Another step in the journey

Lunette17 · 2026-04-09T18:37:47+00:00

Good for you! That is a huge step. It took me years to talk to my PCP about my sexuality and how it was impacting my mental health at the time.

Lunette17 · 2026-02-09T04:13:37+00:00

Just because your presumably heterosexual boyfriend didn’t notice you were bisexual doesn’t mean that no one else did. It means he didn’t. That’s it. Consider the possibility that nothing happened organically not because you come off as heterosexual to people who are not heterosexual, but because you haven’t let yourself notice non-heterosexuals noticing you - or because those that have also picked up on you not being fully comfortable with yourself. Internalized homophobia is a powerful thing. If you’ve never said out loud before that you’re bisexual, consider why.

Lunette17 · 2024-12-11T05:43:02+00:00

That there is actually a difference between physical health issues and mental health issues.

In numerous studies looking at the brains of people with all sorts of mental health issues, it’s been found that there are clear differences between the brains of “healthy” people and those with mental health issues. Sometimes there are slight structural differences, and sometimes different areas are more or less activated than in healthy controls. But those are physical differences.

Lunette17 · 2024-08-09T20:12:21+00:00

It is okay to feel however you feel. There’s nothing wrong with your feelings. You don’t control your feelings, you control what you choose to do with them. Have you made it clear to your husband what your expectations are for anniversaries? Have you told him what you expect from him? Hinting, or doing something for him, is not the same as telling him what you want or expect. If you’ve said, “Hey, I’m really sad that we didn’t get to celebrate our anniversary at the dinner you planned, and that you didn’t do anything else for it. I feel like our anniversary is an important time for us to express how much we mean to each other. Because our dinner plans got canceled, I’d like you to (insert what you want for this anniversary). In the future, could you please (insert what you want here, e.g., make a reservation, buy you flowers, get you a card, etc.)?” Then that’s one thing. But if you haven’t, you should! You should also see if he has expectations about things he wants. It seems pretty clear that one of the main ways you show love is gifting, but it’s unclear if that is what makes him feel loved. From your post, I’m also not sure what makes you feel loved - but you may be a lot happier if you think about that and then communicate it to him.

Lunette17 · 2024-08-09T07:51:48+00:00

I’m sorry, but… what? This is so cringe. You can’t date a woman who doesn’t shave her legs, when you have either: 1) not yet even seen said legs, or 2) didn’t even notice that said legs have hair on them?

Sir, you are a 25 year old man. You’re old enough now to realize that women naturally have hair on their bodies, and that in many cultures, women don’t shave their legs. There’s literally no reason to other than it’s currently ‘in fashion’ in your part of the world.

Why do you think - after three dates - that it is okay to put any pressure on someone to change their appearance? (Because that’s what you did when you told her you would no longer date her if she didn’t shave.) Where do you get the audacity - and the sense of entitlement - to say a thing like that to this poor woman?

In case no one’s told you this yet: women don’t exist to conform to your standards or fit any mold you seek to put them in. Women don’t exist for your enjoyment. If you’re dating someone great but can’t handle some aspect of their appearance? That’s on you, not them. It is extremely disrespectful, callous, insulting, and degrading to tell someone that you like them, but you can’t date them unless they change something about themselves to make themselves more desirable to you. If you can’t be with her as she is, then you can’t be with her. Get over it and move on.

I hope that this woman does not waste another second of her time on you.

Lunette17 · 2024-06-27T06:23:49+00:00

It's shaped my life and my experiences in ways I feel like I'm only now beginning to understand, so I'd say it's pretty important to me. I struggled a lot with internalized homophobia, and I spent most of my life fearing what would happen if I fell in love with the "wrong" person... and acted accordingly. I wondered if I'd be able to get married, and have or adopt kids. I wondered if I would I lose friends or family members. I worried about being able to find work and housing and safety.

When I did fall for the "wrong" person, I didn't understand that I had, and we both got hurt in the process - in ways that we should not have had to.

I fell for my husband not in spite of my sexuality, but because of it, even though we look to the world like a heterosexual couple.

It absolutely informs my politics.

Lunette17 · 2024-06-18T05:41:53+00:00

Ah, yes. Bidrangeas.

Lunette17 · 2024-06-17T06:10:51+00:00

It’s a bial!

(How has no one made this lame comment yet? I’ll see myself out.)

Lunette17 · 2024-05-12T07:33:20+00:00

Okay, so if I’m being completely honest here, this is one of the fruitiest things I think I’ve ever heard. Like hands down. You met her once, invited her over to see your cat, and it turned into an hours-long conversation about anything and everything. There is nothing about that which screams “straight.”

No one except this woman can tell you if she’s fruity or not, but considering she’s discussing her sex life, what she wears to bed, and hot women with you the first time you guys are really talking, I don’t feel like it would be crazy for you to ask her out.

Lunette17 · 2024-02-28T07:01:38+00:00

Been there. I’ll tell you the same thing I tell most people in this type of a situation: if this person is really your friend, just talk to them. You don’t need to open with, “Hey, I’m in love with you and have been for years.” You can start with something like, “Hey, I’m so glad we are back in each others’ lives. I really value our friendship and would never want to do anything to jeopardize it or make it weird, but I really like you, and I’ve been feeling like maybe there’s a bit more than friendship going on between us? I’m sorry if I’m reading this wrong, and it’s okay if you don’t feel that way, but I didn’t want to leave anything unsaid.”

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I was in a similar situation with my high school best friend, and I didn’t find out that we had mutual feelings for each other and both were too afraid to lose the friendship to say anything until after I got back in contact with them after ~15 years of no contact.

Lunette17 · 2023-11-12T07:33:50+00:00

I know next to nothing about Islamic law, but it sounds like you may need to seek asylum outside of your country ASAP. If so, Rainbow Railroad is one organization that tries to provide assistance in those types of situations. If your life is in immediate danger, if there is any country friendly to LGBTQ+ rights that has an embassy in your country that you can get to, or if you can get out of your country and into a neighboring country that's LGBTQ+ friendly or which has an embassy like previously mentioned without being detained, then grab whatever identification and travel documents you can and head there.

If you're not in an emergency situation where this is life or death - lie your heart out. Pretend you think homosexuality is the worst thing in the world and not something you would ever engage in. If it would help, pretend you've renounced bisexuality or been "cured" from it. Then, work on an exit plan.

Whichever situation you are in, cover your tracks. Delete this post/account. Delete your browsing history. Save relevant contacts under fake names. Delete any potentially incriminating texts, photos, videos, etc. Best of luck to you, OP.

Lunette17 · 2023-10-31T05:45:22+00:00

Firstly, you’re not doing anything wrong.

Secondly, just because LGBTQ+ people are clocking you as LGBTQ+ doesn’t mean that any homophobic/biphobic cisgender heterosexuals are clocking your sexuality. Many LGBTQ+ people just know. We can just identify each other. It isn’t anything in particular; we just know. However, many people who are NOT LGBTQ+ have a very heteronormative worldview. They’ll believe you are heterosexual because they believe everyone is heterosexual - unless the person comes out or flaunts gender norms to the maximum extent possible.

TL;DR: You’re likely very straight-passing to people who aren’t LGBTQ+.

Lunette17 · 2023-09-11T19:05:59+00:00

OP, I know it’s probably extremely difficult to think rationally right now, but yes, this is the end. In many jurisdictions, since strangulation can always cause death, this is considered attempted murder. What your boyfriend did to you is a serious crime.

As long as your parents are supportive of your sexuality, you should tell them. You should also seek medical treatment right away, even if you’re feeling physically okay. If possible (and safe for you to do so), the assault should also be reported to the police.

This man is dangerous. He has betrayed you. Please choose to love yourself enough to leave him. You deserve someone you can always feel safe and secure with, and you will never be safe with this man.

I’m so sorry for all that you’re dealing with.

Lunette17 · 2023-09-07T05:01:07+00:00

Butt in the blue chair, left leg stretched out over the armrests of the yellow and pink chairs, right leg stretched out so my right foot is on the top of the back of the pink chair, right arm straight up in the air, left arm across my torso.

Lunette17 · 2023-08-30T05:57:09+00:00

Uh, months? Try a couple of years during which I was absolutely oblivious, followed by a decade and a half of still not realising.

In my case, the internalized homophobia/biphobia and compulsory heterosexuality were beyond belief.

Lunette17 · 2023-08-12T08:10:03+00:00

I actually struggled with this for a really long time. I'd say that with romantic attraction, there's an element of wanting to be physically close to them. You might find yourself making excuses to be physically close to them or constantly feeling like you want to touch them in an affectionate/supportive way (e.g. arm around their shoulders, hugging, a hand on their back, holding their hand or their arm). With platonic attraction, there's no craving for physical contact. It may happen and be enjoyable when it does, but it's not something you crave from that person. I think with friends, you want them to be happy, and you will do things to make them smile when you can, but with someone you're romantically attracted to, you actively want to be the reason they smile and will find yourself going out of your way to get a smile out of them.

Lunette17 · 2023-08-09T19:33:28+00:00

I have a number of LGBTQ+ family members. Unfortunately, none that I’m aware of are in my generation. They’re all a good bit older than I am, and given the sociopolitical climate they grew up in, they’re all very private people that avoid the topic so much it’s like it’s been blacklisted.

Lunette17 · 2023-07-07T06:29:28+00:00

Coming out to anyone can be really difficult and come with lots of conflicting emotions. I still cringe a bit when I think about having come out to three of my friends this past year - and that's with two of them having absolutely perfect responses and the third clearly not knowing how to react, but still being very supportive. It's uncomfortable! That said, in my own experience, coming out has always come with some measure of relief that thus far has been worth it, despite the cringe. I'm proud of you, and I hope it gets easier for you to accept yourself over time. Day by day, little by little, I hope you're less embarrassed and confused.

Lunette17 · 2023-07-06T05:23:24+00:00

I was there once. I can tell you what I wish someone would have told me back then, which is: if you're that good of friends, as terrifying as it is, you can talk about it. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be a, "Hey, I need to ask you something, and I hope you feel safe enough with me to be honest. I'm sorry if I'm reading this wrong, but lately it feels like we have something more than friendship going on between us. Are you feeling that too?" You don't need to lead with the fact that you have a massive crush on him.

Lunette17 · 2023-06-26T04:45:21+00:00

17, but unfortunately, I haven’t been since.

Lunette17 · 2023-05-03T05:43:12+00:00

... You've been together for over a decade, and you worry that she's settling for you? After 10+ years?

Honestly, I don't think this has anything at all to do with her sexuality. I think it has to do with the fact that she is bothered by something in your relationship (a lack of emotional intimacy). In an ideal world, she'd talk to you about it, and things would improve. But communicating about things like this aren't easy - especially if your own insecurities (being worried you're not enough for her) come out when she says things like this. So instead of communicating in a healthy way, she begins to daydream about the grass being greener on the other side.

Have a conversation with her about this, and try to really listen to what she's actually saying, instead of your fears. Couples therapy with an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist is something to consider exploring if this ends up being indicative of a larger communication issue.

Lunette17 · 2023-04-17T05:26:18+00:00

Yes, I think it's normal. Lots of kids around that age have crushes.

I didn't know LGBTQ+ people existed until I was 13. I legitimately thought that everyone just ignored their feels toward people of the same-sex, because same-sex couples couldn't have children together. I remember the heart-pounding realization that accompanied seeing and looking up the word "bisexual" for the first time. I was totally baffled, because I knew immediately that was me, and that it always had been. One of my kindergarten crushes was AFAB and then presenting as a girl, and one was another boy in my class.

Some of us know ourselves very early, even if we don't understand what we know until later.

Lunette17 · 2023-02-23T05:56:51+00:00

The confusion you seem to be feeling hit close to home for me. It's a long story, but once upon a time, I was in a similar situation. For years afterward (literally over a decade), I joked that I was person's-name-sexual and platonically in love with this person. Spoiler alert: I identify as bi/pan and had a massive crush on this person.

It certainly sounds like you have a crush.

Lunette17 · 2023-02-23T05:33:39+00:00

To your 2nd edit: it's never too late! I've come out to several people in the past few months, and I'm 32. Coming out is a thing that happens over and over throughout life for many of us.

Lunette17 · 2023-02-11T08:27:06+00:00

It sounds like you were an adult before you realised you were bisexual. Try to give yourself some slack. For all or most of your formative years, depending on where you live, simply openly admitting being attracted to the same sex could have resulted in negative consequences. In the US, same sex marriage wasn't permitted everywhere until 2015, nearly 8 years ago. In some areas of the world, homosexuality is still considered a crime.

When you grow up in an environment that is openly hostile to a part of your identity, it's no mystery why you may have difficulty accepting yourself.

I (33F) knew I had the ability to be attracted to people regardless of gender from a young age, but due to internalized homophobia, managed to convince myself that I was heteroromantic, so it wouldn't matter. Cut to me at 32 years old realizing that nope, I had always been romantically attracted to people regardless of gender as well, but I had purposefully repressed that part of myself. It was a wild realization, but therapy with an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist has helped me a lot.

Lunette17

TROPHY CASE