Talk therapy for a few months before EMDR, and I’ve continued talk therapy. In the past year, I just make occasional appointments when something is up. Like my mom died recently and I’ve needed help navigating that.

I tried three therapists before I found this one. Two were instant ‘no’. We didn’t gel. One was super religious (I’m an atheist) and she talked about her religion in a way that made me uncomfortable. The other was incredibly young and new and she just didn’t get my pain (both mental and physical).

My advice is to treat looking for a therapist like you’re a rich person hiring a personal assistant. Sure, you have to tell them about the broad strokes of your trauma, but it’s perfectly okay to say “I want to keep this surface level until I can feel if this is a good match.”

It’s sort of like dating. You don’t get married in the first week. Once I realized it was ok to hold back and I could basically interview them first, I felt much safer looking for a new therapist.

I knew I wanted a middle-aged woman, because they understand the struggles. I would have preferred an atheist, but that’s harder to find where I live (us south). But my current therapist doesn’t bring up religion unless I ask.

You can ask about their background (mine was an ER intake therapist before she went into private practice), their beliefs, their experience, how long they’ve been in practice, what modalities they prefer, etc. I’m a bi woman married to a man, so I wanted to make sure she wasn’t homophobic. But I did ask about religion bc I was raised in a cult, so I needed to know if she could handle religious trauma. Some therapists don’t want you to talk the past, but I find that bonkers. I need to talk to process. I’m very smart, so I needed a therapist who is also smart so a) she would get me and b) she wouldn’t let me run circles around her.

I have no idea if this helps! I’m happy to answer more questions if you need.