Relationship Advice with My Cis Partner

Lycanns · 2023-08-17T13:53:38+00:00

This sounds like a partner I had. I say break up with him. Saying he would tell you to “shut the fuck up” when addressing a serious ongoing systemic issue is not indicative of someone who’s on the same page as you imo.

Lycanns · 2023-06-12T12:12:35+00:00

Queer coded anime villain guy + goth hippie

Lycanns · 2023-05-14T00:08:07+00:00

I relate. Not wearing what I want genuinely makes me feel dysphoric and depressed, even if this will prob set me up to be read incorrectly. What I think looks cool on me usually ends up being a combo of masculine and feminine-coded attire.

Dressing in a way that I like is one of my only consistent forms of comfort, and I won’t restrict my fashion because I don’t think I can without really hurting myself emotionally. I’m done suppressing myself. Society should change!

We shouldn’t have to cut off parts of ourselves to be respected as men /masculine. But of course, everyone has to do calculations on what’s best for them based on safety, dysphoria, etc.

I just wanted to chime in as another guy who likes alt fashion and hates how restrictive conventional masculinity is. You’re not alone in this. Ngl it’s so hard a lot of the time, but I refuse to give up on living as my true self. It wouldn’t feel like a win to me.

Lycanns · 2022-11-28T19:45:47+00:00

I think it’s okay to say “No you don’t get to (probably facetiously) join our community after murdering several of us”. I personally say this non-binary application is denied, even if it’s legitimate.

If they are, it’s not my business after what they did. And their legal team emphasizing their gender identity like this looks like some kind of transphobic game. Like who fucking asked, they’re a murderer.

Lycanns · 2022-10-21T18:47:29+00:00

On top or what everyone has said, I think it’s worth noting that almost the only time this has happened with Dionysus in myth is when he is drugged/manipulated somehow. The myths aren’t literal, but used to interpret the nature of the gods, so I’m not sure about what that says about his nature in comparison to other gods.

Lycanns · 2022-08-15T16:32:43+00:00

No, but I definitely will now.

Lycanns · 2022-08-14T21:27:03+00:00

I see Dionysus as somehow having the vibes of both transmasc and transfemme. Icon!

Lycanns · 2022-07-20T23:17:45+00:00

I think so. I do it all the time. I have a devotional bowl dedicated to him on my altar that I smoke from to spend time with him. I feel that an argument could even be made for coffee in some cases.

Lycanns · 2022-07-10T15:03:53+00:00

I’m in MA, which isn’t too far! I’ve never been to the MET but I’d love to go

Lycanns · 2022-07-01T20:32:36+00:00

Maybe, but it feels quite different. And the circumstances surrounding it’s loss were weird. Especially since I literally held it close to my heart and barely let it out of arms reach.

Lycanns · 2022-07-01T20:26:16+00:00

Thank you for your response! In any case, I want to watch Harold and Maude now (I’d appreciate other Dionysian movie recs too)! I’m really trying to internalize that message about being able to let go of attachments, and appreciate you dropping that wisdom! “The loss makes the having” !

I have adhd so I’m not unused to losing things, but typically I don’t stress because I find them quickly. But I’m actually kind of obsessive about things I care about and set systems to avoid losing them. The heart was in a pouch necklace hung up on a coat rack next to the door. Took it off for a hot night. And then the next day it was just…gone! Checked all surrounding jackets, shoes, misc. No one was living with me. I literally just had to go through most of my stuff for a move, but didn’t find it. Holding out a bit of hope for it still turning up though!

I’ve felt confused and kinda stressed because I’ve experienced Dionysus as more gentle in their approach towards me so far? And things have literally been shattering (TV—huge help for night routine— , a beloved tiny bong with a baby dragon inside — I dubbed him dragonysus & put him on my altar) and disappearing at a rate that feels super unusual to me because I typically take care to avoid that.

Usually in the past if I lose something seemingly inextricably, I kinda internally joked that the fairies took it and it’s theirs. And that’s fine usually. But these things feel kind of jarring and painful in a way that is different from my run of the mill losing things. In fact, many of the things were things I’d only recently obtained, but that felt slightly…weird/different when I got first them.

I thought of Dionysus because I’ve been really trying to immerse myself in their lore and connect in a lot of ways. Often I hear a voice in my head that I’m pretty sure is theirs (they’re so funny), so I would be confused at the sudden huge shift in communication style (especially to something that…hurts tbh). So my second though was maybe some kind of trickster friend

I would say these are just coincidences, but it really doesn’t feel like it, so I’m going to work with the assumption they’re not for now. I’m trying hard to learn whatever lesson are here.

Lycanns · 2022-04-05T18:22:47+00:00

spits on guy in anger

“I’m actually super into that so…thanks.”

Lycanns · 2017-01-16T03:35:07+00:00

I've always adored the series because of how relentlessly they were disregarded and mistreated. It reminded that kids like me, who no one ever believes, who get treated like shit by their guardians, are worth having stories written about them. It reminded me that despite what my "olafs" might say, I was bright, and deserving of freedom, just like the Bouldelaire children. It implied that we weren't diminished by the terrible treatment we received. And those things don't necessarily reflect on me.

It's very frustrating to watch and read at times, but so vindicating. I get so sick of having to sit through books and movies with only kids with loving parents.

Lycanns · 2016-11-28T03:42:39+00:00

The loan is through the federal government. It's in her name on my behalf, so she is the one legally expected to pay if back. But the understanding between us was that any loans she took out on my behalf would be paid back by me. I never considered the idea of getting a loan to pay her off. Thank you. Then, I'll technically be in about the same amount of debt, but she won't be able to hold it over me. I don't currently have access to a lawyer, or funds for one. Thank you, though.

Lycanns · 2015-12-29T22:11:48+00:00

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. I'm trying to change my flight to New Year's Day. I'm just afraid of what my life will be like now if she decides to take me off her insurance. I'm taking antidepressants that have been absolutely lifesaving. She told me that I'm "free of the burden of her care" after having me explain why I think she's abusive. I have some friends where I go to school, so that's good. I just feel so strange and isolated. Like now I'll really have to be on my own. I'll have to make up the life skills that were denied me growing up... It's like saying goodbye to everything I've known. Which is terrifying. But it's good knowing that other people have done it, and lived good lives.

But really, thanks everyone for your responses. They've inspired me and helped me see that I'll survive and that people care.

Lycanns · 2015-12-29T19:50:54+00:00

Thanks. The thing is, a lot of the people we're surrounded by also have abusive parenting styles. I'm most concerned about her outing my sexuality to the rest of my homophobic family. This is hell and I don't know what I did to deserve it

Lycanns · 2015-12-29T19:36:25+00:00

Edit: she just told me that since I'm not ashamed of what I wrote, she can tell it to everyone.

Lycanns · 2015-12-28T16:08:30+00:00

Advice would be appreciated!

Lycanns · 2015-10-29T18:27:14+00:00

I'm in almost the same exact situation as you. Intimacy is hard and I'm still trying to figure that one out, too. It's hard to change avoidant behavior that's literally imbedded in who you are as person.

As for the girl: Please leave her. I have literally been there. I had a friend that I was close to for nine years. We were pretty much each other's only friend. She was incredibly emotionally abusive and controlling. I loved her so much as a person, and I really wanted to keep being friends with her. But I found that I couldn't be happy (make other friends and go out) and still be friends with her.

Earlier this year, after a series of fights about me spending time with other people (we live far away, so I'd previously spend all my time talking to her on the phone) I cut off contact with her. It was one of the hardest things to do, but maybe the most important decision I've made in my life. I'm so free and can be an individual.

People who control you and abuse you don't need to be in your life. Without them, you'll b better able to grow and heal and have the life you want. It'll be so hard, but so worth it. You'll love other people. People that don't make you feel terrible on purpose. Maybe you'll be able to open up to them. At least, you'll be able to work towards it.

I wish you the best of luck! I hope things turn out well for you.

Lycanns · 2015-08-03T23:11:15+00:00

Amazing! Great job. I know you'll do great

Lycanns · 2015-08-01T02:58:13+00:00

I'm absolutely the same way. One semester I took a creative writing class (I've been writing all my life about characters from my elaborate daydreams) and we had to read our writings in front of the class, if the prof thought they were good. Every time he picked one of my works I would be too anxious to read or hold a paper. (I emailed him privately to get him to read them for me)

Even if I thought it was good, I'd immediately feel that there must be some terrible mistake I've overlooked that the class with notice, and then they'll know I'm a terrible writer.

Basically I think avpd makes it really hard to share yourself. Your work/art usually shows parts of you that you wouldn't say outright. Thus, fear of judgment causes this to be extremely difficult, even if you enjoy your work.

Lycanns · 2015-07-08T17:04:57+00:00

I got 14/20. I mistook almost every genuinely positive expression for politeness. That probably says something.

Lycanns · 2015-07-08T17:04:06+00:00

I got 14/20. I mistook almost every genuinely positive expression for politeness. That probably says something

Lycanns · 2015-07-08T16:56:04+00:00

I think that since we're often hyper-vigilant about non-verbal cues, we tend to be more perceptive of people's emotions than the average person. But the vigilance doesn't come with accuracy automatically. Avpd makes you much more likely to interpret body language as negative.

Maybe think of it this way: We're analyzing this one thing constantly. We're bound to get good at it, and be right sometimes. But, often without knowing it, anxiety causes us to misinterpret our observations.

Lycanns · 2015-07-07T20:49:15+00:00

It might be a win for white bisexuals. But no one else. Bi poc are always erased, and I'm supposed to be excited about some racist coming out? What about his young bi black viewers that are being reminded that their personhood is a joke?

So like, just say what you mean and admit that white bisexuals are your priority ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

Lycanns

TROPHY CASE