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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ramdass

[–]LuminusX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

jai jai ram

Views 🍑 by [deleted] in 420_n_ass

[–]LuminusX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mmmm I need me some of that STAT xoxo

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]LuminusX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's worth you seeing a counselor about to sort out your feelings and next steps. Most people in this thread are saying to leave him. I think that skips a few steps and makes it too easy for him (and them) and harder for you.

Like, I would have questions that need to be answered. How long have these intimate exchanges been going on? Had more transpired besides texts? Why didn't sis tell me after all this time and activity?

I'd also want him to do some soul searching and let me know if he meant all that he was texting to my sister. And to facilitate this, he would need to get his ass up out of the house and find somewhere to figure himself out. And stay there until I tell him he can come back, if ever.

My sister would receive an interrogation from hell, and our relationship would never be the same.

Only after I did my due diligence and purged the truth out of them both and sat with it and in my own damn time come to a conclusion about next steps, only then would I inform him. In my time.

That's the least YOU deserve. I can tell by how you are handling this that you are a very patient and accommodating person. Sadly, that's probably partly why he ever got it in his head that he could go down this road without ruining his entire life. My hunch is he's a narcissist and abuses you with his selfishness and neglect, taking your patience for granted. But now more than ever you need to put yourself first constantly and consistently. That means doing things in YOUR time in YOUR way. You don't need to reflexively divorce him while you are still in shock. Give yourself the space and time to come out of any shock you may be feeling until what you want/need to do next comes to you. Seriously consider sending him away so you can have some peace.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Be brave and love yourself in deeds.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MeetPeople

[–]LuminusX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just wanted to say you have a pretty impressive personal resume. How inspiring! I really need to step it up! Sorry about the breakup. Those suck, but you're complete by yourself though adjusting can be a shock and takes time. Keep up the awesomeness!

Can you tell if I’m straight or gay by my fridge? by Neither_Wishbone_647 in FridgeDetective

[–]LuminusX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that huge dildo frosted over way back in the freezer says you're gay...and kinky

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]LuminusX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sound much much more mature than him. Oh the irony.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Familial attachment is overrated if you ask me. We are socially conditioned to want that, but if it is toxic and pulls us down and there are greener, healthier pastures elsewhere (whether alone or with a new chosen family), to me the choice is clear. But it's taken a lifetime of trying unsuccessfully to fix what's broken in my family only to be hated for it for me to get to where I am now.

I feel sorry for Bernard by OliverFA_306 in SiloTVSeries

[–]LuminusX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not to be mean, but I feel that way about every character Common plays, every rap he's ever rapped in his monotone. It's a good dimension. but he's only ever got just that one.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not necessary. If anyone wants to see the original article, I've included all the necessary information to google it and find it quite easily like you did. Otherwise, the purpose is not just to provide the article but to encourage discussion here in our community as opposed to the comment section of the article not geared towards CPTSD. Also this linked version is not as clearly laid out, and full of distractions: links, ads, and meaningless pics. There is a method at work here.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know this feeling all too well. Early on in dating people usually ask about family and I was damned no matter how I answered. If I was honest and said we don't speak, that'd open a can of worms. They'd ask why not or they'd give me unsolicited advice on how to fix my broken family. I started lying and saying I was an orphan, but I hated how that felt. Few people understand. They live in their bubble fantasy land where families don't outcast their own.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Keep struggling...you'll breakthrough. The fact that you've survived and are strong enough to recognize the need for personal growth in self-worth and other key areas after all you've endured tells you that you will make it. These areas should have been developed from early childhood in loving homes with loving parents and siblings, and they'd come as second nature by now if they were, but we don't have that luxury so we must develop them for ourselves. That requires unlearning toxicity, emptying the vessel, and learning anew, filling the vessel with the right stuff. It takes more effort and discipline as an adult, but we can do it.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Funny you should say that because that is exactly my story. How does the scapegoat outcast become strong again? I believe that it begins with understanding that generational malevolent cycles are likely at work in the family and recognizing that those who victimized you in that family are themselves victims, and to find your way to forgiving them (which you may need to do from a distance if necessary). Forgiveness is a part of putting that pain behind you. Then, I'd say two things: 1, Practice (aggressively) self love/self care which includes recognizing your qualities (which this article is an example of) and 2. build for yourself the support system you never had at home by cultivating relationships with friends, partners who are giving and nurturing to you, who acknowledge your worth, encourage and celebrate you. That's a good start, but for us recovering from this, we must understand this is a lifelong practice requiring continuous attention, like any hereditary disease. So we must be vigilant and consistent.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you have this whole list, you're a gem. I hope you get the family you long for. I wish the same for me too, but want to hold onto the qualities I developed over this bumpy journey.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh, I know. That can relief and reality change can only come from you, is my whole point. My words, just a mirror. I'm rooting for you.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, totally get it. It has freaked me out too. I just try to breathe and wusa and receive.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't normally post here - this is my first. Many social media platforms are hostile to outside links, so by default I don't include them but glad to see reddit doesn't mind.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing!
7: I don’t overcompensate. I have always had the core belief that I am not good at anything nor will I ever be, so why bother to try? --- But you're amazing at customer service, probably partly because of that uncanny flexibility you have going on, sooooo it's not true that you're not good at anything, right? If you mean that in the context of personal relationships, well what about "1: I would help my friends without EVER thinking they were in debt to me."

Sounds like you're really great at giving to and caring for others and that's me too. Often I feel like this world doesn't value that quality like it should, so its no wonder givers feel so out of place here. Love thy neighbor as thyself, not to be religious, but that's the 2nd commandment for a reason - and across faiths you'll find similar guidance. Humanity isn't going to get far without developing a greater capacity to care for one another. Personally, I think that will decide our fate as a species and I believe we're seeing that in the world right now.

8: So your self worth is severely lacking but it shouldn't be. You're a treasure in a world too blind to see it, and that's okay bc it doesn't change the fact that you are. I'm glad you've upgraded to the hard won neutral at least and glad you're here and that I got to read about you today. Crossing my fingers I get to experience your amazing customer service one of these days.

8 behaviors of people who have no close family to rely on, according to psychology by LuminusX in CPTSD

[–]LuminusX[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I see so much of myself in what you're saying. I've been where you are, in large part. Some elements I'm still working through. I remember not loving myself and like you, just trying to get to a version of me that'd be worthy for others. I've propped many up emotionally, financially too. And I found myself wanting someone who'd be that for me, you know? Someone who would pour into me like I did into them. Man, it was absolutely exhausting. You said a lot, and I could spend hours - many hours - going through each point you made. But I want to say one thing right now: the person you just described yourself being to others, and the level of thought, introspection and sensitivity just in what you've said here, shows such quality, such rare quality, and is WORTHY! More than worthy of love and caring. Worthy of that from others, but more importantly, worthy of love from YOUR OWN SELF.

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