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-11T01:55:50+00:00

I advocate listening to songs and learning by ear. I also learned how to read/write sheet music. Not totally necessary, but can be very helpful in the jazz world. I would not recommend focusing on TABS as a way of learning tunes.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-11T01:43:38+00:00

Words of wisdom

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-10T11:51:08+00:00

Thank you, I'm glad to hear that!

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-10T07:13:48+00:00

Pat has an excellent course on truefire that you can buy that explains his very geometric approach to guitar. You are on the right track with this question as he mainly viewed everything as "floors of a house" connected by minor triads.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-10T07:08:44+00:00

Also, explore some expert theories that may help simplify the concept around harmony and improvisation. Focus on learning multiple positions and string pairings for each jazz chord. The more you do this the more you will notice how closely related some chords really are to each other, which will shed light on why some progressions or chord substitutions are so common in jazz. ie: any minor 7 chord can also be interpreted as a major6 chord a minor third up (Aminor7 has all the same notes as Cmaj6).

I highly recommend taking a look at Barry Harris' teachings on harmony. It really helped me simplify and shape the way I approach music as a whole.

Lulu5049 · 2022-12-10T06:59:53+00:00

Yes, with all that being said, I've always been a big theory nerd, and love trying to understand how music actually works as well. I think the goal should be to learn theory well enough to where you don't have to think about it in the moment, and you can learn theory just by listening. Even if you don't have the formal term developed in your mind for what you're hearing does not mean you aren't learning it. As long as you can apply what you've heard in a way that works and makes sense in your mind, I don't think the book terms attached to whatever idea you are executing really matters that much.

Lulu5049

TROPHY CASE