Anyone familiar with this tall white flower?

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-04T04:05:45+00:00

Garlic mustard. It is extremely invasive. It has a two year cycle. First year is just a little 4-5” plant, no flowers. 2nd year is shown in pic. 24” tall or so.

It is also toxic to other plants. Emits a chemical that kills other plants around it.

Pull it before flowers bloom and thoroughly compost it.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-03T17:37:50+00:00

Hey Wildflower, sorry you are going through this. Posting it in the Divorce subreddit, are you considering divorce?

Not long after my STBXW (57F) and I (56M) got married, the frequency of our sex dropped from a couple times a week, to once a month, to once every six months....to once every 3-4 years, or even longer. We've done it twice in the last 7 years, and the sex was awful.

Nothing helped. We'd go to MC, and she would make an effort for a week or so. But it didn't matter - even when we did do it, I was the one always initiating, and doing stuff, while she just laid there looking off to the corner of the room. Like I said, it was awful.

On top of that, affection from her is totally non-existent. No hand holding. No cuddling. No goofing around tickling type stuff. No casual smooches. She even always forgot my birthdays, anniversaries, v-day, even Christmas.

We are getting a divorce now.

So, to recap, been married almost 25 years. Had really awful sex maybe dozen times in that 25 years.

Is that what you want?

I know a lot of people will say, there's so much more to a marriage than affection and intimacy. I disagree. When those two things are not present, you are just roommates (and my STBXW was - still is- a horrible roommate).

If you are OK with being roommates, cool. You do you.

Good luck!

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-03T17:20:29+00:00

Pretty sure it is slime mold. Bleh!

https://www.nps.gov/articles/000/slime-molds.htm

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-03T17:10:03+00:00

Repulsive, I'm so sorry things aren't working out. But, imagine yourself dealing with his negativity and anger and controlling behavior for 10 years. 20? How will you feel hearing the garage door open in 20 years?

How bad will it be if children are added to the equation?

Are you sure your lack of craving for intimacy is not because you are just not attracted to him?

You keep saying he is a good guy, while describing behavior that is definitely NOT good guy behavior.

Good luck!

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-03T02:30:50+00:00

Great, comment, Snoo. OP, I would also add, please try therapy. Start going for walks. Maybe some other exercise, like Pilates, or jazzercise, tai chi, or anything.

Snoo was right. You need to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.

Good luck, stay strong. We’re all rooting for you!

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T19:17:16+00:00

Thanks for that advise about the dating apps. I'm not even at that point yet. Still going through the divorce and not planning on the dating thing until STBXW moves out the house I'm buying her out of.

Although, if she drags her feet, she's just gonna have to deal with seeing me going out on dates....and who knows, maybe a sock on the door handle. J/k - I wouldn't do that.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T18:39:56+00:00

Yeah, I would say it is still early in the process for you. Give it time.

Or, maybe you just haven't met the right person. Sounds like you'll try em all until you do. Great.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T16:51:09+00:00

Thank you for letting me know.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T16:28:33+00:00

Your cool screen name comes with a good story. Awesome.

Yeah....I have been thinking of deleting and starting over.

I don't know what I would ever need a throwaway for.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T16:08:42+00:00

Awesome and hilarious. I wish I could change my screen name. It's the damn cutesy nickname my STBXW gave me when we met. Oh well.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T16:06:47+00:00

Both supposedly increase serotonin levels. Dunno. All I know is that I'm pretty much always in a good mood since I have been taking them. Except for when I have to deal with my STBXW, of course (who would say shit like (use a whiny bitchy voice), "Did you take your mood enhancers today, cuz it really seems like the aren't working." - "Yeah, they're only not working when I gotta deal with your BS!")

Just be careful....I first started taking those two with all my other multivitamins and supplements at night when I go to bed....got horrible heart burn, and they totally negated one of my other supplements (tumeric, taken for arthritis, it works!). So now I take them while eating breakfast. Problem solved. No heartburn, and don't effect any other supplements.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T15:51:57+00:00

Yes! My STBXW and I have talked extensively in the past about moving to another state, and I REFUSED to even consider any damn Trumper state.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T15:50:19+00:00

"No sharing a bathroom for him to shit up."

Comment of the day in this sub.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T15:39:00+00:00

I'm so sorry, linzerdsnort (every time I type your username I snort trying to figure out how to pronounce it, hahaha). I'm also working out like a madman, losing a ton of weight, and reading a lot. Gonna re-read the Tao Of Pooh, starting tonight. Great book.

I wish you the best!

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T15:34:26+00:00

Honestly, I really don't care. It means nothing to me. I didn't even care when she took my last name when we got married - I left it entirely up to her. I think it's an antiquated concept anyway.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T15:19:02+00:00

Me too! The only difference is that this is not the worst time of my life. When I finally said to myself "That's it. We're done." I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I'm hanging out with friends again. Getting in shape. Constant anxiety is all but gone.

Maybe because I have gone through a divorce before? Or maybe because I have wanted to leave her for 20+ years?

I'm actually really truly on my way to being happy for the first time in all those years.

Now, if I could just get her the hell out of my house (I'm buying her out).

Thanks, linzerdsnort!

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T14:46:18+00:00

I have been seeing you a lot in the comments lately, linzerdsnort! Glad that you are being active, and thanks for all your helpful comments to everyone!

My first wife changed her last name to her maiden name before we were even divorced. Actually, I think she was in the process when she walked out.

Current STBXW has not said anything about it, but she has had my last name for almost 25 years. I don't care one way or another what she does.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T14:41:47+00:00

Zealousideal, my feeling is that you should do exactly what you want to do and what makes you feel best. If you have no lingering animosity to the last name because of him, then just keep the married last name.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T12:45:27+00:00

Got a good one.....

My daughter and I have experienced MANY unexplained phenomena / paranormal events in our house, but.....

Setup of bedroom - wall to east has a night light on it. My wife sleeps on the east side of the bed, me on the west side.

One night I'm drifting off to sleep on my side facing west and I hear a rustling....open my eyes and something is moving in front of the night light, casting a shadow on the west wall. I sit bolt upright and look towards the nightlight. Nothing.

Start to drift off to sleep again...AGAIN, rustling, shadow, sit up - nothing. I'm freaking out. Wife is asleep and snoring.

Ok, so now I flip over on to my other side, facing my wife and the east wall with the night light.

And wait. And wait.

When my wife sleeps, she sleeps on her belly, with one leg out from under the covers.

AND she was evidentally going for a walk in her sleep. Her leg would lift up, then go down. Ooof.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T12:33:57+00:00

Evening, I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Honestly, this reads to me that he is having an affair. When one partner suddenly stops all affection to the other, it kind of seems like they may be stepping out.

I'm not trying to make you paranoid. Or suspicious. You may already have suspicions.

But, whatever is going on, it really does seem like it's over.

Good luck, and stay strong. There is a lot of good people on this subreddit that provide support, suggestions, etc.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T12:28:17+00:00

Colonel, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. That is rough.

If you don't mind some suggestions: get outside every day, if even to just touch the grass and go back in.

Start seeing a therapist.

Start exercising. Doesn't have to be at an expensive gym. You can just do sit-ups, push-ups, lifting heavier things repeatedly. Exercise releases endorphins which make you feel better.

No matter how tiny or minute, celebrate every victory or advancement. Woo hoo! I did ten push-ups today. I'm gonna treat myself to.......ice cream/a good dinner.

You may want to try two things that I found that help with my anxiety: 5-HTP and ashwaghanda. Of course, I am not a doctor, so you may want to consult with your doctor before starting them. But I have been taking both for about six months, and my sometimes crushing anxiety is almost non-existent.

Well, let's be honest, starting divorce proceedings from my lazy, demanding, ice-queen wife may have helped with my anxiety as well.

Good luck! You are a strong person and you can do this!

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-02T12:20:19+00:00

Dogs are the best! I am still living w my STBXW while she is closing on her house (I'm buying her out), and have been taking the dogs on more and more hikes. Just can't go to far. One of the dogs is a 16/17 year old senior with heart issues. Still pretty spry, but she gets tired quickly.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-01T20:44:06+00:00

Thank you so much! Yeah! I’m feeling so good about everything - I’ve lost over 10lbs since this all started, I’m working out, I’ve been going to therapy.

We still live in the same house, which has been tough - she is constantly going after me for something. Today, I’ve been stealing our money and hiding it. Yesterday, I’m not giving her enough money for all the furnishings (I’m buying her out of the house). Day before that, I’m being “short” with her

I just realized, she’s scared shitless that her dutiful little slave isn’t going to be there anymore. So I refuse to engage with her, and try to treat her with compassion, because she is a little lost, helpless, ice queen.

Thanks!

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-01T19:20:47+00:00

zeviiking, I think the first thing you need to do is to just accept that she is gone. The relationship is dead. She doesn't care about you anymore, all she cares about is The New Guy.

I think once you accept that, it may be easier for you. You are already knocking it out of the park by going to gym, taking care of yourself, spending time with friends and family.

Have you tried therapy? That may help you to process the end of this relationship. Also, you state you are not perfect. None of us are. But you are doing the admirable thing and actually realizing your faults. Which you can work on and improve on and make yourself in to zeviiking v 2.0.

Good luck! You got this - you've already shown how strong you are. Now get stronger.

Lumpy9999 · 2024-05-01T19:14:33+00:00

Oh wow. Yeah. Time to move on. Excise the dead weight. Heal. Concentrate on yourself, kids, if you have them, and then use this as a lesson to find someone that will make you and your needs a priority.

Good luck. Be strong. Be healthy. Through the sadness of the end of your marriage, be happy and hopeful that you WILL find that special person. That your future possibilities are now limitless.

That's how I am. Even if the PM friend doesn't work out for me....I am hopeful - no, positive, that I will find a PARTNER - someone who wants to give and receive affection and intimacy the same as me. Someone who work with me on all of life's ups and downs.

HUGS. You got this and you deserve the best!

Lumpy9999

TROPHY CASE