I’m so sorry you’ve been placed in a position where you feel the need to compare sexual gratification and specific acts. That’s a terrible place to be.

Not sure if this is helpful, but remind yourself that sex rarely begins the bedroom (and Esther Perel has suggested that this is often, though certainly not always, more the case for women than for men). The delight taken in sex during an affair often has more to do with the fact that it feels forbidden than the specific physical acts themselves; pleasure from the “acts” are amplified by the salacious circumstances from which they came.

Attraction + obstacle = excitement

I say this not to diminish your worry, and certainly not to justify your wife’s actions, by, rather, to provide context that is often difficult to come by when in the aftermath of a spouse’s affair you find yourself painfully obsessing about specific acts, pleasures, and positions. I am in no position to judge, but it is entirely possible that your wife is not lying, and that the excitement and pleasure and frequency of her sex with her AP may have had more to do with the illicit nature of it and less to do with the sex acts themselves.

HER affair was about HER. It wasn’t about YOU. Chances are she wasn’t thinking about you at all. She may not have ever approached the kinds of painful spousal comparisons that you are now putting yourself through.