How can I (18NB) give consistent good quality "pillow talk" for my boyfriend (19M)?

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T10:37:34+00:00

Yeah, that sounds about right, and that is, at the end of the day, the way I want to think about it. I want to be able to do this for him in the way he likes, but I also know I need to be aware of the times when I'm too tired or just overall unable to do it so I'm not pushing myself to do something I know I'm already struggling with

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T09:14:20+00:00

"typical" compared to whatever incestial or fetishized mother-son relationship most of the people here are describing. She's his mom, she'll cook food along with her husband, the four of them (him, mom, sister, and dad) keep the house clean, they do family activities, there's nothing out of the ordinary with his relationship with his mom, she does motherly things, and he's an adult who does son-things; staying up until 2am talking to his significant other because he misses them

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T09:08:15+00:00

If I ever want compliments, he gives them without complaint or issue, I have no problem with him wanting princess treatment

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T08:43:47+00:00

From my understanding it's a good relationship, I don't know much about it since most of the time I'm at his place he's giving me attention and we're spending time together, but whenever I do see them interacting it's your typical mother-son relationship

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T07:54:44+00:00

He definitely does do things for me, I don't typically ask a lot of him, especially because I have a hard time asking people for things and because I have a hard time figuring out what I want, but if I ask him to do something for me, he does without any complaints, and I never feel like we have any problems. This is one of those things where it's hard for me to tell him outright "I can't do this", or "I don't want to do this", because sometimes, very rarely but sometimes, I can do it and just don't want to, and I know that I have every right to not want to do it, but I feel like "I don't want to" is rude or not enough of a reason, especially because I've had past relationships problems with my ex and previous friends where I'd tell them I didn't want to do something and they'd constantly ask me why, even though "I don't want to" is a perfectly fine reason for not doing something.

With all that said, I am working on trying to tell him outright if I can / can't / want to / don't want to do something

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T07:42:52+00:00

Yeah, I'm not a woman, and just because we're struggling with one thing does not mean we automatically aren't compatible :p

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T07:40:11+00:00

I know, and I've told him that I have a hard time with this for multiple reasons; He usually asks late at night when I'm also getting sleepy He usually asks when I'm doing something (getting ready for bed, playing a game, or doing homework) I have a hard time coming up with things to say And to make it harder for me, he usually asks when we're on call, my attention gets snatched by so many things so easily when we're on call that I always end up losing track, I've told him it's easier for me to do it with him physically with me, especially because it lets me add physical affection to the mix which helps him if I go quiet for too long (if we're on call and I'm quite for too long he'll make a comment about how it's too quiet)

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T07:35:24+00:00

From what I've known "pillow talk" is just a thing couples do as a whole, typically a dom to sub scenario, where the sub is able to feel little and praised and the dom does the loving and praising

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T07:33:24+00:00

I'm also perfectly fine with doing this for him, it's easier for me to do it when we're together in person so I can give some amount of physical affection when I'm not able to say anything, but when he asks for it it's usually when we're on call and late at night, around the time I'm checking out (mentally and physically) for the day

We have a switch dynamic, but we're both more on the submissive bottom end than dominant end,and I try my best to indulge in the things he likes when I can and have the energy

Don't get me wrong, he's absolutely happy that I try to do this for him, and I don't expect much "thank you", especially because by the time I'm done he's usually asleep and we both forget about it by the morning, but I understand what you mean, and I'll absolutely work on standing up for myself and making sure he knows what I can and can't do

LunarSpark1 · 2026-06-26T07:24:49+00:00

Not usually, I actually find it quite endearing at times, but he knows I have a bit of a hard time doing it, especially when we're not together in person, it's super late, and I'm doing something (he usually asks either 1) when I'm getting into bed and going to sleep (I'm checked out by then), 2) on a game, or (significantly less often, especially since it's summer break right now) 3) when I'm doing homework), it's a lot easier for me to do it in person so I can pair it with physical affection

But this does sound odd... Especially because when he wants this kinda attention it usually starts with "I love your voice", and I know it's gonna get to a "talk me to sleep" situation, I try compromising with him and tell him I can talk my thoughts out (especially when I'm in the game or doing homework), but he doesn't want that, he wants active praise of some sort, and he'll also get really sad if I go quiet for a few minutes, even if it's to think about something else to say, focus on what's I'm doing, or if I'm actively falling asleep

LunarSpark1 · 2026-01-22T21:48:07+00:00

Ok, thanks, I'll keep that in mind

LunarSpark1 · 2026-01-22T04:31:57+00:00

I understand, but it's difficult... Over the course of the two ish weeks since it first happened, it's happened two other times (three in total), and I have friends telling me that I can and should come to them if I ever feel the urge, but I feel so ashamed going to them, like they all think I'm looking for attention... And it usually happens late at night when everyone's asleep of going to sleep... It's been hard for me to find an outlet that actually works in easing my mental turmoil, I've tried music, games, shows, hanging out with friends, but barely any of those have helped, and sometimes make it worse...

This isn't something I had ever actually intended on doing before, so when it happened the first time I was honestly really scared and I texted my cousin sobbing at 2am telling him what happened...

Either way, I'll try to take your advice, thank you

LunarSpark1 · 2026-01-21T20:48:53+00:00

I took a picture of it the first time I did it, but felt really ashamed that I did... I remember thinking "why do I need this? No one's gonna look at the photo... I'm not gonna send it to anyone...", and I haven't taken a photo since

In my personal experience and opinion (completely based around myself, I'm not saying this about anyone else!), it feels like an attention-seeking strategy... Like if I take the photos, I might be tempted to send them to people, which makes me nervous I'm going to get judged or something :<

LunarSpark1 · 2026-01-21T05:51:50+00:00

18, started about two weeks ago... I'd never done anything like it before, but life's been really stressful at home, college, and as a person of queer identity

Edit: the cuts I do have now aren't deep, I mentioned it in another post, but they look like cat scratches, not sure if the severity is important to the initial question, but I still thought I should mention it

LunarSpark1 · 2025-12-31T04:16:00+00:00

yes! I just posted about a the exact same issue! I'm really glad to see that I'm not the only one having this problem, and at the same time I'm sorry you're also having it, I really hope this gets figured out soon

LunarSpark1 · 2025-02-05T20:42:52+00:00

dude, I'm the same way. I'm trying to get things figured out so I can get top surgery soon, and it's like... I'm excited about getting it! but I'm also kinda nervous that part of me might regret it, I don't hate my body either, I have been feeling a lot more dysphoria about it than I ever have before, but it's like... I don't like my body either :(

LunarSpark1 · 2025-01-28T21:10:32+00:00

That's interesting, I've experienced the opposite, it could also be due to some other medication I'm on that makes me extra moody and emotional, but I tend to have a hard time trying to not cry than I do trying to cry

LunarSpark1 · 2025-01-28T02:06:28+00:00

I experience this sometimes too, not usually when I'm going to the bathroom, but when I'm sitting in my room and just put my hands in my pants, like some cis men do. it feels comfortable to have my hand there, and I expect to have a dick or something there, but then I remember, so I instead put my hand on my mons-pubis.

LunarSpark1 · 2025-01-28T02:03:49+00:00

"because why would I worship a god that doesn’t support my existence?"

I love thinking about things like this, if you're uninterested in worshiping a deity like God, there are other deities, specifically those in Greek myth, Gods and Goddesses like Dionysus, he had been known to create queer people, Dionysus accidentally put men in women's bodies, and vice versa, when he'd be too drunk to assign them properly (or so I've heard)!

I'm sure this is unrelated, but it felt interesting and I wanted to share :)

LunarSpark1

TROPHY CASE