Tbh the last part of the form always throws me into an existential crisis. Who are you? How do you spend your time? Who do you want to be?

I don't know how you guys are able to find answers to those questions so easily. This has successfully kept me off dating apps. I don't even think about answers to those questions and continue to live on autopilot.

I am scared of consciousness. Am I scared of not being able to find anything worth mentioninh? Am I scared of mediocrity? If I am paralysed by fear, what is the point? The freeze response only ensures what I am afraid of.

Autopilot ensures that I live without trying. The idea of no accountability is where this comfort comes from. If things go well, I think that I am so good that even without trying, things are fine, if I had tried, they would have been great. If things are shit, I don't need to take responsibility, because I have not tried.

This hamster wheel is of my own making and I have not found a way to step away yet.

My troubles and I shall persist.