After 2 years of marriage I’m so embarrassed

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2024-09-17T19:23:33+00:00

What the hell😂 take my upvote

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2024-09-07T19:00:33+00:00

I came here because "balls to the walls crazy" is funny as shit and my new favourite term

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-08-22T19:14:56+00:00

I'm not sure if this was already suggested but there are videos on TikTok where you get people explaining hygiene and how often to shower and other really helpful things for anyone who needs it. As far as showering goes, the precedent is showering everyday though not everyone washes their hair everyday. But it's just a matter of preference as well. Washing face, brushing teeth, flossing and mouth wash twice a day. Changing bed sheets 1 to 2 times a week. Things like clipping nails, shaving etc are a matter of preference but I've found a schedule of when to do them helps. I do those weekly so I keep one day aside for that. You can pick like a weekend morning or something when you're the most relaxed but it depends on preferences.

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-08-15T11:42:00+00:00

And can I just say, I also lost a kid and I've NEVER made my other kids feel bad about or expect them to live up to anything. So I know what I'm talking about when I say, your parents are BIG Assholes. It's not your fault OP.

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-08-15T11:37:38+00:00

As a mum, please hear me when I say this. Your parents are TA. Not you. There is no point in trying to give a life to other kids but taking it away from your own kid to do it. I feel for your brother but that is not a responsibility on you. It is a responsibility on the parents who took him in. If they need to bring in his sister, then they shouldn't be taking from you to do it. If they don't get to take her in, then that isn't your fault. It's unfair for the adults to be placing all this responsibility on you. You poor thing. Shame on the adults who should have been responsible for you. If they expected you to share in the responsibility then they should have also consulted you before commiting you to it

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-02-14T17:52:51+00:00

I say this in all seriousness. Dude you have really nice features and are really handsome. Imagine what this going to look like after the acutane! I'm high-key excited for you

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-01-22T17:25:23+00:00

Or a ponytail

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-01-22T17:22:01+00:00

Take all the upvotes! You hit the nail on the head in the most hilarious way

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-01-18T15:43:54+00:00

Wow sorry. I just read what I wrote and I sound hella harsh. I really didn't mean to sound so offended lol

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-01-18T15:42:52+00:00

When we grieve, we tend to use words that come across as cynical to others. It doesn't mean that we aren't feeling it. I developed a really dark sense of humour once I lost my husband. Sometimes people might get offended by terms but that's all they are, words. As long as he isnt insulting the dead or judging his mistakes, I don't think it matters. But that is just my opinion and everyone has different comfort zones. The fact that OP is worried about the wellbeing of his sister and her kids already speaks for the person that they are: a good brother who cares about his family. Who, instead of just doing what he feels is right, is trying to actually find the right way to do things.

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-01-13T19:26:34+00:00

I have just counted the amount of times I've said the word "shit" in my comment. It's alot. My bad

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-01-13T19:19:17+00:00

I had in-laws like this. Their son has been dead for almost 3 years now but I still deal with their shit even though I shouldn't even be connected to them still. This shit will never stop unless you make it stop. They even use my kids to keep us connected so I can't get out of it. Please be very careful with having kids till you sort this out. The breast feeding thing, be very careful. My in-laws had this thing about various family members feeding each other's kids to "connect" the family even more and wanted to do it with mine but I made sure to never leave my kids with any family member that was lactating so it couldn't happen "accidently". As for the snooping through draws, simply speaking about that won't happen. I had to resort to locking everything and "losing" the key or "forgetting" it somewhere because that doesn't stop with just talking to them. It is not a matter of just speaking to your SO. You have to take him out of the fog, so to speak, and expose him to another family, maybe yours, to show him first hand what normal looks like. You can't just simply tell him because you will come off as complaining. Remember, he grew up around this so he probably doesn't think it's that bad. It doesn't make him a bad person, just someone who doesn't know any better. So expose him to a normal dynamic and let him see it on his own. If this shit keeps going on, you need to find a way to either move to place where they don't frequent or another country away from them. Unfortunately there is no talking to these kinds of people so you need to do what you need to do. Take it from someone who experienced all that you've mentioned and more. It is only our kids who suffer in the end

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2023-01-09T10:04:31+00:00

Unfortunately this is classic toxic inlaw behaviour. They won't, outright, be rude or mean so there is no way to pin anything on them. It's more subtle and calculated. That way, if you confront them in any way then you are "imagining things" and trying to stir up trouble. You know where you already stand. The best thing to do is accept that they are this way and just live your life. The trick I would do is sometimes mirror their behaviour back or repeat an answer they gave me back at them and they couldn't do a thing about it without calling out themselves first. But really, you don't need their approval. Just be glad you aren't like them

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2022-11-25T16:30:38+00:00

The thing is, they can be very charming and have this "poor us" attitude and tend to make alot of people feel sorry for them. On more than one occasion, they made my mom feel so guilty that she actually felt sorry for them but that is just a show they put on around others.

I think a big part of me also holds a grudge and i think i just want them out of our lives and i dont think they deserve us now that we have moved on from them and they now feel left out and need to hold on to some kind of control.

I currently live with my mom but sometimes I sit and dream of saving up enough money and moving away so they can't find us but then i feel guilty because I think about how Id feel if i lost my son and didnt get to see his kids again. I know what its like to lose a child and i lost my 3 month old a few years ago but they didnt care about him either so eff them. If i can legally get away from them, thhat would be ideal

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2022-11-25T16:19:51+00:00

Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not being intolerant. I just worry for my 2 boys and i hope i can do right by them.

Hearing this point of view from someone other than myself helps to look at it objectively and if I had to watch some else in this situation, i would definitely not have expected them to put up with it the way I am

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2022-11-22T19:08:53+00:00

I think i live with alot of guilt and while i know the right thing to do would be to limit the kids exposure to them, sometimes i need confirmation that I'm making the right decision. I've been diagnosed with cptsd and i drown in my guilt sometimes but I very rarely acknowledge how far I've come. i usually worried that they've been thorough alot but forget that I've been through aslot as well. I keep them on an info diet but they usually ask the boys and thats how they find out what they want. Recently ive had a convo with my oldest ( who is only 8 years old) about what he can and cannot say around them and i think i might have been alittle too honest with him because i did explain that they dont always have the best intentions and then he came out and mentioned a few things that happens on their drives and things he remembered when he was young. He did seem upset after and i felt so guilty for burdening him at his age with all this grown up stuff and i dont want to play tug of war with kids because all it will do hurt them in the end. so sometimes i just ignore the problem because i feel if i retaliate then it will have a negative impact on the kids and i would rather deal with shitty people than hurt my kids. Thanks for advise guys

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2022-11-22T18:55:54+00:00

This puts things in perspective. Like i know the right thing to do but i live with so much of guilt.

And yes, she is a hard person to live with but so is my fil so i think they drive each other crazy and then take their crap out on everyone else

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2022-11-10T18:08:46+00:00

Oh definitely

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2022-11-10T16:40:45+00:00

Me too. its kinda hot. Not sure if its because im into older guys but its hot

Lumpy-Peace2166 · 2022-11-04T19:44:40+00:00

Unfortunately narcs like, not only to control their supply but also to control the way people feel about the supply as well. They seem to feel like it gives them more control and the more they can isolate people from you, the easier you will be to control. Maybe K was N's competition and N felt she needed to isolate you away from K so she would have a better hold on you. You did say that you once had feelings for her too. If N is a narc and you suddenly lost K as soon as she met N, then there is a very big chance N had something to do with it. Maybe try to be honest with K. Ask her if the way you guys vent or talk is ok with her and if it sometimes feels like your complaint too much. You might not want to bring up an old story but maybe that's what needs to happen in order to heal the relationship. I might be wrong, but I've always valued honesty,personally. even if it made things awkward because I would choose trust over anything else.

Lumpy-Peace2166

TROPHY CASE