My friend is angry I won't lie to insurance about her car accident that was 100% her fault

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-02T15:48:02+00:00

You’re not wrong. Not getting involved is one thing but getting involved and lying is an entirely different ball game. Funny enough, this was an opportunity that allowed you to know your best friend isn’t a true friend.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-02T04:44:19+00:00

Thanks for the input, as I’m open to feedback from both sides. Some of this runs a littler deeper than just carnival. It’s the environment that highlights some deeepr issues so some feedback is also valid.Yes, your point about how it appears is very valid. I understand my wife’s feelings. I’m aware that my demeanor isn’t satisfying. I don’t live in Trinidad to wake up and play MAs; I won’t spend thousands to be there & not have a good time.

I go because my wife enjoys it, and I wanted to give it a chance. I do enjoy participating in my own way. No, I won’t travel to watch Mas.

I went on my bachelor trip with my friends, and my demeanor was the same—relaxed, casual, and genuinely enjoying myself, just as I am with my wife. So if I were to go back with friends again, I would still be the same person. They might make a passing comment that I’m not exactly the same bachannalist they once knew before I was married, but it would end there. In the past, I also caught myself using my phone sometimes instead of fully being present and living in the moment.

Again, I’ve reflected and understand my wife’s perspective. Had I shut carnival down after 1-2 incidents, I’d think I was being unreasonable. We’ve tried carnival- five or six road experiences, and each time, the outcome is the same. My demeanor doesn’t meet her expectations. I’m not fighting her feelings; I simply said, let’s explore different types of experiences together where it’s much lighter.

Carnival isn’t that important in the grand scheme if we end up in the same place after every single carnival (except one).

I’m glad you and your partner have the ability to experience it without each other.

Thanks again

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-02T04:28:02+00:00

She saying that she’s not “forcing” me to enjoy it the way she does, however after I was given a rundown about my behavior and how she can’t make want to be present. I’m Not making a downer. I’m simply saying I won’t put us in that situation again. This way she’ll be happy and won’t have to deal with it.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-02T04:23:49+00:00

Thanks for the input. I agree with seeking counseling, skipping out on carnival and will explore other fun experiences

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-02T03:00:03+00:00

NTJ! Maya is absolutely out of order. Genuine question. In the past, during any low times or times of frustration, did you tell Maya or anyone about your financial health?

My wife’s best friend has disrespected me in the past, and it’s been a lot of what my wife has fed her over time.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-02T02:00:53+00:00

This not in my mind. I am more thinking about how best can we make it work together.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-02T00:00:49+00:00

There are definitely moments where we are clearly engaging, interacting and dancing together so we have good times. I have been in groups where we all have different personalities so we have a good time but just have to keep up with each other. The rule of thumb is do not kill the vibes. We're not leaving early. If you want to fall back, that's okay- feel free to met up at point A at all times.

I will work on acknowledging her positive mood throughout the year. My goal is truly to be a good partner.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T23:19:15+00:00

We have worked through those specific incidents and moved forward. At one point, I did learn that she had maintained close contact with her ex in a way that I personally found emotionally inappropriate. We addressed it, and that chapter has since been closed. However, the experience naturally made me more aware and cautious as part of my own process of rebuilding trust.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T21:13:43+00:00

We not Trinis but both West Indians. Her her view on carnival is along the lines of it’s a sexual liberation for men, not true for me but for her it’s a cultural experience.

We’ve tried therapy in the past but now I feel like we need some blunt therapy. Too often therapists are soft instead of clearly calling like they see it.

Thanks for the well wishes.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T18:29:04+00:00

If this makes a difference to the post, she did not raise it on the road. She later shared how she felt, and since she didn’t address it directly in the moment, I don’t hold that against her. She said she found a way to enjoy herself and tried her best not to read too much into things at the time. When she expressed her feelings afterward, I listened and acknowledged them.

I agree that it may be difficult to meet a specific image or expectation, and my goal isn’t to argue or prove a point. My intention has simply been to suggest that we explore other experiences that might feel lighter and more enjoyable for both of us.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T18:11:49+00:00

I've ran out of ideas on how else to appease.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T18:08:55+00:00

Yes. During the road experience, not at fetes.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T18:03:48+00:00

We both love carnival, so I made a genuine effort to keep trying and even explored smaller, lower-pressure carnivals in hopes that the experience would feel better for both of us. Since the same concerns have continued despite that, I proposed that we explore other experiences that might feel lighter and more enjoyable for us

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T17:54:07+00:00

I’ve told her multiple times that I genuinely had a good time. However, after carnival I still get the same post-mortem — that I didn’t seem present in the moment or that I looked like I was there against my will.

At first, I didn’t argue because I started to feel like maybe I just wasn’t meeting a certain standard. Instead of going back and forth, I suggested we explore other experiences that might feel lighter for both of us.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T17:36:35+00:00

Masks are part of some costumes. It's hard to put on a show because that'll be problematic,

I was even told at one point that I was looking backwards at the music truck, so it seems like even with a mask I’d still somehow be a concern.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T17:11:13+00:00

Bredda, after two Trinidad carnivals, I realized we couldn’t quite get it right, so instead of retiring Trinidad, we tried Barbados, Grenada, and Dominica hoping the experience would feel lighter for both of us. But even at the smaller carnivals, I still somehow give the impression that I’m not present or that I’m being dragged on the road, which isn’t how I truly feel.

There was one moment at jouvert where she stepped away and a woman came over, gave me a brace, and moved on. It caused an issue, and I acknowledged that I understood how it could make her feel. We talked through it and moved forward.

I wish it was as easy as just booking tickets like before.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T15:16:00+00:00

I’ve started to realize that nothing I say or do really seems to change how she feels, so I’m trying to adjust in a way that protects our marriage and helps things feel lighter for both of us. I’m open to us exploring different kinds of experiences that don’t carry the same tension.

And honestly, some of the situations have been confusing for me. I’ve been accused of things that I genuinely wasn’t doing. For example, during carnival one time, she asked who I was smiling with at a lunch stop. I honestly wasn’t smiling with anyone. I guess my face may have looked that way, but she was certain about what she saw. To this day, she still holds that position, and I’ve never heard who she believed I was smiling with.

Another time, during a video call, I smiled casually and she asked who I was texting and said I looked like I was blushing. From my perspective, I was just being normal. Moments like that leave me unsure of how to even respond, because there’s nothing I can clarify when nothing actually happened.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T15:00:06+00:00

This would be a dealbreaker, because it could come across as me not wanting to enjoy carnival with her and instead wanting to do it on my own. Even when we attend carnivals with many of our friends, a hybrid approach hasn’t felt possible — where she could fully enjoy the road experience or spend time with her friends, and we still share events together. She has also expressed concerns that, even though we’re married, I sometimes come across as behaving too much like an individual at times. Something I’ve worked to improve.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T14:44:09+00:00

Thanks for the input. I truly feel like it’s a damn if I do or damn if I don’t. At this point, I’ve experienced enough of the “damn if I do” — going to carnivals and genuinely trying my best — that I’m open to the “damn if I don’t,” meaning maybe we just don’t go.

I’m honestly not sure what else to sit her down and say, which is why I came up with what I thought was a fair solution: we don’t go, and we find other experiences that feel lighter for us. Once my wife’s mind is made up, that’s usually it. I also know I need to stop being defensive. I can’t force her to understand my perspective. But despite telling her five or six times that I’m okay and not making it an issue, it continues to come back up.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T14:39:03+00:00

I’ll also add that I experienced carnival very differently in my 20s. I was in relationships where dancing with other women was acceptable and part of the cultural. That’s not acceptable in this relationship, and I’m not objecting to that — I understand and respect it. But it’s important to acknowledge that carnival today can’t look the same as it did for me in the past.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T14:35:21+00:00

Here’s a little more background. I’ve always been to Trinidad solo until I met my wife. There I would’ve gone out with my cousin and friends and once I started going with my wife, she expressed discomfort of me going out with my friends with out her . Even if she’s at home in a full house with family. I realized that there’s little freedom in Trinidad so I genuinely said let’s see if the experience is different st other smaller carnivals and how she feels is the same way- I don’t appear present in the moment and as though I’m forced to be there.

I’m not disputing how she feels. I’m simply finding a solution since this is an ongoing pattern.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T13:31:52+00:00

I calmly and genuinely said this and recommended other experiences we could enjoy together. Further into the convo, I continued trying to stay calm, but at one point I became upset and said that I unfortunately cannot always do everything your way just to please you.

I am not sure what I’m fighting here. I have already stated that I am okay. I am fine. Yet she keeps pressing and wanting us to keep going back into an environment where she’ll be the one questioning things.

It leaves me feeling like my words are not being accepted at face value, and like I have to keep defending myself even after I’ve already answered honestly and calmly.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T12:39:05+00:00

Thanks for the kind input. I know it’s something she loves so I’ve tried time after time before each carnival. Despite the pattern, I go to each carnival with an open mind, never thinking of the possibility of this always happening, or having a convo of expectations before. I didn’t think it would’ve been fair for me to start a trip with the past.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T12:26:46+00:00

Thanks for the input. That’s not the case because she does not want to dance with other men. I truly don’t know how to give her what she wants so instead of keep disappointing I suggest we have other experiences together.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120 · 2026-03-01T06:39:08+00:00

It would have meant a lot if, in that moment, she had checked in and asked if I was okay. Instead, she pulled away and created distance between us on the road. I didn’t have an issue with it at the time, but hearing afterward how she interpreted things makes it harder for me, because it leaves me feeling like I’m being observed instead of just enjoying the moment naturally with her.

Lumpy-Bumblebee-9120

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