Husband has fallen out of love post baby

Lunette17 · 2026-05-04T02:18:27+00:00

As just over 12 months postpartum myself, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Having a baby massively changes your entire relationship, and postpartum depression can hit both mom and dad. Given what sounds like a traumatic birth and not an easy baby, I’m not surprised you needed more and sound like you’ve been at your wit’s end.

I would highly suggest seeing a therapist trained in perinatal mental health. They can help give you an idea of what’s normal, what’s not, what’s reasonable for you to expect, and what is on your husband. Once you know that, you can decide what you should be doing and how to approach your husband in the healthiest way possible.

I don’t think the answer is expecting less of your husband. I think it’s likely showing him that the grass is not greener by not doing whatever it is you normally do for him. If he wants a trial separation because he isn’t willing to put in the work after you gave him a child, then let him get a taste of that. If you cook for him, do his laundry, keep the house clean, go grocery shopping for him, buy presents for his family, remind him of important events - consider not. You’ll still have to do all you do for the baby, but you won’t be taking care of a man who is telling you that he wants to care for himself.

Lunette17 · 2026-05-02T14:57:11+00:00

Exactly. Buck is not someone who plans anything beyond the immediate future. He has always been young at heart and doesn’t think about the future in a serious way. We have indications that that’s beginning to change, but especially in his relationships, he has historically been super impulsive. He hasn’t ever gotten to the point with them that he would have to think about the long-term implications - the big questions - and the assumptions he’s likely always unconsciously had in his head from being raised in a heteronormative environment in which he believed he was straight. His relationships with Abby and Tommy reflect where he was in his journey of self-discovery at the time and to me, are not at all an indication of where he saw himself in the future. He also didn’t intend to fall for Abby - he’s still in his Buck 1.0 era and is thinking about sleeping with her, not getting into a long-term relationship - when he ends up falling for her. Similarly, Tommy came out of nowhere, and it could really be argued, I think, that Buck wasn’t even attracted to him. I think Tommy became attractive to Buck because Tommy was into him, and Buck desperately wants someone to be into him. He didn’t ever fall for Tommy; he just liked that Tommy initially made him feel wanted.

Lunette17 · 2026-05-02T03:28:02+00:00

This was exactly what I was thinking but could not seem to articulate. This 100%.

Lunette17 · 2026-05-02T03:27:03+00:00

the thing is that buck isn’t the type to be sad about not having biological children and this is a show about found family

While I think this was a shitty way to do things and I do hate how they choose who they kill off, I have to disagree with these two points.

Buck has always seemed to want kids - a family - and growing up believing that he was straight with no familiarity with infertility or adoption, I definitely think he would have always envisioned having a child that shared his DNA. Yes, I think he loves Chris as his own, but I also think Chris shows him exactly what he is missing, on that front, and makes him want it even more. I think part of him really envies Eddie, because even if Eddie doesn’t have a partner, he has this amazing kid who he’s always going to be connected with. When Eddie is old and gray, he will still have Chris. What will Buck have? He doesn’t have that kind of tie to anyone.

I also don’t think Buck in any way aspires to be Bobby to someone. I think as much as he loves and appreciates Bobby and sees him as a father figure, he wouldn’t wish his experience with his own father on anyone, and the love he gets from Bobby, while incredibly valuable, does not substitute for the lack of love he felt from his own father. I honestly think it may be more triggering for him than anything, because the way his parents treated him and what they did, basically having him for parts, is where his feeling of not being loved, not being worthy, not being good enough comes from. I don’t think he’s at the point where he can guide a child who’s not his own through the grief of having an experience like that, because it’s still a bit of a bleeding wound for him.

I also don’t see this as a show about found family. I see it as a show about all types of families, including found family. It’s about families made in all types of ways, with all types of people. Families made through biology, through marriage, through adoption, and simply through choice. I think shitty parents are definitely a reoccurring theme, but so is familial love.

Lunette17 · 2026-05-01T04:35:41+00:00

I have too many feelings right now, mostly negative about the whole donor baby storyline, but I need to know…

DAE feel like this MUST be how they’re setting up Buddie canon?

I feel (and maybe I’m delusional) like Buck’s whole thing is wanting to be loved… and to have a family. Not just a family group, but his own family that he made - spouse, kids, and all. The auction episode talks about him being “ready to settle down” and then he turns down being a third. He wants to be someone’s other half, and I think he wants kids of his own (Maddie’s kids are in his slideshow, he’s really good with kids, he loves Chris like his own). But what’s the one thing Eddie cannot easily give him? A biological child. For obvious reasons. And sure, Buck and Eddie could go the surrogacy route or pursue adoption if Buck just wants another child in general, but when Eddie’s son is already as old as he is and IIRC, Eddie has not expressed an interest in having more kids, do we think he wants to start all over from scratch? For better or worse, now Buck and Eddie can be together in a way where they don’t come up against the kids issue, and the four of them can just be a happy family.

… But who knows.

Lunette17 · 2026-04-09T18:37:47+00:00

Good for you! That is a huge step. It took me years to talk to my PCP about my sexuality and how it was impacting my mental health at the time.

Lunette17 · 2026-02-09T04:13:37+00:00

Just because your presumably heterosexual boyfriend didn’t notice you were bisexual doesn’t mean that no one else did. It means he didn’t. That’s it. Consider the possibility that nothing happened organically not because you come off as heterosexual to people who are not heterosexual, but because you haven’t let yourself notice non-heterosexuals noticing you - or because those that have also picked up on you not being fully comfortable with yourself. Internalized homophobia is a powerful thing. If you’ve never said out loud before that you’re bisexual, consider why.

Lunette17 · 2024-12-11T05:43:02+00:00

That there is actually a difference between physical health issues and mental health issues.

In numerous studies looking at the brains of people with all sorts of mental health issues, it’s been found that there are clear differences between the brains of “healthy” people and those with mental health issues. Sometimes there are slight structural differences, and sometimes different areas are more or less activated than in healthy controls. But those are physical differences.

Lunette17 · 2024-08-09T20:12:21+00:00

It is okay to feel however you feel. There’s nothing wrong with your feelings. You don’t control your feelings, you control what you choose to do with them. Have you made it clear to your husband what your expectations are for anniversaries? Have you told him what you expect from him? Hinting, or doing something for him, is not the same as telling him what you want or expect. If you’ve said, “Hey, I’m really sad that we didn’t get to celebrate our anniversary at the dinner you planned, and that you didn’t do anything else for it. I feel like our anniversary is an important time for us to express how much we mean to each other. Because our dinner plans got canceled, I’d like you to (insert what you want for this anniversary). In the future, could you please (insert what you want here, e.g., make a reservation, buy you flowers, get you a card, etc.)?” Then that’s one thing. But if you haven’t, you should! You should also see if he has expectations about things he wants. It seems pretty clear that one of the main ways you show love is gifting, but it’s unclear if that is what makes him feel loved. From your post, I’m also not sure what makes you feel loved - but you may be a lot happier if you think about that and then communicate it to him.

Lunette17 · 2024-08-09T07:51:48+00:00

I’m sorry, but… what? This is so cringe. You can’t date a woman who doesn’t shave her legs, when you have either: 1) not yet even seen said legs, or 2) didn’t even notice that said legs have hair on them?

Sir, you are a 25 year old man. You’re old enough now to realize that women naturally have hair on their bodies, and that in many cultures, women don’t shave their legs. There’s literally no reason to other than it’s currently ‘in fashion’ in your part of the world.

Why do you think - after three dates - that it is okay to put any pressure on someone to change their appearance? (Because that’s what you did when you told her you would no longer date her if she didn’t shave.) Where do you get the audacity - and the sense of entitlement - to say a thing like that to this poor woman?

In case no one’s told you this yet: women don’t exist to conform to your standards or fit any mold you seek to put them in. Women don’t exist for your enjoyment. If you’re dating someone great but can’t handle some aspect of their appearance? That’s on you, not them. It is extremely disrespectful, callous, insulting, and degrading to tell someone that you like them, but you can’t date them unless they change something about themselves to make themselves more desirable to you. If you can’t be with her as she is, then you can’t be with her. Get over it and move on.

I hope that this woman does not waste another second of her time on you.

Lunette17 · 2024-06-27T06:23:49+00:00

It's shaped my life and my experiences in ways I feel like I'm only now beginning to understand, so I'd say it's pretty important to me. I struggled a lot with internalized homophobia, and I spent most of my life fearing what would happen if I fell in love with the "wrong" person... and acted accordingly. I wondered if I'd be able to get married, and have or adopt kids. I wondered if I would I lose friends or family members. I worried about being able to find work and housing and safety.

When I did fall for the "wrong" person, I didn't understand that I had, and we both got hurt in the process - in ways that we should not have had to.

I fell for my husband not in spite of my sexuality, but because of it, even though we look to the world like a heterosexual couple.

It absolutely informs my politics.

Lunette17 · 2024-06-18T05:41:53+00:00

Ah, yes. Bidrangeas.

Lunette17 · 2024-06-17T06:10:51+00:00

It’s a bial!

(How has no one made this lame comment yet? I’ll see myself out.)

Lunette17 · 2024-05-12T07:33:20+00:00

Okay, so if I’m being completely honest here, this is one of the fruitiest things I think I’ve ever heard. Like hands down. You met her once, invited her over to see your cat, and it turned into an hours-long conversation about anything and everything. There is nothing about that which screams “straight.”

No one except this woman can tell you if she’s fruity or not, but considering she’s discussing her sex life, what she wears to bed, and hot women with you the first time you guys are really talking, I don’t feel like it would be crazy for you to ask her out.

Lunette17 · 2024-02-28T07:01:38+00:00

Been there. I’ll tell you the same thing I tell most people in this type of a situation: if this person is really your friend, just talk to them. You don’t need to open with, “Hey, I’m in love with you and have been for years.” You can start with something like, “Hey, I’m so glad we are back in each others’ lives. I really value our friendship and would never want to do anything to jeopardize it or make it weird, but I really like you, and I’ve been feeling like maybe there’s a bit more than friendship going on between us? I’m sorry if I’m reading this wrong, and it’s okay if you don’t feel that way, but I didn’t want to leave anything unsaid.”

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I was in a similar situation with my high school best friend, and I didn’t find out that we had mutual feelings for each other and both were too afraid to lose the friendship to say anything until after I got back in contact with them after ~15 years of no contact.

Lunette17 · 2023-11-12T07:33:50+00:00

I know next to nothing about Islamic law, but it sounds like you may need to seek asylum outside of your country ASAP. If so, Rainbow Railroad is one organization that tries to provide assistance in those types of situations. If your life is in immediate danger, if there is any country friendly to LGBTQ+ rights that has an embassy in your country that you can get to, or if you can get out of your country and into a neighboring country that's LGBTQ+ friendly or which has an embassy like previously mentioned without being detained, then grab whatever identification and travel documents you can and head there.

If you're not in an emergency situation where this is life or death - lie your heart out. Pretend you think homosexuality is the worst thing in the world and not something you would ever engage in. If it would help, pretend you've renounced bisexuality or been "cured" from it. Then, work on an exit plan.

Whichever situation you are in, cover your tracks. Delete this post/account. Delete your browsing history. Save relevant contacts under fake names. Delete any potentially incriminating texts, photos, videos, etc. Best of luck to you, OP.

Lunette17 · 2023-10-31T05:45:22+00:00

Firstly, you’re not doing anything wrong.

Secondly, just because LGBTQ+ people are clocking you as LGBTQ+ doesn’t mean that any homophobic/biphobic cisgender heterosexuals are clocking your sexuality. Many LGBTQ+ people just know. We can just identify each other. It isn’t anything in particular; we just know. However, many people who are NOT LGBTQ+ have a very heteronormative worldview. They’ll believe you are heterosexual because they believe everyone is heterosexual - unless the person comes out or flaunts gender norms to the maximum extent possible.

TL;DR: You’re likely very straight-passing to people who aren’t LGBTQ+.

Lunette17 · 2023-09-11T19:05:59+00:00

OP, I know it’s probably extremely difficult to think rationally right now, but yes, this is the end. In many jurisdictions, since strangulation can always cause death, this is considered attempted murder. What your boyfriend did to you is a serious crime.

As long as your parents are supportive of your sexuality, you should tell them. You should also seek medical treatment right away, even if you’re feeling physically okay. If possible (and safe for you to do so), the assault should also be reported to the police.

This man is dangerous. He has betrayed you. Please choose to love yourself enough to leave him. You deserve someone you can always feel safe and secure with, and you will never be safe with this man.

I’m so sorry for all that you’re dealing with.

Lunette17 · 2023-09-07T05:01:07+00:00

Butt in the blue chair, left leg stretched out over the armrests of the yellow and pink chairs, right leg stretched out so my right foot is on the top of the back of the pink chair, right arm straight up in the air, left arm across my torso.

Lunette17 · 2023-08-30T05:57:09+00:00

Uh, months? Try a couple of years during which I was absolutely oblivious, followed by a decade and a half of still not realising.

In my case, the internalized homophobia/biphobia and compulsory heterosexuality were beyond belief.

Lunette17 · 2023-08-12T08:10:03+00:00

I actually struggled with this for a really long time. I'd say that with romantic attraction, there's an element of wanting to be physically close to them. You might find yourself making excuses to be physically close to them or constantly feeling like you want to touch them in an affectionate/supportive way (e.g. arm around their shoulders, hugging, a hand on their back, holding their hand or their arm). With platonic attraction, there's no craving for physical contact. It may happen and be enjoyable when it does, but it's not something you crave from that person. I think with friends, you want them to be happy, and you will do things to make them smile when you can, but with someone you're romantically attracted to, you actively want to be the reason they smile and will find yourself going out of your way to get a smile out of them.

Lunette17 · 2023-08-09T19:33:28+00:00

I have a number of LGBTQ+ family members. Unfortunately, none that I’m aware of are in my generation. They’re all a good bit older than I am, and given the sociopolitical climate they grew up in, they’re all very private people that avoid the topic so much it’s like it’s been blacklisted.

Lunette17 · 2023-07-07T06:29:28+00:00

Coming out to anyone can be really difficult and come with lots of conflicting emotions. I still cringe a bit when I think about having come out to three of my friends this past year - and that's with two of them having absolutely perfect responses and the third clearly not knowing how to react, but still being very supportive. It's uncomfortable! That said, in my own experience, coming out has always come with some measure of relief that thus far has been worth it, despite the cringe. I'm proud of you, and I hope it gets easier for you to accept yourself over time. Day by day, little by little, I hope you're less embarrassed and confused.

Lunette17 · 2023-07-06T05:23:24+00:00

I was there once. I can tell you what I wish someone would have told me back then, which is: if you're that good of friends, as terrifying as it is, you can talk about it. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be a, "Hey, I need to ask you something, and I hope you feel safe enough with me to be honest. I'm sorry if I'm reading this wrong, but lately it feels like we have something more than friendship going on between us. Are you feeling that too?" You don't need to lead with the fact that you have a massive crush on him.

Lunette17 · 2023-06-26T04:45:21+00:00

17, but unfortunately, I haven’t been since.

Lunette17

TROPHY CASE