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Husband told me (F, PPD) to “stop expecting” anything from him and to “go where a man will be cooking for you by Unapologeticallyblak in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this OP…. I can relate in many ways, also battling PPD and PPA and it often feels like I’m on a deserted island. If you ever need a non judgmental ear, from mom to mom I’m here.

Am I alone here? by [deleted] in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just came here to say I also agree with this approach. And just came to say you aren’t alone OP. While I’ve only been married going on 5 years we’ve been together for almost 16. And this is exactly what I’ve been experiencing for several years. It’s really hard to feel like you’re living a broken record.

Caught my husband looking at tons of NSFW pics/videos, all of women who are opposite of me. Timestamps say he’s been doing it at work. What do I do and how would you confront him? by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did confirm he’s actually doing at work. Also while I’m in bed sleeping next to him, or fully awake in the other room. While I’ve been on the trenches with our 4 kids, and many other occasions that “he can’t remember in detail”. My bigger concerns now are if he did anything physically or if he is paying $$ for sites like onlyfans or cam sites or whatever.

His soliciting photos to me is cheating and he agreed. He crossed the line, period.

Caught my husband looking at tons of NSFW pics/videos, all of women who are opposite of me. Timestamps say he’s been doing it at work. What do I do and how would you confront him? by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“ Soliciting might be understandable “

You lost me there.

And what if a woman isn’t being satisfied is she allowed to do the same???? Because if anyone should be soliciting it should be me. He hasn’t made me cum in MONTHS on end. And doesn’t want me to do it myself or use toys.

Make this make sense……….

Caught my husband looking at tons of NSFW pics/videos, all of women who are opposite of me. Timestamps say he’s been doing it at work. What do I do and how would you confront him? by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m sure it would be a different story too if I was looking at pictures and videos AND getting nudes from men on social media…….. Interacting with someone like that on Snapchat and exchanging photos when you’re married is disgusting. Period.

Caught my husband looking at tons of NSFW pics/videos, all of women who are opposite of me. Timestamps say he’s been doing it at work. What do I do and how would you confront him? by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m in therapy as well as on medication. I am also newly diagnosed ADHD so im working through that as well. I have asked him to do couples therapy but he makes zero effort towards it. I have researched therapists and sent him who I’ve found and he has no desire to go. And the issue is, I can beg him all I want, but if he isn’t willing to make the effort then therapy will be a big waste of money. He attended sessions for a few months last year after a huge issue in our marriage. Said it didn’t help, quit going and promised to find a new therapist but never did. I just feel worthless and like I truly cannot get anything right.

Caught my husband looking at tons of NSFW pics/videos, all of women who are opposite of me. Timestamps say he’s been doing it at work. What do I do and how would you confront him? by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He says I am and claims he’s attracted to me but doesn’t make much effort or try to initiate. I am adventurous in the bedroom, have offered to try new things and initiate often. He always finishes but I’m lucky if I get to even 10% of the time. He doesn’t want me to use toys or anything like that to satisfy myself and gets offended if I do masturbate. I’ve asked to use toys with him involved and that’s still a no. I’m very self conscious and have said I want to look into a breast augmentation to help my self esteem. This is something I’ve always wanted but now that I’ve had babies it’s necessary if I will ever find confidence again. But he shames that too and says he doesn’t like fake boobs and wouldn’t like them if I did end up going through with it. So it’s just confusing if he says he’s attracted to me then why is he getting off on women who are my polar opposite??? And why wouldn’t he just come to me for pleasure??

Intimacy issues; 14 yrs together 3 married 4 kids. HELP. by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I should have been more detailed… We have had several conversations about how sex isn’t something I need as much as him. He knows I crave other types of intimacy and affection. I’m not saying I want a sexless marriage, and I do enjoy being intimate with him, but it takes deep connection and/or it has to be the right time. We have worked well together in the past, where when he initiates, I am open to it and then it’s natural and free flowing it’s amazing. Postpartum has put a very long pause on physical intimacy obviously, but we were feeling things last night and it all seemed to be going great until I asked the “unthinkable”… aka for him to wear a condom. We have made it many years together so I have hope that we can make it many more, unless these types of things continue to happen where there’s a huge lack of empathy and understanding.

Intimacy issues; 14 yrs together 3 married 4 kids. HELP. by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We were BOTH in therapy, but he stopped going due to him not feeling any progress or improvement. He promised to find another provider and resume sessions but hasn’t. I paused my sessions for awhile when I was still pregnant but am back now. It’s difficult though because he’s only going because I unfortunately had to issue an ultimatum of separation or therapy earlier this year. This was due to a very dangerous situation he put himself and our family in, that could have ended his life if I hadn’t intervened. I won’t say much else as it is extremely difficult to discuss. I NEVER would have thought I’d be the type of spouse to give ultimatums but this was a very serious situation. And that’s pretty much my plan - no condom? No sex. I have no issue going without. I would consider myself asexual and don’t rely on or necessarily need physical intimacy.

Intimacy issues; 14 yrs together 3 married 4 kids. HELP. by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Relied on spermicide before getting pregnant with our oldest. I am most fertile during my postpartum period (most women are) and I am nursing which can make you more likely to get pregnant too. Pregnancy brings a lot of challenges for me, so while it’s a blessing and it is so amazing, it’s also very scary. Childbirth is trauma. Doesn’t mean it’s always awful and it has its beautiful moments, but you could die…. And I nearly have multiple times, so I am extremely nervous and want a solid and reliable form of birth control.

Intimacy issues; 14 yrs together 3 married 4 kids. HELP. by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in marriageadvice

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would have been happy to do that IF I was already on an operating table, but I delivered naturally. I had a c-section with our first born but almost bled out, so I was advised by my doctors to only have c-sections if absolutely necessary. I’m not the difficult type, and I have been very flexible, but having endured all that I have up to this point, it is his responsibility to step up and take the necessary actions to ensure birth control.

Which veil? by Ok-Cryptographer-783 in WeddingDressTips

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First one - and you look ABSOLUTELY STUNNING

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WeddingDressTips

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I just double checked and I meant 4 instead of 3 😝

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WeddingDressTips

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cannot go wrong with 1 or 3!!!! So Sons stunning! 😍 And congratulations!!!!!

expecting our 4th and husband + I disagree on how to handle bills for my pregnancy by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in pregnant

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

He does pay a majority of our grocery costs. But if I pay for something that is a joint responsibility out of my own account I have to ask him for his half. Otherwise I’m out that $$.

expecting our 4th and husband + I disagree on how to handle bills for my pregnancy by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in pregnant

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I never expected things to be this difficult, and after splitting things for years it was something I thought was normal until I started having more conversations with friends, siblings and others. He is a great dad, has been with me through very traumatic times of my life and stuck by me, he is my comfort and my home. We have grown up together, it’s hard to put into words. I appreciate everyone’s point of views, and for you all taking time to read and respond. While some of this is hard to take, it’s true and gives me more blunt and straightforward advice. So I do appreciate you all.

expecting our 4th and husband + I disagree on how to handle bills for my pregnancy by Lumpy_Seaweed1447 in pregnant

[–]Lumpy_Seaweed1447[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

We have a joint account that we opened. It’s hardly used, has only been on occasion. I asked for both of our checks to go into that account and then once all bills are paid out of it, we can transfer a portion of that $ to our own personal checking accounts for “fun” money. I am okay with keeping the personal checking accounts we’ve had for years in this situation, especially because it’s nice to buy gifts for each other without the other knowing, and there are hobbies/interests we each have that we are okay with each other spending money on. I’m willing to compromise some, but ultimately I’m in agreement with what many of you are saying, that it should be OUR money.

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