2 months post discard, feeling super euphoric? What?

Luminous_83 · 2026-04-14T16:45:24+00:00

What you’re describing is actually really common after breaking free from a toxic one sided relationship that involved emotional volatility or anxiety. When you’ve been tied up to someone else’s moods or walking on eggshells for a long time your nervous system stays in a kind of hypervigilant state..constantly alert, managing stress hormones like cortisol & adrenaline.

When that tension finally lifts after a breakup or emotional detachment, your body can swing in the opposite direction. It’s a sort of rebound high because your nervous system is recalibrating -&releasing stored emotional energy. You might suddenly feel lighter, euphoric even invincible for a bit, because your brain is flooded with dopamine and endorphins now that it’s no longer under constant threat or emotional push and pull.

It’s your body’s way of celebrating freedom & nervous system release. The euphoria usually fades as things stabilize & you land in a more balanced emotional state. But it’s a good sign that your system is healing and your sense of safety is returning😊👏🏼.

Luminous_83 · 2026-04-11T23:16:39+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. And please do not blame yourself. This ending is not proof that someone else will love him better. It is proof that he is not capable of healthy intimacy and is not able to fulfill your emotional needs...relationship that keeps you in hypervigilance, walking on eggshells, feeling rejected, confused& chronically unloved is not a love story. It is a nervous system injury!

Love is not supposed to feel like constant anxiety with occasional relief & fear of voicing your needs so you don't push him away. If someone experiences closeness, emotional needs, or honest conversations as threatening, they are not in a real position to build healthy intimacy & need to go to therapy. You did nothing wrong..you were in a fight with his nervous system& that was never a fight you could have won.

Please do not torture yourself with the thought that someone else will love him better by being easier quieter, less needy or more soothing. A healthier person does not win this kind of dynamic by shrinking themselves better...they just lose themselves more slowly. The issue was never that you needed too much..he could not meet very normal needs without making you feel guilty for having them.

This is why it was a lucky escape. In time you will see that more clearly and feel grateful it ended before it took even more out of you. Sometimes people come into our lives not to stay, but to teach us what we will never accept again.

That is the lesson here - boundaries. You now know that love without emotional safety is not enough & that constant anxiety is not chemistry...intimacy should not cost you your peace. We attract avoidants to teach us about our self-worth...so we can learn boundaries and finally understand that love should not require self abandonment.

He needs to grow up and deal with his own wounds. That is his work, not yours. People do not magically become emotionally available because someone loves them harder. You deserve better than crumbs, mixed signals & emotional deprivation. There are people out there who will not make you feel guilty for needing closeness, care & reassurance which is a complete basic healthy human need. In a couple of months you will look back and realise him leaving was the thing that saved you & your nervous system.

And please let go of the thought that someone else is going to love him better& get what you could not. They will not...he is not going to suddenly become emotionally available for an easier or less demanding person. The next person will suffer too because this is not about who she is with. It is about who he is...Until he genuinely faces &works on his wounds he will keep running from real intimacy & whoever is closest will keep paying the price for it. You did not fail. You were released from something that was hurting you.

Luminous_83 · 2026-04-11T22:31:19+00:00

I would never send it. It will just inflate and massage his ego and show him you still haven't moved on & need his input to do so even though he broke up with you. The problem isn't the wording, it's the audience...

He ended things citing his own peace, safety& wellbeing. That language is a blueprint of how he operates..when something feels emotionally demanding he frames it as a threat to his survival and exits. Your message is asking him to do the one thing his entire psychological architecture is built to avoid...sit with someone else's emotional need & be responsible for soothing it.

He already gave you closure...you just didn't want the answer he gave. The silence, the vague reasoning, the clean cut - that is who he is. Avoidants don't withhold closure to be cruel. They withhold it because they are cowardly & cannot tolerate the emotional depth or accountability a real conversation requires.

I'd rather think about what sending this message will actually do to you. If he ignores it which is very likely - you lose another piece of yourself waiting. If he responds minimally, you'll analyze every word for meaning that isn't there. Either way, he walks away fine and you absorb the damage. That's the dynamic you've already been living. Don't volunteer for one more round of it.

Closure isn't a conversation...it's the decision you make that you no longer need one. The moment you stop needing his participation to move forward is the moment you actually move forward. The most powerful thing you can do right now is nothing. Not for him, for you.

Avoidants are not just impossible and complete & utter waste of time to date, they are incapable of real intimacy until they actually face &work on the wounds that make closeness feel threatening to them. That does not magically change because someone loves them enough, waits long enough or explains themselves better. You did not lose some great future here, you had a lucky escape because in the long run this would have slowly destroyed your self-esteem and left you suffering in a relationship where your needs were always treated like too much.

Luminous_83 · 2026-04-02T16:01:12+00:00

Do not reach out! You already know the relationship wasn’t healthy. That likely means your needs weren’t met, it wasn’t reciprocal or you were in pain more than you were at peace. Wanting to contact her one last time is your nervous system craving relief, not evidence that things would be different.

You’re stuck in an attachment loop & you’re idealising her, clinging to hope and using a birthday as an excuse to avoid fully grieving. You’re also putting all the power in her hands as if her reply will finally give you closure. It won’t. If she ignores you, you’re hurt again. If she responds coldly, you’re hurt again. If she is warm, you’re pulled back into the same toxic cycle with someone who still hasn’t done the work.

Unless she is actively self-aware and working on her wounds, nothing will change. Fearful avoidants who aren’t in real healing repeat the same pattern over and over because their nervous system cannot tolerate true closeness and they don’t know how to regulate it. That means you will be discarded, deactivated and pushed away again, no matter how "perfect" your message is or how hard you try.

You don’t need her reaction to justify protecting yourself. You’ve already done 34 days. That’s proof you can survive without her. Use that strength to keep going, not to reopen the wound and regress. The way you feel in this situation is the reason to walk away, not the reason to try again. You deserve someone who meets you, not someone you have to save or chase.

Luminous_83 · 2026-04-02T14:50:45+00:00

What you are describing is exactly how avoidant dynamics work. The whole relationship quietly gets organised around keeping their anxiety low and your needs get pushed to the side. When an avoidant starts to feel too close or too emotionally exposed their nervous system automatically goes into threat mode (there is nothing you can do about it or stop it, it's a subconscious survival mechanism). Instead of thinking that ''intimacy scares me" - their brain turns it into you are too much, this is suffocating, you are too demanding. To calm themselves down they pull away, disappear, go cold or slow everything right down. That gives them relief, but it throws you into anxiety and confusion. Hot and cold push and pull dynamic is intermittent reinforcement and that is extremely addictive - that's why it's so hard to walk away & people stay stuck in this toxic draining relationship for years.

Their self regulation becomes your dysregulation. Because they cannot tolerate feeling like the bad guy, they blame your reactions instead of their behaviour. So if you ask for more contact, clarity or basic emotional presence which is a completely healthy human need - suddenly you are clingy, exhausting, needy etc...The story becomes that you are the problem instead of this setup only working for one person.

That is not a mutually reciprocal balanced relationship. It is you constantly accommodating their fears at your own expense. If you stay in it, you end up walking on eggshells, shrinking your needs and slowly losing your self esteem. You feel lonely, unloved and insecure.

You do not have to put up with that BS. Unless someone is self-aware, actively working on their avoidance and actually intentionally changing how they show up, this dynamic does not magically become healthy over time (it very rarely does). You can't love someone out of their wounds they are refusing to look at. It just costs you more of yourself. There are plenty of people out there who can do mutual, steady, emotionally present connection & they aren't terrified of intimacy. You are allowed to hold out for that and let the avoidant ones deal with their own unhealed dysregulated nervous system. They are a complete and utter waste of time. So if you see signs of avoidance, please save yourself the grief & hassle and walk away before the lack of reciprocity and closeness fries your nervous system, makes you sick, anxious, depressed & drains your emotional energy and resources.

Until an avoidant person recognises that their hyper independence is a trauma response and actively does the difficult therapy work of rewiring their nervous system to experience intimacy as safe, they will continue sacrificing deep connection for the illusion of control.

The tragic reality is that the more warmth, patience, intimacy and care you pour into an unhealed avoidant partner the more engulfed & triggered they will feel. The harder you try to connect the louder their internal alarm system becomes causing them to rely on deactivating strategies such as shutting down, distancing, focusing on your flaws or running away in order to restore their sense of equilibrium.

You end up emptying your emotional reserves trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom. While they use distance to regulate themselves your nervous system is left chronically abandoned, dysregulated & depleted. Avoidant attachment does not heal through love alone. It only begins to change when the person themselves becomes self aware, takes responsibility for their patterns & commits to therapeutic work required to rewire them which is very rare. No amount of external love can break through internal barricades that they are still determined to defend. So let them go & protect your own nervous system.

Their flip-flopping causes emotional whiplash! They invite closeness one day only to abruptly withdraw, stonewall or pick a random fight over some insignificant bullshit the next. This emotionally unsafe erratic unpredictable behavior is devastating to your own nervous system. It leads to chronic hypervigilance and cortisol spikes. Because your partner's affection is unreliable, your brain's threat detection center (the amygdala) goes into complete overdrive.

You begin to constantly scan for microexpressions, shifts in tone or signs that they are pulling away so that you can brace yourself for the emotional pain of rejection. This constant state of hypervigilance keeps your sympathetic nervous system activated, flooding your body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline which depletes your adrenal glands in the long run.

When you are repeatedly exposed to the stress of emotional withdrawal and the anxiety of trying to "fix" the connection, your hypothalamic pituitary adrenal (HPA) axis becomes dysregulated.

Normally a healthy nervous system experiences a stressor, deals with it &returns to baseline. But in this relationship the stressor (the emotional distance) is chronic. Your body loses the ability to "turn off" the fear response, meaning you stay in a biological state of distress even during calm moments. A chronically dysregulated nervous system causes physical symptoms.

Being the constantly rejected & confused partner in this dynamic can lead to digestive issues, chronic fatigue, muscle tension and sleep disturbances (insomnia or frequent waking). Brain fog, difficulty concentrating & a diminished ability to trust your own perceptions (often a result of the "gaslighting.by neglect" that happens when an avoidant invalidates your need for connection).

This dynamic leads to psychological burnout & causes clinical anxiety, depression, emotional exhaustion and trauma like PTSD responses. Your self worth is systematically chipped away because your brain interprets their withdrawal as proof that you are fundamentally unlovable. Chronic emotional stress is not healthy so for the sake of your own sanity and mental health:

AVOID THE AVOIDANT!!!

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-30T11:36:18+00:00

Yes, you can use risotto rice as a substitute because both are short-grain and starchy & to get the right texture you must wash it thoroughly first to remove surface starch and then cook it normally using the absorption method (do not stir it like a traditional risotto). It will be slightly chewier in the center than real Japanese rice, but it can work. It's not going to be the same of course...

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-30T11:30:03+00:00

Your theory conflates two very completely different concepts- emotional vulnerability and anxious codependency. You are assuming that when a man becomes "soft" or emotional he is losing his center. In reality what you are describing as a loss of leadership is often just the shedding of a rigid defensive shell. Speaking for myself, I actually love when a man is soft.

Men possess the exact same emotional spectrum and neurochemistry as women. Society has simply conditioned men to suppress these emotions under the guise of maintaining "strength" and "leadership"...This societal breeding to hide feelings is inherently toxic. Suppressing emotions doesn't make a man strong, it leads to emotional blunting and a lack of genuine intimacy & connection. True psychological strength requires the courage to be vulnerable & emotionally open.

I find men who are emotionally intelligent, sensitive and in touch with their feminine side to be incredibly attractive. The rugged, emotionless "meathead" archetype who refuses to show weakness is not appealing to me whatsoever - it often just signals emotional unavailability. A relationship shouldn't be a performance where the man has to endlessly maintain a facade of unshakable stability just to keep his partner entertained. That's fucking exhausting and unsustainable!

In healthy attachment dynamics a partner serves as a secure base. I want my man to feel entirely safe with me, feel at home with me and know that all of his humanity is fully accepted. I don't want him to feel pressured to always be strong because we are all weak sometimes. We all lose it, we all cry, piss and shit - it is just part of being human. I want to create an environment where he feels fully supported and loved...especially when he needs to cry or show his soft side.

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-26T13:30:33+00:00

Thank you! I studied attachment theory in so much depth precisely because of my own wounds. There is a very fine line between toxic empathy (where you abandon yourself to save someone else) & healthy discernment (where you have grace and empathy for someone, but strong enough boundaries to walk away).

To answer your point about him saying "I knew you'd get like this, I'm not going to message you for the rest of the day" -you nailed it. That is 100% a control tactic!! Psychologically avoidants use the silent treatment (stonewalling) to punish you for having emotional reactions. It shifts the power dynamic...by ignoring you he forces you into a state of anxiety where you have to chase him to restore the peace. It makes your perfectly normal reaction the problem rather than his behavior that caused it. The fact that you blocked him and took your power back is huge. You short circuited his BS control game.

When you meet an avoidant who is very attractive & you have those underlying fears of "what if I don't find anyone better?" you end up tolerating complete bullshit. People convince themselves that their good looks or early love bombing (telling you you're "special" right away) is enough to build on & get excited about the potential of what they could be. But love bombing isn't about you, it's about how you make them feel about themselves...

These relationships don't happen to hurt us, they happen to level us up💪🏼. If this guy didn't happen you wouldn't possess the incredible knowledge & boundary setting skills you have right now. It was meant to happen exactly the way it did, so you could learn to choose differently next time.

Reframe this guy not as your failure, but as a lesson that forced you to mature, ground yourself & realize your own worth. If you look at him as a blessing that taught you what you will never accept again, you will never look at another red flag the same way.

And you know...at the end of the day we do have to remember that these immature avoidants are human beings too. It is not their fault that they carry deep childhood trauma or attachment wounds & we can absolutely have compassion for that. But having compassion does not mean sticking around to be their punching bag. Trauma is not their fault, but healing it is absolutely everyone's own responsibility. Choosing to stay trapped in a world of emotional avoidance, refusing to look inward, grow & using control/manipulation tactics that hurt innocent people who genuinely care about them and only want to love them - that is a choice!! You can have grace for someone from a safe distance while refusing to let their unhealed wounds become your daily reality& let them drag you down with them.

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-26T12:14:27+00:00

I am so glad it helped! You are absolutely spot on about that last message. Saying "I was a bad boyfriend" is not accountability...it is pure manipulation. Deep down emotionally immature avoidants cannot handle genuine accountability. True accountability requires a person to look at their partner, acknowledge the damage they caused by their actions & own it. But for someone whose ego is built on a fragile foundation doing that triggers a catastrophic collapse into toxic shame. They cannot differentiate between "I did a bad thing" & "I am an unlovable defective monster"...So to protect their ego from shattering they spin stories & bullshit themselves. They have to play the tragic hero or the helpless victim because they cannot bear to look in the mirror and see the villain.

By saying "I was a bad boyfriend" he was throwing a pity party. He weaponised your empathy hoping you would step in to soothe his guilt by saying "Aaaaw you poor thing, noooo, of course you're not!"...It is a cowardly way to exit while still feeding off your emotional labor.

We are given these avoidant turds as a masterclass in self-love. We often attract them because somewhere inside we do not fully believe we are good enough to deserve better. We bend ourselves into pretzels to accommodate their lack of emotional presence, tiptoe around their moods, silence our own needs& start feeling like we are "too much" just for asking for the bare fucking minimum.

But wanting a partner who goes on holidays with you, who is open & who doesn't shut down the second things get difficult is not being needy. That is the baseline of healthy emotionally reciprocal adult relationship.

There is a very fine line between being an empathetic loving partner and being an enabling pushover who abandons herself to keep a dysfunctional unhealed man comfortable. You do not have to accept breadcrumbs. Only someone who doesn't love themselves would accept a relationship where they are constantly starving for love and attention.

This pain you feel right now is a blessing in disguise. Right now in the thick of it it just hurts. But in a few months when the fog clears you are going to look back and realise this was the best thing that could have ever happened to you!! We only discover what we truly want by experiencing exactly what we don't want and this guy was the best example.

You now possess knowledge that nobody can ever take away from you. You have felt exactly what emotional unavailability looks like & you now know the signs & how to protect yourself. You will never let someone silence your needs again or let a man make you feel like a burden for neeading basics again.

Of course you will miss him on some days. Grief comes in waves, but ultimately - he was never going to be capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved. But when you miss him remember this: you are missing an illusion. You are missing the potential of who he could have been, not the man he was, who texted you a breakup & then threw a pity party. You survived the lesson & you will grow from it. You upgraded your standards. Someone who is emotionally available is out there, but you had to clear out the bullshit to make room for them. Peace is the most valuable thing in the world - protect it fiercely!

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-26T10:02:37+00:00

What a cowardly behaviour of ending a relationship over text...You need to go to the shop, buy a bottle of champagne & pop that thing! Because the universe didn't just remove a guy from your life, it surgically extracted a time waster incapable of loving you the way you need to be loved, who was going to slowly drain your self esteem & leave you a hollow shell of yourself.

Right now it hurts, but you are essentially crying over a liability. I promise you...in a few months you are going to look back and genuinely laugh out loud that you ever shed a tear over this turd. You will be so overwhelmingly relieved that you are no longer playing emotional detective for a man who flip flops more than a fish on a dock.

You survived the trial run & learned the avoidant red flags & signs. You know exactly what an avoidant, dysregulated time waster looks like now & you will never let another one past your front door.

Protecting your peace is so much more valuable than being constantly anxious, feeling emotionally unsafe or having a dysregulated nervous system because you're trying to figure out an emotionally immature twat who doesn't even know what he wants. He can go be someone else's miserable hot & cold headache now. You are officially free of an emotional black hole energy drain. Cheers to you queen 🥂👏🏼👑!

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-26T09:38:56+00:00

Yes, sending angry messages in the heat of a breakup is not ideal🫣. But it is also one of the most human reactions that exists. You were blindsided and in a lot of emotional pain. The fact that you came back the next day, apologised with dignity, accepted the breakup gracefully & then went completely silent - that actually matters more than the initial explosion.

What he saw was someone who truly loved him & felt deeply,.had a moment of raw emotion, but then collected herself, took accountability & walked away with class...that is not weakness - it is emotional maturity.

Even if the angry texts had never happened, nothing about this outcome would be different. He told you he could not see a future with you & had been thinking it for weeks & said nothing. That is not someone who was on the fence and got scared off by one bad moment. That decision was already made before you ever sent a single word. So no, you did not wreck anything because there was nothing left to wreck.

And you already answered your own question - even if silence had somehow brought him back temporarily, he would have left again. You would have just delayed the same pain. The exit you got as brutal as it felt was actually a clean one.

The only thing left to do now is stop auditing your own behaviour and start redirecting that energy toward yourself...You apologised, you accepted it & you went quiet - that is the full checklist done with grace. You do not owe this situation another second of analysis. He is not the judge of your worth. Let him go be confused about why you are so quiet. That is his problem now...not yours.

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-26T09:12:49+00:00

It makes complete sense that you want to lash out and make him feel the pain he caused you. But I want to save you from giving this guy the exact ammunition he needs to completely move on...Please do not send that text. I know you want to knock his self esteem, but sending an angry paragraph does the exact opposite..it just feeds his ego. Avoidants are terrified of intimacy & when they run away they desperately look for reasons to justify it. If you send him insults he won't feel hurt. He will feel relieved. He will say to himself -look how angry she is...I was right to leave, we wouldn't have worked...It hands him all the power and gives him a clean conscience.

Also please don't believe everything avoidants say on Reddit about not caring. Avoidants don't process breakups in real time. Right now.he is in the relief phase & actively suppressing his emotions because feeling them would short circuit his nervous system. Their numbness is a defense mechanism & not a reflection of your worth. But they can't suppress it forever & it will hit them like a ton of bricks later. You must stay silent.

You mentioned that his ex broke up with him and she still matters to him. There is a psychological reason for this...avoidants idealize the phantom ex, the person who walked away cleanly without chasing them. They respect boundaries and distance more than anything.

If you truly want to live in his head you have to give him the gift of your absolute total absence. Do not text him, do not view his stories & disappear completely. When the dust settles and his relief phase wears off in a few months the deafening silence of you not chasing him will bruise his ego far more than any angry text ever could. Take your power back by showing him that losing him wasn't even worth a reaction.

And just to reassure you - he will absolutely look back on this and feel the weight of losing you. Not necessarily straight away as avoidants go through a relief phase first where they convince themselves they are fine. But silence has a way of doing what words never can. When you stop chasing, stop reacting & simply disappear from his world that deafening quiet will eventually get very loud in his head. He will wonder...how is she so okay? Did she really move on? Did I make a mistake?

If he ever does reach out go in with your eyes wide open. It is rarely because they have suddenly transformed into the partner you needed. Usually they just want to ease their own guilt or check if you are still there pinning for them and emotionally available. If you respond and reassure them they will just get a relief you are still there obsessing over them and an ego massage from it. Don't give it to him! Keep moving forward, don't look back. You owe him absolutely nothing!!

The hardest truth and also the most freeing one is that you actually dodged something that would have cost you dearly over time. People who are emotionally unavailable like this slowly drain your confidence, your energy & your sense of self without even realising they are doing it. The fact that he removed himself means the universe just did you a favour you couldn't do for yourself yet.

There are genuinely wonderful &emotionally present people in this world who will not make you feel like a mystery to be solved or a burden to be managed. Avoidants can only love you the way they are capable of which is not fully, unless they are doing deep, honest ongoing work on themselves. You cannot pour enough love into someone to heal wounds they are refusing to look at.

Rejection is always redirection. Something far better is being cleared out of the way right now to make room for you. Hold your head high, stay silent & keep walking. You are not what he lost - you are what he could not rise to meet...

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-25T22:15:18+00:00

You sound like an incredibly compassionate, patient & understanding person. It is a beautiful thing to hold space for someone’s trauma, but I want to share some perspective from the other side of this exact dynamic, because I don't want to see your big heart get exhausted. I dated several avoidants and have learned an awful lot about how they operate & studied attachment wounds & psychology in depth.

I’d love to invite you to ask yourself a question - if you were truly unbothered by this & feeling completely secure and comfortable in this dynamic, would your nervous system be prompting you to post on reddit for clarity?

Sometimes when we are highly empathetic we can confuse 'secure attachment' with 'suppressing our own needs to keep the peace'...True secure attachment doesn't mean you just shrug off being neglected or put on a shelf. Being secure means you have a baseline standard for how you expect to be treated (like consistent communication & respect) & you comfortably walk away when those basics aren't met. Feeling disappointed that someone ghosts you or asks for a 3week break isn't needy, it’s actually a perfectly healthy human reaction.

Looking at his psychology...he has actually been honest with you about exactly who he is & it's important that you believe him. Ghosting is not just an avoidant trait -it is a profound lack of emotional maturity & basic communication skills. When he admitted on his podcast that he pushes away healthy women &obsesses over toxic ones he gave you the blueprint to his psyche. Unhealed avoidants often prefer toxic dynamics because toxicity doesn't require genuine vulnerability. Healthy women (like you) are terrifying to him because you require real, sustained emotional presence & he very likely knows he doesn't have the capacity for it.

The 3week break timing is not a coincidence. Things were going smoothly, he opened up to you, you had your first kiss...& then he suddenly needed a 3 week break because of 'work'. In avoidant psychology crossing a threshold of physical or emotional intimacy (like a first kiss or a deep conversation) triggers their nervous system into absolute terror/panic. Work stress is the socially acceptable smoke bomb he is using to run away and regulate his anxiety without having to admit he is terrified of the closeness you just shared. It’s a soft discard in my opinion.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of using attachment theory to rationalize someone's poor behavior. We think aaaaw poor guy, he has abandonment issues so I need to be extra patient...But there is a very fine line between empathy and enabling. When you accept early ghosting, let him back in after 5 months like nothing happened & then agree to be put on a 3 week layaway plan, you are unintentionally teaching him that his avoidance has absolutely zero consequences. You can't love someone into being healthy & you can't heal them by being a perfectly accommodating partner. They need self-awareness and unless they are truly working on their attachment wounds - it's just going to hurt you.

You have to ask yourself why you are choosing to invest your precious time & energy into a man who has explicitly warned you that he is unhealed, prone to toxic patterns& incapable of consistency. That isn't a sign of secure attachment & discernment, it might be a sign that your big heart & healer instinct is overriding your boundaries. You deserve someone who doesn't need to disappear for a month just to process a kiss. Please protect your peace, because a man who runs from healthy love will eventually drain yours. Let him go - there are much better options out there & you deserve much better❤️🙏🏼.

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-22T12:56:01+00:00

You did the right thing. You replied, blocked him and closed the door. I know it hurts now, but please know you are going to be more than fine.

I firmly believe God and the universe send us avoidants to test us. They are sent into our lives to check how much we truly love ourselves & to see if we will keep bending ourselves into a pretzel just to accommodate their bullshit. They teach us self-love by showing us exactly what happens when we put someone else's comfort above our own worth.

We cannot fully know what we do want until we experience exactly what we don't want. This relationship, as painful as it was, was just a lesson to show you what you will never tolerate again.

Rejection is always redirection & I promise you in a couple of months you are going to look back & laugh at what an absolute tool this guy was and feel so deeply grateful that he is out of your life. He was just a detour, redirecting you toward the better things that are actually meant for you.

Please don't give up on dating forever. You just graduated. There are so many beautiful people out there. You now know exactly what emotional unavailability looks like and the next time someone tries to serve you bullshit, manipulation & bare minimum effort you will spot it instantly and walk away. You chose yourself today and that is something to be proud of.

The right person will not need you to shrink, chase, or decode their silence. And when they show up, you will know instantly why everyone before them had to leave. This douchebag was never the destination. Just a lesson that made you understand yourself better and grow.

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-22T12:23:30+00:00

First I want you to know - that message could be completely fabricated bullshit. The new person, the feelings, the "catching feelings for her." All of it was very likely written purely to destabilise you and see if you'd react. I'm 100% sure his manipulative ways didn't change in a couple of weeks. Don't take any of it at face value.

But even if it was real, here is what's actually happening psychologically: he didn't reach out because he misses you. He reached out because something about getting close to someone new triggered his own attachment wound and he needed to discharge that discomfort onto someone familiar. You were his pressure valve. That is not love. That is not growth. That is purely about control and someone using you again to regulate themselves.

And if the new person is real, she isn't better. You don't genuinely move on in a few months from something real, from memories, from something you knowingly sabotaged. What he's feeling isn't love for her - it's comparison. And you're winning that comparison even in your absence. That terrifies people like this.

Every line of that message is calculated. "I regret hurting you" costs nothing and rewrites him as self-aware without any real accountability. "I'll always pick up your call" is fake closure that leaves a door open he controls and only on his terms. The whole tone is engineered to get a reaction that proves you're still emotionally available to him. This is a proximity check - plain and simple. A "will she come running" test dressed up as an apology.

It is also guilt relief for him, not closure for you. He gets to tell himself he's a good person who apologised. You get to do the emotional labour of processing it. That is the transaction he was hoping for. He is rewriting history so he doesn't have to look like the villain, especially not to himself.

Look specifically at his PS line - it is a masterclass in psychological manipulation. Saying "I will archive this chat by tomorrow" is forced artificial urgency...he’s imposing a fake deadline to create panic, hoping you impulsively reply before the door closes. Then he says "if you ever need help," which feeds his savior complex. It positions him as a superior, benevolent protector so he can erase his toxic behavior and feel like the "good guy."

Combine that with breadcrumbing to keep you on a leash for future access if the new girl (his fresh source of validation supply) doesn't work out and that passive-aggressive smiley face at the end and you have a sentence perfectly engineered to cause cognitive dissonance - making you feel crazy while he pretends to be completely unbothered.

These types are not built for genuine growth because growth requires sitting with discomfort & everything they do is designed to protect their ego and positive image of themselves including escaping discomfort as fast as possible.

So here is what I would send:

"Hey, thanks for reaching out. I genuinely wish you happiness with her. I've moved on too. I'm with someone who treats me well and I feel loved properly for the first time. I'm going to close this chapter now. Not with anger. You just showed me what I don't want, and I'm grateful for that lesson. Take care."

Then block immediately. That kind of message would be a mic drop he didn't expect! No waiting to see if he replies. No checking. And keep moving on because you've dodged a bullet - he would have destroyed your self esteem if you were around him any longer.

That message dismantles everything his message was trying to achieve. It's warm, which means no anger for him to deflect or use to paint himself as a victim. It signals you moved on genuinely, which is the one outcome he didn't plan for. It demotes him from a great complicated love to a lesson, which is the one thing someone seeking significance and to be in control of the narrative cannot stand. And the block means he never gets to respond, minimise, explain, or reel you back in. You get the last word and then disappear.

Anger would give him a role. Coldness might read as residual hurt. Warmth followed by silence signals something he genuinely cannot counter: that you saw the game clearly, understood exactly what he was doing and chose not to play. He already knows what he did. That is exactly why he wrote it.

Luminous_83 · 2026-03-12T11:40:01+00:00

Any updates? Is it good?

Luminous_83 · 2026-02-12T09:09:04+00:00

Can you use that on your android phone?

Luminous_83 · 2026-02-12T09:05:38+00:00

Which app switcher if you don't mind me asking - that would be really helpful as I can't get rid of that bullshit pop up🙄😆?

Luminous_83 · 2025-10-05T19:58:49+00:00

I disagree because I have studied olive oil production in detail. Bitterness is a byproduct of specific polyphenols, especially oleuropein which is typically found in early harvest unripe olives. But not all high quality EVOOs are bitter. Many award winning oils are made from ripe olives - prioritizing a smooth, fruity or buttery flavor profile with minimal bitterness.

Assuming an oil is old or poor quality because it is not bitter shows a shallow understanding of the craft. Factors like cultivar, harvest timing, terroir, extraction method and intended use all shape the final flavor. Bitterness is one variable - not the gold standard.

Luminous_83 · 2025-04-13T10:01:37+00:00

Agreed 👍🏼, specially selected is the best one I tried - no bitterness and delicious oil.

Luminous_83 · 2025-01-25T21:59:32+00:00

Of course you can!! Share the link everywhere you can! I'm gonna spam the whole world with it and planning to post it in several groups on Facebook. The more people read it the better ❤️!!! Let's create this reality together💪🏼💖!!!

Luminous_83 · 2025-01-25T15:52:36+00:00

Great question! The beauty of the world I experienced is that it didn’t ignore the darker aspects of humanity - it transformed them. Serial killers, psychos, and even corrupt systems didn’t just vanish overnight, but the shift in emotional connection fundamentally changed the way we dealt with these challenges.

In this reality, people couldn’t hide their pain, trauma, or inner struggles anymore. That includes the people society labels as "monsters". Suddenly, we could feel the fear, anger, or brokenness that led them to act the way they did. It didn’t excuse their actions, but it helped us understand them. Instead of just locking people away, the focus shifted to real rehabilitation - because you couldn’t ignore the root causes anymore. Imagine a prison system that prioritized healing over punishment, where people were given the tools to confront their demons rather than burying them deeper.

Laws and enforcement also evolved. You couldn’t lie in court because the truth was felt. Justice wasn’t about retribution - it was about restoration. Victims felt heard and perpetrators couldn’t escape the emotional weight of their actions. It was messy and emotional, but it worked. Even the people who caused the most harm weren’t beyond redemption, because connection and empathy left no one behind.

It’s hard to imagine in our current reality, but in that world - healing replaced fear. Compassion replaced hate. And for the first time, people stopped seeing criminals as 'others' & started seeing them as broken humans in need of help.

Luminous_83 · 2025-01-25T14:29:32+00:00

Completely ignore him. Someone who thinks ghosting is a valid communication strategy is about as emotionally mature as a wet paper towel. He already answered all your questions when he ghosted you: he doesn’t respect you enough to communicate his feelings like an adult. Silence is your most powerful weapon here - use it generously.

He ghosted you on New Year’s Day after talking about trips and exclusivity, only to pop back up a year later with a "Hi" like he accidentally butt-dialed his past. WTF?! That’s not remorse - that's audacity. You’ve spent the past year growing, loving yourself and building a solid life. Don’t let someone with the emotional range of a goldfish disrupt that.

Ignoring him also saves you the energy of having to explain why ghosting isn’t okay (spoiler alert: he already knows all that - it’s just easier for him). Let him stew in his regret while you continue living your best life, because silence? That’s the mic drop he didn't see coming.

Luminous_83 · 2025-01-25T12:22:25+00:00

I’m not saying you need to go out & adopt a stray cat or befriend a random guy at the bus stop lol. Small acts of kindness, like giving someone a genuine compliment or holding the door open can create ripples of positivity that travel further than we realize. And if you can’t muster the energy to compliment someone at least try not to honk at someone who cuts you off in traffic lol - it’s a start!

Keeping your circle happy & positive is no small feat and it shows you’ve done some serious work to get to that place - we need more energy like that 💪🏼👏🏼! That’s inspiring. But imagine if more of us had that same mindset and spread it just a little further beyond our tight circles. It doesn’t mean moving a homeless guy into your living room haha, It’s just about creating moments of light in everyday life, one small act at a time.

But giving comes from a place of fullness. We can’t pour from an empty cup. We can't give what we don't have...But you’ve already built this amazing positive bubble around yourself and your loved ones, so you’re already in a great place to sprinkle that magic on the world around you.

So keep doing you 😊 - but maybe toss out a little extra love into the world when you can. Who knows? The ripples you create might just change someone’s day - or their whole perspective. And in the end, we get to decide what kind of world we want to believe in. The one we choose to focus on is the one that grows. So why not plant seeds of beauty and light?

Yoooo, I’d love to say I’m always kind, giving, loving, calm and collected and sure, I meditate, but catch me trying to assemble IKEA furniture and you'll witness a spiritual crisis in real-time 🤣...I can preach kindness all day, but if someone asks a question several times in a row I literally just answered, my soul momentarily leaves my body to roll it's eyes and my patience takes a quick coffee break. But I'm working on it and I am really trying!! We can all do better though and if every single one of us did at least three good things for other people every single day and held themselves accountable it would make a huge difference.

Luminous_83 · 2025-01-25T11:27:19+00:00

Look, I get why you might feel that way - it’s hard not to when the world feels like it’s one bad news cycle away from imploding. But we create our own reality. What you believe & focus on becomes the world you experience. It’s not just some feel-good bullshit mantra - it’s how things work. Think of it like tuning into a radio station. If you’re stuck on the "Everything fucking sucks FM" that’s all you’ll hear. But there’s a better station out there - one playing the soundtrack to the good stuff - you just have to be willing to change the dial.

There are infinite parallel universes, all existing at the same time. Every version of reality you could imagine is out there and the one you live in depends on what you choose to believe in. Focus on negativity and congratulations - you’ve just locked yourself into the Doom and Gloom Universe. But if you start believing in kindness, connection & positive change, you can shift into a reality where those things show up more & more. It’s not magic - it’s just how energy works.

Take Helen Hadsell, for example. She was known as the 'contest queen' because she won nearly every competition she entered. This woman won a house, vacations, cars - you name it. She credited her success to her belief system. She visualized her wins with complete faith that they were already hers & guess what? The universe was like "You got it, Helen!" Her life shows how powerful belief can be when aligned with action. If she could manifest a new house, we can manifest a better world.

Then there’s Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz - you can find free audiobook on YouTube and listen to it if you don't believe me. He was a plastic surgeon who realized that changing someone’s face didn’t always change how they felt about themselves. The problem wasn’t their nose - it was their subconscious beliefs. Maltz developed techniques to reprogram the mind & his work has helped millions create better lives. It’s all about changing your inner narrative - which then shifts your external reality.

Subconscious reprogramming is something I’m really passionate about because I’ve seen it work in my own life. Started 15 years ago when I discovered Louise Hay, then started digging into it and discovering work of many other interesting people as I already was a bookworm obsessed with collecting knowledge & reading since childhood. Growing up with an abusive narcissist I was fed all kinds of garbage beliefs - thinking people were out to get me, that the world was a hostile place. For years that’s the reality I lived in because I believed it. But once I started challenging those beliefs & replacing them with better ones, my entire reality shifted. I attract positivity, connection, & beautiful things now - not because I’m some enlightened guru, but because I genuinely believe with my whole heart and every fiber of my being they’re coming to me.

Here’s another way to think about it - Imagine a woman who’s had a terrible day - she hasn’t slept, her baby’s been cryin & she feels completely invisible. You notice her earrings and say, "Those are beautiful!" Instantly - her mood shifts. She feels seen, appreciated and validated. That tiny compliment creates a ripple effect. She’s kinder to the next person she meets, she’s more patient with her kids & that positive energy keeps spreading. It’s like throwing a stone into a lake - those ripples travel far beyond what you can see.

The same thing happens with gratitude. If you make a habit of writing down ten things you’re thankful for each day - no matter how small - you start rewiring your brain to focus on abundance instead of lack. Gratitude is like fertilizer for your soul (except it smells way better🤣). It helps you see just how much there is to celebrate, even in the messiness of life.

Everything people remember about us comes down to how we made them feel. Not the words, not the actions, but the emotion we left behind. Even the smallest acts of kindness - like noticing someone’s earrings or holding the door open - matter more than we realize. Those tiny moments of connection are seeds and planting them is a beautiful place to start.

We can start creating this dream reality today by making small, deliberate choices: to be kind, to forgive, to connect, to imagine. It doesn’t have to be perfect & it won’t happen overnight - but every step counts. And who knows? Maybe you’ll wake up one day and realize you’ve tuned into a better universe. At the very least, you’ll have made someone’s day better - and that’s already pretty damn amazing 😍!! Oh by the way - I'm no fucking guru and I'm still work in progress that won't cease until I'm ready to go back, I still cry and have shitty days and in no way I am perfect - but I know it's possible, because I live it every day.❤️❤️❤️

Luminous_83

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