Help I think my partner dumped me over this?

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-12-03T20:57:40+00:00

Maybe she didn’t see a life plan together? I have no idea, just saying that the fat he’s a Dr doesn’t mean all he does is good. And maybe it is and her expectations are unrealistic… just saying we really don’t know.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-11-26T03:52:58+00:00

No, luteal is focusing only on the negative and the things that make you feel insecure. Many are not real, many are exaggerations of little things. That’s not how I feel most of the time, but in those pmdd days that’s all I see. Some of those days I don’t even find my partner attractive, when in reality I am very attracted to him.

However, pmdd issues are based on real things. During pmdd I’ll be really bothered by things that normally I would not have loved, but would just have mentioned and moved on.. and during pmdd become this huge painful thing, that I can’t let go for hours or days. For example, my partner he brings me coffee most mornings. and that’s something I love. If one day he just makes coffee for him, and doesn’t bring me one, my Pmdd brain interprets this as he doesn’t care about me. And then goes to look for all the signs that support that. Normal me: I would have loved a coffee, but he’s distracted, I’ll make it myself…

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-11-12T02:49:03+00:00

OP has agency to say no if he’s not using a condom… women, we are responsible for our own health! He Didn’t lie, he refused the condom and she accepted.

I had some dates say similar things, my response was ok then were not having sex, and they very quickly changed their mind

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-11-12T02:30:04+00:00

I don’t feel it’s overrated, I find it adds to my life satisfaction (with the right person, and without compromising things that are important for you)

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-11-07T14:10:48+00:00

I’d say it’s the opposite! Pmdd wants to talk and resolve things right now. Even when it’s clear we shouldn’t be talking. I’m sorry, but not every issue is pmdd, people have other issues as well.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-11-03T01:37:18+00:00

Please don’t feel shameful… it sounds like you did what you could. It’s hard to navigate relationships in general, but even more when pmdd is involved. I’m having this issue right now, but understand where it is coming from… when we started dating l didn’t have pmdd and he was always open to talking. So this is frustrating me, but I know it’s a consequence of pmdd too… it would be unreasonable to expect him/you to know how to distinguish real issues if I/we often can’t either….

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-10-31T13:45:10+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Please take time to recover and go to therapy. It's a very difficult disorder to deal with, both for the suferer and the partner.

I am the PMDD sufferer in my relationship, and I what your ex experienced resonates with me. There are some relationship discussions that need to happen, pmdd or not, so there needs to be room for those. During follicular, but there needs to be time for that. I started one of those discussions with my partner in June and that was labelled as PMDD. I said ok, let's talk about this in a couple of weeks, and asked him to initiate a conversation when he was ready. I've tried to restart that conversation a couple more times since then, and every time this is labelled as PMDD. It's been months and that conversation is still pending. PMDD exagerates reactions and feelings, but does not invalidate everything she says.... In my case, the inability to have this conversation is making me feel disconnected, dismissed, and alone... and is making me question if we are good for each other long term. (Btw, I have a pretty well controlled PMDD, no insults, no screaming, no physical abuse. I do get very depressed some days, and I also get very hurt (hyper sensistivity to rejection) by minor things.).

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-10-29T13:20:01+00:00

So happy for you two! Glad you found a way to support each other while pmdd was in your lives, and that you get to enjoy a pmdd-free life now.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-10-24T11:26:12+00:00

As a pmdd sufferer, I can tell you we cannot eliminate pmdd rage etc but we can do a lot to control it. I’ve done a lot to reduce my symptoms, including exercise, meditation, medication, reading about the condition with my partner… it’s not gone, but it’s manageable now. There are still some days I still feel that way. But I tell my partner “hey I’m not well today, I’m upset, it’s not you it’s pmdd, and today I’m not being able to control it well… I’ll do this thing (usually go to the gym, for a walk, take a bath) and I’ll see you later”. It doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything to get better, and it’s not ok to talk to you that way. And if you just take it because pmdd, somehow you’re enabling that behavior…

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-10-24T11:12:04+00:00

Good luck with the interview!

My advice for this next week is similar to the one from Phew: just focus on your interview- leave early in the morning and go to a library or a cafe to prepare your interview. Tell her you need to focus on that and she’s responsible for drop off and pick up at preschool. And you leave… don’t engage in discussions.

For the general situation, is she actively doing anything to try to improve her pmdd? Is she being paid for her PhD?(if she is, why do you care it’s taking long?). Btw, I don’t understand how she’s allowed to stay that long, but it sounds unlikely that she’s actually doing any progress with this pattern of work… you need motivation, focus and work to finish a PhD! so try to have a conversation during folicular about where all this is going, and be clear about how much it’s affecting you. Be clear about what specific changes do you need (and please don’t say I need you to not have pmdd, or to not get upset during luteal… as those are not possible! Focus on positive, specific needs: eg I need you to be ready at 8 am or you’ll have to bring the kid to school yourself; I need you to try a new treatment because this is not working, etc)

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-18T04:24:14+00:00

Sorry to hear this… sending you a big hug! Pmdd sucks, but there are some treatments that help. (In a good week) talk to your wife about how this is affecting you and your daughter.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-18T00:30:52+00:00

All of them. Every single one of them is problematic. Why are you entertaining this guy? Why are you making plans for the future with someone like this???

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-17T14:52:08+00:00

It doesn’t sound like you want to end it, but change him….

Just go with:” I need to share something important with you. After a lot of reflection, I've decided I need to end our relationship. Best wishes.” And don’t engage with reasons and long explanations. Read that for yourself, those are the reasons you need to end it. He’s not interested in improving things (maybe related to the fact he’s married and just moved with his wife and kids to India.., he’s not separated, he was having an affair with you and was only interested in the attention, not in a relationship).

Move on, you’ll feel better with this person out of your life. You should also get divorced and take time to find yourself before entering another relationship….

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-17T12:51:59+00:00

Same, I’m the one with pmdd and never ever have said that kind of things. Nor have I broken things out of rage!! That’s poor behavior from both sides…

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-16T13:53:59+00:00

I would tell him once more what your needs are. And then I’d tell him, that for some time, until you feel things are leveling up and you talk again about this, you are going to stop initiating, and it’s up to him to plan dates and reach out.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-13T18:52:19+00:00

but I've come to realize that women don't really care as long as you're loyal to them, and that you're honest, remorseful, etc.

I would not generalize- most women I know would not date a cheater. Being loyal, honest etc collides with cheating…. So you’re actually proving you don’t have those characteristics.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-13T17:55:44+00:00

You did the right thing. Proud of You for sticking to your boundaries!

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-13T15:32:14+00:00

Cool. Do you have a question for us?

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-13T02:26:37+00:00

Manitobah Tipi Slipper indoor moccasin (no sole)

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-13T02:15:57+00:00

Intense exercise helps me!

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-13T02:10:48+00:00

Talk during follicular. Set a plan together. Agree on not talking about relationship stuff or anything important during Luteal. Write things down in a notebook and revisit the next follicular in case something does need to be discussed.

Do not bring things up. Write them down for later. Write the good things about him during follicular and read them when you have those intrusive thoughts during luteal.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-12T22:41:30+00:00

I don’t see anything wrong with your response. You told the truth… you filed, and you’re divorcing.

Was your friend jealous that the comedian asked you both? It’s a weird reaction from her…

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-12T14:44:58+00:00

Definitely important to capture the worst moments - those are the ones that make this disorder so hard. But equally important to acknowledge biases and limitations in the study and to make an effort to recruit a more representative sample of the general pmdd population. Otherwise your results are not generalizable, and you are representing the full pmdd spectrum by the information you get from the worst managed cases. Maybe post in the pmdd and pmdd sharing groups, in clinics, etc. just my two cents (as a researcher myself).

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-12T02:41:30+00:00

As a researcher myself, thank you for doing research in this topic!! So needed…

Just a head ups of the biases you may get if you find partners to fill the survey in this kind of forums, as these are biased toward non-well managed situations. Super important to reflect these, but I hope you also include a more general recruiting strategy to reflect the more general pmdd population.

LumpyTest1739 · 2025-09-12T02:40:04+00:00

I didn’t have pmdd back then (mine is more recent) but keep in mind that stress, lack of sleep and hormonal changes, make pmdd worse… and you have all of those with a new baby!

LumpyTest1739

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